May 2009 Archives

May 29, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Walsh

Fug file:

metallics

So, I truly have been going back and forth on this one. And sometimes I want to just post a picture and let you guys vote without my saying ANYTHING. I mean, that's probably kind of boring to read, and it certainly isn't going to help anyone procrastinate for a long period of time but IS the most unbiased way of presenting a poll, right? Because clearly this is important work we're doing here and it should be unbesmirched by my opinions, right?

Or it's Friday afternoon and I'm lazy. WHICHEVER.

poll by twiigs.com

May 29, 2009

The Fugly II: The Fuggening

Fug file:

Remember how, like, two hours ago, I said Whitney Port was pulling off the baggy ratty boyfriend jeans?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Yeah, here's the other side of that coin. When you flip it, instead of "heads or tails," your options are "hot or homeless."

May 29, 2009

Fugly Pratt

Fug file:

Wow. So, according to our image source, Stephanie "Sister of Spencer" Pratt here is just leaving a casual lunch with Audrina for The Hills.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

A lunch that was, I presume, being eaten at a theme restaurant called T.J. Hooker's -- based, of course, on the seminal 80s Shatner/Locklear cop show that Pratt was too young to have watched. Hence her awkward misinterpretation of said theme.

May 29, 2009

The Fugly

Fug file:

I feel like Ms Whitney Port here, by virtue of being very young and tall and lanky, is one of the few people on earth who can kind of truly pull off these jeans:

Like, I get them. I still think they look like the jeans I wear to garden in, and that -- at best -- they're really too casual for anything other than daytime running around town, but I GET IT. We're all wearing our fat jeans out and about right now and that's okay. It's temporary. In fact, my theory is that this is a natural next step from how we all started wearing big floaty tops and dresses a few years ago and haven't entirely stopped: it's because we all realized that wearing something that didn't require sucking in our stomachs constantly was DELIGHTFUL. I guarantee, in fact, that I am going to get a pair very much like these at some point -- because I am sadly prone to following jeans trends, with the exception of the high-waisted, because I am not totally out of my mind -- and that there will then be a point where I am wearing them and I catch sight of myself in a mirror out at the market or whatever and I think to myself, "JESUS CHRIST THESE JEANS ADD TEN POUNDS TO ME WHAT AM I DOING?" but then I'll be out and about and stuck in them for at least the next hour and then we'll all be filled with pants-related-regret. I'll let you know when that happens. But this is not about her jeans, contrary to what you might have anticipated after reading all that. It is not about her matchy-matchy black-and-white color scheme. It is about her freaking headband. It looks like a spitball on her head. Stop the headband madness, girls. None of us are Blair Waldorf.

May 29, 2009

Rose McFugan

Fug file:

Hey, Rose?

[Photos: Splash News]

I don't mean to interrupt, but... Listen, I love a well-tailored suit, and even though you didn't GO to the tailor and we therefore have no proof you're wearing any shoes, the rest of it is fine except for one wee problem... Did you REALIZE you haven't closed the napkin over the bread basket?

Guess not.

May 29, 2009

Terminator: Fugvation

Fug file:

ANTON YELCHIN: HELLO, ladies! You are looking FINE.

BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD: Hey, Anton. Really? Are you sure? I'm not.

MOON BLOODGOOD: I am pretty sure I look hot, actually. But I can see where you're coming from, Bryce. I'm not convinced you look fine.

BRYCE: Right? I mean, what is this dress? Is it made from a bunch of expensive napkins? Does it raise like a window shade if you pull a string somewhere?

MOON: Not to mention how it cuts you across the boobs -- did you have to tape it down?

BRYCE: YES. And then I had to rub on all this lipstick so that I didn't appear to be dying, because it's practically the same color as my skin.

ANTON: I'm bored of this. Did you know I'm in Star Trek?

MOON: Yeah, I've totally got you beat on the color -- mine is gorgeous, no? But if it makes you feel any better, Bryce, I'm not completely sure about the drape on the front of my dress.

BRYCE: Well, I didn't want to be rude, but... yeah. It's not ideal. But I still wish we could trade.

ANTON: Do you want a huge summer movie star to help you swap clothes? Because I can do that! Between Star Trek and Terminator, it is the summer of ME!

BRYCE: No thanks, Anton.

MOON: Seriously. I'm not putting that thing on, are you kidding?

BRYCE: Will you at least take my purse? I made it when I was 12 to carry my marbles and someone told me I could repurpose it as a handbag and that was totally a LIE.

ANTON: Listen, okay, so you hate your clothes. But let's talk about me. What about a dating rumor? Huh? Does anyone want to be linked romantically with the Man of Summer?

BRYCE: I'm married.

MOON: And I'm busy.

ANTON: BORING! I knew I should've asked Zoe Saldana instead.

May 28, 2009

NYFug.com: So Apparently We're Team J.Simp Now?

Poor old Jessica Simpson -- she's had a rough time of it in the past few years, and writing this sentence for our column encapsulated it pretty starkly for us:

"If you'd told us [years ago] that in 2009 Jessica would be the Simpson crooning country songs at chili cook-offs while Ashlee tootled off to work on the new Melrose Place, we'd have smiled politely and wished you success in rebounding from your apparent alien abduction."

So not only are we rooting for Jessica's new rumored reality-TV venture to succeed -- or at least, you know, not die out or flop tragically -- but we don't even think it's such an awful idea for her. Why? The answers lie in the rest of the column.

May 28, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jaslene Gonzalez

Fug file:

great shoes,
orange

A glimpse into a discussion with myself, upon seeing the below:

JESSICA: Jaslene looks great!

JESSICA: Or does she? Rather monochromatic.

JESSICA: Um, HELLO. Remember what she USUALLY WEARS??

JESSICA: Why are you yelling at me? I remember perfectly well. I'm just saying, monochromatic. It's true.

JESSICA: Dude. Even without it being a massive improvement, she looks very pretty. Why are you so uptight?

JESSICA: I'm NOT being uptight. I'm being CRITICAL in a CONSTRUCTIVE MANNER.

JESSICA: Whatever.

JESSICA: Whatever to YOU.

JESSICA: Nice comeback.

JESSICA: Leave me alone.

poll by twiigs.com

May 28, 2009

Freaky Fugly

Fug file:

denim abuse

Lindsay, you're doing it wrong:

[Photo: Splash News]

Use the bag to cover your heinous acid-washed jeans and 1993-era flowered bustier, not your face.

May 28, 2009

Fug The Cover: Lady Gaga

Fug file:

We have gotten a ton of e-mails about this cover in the last few days, and since it's a slow week thanks to the recent holiday -- I guess all our celebrities are too hung over to put much effort into their fuggery? -- I decided to go ahead and post it even though it might give us all nightmares.

Considering this woman routinely wears leotards, or bra-and-panty sets, or uses pieces of actual tape to cover her boobs where most of the sane world would use this revolutionary thing called a "shirt," then being clad entirely in bubbles is really not even that shocking. It's only really a step or two removed from the norm (and she's practically already done it on stage anyway).

But I wonder if, in actuality, she would like this cover. Yes, she's naked, and yes, she looks curvy, and yes, she fancies herself a performance artist. But did the whole thing HAVE to come together and create the twisted visage of a cross between Dita Von Teese and Dee Snyder?

I think I'll just back away slowly and thank the magazine gods that Rolling Stone stopped publishing on that really huge paper.

May 28, 2009

Katie Fugmes

Fug file:

You know, we sometimes joke about high-waisted pants so extreme that they're practically a second bra. But apparently we can't joke about these things in front of Katie Holmes, or as I like to call her, Where Bad Ideas Go To Roam Free.

[Photo: Splash News]

Those pants are ridiculously, insanely high and tall. She looks like a stewardess on Clown Air.

(And yes, I know I'm supposed to call them flight attendants, but old habits die hard. To wit, I also sometimes still put potato chips on my sandwiches and I'm watching a 90210 rerun where David is recovering from drugs by getting back into his music. Between you and me, I'd prefer him on the drugs.)

Maybe she's just messing with Tom at this point. Maybe she's doing whatever she can to wear trousers that are as tall as he is, so that he will be intimidated into going away and not pawing at her any more. In that sense, these pants could be an act of purest genius.

But just don't try this at home, folks. Promise me.

May 27, 2009

Fugging Up in Vegas

Fug file:

Katy Perry is all over the sequins this week, which is not a surprise considering that she actually showed up on American Idol wearing a cape BeDazzled with one of the contestants' names. (Which seemed like it was a bit unfair to the other contestants to me, as well as being potentially kind of awkward for The One Whose Name She BeDazzled -- like, how embarrassing is it to have to turn to your fellow contestant/friend and be like, "I did not know she was going to wear that.") Her appearance on AI, by the way, prompted several conversations with my parents about how they did not know who that Katy Perry person was, but they did not care for her and also, she can't sing as good as that Adam Lambert boy! (My parents loved Adam and made fun of me for thinking Kris was so cute. We talk about Idol a lot in my family. ANYWAY.) It's nice of her, though, to demonstrate for us the high and the lows of sequins. The hills and the valleys. The thrills of sequin victory and the agony of sequin defeat. For example, I think this is rather cute:

It's sassy, it's short, it's sparkly, she's a pop star -- that's all expected and well and good and fine and dandy. The following, however...prepare yourself:

Continue reading Fugging Up in Vegas.

May 27, 2009

Fug The Cover: Beyonce

Fug file:

Marie Claire

I saw this on the newsstand while in line at the pharmacy yesterday, and felt so uncomfortable I had to avert my eyes. Not because of the outfit -- although I suppose the dress does subtract her actual figure from this equation, making her look rather straight up-and-down, and the bracelet seems like it's made from the digits of one of her robot hands:

No, instead, I just wanted Beyonce to stop STARING AT ME like that. Presumably, this choice of photo has nothing to do with pimping "317 Sexy Looks," because that particular expression on Beyonce's face is not so much sexy as stalker-manic, as if she's both crazy and deeply high on Red Bull and Mountain Dew -- which makes it deliciously amusing that the cover line about caffeine junkies is plastered just southeast of her possessed countenance. Her face looks like she's ten seconds away from stalking up to a dude in a bar and blabbering, "Hey baby, I think you're really cute, and I think we should go back to your place and I'll make you my mother's special omelet recipe tomorrow morning and then we can go to the park and pet some dogs but I'm allergic to dogs so we can't go out and buy a dog together which is FINE because we SHOULDN'T do that anyway until you've met my mother BUT SHE'S GOING TO LOVE YOU, AND THIS BAR DOESN'T SELL ESPRESSO AND OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO NEED ONE SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN ESPRESSO MACHINE THEN WE'LL HAVE TO REGISTER FOR ONE WHEN WE GET MARRIED, AND I DON'T BELIEVE IN GETTING HITCHED DURING FOOTBALL SEASON BUT APRIL WOULD BE A GREAT TIME SO LET'S CHECK OUR CALENDARS TONIGHT AND PICK A DATE AND WE'RE ALSO THROWING OUT ALL YOUR SHIRTS BECAUSE THEY'RE UGLY AND NO MORE NINTENDO AND COULD YOU PLEASE JUST ORDER ME A GODDAMN DIET COKE OR A CAPPUCCINO OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I WANT TO BE REEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY AWAKE TONIGHT WHEN WE CONSUMMATE OUR ENGAGEMENT!!!!!"

The above explanation ALSO could pertain to the stories about how pillow talk could land a girl in jail. All of which is unfortunate when you consider her recent movie was called Obsessed. Beyonce might want to burn all these covers before anyone discovers she and Sasha Fierce have another alter-ego sister, Bertha Nutjob.

May 27, 2009

Fuglias

Fug file:

you couldn't try a bit harder?

Elodie Bouchez here was, according to the internet, on Alias in the fifth season as Renée Rienne, who I seriously can not really remember, even though I just read her character sketch on Wikipedia. It turns out that I kind of checked out of Alias after we found out Vaughn was secretly a French pastry chef, or whatever it was that he secretly was that whole time, like I'M SO SURE. On the other hand, poor Elodie surely suffered from being on Alias when Alias was drowning. If she had been on Alias during that season where Irina Derevko was imprisoned and Vaughn had that terrible FATAL non-fatal disease where black goo came from under his fingernails or something and he had to face the fact that he was going to die in a conveniently sexy tank top, then I probably would have remembered her. Anyway, here she is at Cannes:

Poor child. Clearly someone just said to her, "Dude, we're going to the movies, want to come?" and she didn't realize they meant, "the movies...IN CANNES." That being said, even were she popping down to the multi-plex, this is rather unfortunately nightgown-esque, like she was running out of her house to escape a fire and the only shoes around were cowboy boots and now she's wearing her nightgown and cowboy boots while the local news is covering the blaze and asking her stupid questions like, "How do you feel about your house fire?" Oh, Elodie. I'm sorry. I just can not sign off on this. Although, considering the fact that you also starred in a film called Sorry, Haters, I feel like you might not care what I think. Which is probably healthy.

May 27, 2009

Fug or Fab: Georgina Chapman

Fug file:

designers,
dialogue

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

HARVEY WEINSTEIN: Interesting dress, honey.

GEORGINA CHAPMAN: Yes, isn't it?

HARVEY: You're very good at making things with... foldy bits.

GEORGINA: Yes, aren't I?

HARVEY: And the fabric looks like it'd freshen my breath if I chewed it.

GEORGINA: Yes, doesn't it?

HARVEY: But... I mean, there DOES seem to be rather a LOT of the foldy bits.

GEORGINA: Yes, don't there?

HARVEY: It's very busy. And it kind of looks like you have a matching dishcloth hanging from your belt.

GEORGINA: Yes, doesn't it?

HARVEY: And because I'm afraid of crushing that huge front foldy bit, which is really enormous, it makes it very hard for me to hug you terribly tightly.

GEORGINA. Yes!!!!! Doesn't it?!?!?!?!

HARVEY: ... Okay. I just thought I'd mention... okay.

poll by twiigs.com

May 27, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Cameron Diaz

Here's the thing about this cover: it's fine. Cammy D looks approachable and crisp. And maybe a little older than she actually is. But it's not HIDEOUS. She has all her body parts attached, she's not wearing a beach ball as a hat, she doesn't look as though she's had someone else's eyes photoshopped onto her face. And yet. One would hope, I imagine, that one would look AMAZING on the cover of Vogue, especially considering the fact that she looks fantastic in the photoshoot on the inside (and was actually, I thought, quite charming in the interview). The choices magazines make about their cover shots are often kind of beyond me -- obviously -- and I know there are a lot of factors to consider, but wouldn't you want the BEST picture to be the one on the cover? I know smiley photos sell better, as well as approachable ones, but I suspect that one of the reasons Cameron Diaz is successful in general is that she is almost ALWAYS smiling and approachable-seeming (excluding that time she was dating Justin Timberlake and they were both unbearable crabapples) so I'm pretty sure we're not in a situation where this was like the ONLY Smiley Approachable picture. I don't know. This just isn't filling me with the unbearable desire to plonk down $4 for the magazine. And while I've got you here: I'm thrilled Vogue is including "the fashion steal of the month" -- it's smart, considering Our Terrible Hideous Crumbling Economy RUN RUN TO THE HILLS -- but someone needs to give A Dubs the tip that a $300 bikini is NOT A GREAT DEAL. IT'S A BIKINI. TARGET HAS THEM FOR $30. SWEET FANCY SNICKERS, LADY, A $300 BIKINI IS STILL INSANE WHAT ARE YOU SMOKING I LOVE YOU DON'T HURT ME.

poll by twiigs.com

May 26, 2009

Unfug It Up: Robin Wright Penn

Fug file:

I was going to put this to a poll, but then I wrote myself out of it, which happens occasionally. Because here's the thing. I would be totally fine with this, I think, if it just ended at the bottom of the black miniskirt (conceptually, I mean -- that might be a bit short in practice, but you smell what I'm brewing):

As it is, though, this whole thing reeks of a potent combination of Ice Dancing and Ballroom Dancing, both of which are DELIGHTFUL to observe but maybe a little cheesy to recreate in a scenario in which you actually perform neither of said activities. And yes, I am planning on showing you the front of it -- although I had a hard time tracking down a decent shot of the front, which makes me think Robin Wright Penn here might have scurried down the red carpet concealing her face from the press. Oh, honey. Just because we're all talking about how maybe next time you and Sean Penn decide to get divorced, you ought to keep it to yourselves until the ink is actually dry on the court documents, it doesn't mean we don't want to see what you're wearing.

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Robin Wright Penn.

May 26, 2009

Dita Fug Teese

Fug file:

Oh, DITA.

I feel like I've mentioned this before, but at some point in the last two years or so, I feel like Dita's look has slowly morphed from being Awesomely Retro into Prematurely Aging, and while I admire her devotion to her look, I am an even bigger fan of Not Accidentally Making Yourself Look Like Fifteen Years Older Than You Actually Are Just Because You're Really Into the 40s/50s. Puffed sleeves AND gloves AND a necklace that kind of recalls an Elizabethan ruff? Honey, come on. Even Dita herself looks a bit wistful here, like she realizes she has painted herself into a personal style corner. To which I say: sister, we always have a choice. And you can choose to back off the devotion to historical verisimilitude in the name of looking less like our grandmothers. It's called evolution, and sometimes you have to embrace it.

May 26, 2009

Fug or Fab or Fab or Fug or Feh or Feh or...Etc.

Fug file:

MICHELLE YEOH: Hi Kerry,

KERRY WASHINGTON: Hey, Michelle.

MICHELLE: What's wrong?

KERRY: I feel weird.

MICHELLE: You didn't eat the oysters, did you?

KERRY: No, I mean about my outfit.

MICHELLE: Really? Because I was just thinking that this version works better than Rihanna's did.

KERRY: I feel so FUSSY next to you.

MICHELLE: I feel boring next to YOU.

KERRY: Also, I can't believe you're 47 year old. You look great.

MICHELLE: I can't argue with that. I DO look great. But I'm unhappy with my shoes. I feel like I should have gone for something strappy and metallic and a little sassier. Because my dress is so simple.

KERRY: I'm unhappy with MY shoes. I love these, but it's a lot going on with the rest of my stuff. You know what I mean.

MICHELLE: I know. I kind of feel like we should have gotten ready together.

KERRY: Next time.

poll by twiigs.com

May 26, 2009

Fug Hartnett

Fug file:

I have a suggestion.

Let's all just pretend that Josh Harnett here had to wade onto this boat. And then totally forget that this pants situation EVER HAPPENED.

May 26, 2009

Fug or Feh or Fab: Solange

Fug file:

She's ba-aaaack.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And in a way, Solange here is making my heart hurt, because I had hoped she'd bounce back from her Fug Madness elimination by coming at us with something bolder, stronger, madder, and wronger than anything that came before it.

Instead, she's flummoxing me a little. Because in principle, there's nothing objectionable about the silhouette she's working here, and I don't even mind some of the pieces separately. Yet I can't help looking at this and feeling totally overwhelmed. Even Solange's posture makes it seem like she's weighed down, as if she got caught in a deluge of hoo-ha raining down from the ceiling of her closet. The purse almost gets lost next to the metallic snakeskin skirt, the giant belt of an entirely DIFFERENT texture competes for attention with everything below it AND the shoulder ruffle above, she's debuting very severe bangs, and on top of all that she's got giant dangly earrings. I know we quote Tim Gunn to a fault on this site, but he did say it best: It's a whole lotta look. In fact, I'm half-surprised she's not sporting tights and elbow-length gloves just to make it as busy as possible. Maybe those are the two pieces she edited out before leaving the house.

Or am I being too harsh? It's Solange, after all. The woman is a fiend, capable of so much more destructive crimes of fashion than this middling, piddling one. Although sometimes, in the words of my father, nothing is so bad as something that's not-so-bad. Translation: Maybe it's better to be at one extreme or the other than languishing somewhere forgettable in between.

poll by twiigs.com

May 26, 2009

A Fugliful Life

Fug file:

bad shoes,
yellow

Since that car is apparently about to back over her, I guess it's a good thing Mischa Barton is decked out like a psychedelic human canary.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Unfortunately, it means everyone ELSE can see her as well.

Note to Mischa: The next time you put on your lemon-colored patent-leather bowling shoes and think to yourself, "Whatever, I'm just going to be out for a little while, and it's dark, no one will SEE them," remember this moment, and how even a bright jacket and a dress weeping pastel fringe couldn't distract us from your footwear. Then immediately cuff yourself to the nearest chair and call for reinforcements.

May 25, 2009

Fugly Fuga

Fug file:

"Damn," Lady Gaga is thinking. "I know I forgot something. But what?"

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I'm sure it will come to her.

And with this image of desperate fugitude dancing in our heads like so many Christmas gumdrops, we're off to enjoy the rest of the day, since it's a holiday here in the U.S. Hopefully Gaga and I are not headed to the same Memorial Day barbecue, or else it could get awkward. Maybe I'll bring MY sparkly-granny-hot-pants-with-disco-tummy-panel in several different shades, just in case.

May 25, 2009

Cannes Random Fug: Elena Lenina

Fug file:

There is not much more information out there on Russian actress Elena Lenina than the last time we fugged her at Cannes, when she was dressed like an extra in a highly fictionalized Sebastien Bach biopic involving witches.

The same could be true of this dress, I suppose -- if you replace the word "witches" with "wenches," and add in a loopy subplot in which Bach grossly misunderstands the meaning of the term "music piracy." Glad to see Elena is keeping herself in a state of heightened readiness, just in case.

May 25, 2009

Fuglie Minogue

Fug file:

I love the girl in the front row taking a photo with her digital camera. Because if I'd been at this Kylie concert, I'd be taking mad pictures of the insanity too:

She looks like a cross between Lady Gaga and the Phantom of the Gay Steel Mill.

May 25, 2009

Eva Herzigofug

Fug file:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

EVA HERZIGOVA: Hello there, Claudia.

CLAUDIA SCHIFFER: Hello, granny panties. Oops, I mean, Eva.

EVA: Doing okay? You look a little shell-shocked.

CLAUDIA: Oh, I'm fine, just... suddenly I feel very thigh. Oops, I mean, dressed. I feel dressed. Heavily, heavily dressed.

EVA: God, RIGHT? Me too.

CLAUDIA: You... what?

EVA: I just want to tear off all this itchy fabric! Better hope there's not an open bar, or else people are going to see a lot more of me than they thought tonight!

CLAUDIA: MORE than... you know what, I think I need to find that bar right now.

May 22, 2009

Fug Tree Hill: A Farewell To Fug Michael Fugly

Fug file:

One Tree Hill

Since it's Friday, and another week is winding down, I don't feel bad going a little off-topic here. Just as we have mourned the passing from our Earthly plane of Estelle Getty and Bea Arthur, we thought we should grieve for the televisual loss suffered early this week when Chad Michael Murray appeared in his final episode of One Tree Hill.

CMM delighted/horrified us over the years with terrible hair and and an acting repertoire consisting mostly of a squint for every occasion: for when he gets dumped, for when he gets laid, for when he found out his father killed his uncle, for when a dog ate his father's about-to-be-transplanted heart off the hospital floor (a video of which you'll find after the jump)... you get the idea.

And El Squintano did not hold back on his last days of work. He squinted when gazing "fondly" upon his wife and baby daughter:

He squinted when contemplating the glories of a freshly made root-beer float in a hospital room:

And he squinted when reminding himself to believe in the magic of the world:

I know because I was there, and he said right before he made this face that he still believes in the magic of the world. It ranked right up there with the time he noted that the River Court is where he does his best healing.

But the best part is, the show clearly appreciates this about him enough to give him a squint legacy. Behold, the juxtaposition of Lord Squintsworth and the adorable little baby they cast to play his daughter:

Continue reading Fug Tree Hill: A Farewell To Fug Michael Fugly.

May 22, 2009

Drunkface McFug

Fug file:

This dress isn't exceptional in any way -- good OR bad.

But what gets me is that she wore it to an Upfront presentation that, as best I can tell, took place before lunchtime. Or at the very least, before the sun went down. Yet Drunkface looks like she's all dressed up in her very finest piece of almost-underwear and ready to hit a nightclub for some bottle service.

Although, actaully, the dress itself bugs me, too. That bodice, and the whole Fleet Week "Why, hello, sailor, I was just going to slip something on over this but maybe now I won't bother" vibe is just so cheesy and obvious. I'd sooner expect to see it on, say, Dina Lohan while she's out telling poor unsuspecting military boys that she's Lindsay's only slightly older sister, or maybe in the Melrose Place 2.0 clips that feature good ol' Laura Leighton reprising her role as Sydney, licking her chops like the drooling cougar they want her to be. Maybe Drunkface is auditioning in advance for the 2020 reimagining of 90210 -- in which her character is an aging hooker and Kelly and Brenda are fighting over Dylan's last two Viagra pills -- but methinks she'd be better off just getting a better stylist.

May 22, 2009

Little Fug

Fug file:

Wow, the hits from Little J just keep on coming.

[Photo: WENN.com]

On the one hand, I appreciate her consistency -- the kid wants to be leather-and-lace, so to speak, and she's sticking with it come hell or high fuggery. But if someone told me The CW was giving Jenny Humphrey a spin-off in which she escapes to Europe to open a Hell's Angels ballet company, I'd believe it. And pray they hire one of the ZZ Top dudes to be the choreographer.

May 22, 2009

Sara Fugxton

Fug file:

Oh honey NO

From the neck up, Sara Paxton is adorable.

But honey, I'm pretty sure Donna Martin wore that to Algebra back in the day. They still let her graduate, so that's something, and this is -- in its way -- a kinder and more thoughtful tribute to the old 90210 than the new spinoff nightmare is. But I still think you should turn around, go back to your room, and trade the jams and orthopedic Keds and belly shirt for something that doesn't make me worry you're headed off to college to bleach your hair and start dating a musician who destroys pumpkins in a jealous rage and then shoves you down a flight of stairs.

May 22, 2009

Boom Boom Fug

Fug file:

When I started surfing through Fergie photos, I thought this was going to be as weird as it got with her today:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I really ought to know better. Hair that looks like it was woven from furniture sold at Pier 1 Imports? That's nothing to Miss Fergie Ferg. So of course she had something else to drop on us:

Continue reading Boom Boom Fug.

May 22, 2009

Fugsip Girl

Fug file:

LEIGHTON MEESTER: Admit it, this outfit totally makes you think of any scene from any show EVER where someone walked into a high-powered woman's office and proceeded to have sex with her on her desk. When they reboot L.A. Law, I am all OVER that.

JESSICA SZOHR: I am stunned. STUNNED. Because... I actually look kind of cute in this.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: BORING.

BLAKE LIVELY: I know this is a romper. I KNOW. And I know it's kind of skimpy. Like I should be wearing it at the beach. But just look at me and remember that I'm hot, and that you love my hair, and then maybe you won't SEE that it's a romper.

LEIGHTON: You can't tell if I'm wearing formal shorts. That is my genius. You just want to know if I'm going to, ahem, prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. If you get my drift.

JESSICA: Why did I get these dumb extensions back in, though? Down at the ends they look like I hacked them off a corpse. I REALLY need to stop undercutting myself.

TAYLOR: DOUBTFUL.

BLAKE: It's just... you don't understand! My legs! I have these LEGS! It's like a curse, having these legs and needing to show them off in tiny, tiny shorts. And these BOOBS. It's like I can't control what they put themselves in, because they just need to be SEEN.

LEIGHTON: You keep telling yourself that, sweetie.

TAYLOR: VOMIT.

LEIGHTON: Oh, quit your posturing and be happy you have a job.

May 22, 2009

Robin Fugt Penn

Fug file:

Well, Robin Wright Penn and Sean Penn are no longer getting divorced. It's off. AGAIN. For the craptillionth time. Jessica and I just discussed how it kind of makes us hate them both, because seriously, love is hard and all and we know divorce is very painful and difficult and fraught, but YOU HAVE KIDS. To put it in really crass terms: Stop f'ing around and figure out your shit.

I contend they need to get divorced now more than ever, because it is sucking the hot out of Robin. Observe. Divorce on:

Delicious.

Divorce off:

Continue reading Robin Fugt Penn.

May 22, 2009

90Fug10

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First, I'd just like to say that Shenae here looks very pretty with the extra five pounds or whatever that she's put on her wee little body. But the CLOTHING she's put on her wee little body is NOT very pretty. AT ALL:

I hear you. You're wondering, could this BE any trashier? Well, Chandler Bing, get a load of this:

Continue reading 90Fug10.

May 22, 2009

Fugko Kikuchi

Fug file:

Cannes,
grey

RINKO'S MOM: Rinko? Rinko, come down here right now and show your Aunt Murgatroyd how much you LOVE the dress she made for you out of all her leftover personalized stationery!

RINKO: FINE. HERE. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? Because in ten minutes I am totally recycling this thing.

May 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger

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This picture amuses me.

I feel like Pacey is trying so hard to get Kruger to laugh, and she is just NOT LOOKING AT HIM. Over the last several years, I have managed to get weirdly invested in their relationship. Like, a few weeks ago, I read a blind item that implied -- to de-blind it -- Katie Holmes was leaving Tom Cruise and spending a lot of time with her ex-boyfriend, although it was unclear as to whether or not she was involved with said ex in a romantic fashion. (Obviously, all of this is ALLEGEDLY.) Of course, you had to wonder if that ex was Pacey here. And while back in the day, I believe I begged the heavens to let Pacey save Joey from Maverick, NOW I really just want Pacey and Diane to help Katie Holmes deal with her (alleged) problems as concerned friends to her and nothing else. Pacey and Diane are so cute together! I don't want him to leave her to go back to Katie Holmes! That would be terrible! It would ruin the fanfic I'm obviously about two weeks from writing, based on how much I love this next photo:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger.

May 22, 2009

Bethenny Fugkel

Fug file:

Okay, FINE, we're looking. At EVERYTHING. Congratulations.

May 21, 2009

NYFug.com: For Celebs, Some Perspective On Their Problems

Fug file:

Allure

Biel, Biel, Biel. In the June issue of Allure, Justin Timberlake's boring half came out and became yet ANOTHER celebrity to bemoan the crushing agony of being so very, very good-looking. We're sure Derek Zoolander would be astounded to hear Jessica Biel counts this as a negative, and yet, she insists that having divine DNA is wounding her career. Waaaah:

Any publicist worth the fee could have predicted the ensuing Internet firestorm from unsympathetic readers who are pretty sure that is not an actual tragic problem (sample comment: "Can I throw up now? Boo-freaking-hoo!"). Critics who bewail that Hollywood is out of touch with the heartland generally get dismissed as uptight buzzkills, but they have a point: More often than not, celebs' attempts at proving they're relatably "real" backfire massively because they don't actually know what reality is anymore.

To join us in entreating Biel and other sad delicate flowers to PLEASE GET A GRIP, click on over to read the rest of the column.

May 21, 2009

American Fugdol

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I managed to polish off last night's two-hour Idol finale in about 20 minutes, so chock-a-block was it of cringe-worthy filler. In fact, the only performance I stopped on for longer than ten seconds was the one involving Queen; what can I say, I was practically raised on Queen music. And I think the timing of them dumping Paul Rodgers as a temporary front-man gels perfectly with Adam Lambert losing, so they can just plug him in there and go back on tour. Right? I mean, RIGHT? I've been saying all along he belongs in the We Will Rock You cast but being in ACTUAL Queen would be even better.

Seriously: The dude sang with Kiss and had to wear shoulder cages.

[Photo: Look, my camera had been drinking. Yes, that's it. Drinking.]

And he pulled them off with gusto. I may not be the biggest fan of Lambert's actual voice, but he certainly knows how to perform music I am interested to WATCH, if not solely HEAR. Adam stood next to Gene Simmons, who was wearing spiked silver armor, and held his own in studded half-globes that look like the frame around which someone's costume on The Tudors is about to be built. Were Freddie Mercury here, he'd be applauding and then asking Adam if he wants to borrow any of his old jumpsuits.

Speaking of jumpsuits:

Continue reading American Fugdol.

May 21, 2009

Cannes Fug Carpet: Hofit Golan

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In the past we've tried to figure out who Hofit Golan is -- she seems to be a model, and she's definitely not shy; she's also been hitting the Cannes red carpets alongside Phoebe Price, which to me indicates she is some other country's version of our favorite flame-haired bastion of pointlessness. But that's about it, and maybe that's enough.

Hofit made a stir at the Inglourious Basterds premiere -- and yes, I first typed Inglourious Basters, which I think is either a movie about Thanksgiving or the name of a really low-rent fertility clinic. But anyway, let's get to Hofit's gown. Here's the front:

Aspects of this are quite pretty, although the cut-outs feel ripped from one of those mass e-mails that goes out every prom season, which feature real-life photographs of trashy prom dresses where, say, only tiny straps of fabric cover a girl's nipples or there is ass-crack on display. In essence, they ho up what might otherwise have a surprising grace to it. When you're wearing a bodice that borrows its style from a bathing suit Paris Hilton once wore, you have erred on the side of Ew.

Because those cutouts lend themselves to this:

Continue reading Cannes Fug Carpet: Hofit Golan.

May 21, 2009

Fug Oleander

Fug file:

bad hair,
Cannes

Hey, Alison Lohman!

Hey! Yeah, sorry to bother you -- I know you're busy with all those photogs, but do you mind coming over here? I need to get a closer look at your hair.

Continue reading Fug Oleander.

May 21, 2009

The Fugdors

Fug file:

So, Joss Stone here is currently playing Anne of Cleves in The Tudors on Showtime (I don't know why I always have to call it, "The Tudors on Showtime" but I think it's because the ads always scream the "SHOWTIME" part so it really has wormed itself into my brain. You're welcome, Showtime). And the whole time I am watching her episodes, I keep thinking, "This is terrible casting." Anne of Cleves is supposed to be rather unattractive (although there is some disagreement about this by scholars, the SHOW is also implying that she is kind of gross-looking) but Joss Stone, whatever you may think of her, is a totally cute girl. So it sort of takes me out of the moment. As does the fact that Jonathan Rhys Meyers still has a six-pack even though Henry VIII is supposed to be like hugely fat at this point in history, but as far as that goes, I mostly just spend my time being grateful that Showtime has decided to go for abs over accuracy. Considering that The Tudors is a COMPLETE SOAP OPERA -- there is a dude with an eye patch and everything -- that was the right creative decision. Anyway, here is Ms Stone, out of her period garb:

SIGH. Honey, that looks like you bought it for $45.50 at one of those stores in the mall that carry solely mini-dresses made of flammable material. That's great for a night out with the girls (I guess -- at a certain point in one's life you sort of stop buying things that could catch on fire too easily but she's not there yet. I would wager Joss Stone may still be young enough that it seems like a good idea to take a flaming shot of Jager. Ah, youth. Enjoy it while it lasts) but a bit low budg-looking for Cannes, don't you think? Maybe next time, save this for Vegas and do Cannes up a little bit, kid.

May 21, 2009

Well Played, Paulina Porizkova

Fug file:

blue

I will have been doing this job for five years in July (wow) and it's given me many helpful and obscure skills. For one thing, I can identify even extremely low level celebrities via very small portions of their face. Most of the time. Occasionally, this leads me to lean over to Heather and hiss, "OMG IT'S GYWNETH PALTROW," when it's actually a dude, but usually I am correct. I am able to justify watching shows like The Bachelorette by sniffing, "It's for work." (It is not.) But most of all, I am able to psychically divine the subconscious messages each celebrity is expressing via his or her clothing choices.

Here, Paulina Porizkova is saying, "I'm 44 years old, and I look AWESOME in what is essentially one of the more subdued costumes from Xanadu on Ice. That's right, this dress is SHINY and I am BITCHIN IN IT. SUCK ON THAT, TYRA."

May 21, 2009

Cannes Fug Carpet: Angelina Jolie

Fug file:

This was a Fug-or-Fab post originally, but I typed myself out of it. Because once I listed the pros -- it's not black, it's not a caftan -- I ran out of juice compared with all the things that bugged me about this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I wish Angelina had gone with the original runway version of this Versace gown, which was a really pretty gray-blue color. It's not like the woman can't wear pigment -- she just chooses not to, for reasons neither I nor probably Lucy Liu will ever understand (and I wish it hadn't taken me 47 minutes to realize I left out that hotlink, without which the sentence made no sense; awesome).

Plus, the flesh tone is creating a few problems here:

1) We might be able to see her nipples. I don't think we ACTUALLY can -- I checked other photos and nothing mammarial appeared to be making itself known -- but even if it's an optical illusion, I FEEL like I am getting an up-close and highly personal glimpse of some Private Boob. Were this not in such an eerily accurate flesh tone, I probably wouldn't be giving this a second look.

2) Factoring in the slit and the fact that I believe I can also see her belly-button contours, Angie just looks naked, full-stop. Which is probably not an issue for HER, since I bet she wouldn't care that much if she accidentally did live out that old nightmare where it turns out you've shown up at the most important event of your life without a stitch on, because she is Angelina Jolie, and I suspect nothing fazes her. Seriously, I bet I could walk up to her and say, "Aliens tell me they'd like to juice your calves and serve them with squash blossoms," and she'd be all, "Nice," and then we'd go our separate ways and it wouldn't even make her rundown of Funny Things That Happened Today To Tell Brad About While We're Recuperating From Wild Animal Sex.

3) Somehow, in spite of all that, it STILL comes off kind of... boring. How is that possible, in light of the aforementioned nude illusions? And the fact that it's slit up to her baby factory? How can one be a NAKED FRUMP?

poll by twiigs.com

May 21, 2009

Inglourious Fugterds

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Oh, Sharon Stone. You are always surprising me. For example, when I first saw you at Cannes, I made all kinds of assumptions:

Were you wearing a long gown with a slit on the side, like so many other women at Cannes this year? Are you yawning because your dress is really boring? Why is that photographer looking so perplexed?

Continue reading Inglourious Fugterds.

May 20, 2009

Lady Fugtoria Hervey

Fug file:

Dear Lady Victoria Hervey:

You know that old saying, "sometimes less is more"? Well, sometimes MORE is more. Little-known fact. In this instance, I can think of several things you could use more of, including sandwiches, fabric, and sunscreen.

May 20, 2009

Whip Fug!

Fug file:

Drew!

Put down the beer and pick up a COMB!

Continue reading Whip Fug!.

May 20, 2009

Fug or Fab: Brad Pitt (with an assist from the Fab Diane Kruger)

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BRAD PITT: Bonjour, Diane.

DIANE KRUGER: You are hilarious.

BRAD: Why, whatever do you mean?

DIANE: The ascot? HILARIOUS. You look so SUAVE. Like you just slithered off your yacht.

BRAD: But you like it when Pacey does this. And I don't have a yacht.

DIANE: Let me put it this way. I didn't say I DIDN'T like it. I said it's HILARIOUS. Pacey also finds it hilarious. I just treasure you, Brad.

BRAD: Angelina laughed when she saw it, too. What's so funny about a well-tied scarf?

DIANE: It's just that...you're so...it's really....let's just say it's charming, and it delights me.

BRAD: Are you patronizing me, Kruger?

DIANE: No! Maybe a little. But I mean it. It's DELIGHTFUL. Can't you see I am delighted?

BRAD: It's costume-y, isn't it? I KNEW IT. Clooney told me it made me look more masculine than I'd ever been.

DIANE: Oh, Brad. Don't trust him.

BRAD: He did also ask when we were sailing to Capri for the season....I thought he meant it. That sounds fun, right? I thought it would be fun.

DIANE: Shhh. You're so pretty.

BRAD: So are you, actually.

DIANE: Oh, I know!

poll by twiigs.com

May 20, 2009

Cannes Fug Carpet: Natacha Amal

Fug file:

This photo is so painfully tantalizing.

I mean, how can you resist wanting to see the rest of the outfit that involves a ruffled one-shoulder bodice THAT poofy? The mind races. I imagined everything from a long ball gown to a bubble skirt shaped like a giant tomato to a sleek lower half completely different than the Dynasty promise of all that crimson volume.

What I somehow did not imagine was this:

Continue reading Cannes Fug Carpet: Natacha Amal.

May 20, 2009

Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz

Fug file:

Jessica and I were just discussing poor Penelope Cruz's unfortunately timed food poisoning in Cannes, and how after being forced to skip one event because of it, we admire her for bucking up like a good little camper and making the rounds for her other movie. Even if her poker face is maybe not so great.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I feel like this photo says, "I am trying so hard to smile, but oh, Lord, I might still be sick. I am wrapped in a giant ace bandage and if I don't hold onto this desk I am going to fall down and vomit all over the floor and that's why I didn't wear a necklace -- because they always flip forward when you're hanging over the toilet and you end up puking on your jewelry -- and someone had better give me a bonus for even being here today because I WANT TO DIE."

She didn't look like she felt much better at the nighttime event:

Continue reading Cannes Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Penelope Cruz.

May 20, 2009

I Fug Who Fugged Me

Fug file:

You know what, Lohan? You go ahead and stick out that tongue at us all you want.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Because we -- and I think I can speak for everyone on this planet, and perhaps a few beyond it -- are not the ones showing up at a business meeting in a genie jumpsuit made of someone's leftover powder-room wallpaper. So you go right ahead and wiggle that thing until it withers and falls off; it just means you'll have two strikes against you, while we'll be able to taste sweet superiority by dint of still having actual taste buds. AND NO JUMPSUIT.

May 19, 2009

Fug or Fab: Hilary Swank

Fug file:

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Objectively, she looks totally fine. The dress is great. Yadda.

And yet it leaves me cold. And I don't know why. The color is fine. The fit is fine. I am not a huge fan of the graduated hem, but whatever. I think part of the problem, for me, is that the shoes match so perfectly that it gets is a bit bridesmaid-y for me, although obviously this outfit would be for a wedding in which the bride really was trying to bankrupt her attendants, as I'm sure both dress and shoes cost more than my car. I don't know. I really can't put my finger on it. Something about this look prompted in me the kind of reaction you get when you sit down to a dinner that you've slaved over and you realize that the 2 hours you just spent in the kitchen have someone made you utterly disinterested in eating the meal you prepared: I realize it's been artfully created, I appreciate it on a technical level, I hope and expect others to love it, and I just kind of don't want anything to do with it and would rather have an ice cream cone.

poll by twiigs.com

May 19, 2009

Eva Fugzigova

Fug file:

Well, you know the old saying, backed up by years of proof:

It's not Cannes unless you 'Cannes' see every contour of Eva Herzigova's body.

So now we can officially say that the games have begun. The see-through flag has been waved.

May 19, 2009

Fugda Song

Fug file:

Ever wonder why we argue so stridently against The Romper?

I assume this answers all your questions.

May 19, 2009

Well Played, Rachel Weisz

Fug file:

Remember this?

I see it every time I close my eyes. And then I scream anew. Thank God Rachel Weisz realized she needed to do something to wipe this image from our brains and pulled out all the stops at Cannes. Behold:

SHE'S LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON. If the woman in the first photo was about to collapse of a terrible mysterious olde-timey condition, the woman in the second photo looks more like the gorgeous femme fatale who's recently arrived in town and who will shortly leave it, having seduced nearly all the men and more of women than you might suspect, managing to relieve them all of large portions of their personal fortunes along the way. And no one will even really mind that much. I mean, look at her. Nice comeback, lady. I suspect, after all, that even she reacted to photos of her Met Gala gown as I did, like this:

Continue reading Well Played, Rachel Weisz.

May 19, 2009

Fug It!

Fug file:

SIGH,
transparency

Okay, so Drew Barrymore is on her way in to a local post-production facility (if the photo caption is correct), and that probably means she's just settling in for a day of trying to work on her directorial debut Whip It! and that I should just let her be comfortable in whatever the heck she wants. But I just need to make sure I am not hallucinating this:

[Photo: Splash News]

Drew IS wearing a bikini tube top that looks like a giant speed bump underneath a see-through Hanes-type undershirt, an orthopdic wrist brace, and pants that MIGHT be leggings and which are patterned in some sort of sci-fi take on argyle. Right? I'm not the only one seeing this? Because between the outfit and those shades, if you told me I passed out and hit my head on the desk, and woke up having drawn the storyboards for a John Hughes movie where Anthony Michael Hall tries to start a pop band with Drew, Ally Sheedy, Lea Thompson, and Andrew Dice Clay, I might believe you.

May 19, 2009

Unfug It Up: Evangeline Lilly at Cannes

Fug file:

blue,
Cannes

All righty, this one is a bit trickier from a Fantasy Makeover standpoint than the first time we tried this feature, when it generally just involved swapping out some of Rihanna's separates. But to shake things up from the usual "Fug or Fab" approach, we're going to noodle with this one anyway. Ready? OK.

From one angle, I thought maybe I liked Evangeline's outfit:

The top color is quite fetching, and on first glance this seems sleek and streamlined.

But then I saw her strike a pose in it from another angle:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Evangeline Lilly at Cannes.

May 19, 2009

Fugovision Fug Contest: The Final Fug

Fug file:

VICTORY IN OUR TIME! We got our grubby hands on some Eurovision pictures, so we can share the assorted horrors of the international song contest with you. This is how the prospect of this post makes me feel:

Incidentally, this man is Greece's entry, Sakis Rouvas. His Wikipedia page describes him as both a musical act AND a former pole-vaulter. He also reportedly ripped open his shirt as part of his performance.... and yet he's seriously one of the more BORING people from the night.

For instance, this is NOTHING compared to the thunder brought by Albania:

Continue reading Fugovision Fug Contest: The Final Fug.

May 18, 2009

Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish

Fug file:

Given that Abbie Cornish historically has looked so severe and dreary and generally unremarkable, this is totally refreshing:

She's smiling! She looks happy and has well-applied makeup! Her dress is romantic and floaty and doesn't -- per her usual -- make me want to ask if she's auditioning for a role as a very severe German nanny in some horror flick called The Paddle Will Smack! Maybe now that all the tabloids have decided Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are one deep knee bend away from getting married, Abbie finally feels safe chilling out and relaxing and assuming nobody is going to throw tomatoes at her and call her a homewrecker for hooking up with Reese's ex. Which is good. It's long past time to exhale on that one, Abbie. Whether you should now start tensing up about the fact that you and Reese are both dating dudes who have rampant gay rumors swirling around them, and maybe call her and commisserate and arrange to go for donuts sometime... well, I leave that to you. I don't know your life. But I do know you look pretty.

May 18, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Monaghan

Fug file:

multi-colored

I have been thinking about this, and I think I actually might love it:

The pattern is so dramatic, but the cut is really simple, so I feel like it works. But this pattern is not for everyone. Although I like it, in clinical trials it was proven to cause headaches, anxiety, insomnia, nausea, constipation, vomiting, dry mouth, abnormal fixation on low-fat cheeses, indigestion, heartburn, drowsiness, ringing in the ears, dizziness, weight gain, joint pain, blurred vision, nasal congestion, a marked increase in saliva, diabetes, suicidal thoughts, high blood pressure, abnormal muscle movements that accidentally became permanent, unexplained and freaky rashes and swelling, hyperthyroidism, gas, canker sores, spontaneous yeast infections, impotence, hair loss, and death. Please notify your doctor if you experience any of the above side effects from this pattern.

poll by twiigs.com

May 18, 2009

Phoebe Fugs at Cannes: The Weekend

Fug file:

Cannes

I suspect Phoebe Price is not done at Cannes, since the festival just started and she -- against all odds -- seems to have invitations to every single premiere in town. But she already whipped out so many outfits that leaving them all for one massive post-Cannes omnibus seems like a mountain neither of us is strong enough to climb, or at least, not without several oxygen tanks and about ten sherpas who look like David Boreanaz.

But where to start... I suppose here is as good a place as any:

She is like a peacock, or an exotic predators of the wild who lures you in with plumage and then feasts on your flesh, before breaking into an elaborate hat-twirling song-and-dance number about the joys of being a jungle carnivore. Who wears half-gloves.

Showmanship, rather than her usual semi-nudity, appears to have been her M.O. this weekend. It's she's replaced using her boobs, thighs, and ass cleavage as accessories by overdosing on ACTUAL accessories:

Continue reading Phoebe Fugs at Cannes: The Weekend.

May 18, 2009

I Do Not Fug Up

Fug file:

you couldn't try a bit harder?

Kelly Clarkson, you KNOW how much I love you. A LOT.

So you know I am saying this as your friend -- your friend who has never met you, but feels great fondness for you and always wants you to be happy and successful in whatever you do: GIRL WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR PANTS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT A STYLIST BUT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A TAILOR. Mine is lovely. I would be happy to recommend his services. He'll fix those pants for you for $15. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I'M SCARED YOU'RE GOING TO TRIP ON YOUR HEM AND FACEPLANT AND THEN WHERE WILL WE ALL BE?

Ahem. Sorry about the shouting. But...for serious, Kelly. I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO FACEPLANT. I CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

May 18, 2009

Fugler Momsen

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FERGIE: Listen, Taylor, we should talk.

TAYLOR: Can't talk. Need to look sultry.

FERGIE: Honey, listen. I'm wearing a harness. You see that, right?

TAYLOR: Sure.

FERGIE: A harness, AND a really long fake braid that looks like someone cut off a horse tail and sewed it to my bun.

TAYLOR: Whatever.

FERGIE: But nobody is going to care. You know why? Because of you. Because of THIS:

Continue reading Fugler Momsen.

May 18, 2009

Fugzer

Fug file:

I know that Rivers Cuomo of Weezer has always had his own aesthetic going.

I just didn't realize it involved wearing a leopard-print Snuggie as a protective shield. Methinks that song from years ago about people destroying his sweater and leaving him naked on the floor reflected a REALLY deep paranoia we never fully understood until now.

May 18, 2009

Fugly, Fully Loaded

Fug file:

So, now we're just wearing our bathing suit and cover-up all over town, even when we're not in Hawaii?

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Girlfriend. You're shopping in Sherman Oaks. There's no ocean close enough to Sherman Oaks to justify the fact that you're not just wearing your bathing suit out, you're wearing it with the saddest, most droopy, downtrodden cover-up ever. You wear this to the snack bar to get an ice cream, not out in PUBLIC where people will SEE YOU. I KNOW you want attention, but this is BUMMING ME OUT.

May 18, 2009

My Fug Lady

Aw, this is so sweet.

Bill Nighy is clearly rescuing Helena Bonham Carter from selling violets outside the Chelsea Flower Show, spiriting her away to his apartment to teach her diction and how to wear large hats so that she can go to Royal Ascot, scream at Dover to move his bloomin' arse, and then wear a huge updo to a fancy ball and convince everyone she's a princess while making a totally ineffectual young rich fancy boy swing around on lampposts singing about his love for her. I'm not sure where her current life partner Tim Burton fits into that plan, exactly -- maybe he'll stroll by in a tux and announce he's getting married in the morning? -- but I think if Bill can just convince Helena to stop wearing petticoats then everything else will all fall into place.

May 18, 2009

Possibly-Soon-To-Be-Less-Random Fug: Katerina Graham

Fug file:

It's nice to see Katerina Graham -- first featured on Friday with this fug buffet, but well on her way to a Fug Madness berth if she can manage to keep getting invited places -- demonstrating such a keen sense of occasion.

[Photo: Splash News]

It's so moving to see that, at a benefit for the L.A. children's hospital, Katerina is honoring all the sick kids out there with a deeply sensitive strapless bra; a tender tank top that says "Dime Piece," and features a melting lipstick and salivating tongue, lest we miss the point that she is super hot and bang-worthy; and one of those earring-necklaces that Rihanna wore the other week. It's all just so sensitive. In fact, the most generous gift to the children of all is those leggings -- with those, she can teach the infirmed wee ones to spell. You know, things like "WTF," or "OMG," or "This dime piece is crazy," or, "Remind me to ask where she shops and then never go there."

May 15, 2009

Jennifer Hudfug

Fug file:

This is not okay. Not even if Jennifer Hudson IS secretly knocked up, as is the tasty rumor making the rounds.

[Photo: Splash News]

In fact, unless she is holding up her arms in surrender -- as if to say, "Yes, Officer, I am currently possessed by the spirit of an aggressive Polterwang that haunted Jennifer Beals' closet when she was in Flashdance, so please arrest me and take me somewhere that can exorcise the demon and return me to my usual adorable and packageless self" -- then I simply cannot look at this outfit with anything but the urge to beat my brains out with an old VHS tape.

May 15, 2009

Random Fug: Katerina Graham

Fug file:

It seems I have a reason to root for The CW to pick up The Vampire Diaries for its fall schedule: This Katerina Graham person -- heretofore best known as an R&B-video vixen and as one of those weird-ass Fanta girls -- evidently got cast in the pilot, and if it goes to a series, we might see a whole lot more of her.

And THAT will be entertaining. Here's what she whipped out for a "Rally For Kids" cocktail party at the beginning of this month:

Your eyes do not deceive you: Those are leather shin guards, and she is obviously the lead in a local burlesque show entitled "Buffy The Vampire Player," about a ragtag ream of rebels that vanquishes the undead through intense field-hockey games.

Then, yesterday, she whipped out this little beauty:

Continue reading Random Fug: Katerina Graham.

May 15, 2009

Dance Fug

Fug file:

shredded and shorn

Behold Shoshana Bush, of the upcoming parody, Dance Flick (with Damon Wayans, Jr.* Literally, she's both in the movie with him and he's standing next to her here).

I hope the Wayaneseseses, in their infinite wisdom, are parodying films other than Save the Last Dance, despite what the commercials for this movie imply, because, frankly, I think the emotional wounds from that film are perhaps still too raw -- nine years later -- for me to fully be comfortable with laughing at it.

I am, however, completely at ease laughing at Shoshana's pants. They are a joke, right?

*In my Friday daze, I totally forgot to add the "Jr." to Mr Wayans here earlier! While Damon Senior is aging well, I think we can all agree he doesn't look THIS young. Thanks for the helpful emails!

May 15, 2009

Anna Fugris

Fug file:

polls,
rompers

Clearly, I am going to have to stop drinking the water in L.A., because something in it is causing people to invest in -- and then publicly wear -- rompers.

In Anna Faris' defense, I think this one is cuter than Christina Moore's -- something about it being a bit more relaxed, maybe -- and no, I'm not cutting Anna any slack just because she's marrying Jessica's and my Everwood boyfriend Chris Pratt. In fact, that should make me really crabby with her. A diatribe might ensue, if I hadn't just been interrupted in my thought process by the sight of a car parking in front of my neighbors' house that is an exact duplicate of the one Jeannie Bueller had in that quaint little '80s flick about her brother's day off from school. Sadly, Jennifer Grey herself did not get out of it.

Where was I? Right: The romper. It's... fine. I just wish it weren't so twee. I feel like once you give up enacting My Little Pony soap operas on your bedroom floor, you are also too old for playsuits. At MOST, I feel it belongs on someone who's shlepping along Robertson Blvd., or Melrose, or [Insert Your Local Outdoor Retail Strip Here], trying to get a bunch of shopping done on a really hot day and in no mood to deal with any more fabric than is necessary.

And then I stumbled on this photo:

Continue reading Anna Fugris.

May 15, 2009

Grindfug

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green,
ruffles

I will never forget the time I saw Rose McGowan in person. I was at Musso and Frank, minding my own business and eating a flapjack or something and I looked up and lo and behold, who was walking into the place? Rose McGowan with her then-boyfriend, Marilyn Manson. And they were in full on Marilyn Manson gear. She was practically wearing that string dress she wore that one time. You know the one I mean. It was a pretty awesome celebrity sighting, I have to say. Not quite as good as the time I saw Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie making out at the food court at the Century City mall, but not too shabby. But Rose has come a long way since then. Sadly, I think the direction she's gone a long way in is maybe not the one she was hoping for:

As she's not really a superstar now as much as she is....a girl wearing a skirt that looks like a head of broccoli. Oh, ROSE. What happened to you?

May 15, 2009

Heidi Fugtag

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Con: I am writing about Heidi Montag.

Pro: I am FINALLY writing about Heidi Montag for something that doesn't involve her sticking her tongue down her odious husband's throat and/or canoodling with him for the paparazzi on a bed in an otherwise sanitary furniture store/in a restaurant/at the 99 Cent store.

[Photo: FayesVision/WENN.com]

All that oppressive dark fabric, with the heavy sleeves that eat her arms and appear to weigh down her shoulders, give her the rather satisfying appearance of slowly melting, like our own personal Wicked Witch of the West Coast. In fact, if someone wouldn't mind tossing a bucket of water onto her to see if it finishes the job, that'd be great. Consider it: Either nothing happens but she gets sopping wet and starts shrieking like a banshee while flapping the sodden, weighted-down arm prisons that her sleeves would become, or she actually DOES disappear. Tell me THAT'S not a win-win proposition.

May 15, 2009

Moon Fuggood

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My first thought: "Oh, look, a sparkly minidress. That's probably cute. Also, the Warner Bros. exec she's literally kissing up to is probably having the best night ever and I think his glasses are going to fog up in about ten seconds."

And then. And THEN:

Continue reading Moon Fuggood.

May 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Bryce Dallas Howard

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Hey, it's Bryce Dallas Howard! I sort of forgot she was real.

Call me crazy, but is there something about this look that seems very....SWINTON to you? I mean, leaving aside the fact that SWINTON doesn't bare her legs very often. I can just see it on her, perhaps because it's mildly futuristic and also a bit ugly, but in a way that seems potentially extemely expensive. It takes a brave woman to SWINTON on us, but perhaps we should have expected nothing less from the Heir of Richie Cunningham. That being said, sometimes SWINTON doesn't even pull off SWINTON so what chance have the rest of us got?

poll by twiigs.com

May 15, 2009

Fugyn Manning

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jumpsuit

Patience, photographers:

I'm sure Taryn Manning would LOVE to mime for you her feelings about the new T-Mobile Sidekick, right after she's finished with her signature silent performance, "Well, Ma'am, Looks Like Your Transmission's Blown And Your Alternator's Busted. That'll Be Five Grand, Plus Labor." It's really stirring. Especially the part where she realizes she's trapped in an invisible box with an angry, broke customer.

May 14, 2009

NYFug.com: Dissecting the ANTM finale

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ANTM

If you haven't seen it yet, we won't spoil it for you, but Top Model finished its twelfth cycle last night and per usual, we gabbed about it for New York magazine. Here is a pleasantly vague excerpt, edited for GFY to try and prevent our foreign and/or DVR-reliant readers from getting mad:

Jessica: [Contestant Name Redacted] also got to take a break from walking at the end to indulge in some interpretive dance.

Heather: You mean the high-fashion mud-wrestling? For a second there, I thought we were watching a really strange bachelor party.

Jessica: I feel like Nigel may have appreciated that development more than anyone else in the room.

Heather: There is a "long lens" joke here that I'm too much of a lady to make. But only barely.

Click here to see the rest of the piece if you are unafraid of spoilers, or you watched the show and want to join in the fray.

May 14, 2009

P-Fugged

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So, wipe aside for a second the news that Phoebe Price has either the connections or the budget to get invited back to Cannes AGAIN, and focus on the fact that the caption for this photo -- as written by the photographer -- claims P-Squared is wearing a dress and a hat of her own design and from her own clothing line.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

The hat does not surprise me -- I mean, of COURSE Phoebe would create a hat that belongs on the head of a groomsman at Robin Hood's wedding. But what shocks me is that if you'd asked me to ponder what kind of clothes P-Squared would design, I'd look at her archive and then say, "Something made of tissue paper and lace. Preferably something in danger of blowing away if a poodle sneezes within a ten-mile radius." And yes, this is ever-so-slightly see-through here around the crotch region, but frankly, in the right -- or rather, wrong -- lighting, a lot of stuff out there is. So we're left with P-Squared allegedly maybe creating and selling something you'd see on The CW (and possibly injuring her wrist doing it, since she's wearing a brace), which would be confusing enough on its own -- but add to that the fact that she's possibly doing it under her own design shingle, which means she has an actual JOB, and my world scrambles like it's on a Grand Slam plate at Denny's. Sigh. Maybe a side of bacon will help this make sense.

poll by twiigs.com

May 14, 2009

Fugstina Moore

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Not all that long ago, I saw Christina Moore at the ArcLight Sherman Oaks, eating dinner -- and I am embarrassed to say I recognized her because she played (plays?) Drunkface's mother on the new 90210. Although she hasn't been on in a while, so maybe she either watched the episodes and screamed, or figured out quickly they weren't going to let her make out with Rob Estes, and subsequently jumped ship.

However, I wish I could have back that night. Because though my M.O. is never to approach celebrities unless I am tipsy and they were on the REAL 90210 at some point (we suspect Lindsay Price still laughs in horror about that time at Fashion Week), I might have reconsidered it in Christina's case. Because then I could have warned her.

Just think -- I could have said, "Christina, look. You seem nice. You're very pretty. You need to teach Drunkface that faking half a seizure every time she talks is not the same thing as emoting. Then you need to run as far away from that awful train wreck as your legs can carry you -- but when you do this, do not run straight into the embrace of a strapless denim romper. If you ignore that piece of advice, you will one day show up at a Maxim Hot 100 party looking like you shop at Limited Too, and while we all know lying about one's age is de rigeur in Hollywood, lying that you are 12 and headed to your very first school dance is pushing it."

Oh well, Sorry, Christina. Regrets, I've had a few.

May 14, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jill Zarin

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Heather is a stronger woman than I am in many ways, and one of them is that she has managed to avoid getting sucked into the Bravo programming black hole that is The Real Housewives of Wherever. I watch them ALL. It is my SHAME. In fact, I was driving home from somewhere yesterday and I found myself ruminating on how I think it's kind of surprising that Bravo hasn't phased out The OC for Malibu or Beverly Hills, because apparently this is how I'm using my brain power now. (I also just want someone to explain to me why all of those specific members of the franchise look like their wardrobes have been exclusively obtained from Forever XXI. No offense to FXXI -- I've gotten many a piece of disposable fashion there -- but when you've shelled out for Gucci, you don't want it to look like it cost $12.99 and can be returned only for store credit and yet they are all always flouncing around in shiny jewel-toned halter tops with giant diamond brooches on them and I do not understand where else they're even getting those any more.) I do not know why I watch these shows so religiously. I just know that I do. I don't even want to question it. I just let it wash over me. But anyway, RHNY was pretty entertaining this past season, and Jill Zarin here was, I thought, possibly the LEAST crazy of all the ladies in the cast:

Although I would also argue that Alex is not crazy either. She is ECCENTRIC, but not crazy. But we could be here all day talking about these women, you know? Let's just say that after much thought, I decided Jill was probably the best-adjusted. Maybe. Although...never mind. Let's table this discussion of the varying mental healths of the women of this show and talk about her outfit. I feel that while the silhouette is flattering, I may have seen it on the person playing Guenevere in a Las Vegas revival of Camelot in which everyone was also wearing roller skates. I suspect that it's a bit much of a muchness, as a former boss of mine used to say.

poll by twiigs.com

May 14, 2009

National Lampoon's Pledge Fug!

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Just when I thought Paris Hilton could get no more understated, no more demure, no classier:

[Photo: Mavrixonline.com]

Clearly, she's coming from a performance of her new ballet, Sleeping Around Beauty. I hear it's transcendent.

May 14, 2009

American Fugdol

The addition of Kara DioGuardi to American Idol has, if nothing else, reminded me that I kind of love Paula Abdul. I don't know why. I think it's because, at this point, the judging on Idol has fallen into a comfortable rhythm for us all: Randy shrugs and says something that falls somewhere on the spectrum between "totally useless" and "what Simon will say better later;" Paula acts either dependably nonsensical or is surprisingly briefly insightful; and then Simon talks and everyone pays attention. So when Kara and her impressively shiny hair starts yelling in the middle of that and waving her arms around and talking back to Simon and getting defensive about things, it startles me out of my AI-induced coma, and I don't like that. I like to watch AI in a semi-conscious state, paying only attention to the singing and the judges and reading Lucky magazine or playing Wordtwist or whatever during all the rest of the hoo-ha. Kara throws me off my game and also she talks so loud. Shhhh, Kara. Mommy's trying to sleep. Whereas Paula, if nothing else, is a relaxing part of the whole routine. AND she can be counted on to wear something wacky:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

That. Is. SHINY. That skirt is like the fanciest Saran Wrap in the universe. I suspect that's what they use to wrap the Rjsfit@#334tyah Day presents on Planet Q9ddd9pw. Which is where Paula comes from, don't you know? It's nice up there, I hear. Lots of napping and coloring books and choreographed dancing. I feel like it's like this every day of the year up there:

Seriously. Look at her up there. Can you think of another person whose life potentially contains more young adults being forced to take part in spectacularly choreographed dances, although that's not the first skill on their resume? And who somehow manages to find it essentially endless delicious, DESPITE knowing that she can dance better than any of those poor suckers? Just her and Usher, circa 1999. Good company there, P. Abd. And where else are you going to find that in the real world? No where. Seriously. Please don't leave us alone with Kara and Randy next season. Please. Simon and I are begging you.

May 13, 2009

NY Fug.com: Who Will Be the Winner of Tyra's Top Model Crown?

AT LAST. The current cycle of ANTM grinds to a halt once more in tonight's finale. As usual, Heather and I handicap the finalists for NY Mag.com

"Allison gets props for making it this far despite spending every episode peering out from behind a bleached-blonde weave (courtesy of Tyra's cracked-out makeover team) that makes Vince Neil's coif enviable and stylish by comparison. But the girl can't walk. Like, at all. It's a major achievement every time she successfully transports herself up to Tyra at the end of each episode to claim her photograph."

Pop over to NY Mag.com to weigh in on your favorites and see whom we've picked to take it all.

May 13, 2009

Fug or Fab: Elizabeth Banks

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For a while, I decided I really didn't like Elizabeth Banks -- mostly because I read a really annoying article with her where she kept talking about how awesome her own face is -- but it's hard to sustain that level of annoyance when there is actually nothing else really annoying about the person. She was amusing in Role Models and I haven't got the energy to sustain disdain for no reason any more. Old age has worn me down and I have too many other things to think about now: what is going to happen on One Tree Hill without CMM? Why is Ben McKenzie so cute in his police uniform on Southland? Where did I put my keys? And so forth. So here's Elizabeth "Sure, I'll See What Happens With You" Banks in Cannes:

That is a LOT of dress. I both like it and think it might be too overwhelming, especially since it so perfectly matches the red carpet that it seems like it NEVER ENDS. And I'm not a huge fan of the one strap: either be strapless, or have straps. Make up your mind, dress.

poll by twiigs.com

May 13, 2009

Heidi and Spencer Fugtt

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[Photo: Splash News]

Hmm, a little Lady and the Tramp, eh? That seems apt.

May 13, 2009

Cannes Well-Played Carpet: SWINTON

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This is quite a day. First, Bai Ling manages to make me afraid we've lost another site mascot (come back, Peldon sisters!), and now I can't help kind of digging on our girl SWINTON here at the Cannes Film Festival's premiere of Up:

The reason I pulled this particular photo is to illustrate why, at first, I thought this might be bell bottoms -- and I was getting ready to fire up some comparison to an outfit I could SWEAR Barbara Harris wore in the original Freaky Friday movie, and perhaps a theory about whether Jodie Foster had cooked up some of the old magic to switch bodies with SWINTON and that maybe this meant we were going to see "Jodie Foster" skipping around Los Angeles in shapeless beige tunics and David Bowie hair and makeup.

But, no. It's not bell bottoms. It's a skirt. And the burgundy is a great color on her -- so much better than the way she usually looks washed-out with the blonde hair and restrained makeup. Even with the faintly odd hairdo, I don't know, I can't help thinking SWINTON here looks like a tall drink of water. Or indeed, a tall glass of cabernet. Am I crazy?

poll by twiigs.com

May 13, 2009

Fug the Cover: Kat Dennings and Olivia Thirlby

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Nylon

[Photo: Nylon Magazine]

I'M SO SURE. The 80s flashbacks on this week's Gossip Girl felt less contrived than this does. I can't imagine either Kat Dennings or Olivia Thirlby got this in the mail and clasped her hands together with glee and gasped, "fabulous! Now more people are going to want to punch me in the face! Just what I wanted!" And yet that is exactly what this has achieved. Girls, allow me to impart a valuable lesson: when someone asks you if you're interested in recreating scenes from The Wedding Singer on camera, you are allowed to say no. A little restraint in this area will only help your career in the long run.

May 13, 2009

Where's The Fug?: Bai Ling

So, we'd heard rumors that Bai Ling has been trying to spiff up her act and tone down the outrageous clothes, in an effort to scoot herself off the D-list. And I'm really afraid that might be true, because check it out:

Okay, so it's not PERFECT. I think I see a nipple, although maybe I'm hallucinating because the Bai of Yore would've made SURE it was partly visible. But overall, she looks kind of trendy and funky, as opposed to saucily half-clad and proud of it.

Can this metamorphosis be happening? Will her first Fug Madness win be her LAST? People, I need my Bai Ling with a heaping plateful of insanity. She may have been low on Hollywood's list of priorities, but Bai Ling was never on the D-list of my HEART. With every crazy ensemble, her fame (infamy?) grew on this Web site, apace with my affection for her bra tops and tiny denim skirts and backless mini-dresses and sequined Spider Woman capes. Without the promise of those in my future, I don't know how to feel. Other than frightened. And cold. Like my pet unicorn just tore off its horn and stabbed me with it, then ran off with a pack mule so it could live quietly in the wilds of Wyoming.

If this happens, we are going to need each other now more than ever, Fug readers.

poll by twiigs.com

May 12, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Monaghan

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metallics

Am I crazy, or is Michelle Monaghan wearing the same dress here that Eva Mendes wore a couple of weeks ago?

Michelle:

Eva:

They may also, in fact, be wearing the same shoes (all Calvin Klein, I believe). It's a different color, obviously, and I think Eva has, for some inexplicable reason, chosen to wear a less fitted version -- or she's been given a version that doesn't fit her correctly. Either way, lo, the fit makes all the difference. I actually kind of like this on Michelle, although it's hard to say whether that's just because I've already seen something so similar look so much worse on someone else, or because it actually is kind of like the most fantastic carpet-inspired caftan in the entire Bea Arthur Memorial Caftan Collection (Bea would want us to continue to use that joke, I am certain).

poll by twiigs.com

May 12, 2009

Mean Fugs

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Last night, I randomly caught Mean Girls on cable, and got sucked into watching pretty much the whole thing. What can I say? Regina George victimized me into watching, and then I got hypnotized by LiLo's pretty red hair and THEN got stuck on how much smaller her eyes looked when they had her wearing all that heavy black pencil around them -- you know, really important details that are totally worthy of lengthy scrutiny when I have a pile of about seven New Yorker magazines I could've been reading instead.

Anyway, for the eleventy-zillionth time, I was struck with just how unkind life -- or maybe more accurately, Lindsay herself -- has been to our girl since that movie.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I mean, there's nothing THERE any more. She went from being a girl with a promising career and enough meat on her bones to be slender yet curvy, to being a brittle twig with no promising prospects who wears see-through Flashdance shirts with bikini tops, has my grandmother's hands, and clearly doesn't enjoy any of the finer things in life, like chewing food. Was it really worth it? Would she REALLY do it all over again -- the rehab, the dribbling out of clubs, the bad reputation -- just to fit into size 00 jeans? Someone really needs to sit her down Clockwork Orange-style and make her watch Mean Girls over and over again before we find out the hard way whether it's possible for a person to occupy negative space. I'd also recommend ditching the clogs, but whatever -- let's take baby steps here.

May 12, 2009

Fugovision Song Contest: Rehearsals

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The greatest and saddest time of year for us is when the Eurovision Song Contest comes around: Great because we get to see photos of the random international singers wearing, like, houses and beer steins and monster death masks, but sad because we don't get to WATCH any of it from the comfort of our living room couches (I'm one of those quaint types that still hates watching stuff online), nor hear the juicy rumors resulting from the fact that it's also essentially a big drunk fiesta that even involves the Eurovision people setting up their own nightclub for a week.

Some years, our image sources don't even have the pictures, so we can't always share the glory with you. But this year, a few rehearsal photos for the semi-finals have appeared, so I figured we might as well celebrate now just in case we can't do it later. Plus, how could I possibly resist sharing this?

[Photo: Splash News]

This woman, Susanne Georgi, is the Andorran entry. She is also 32, which is not maybe what you'd expect to hear given that she's dressed like the Disney Princess version of one of the Peldon sisters.

I hope she gets hammered and hooks up with this man:

Continue reading Fugovision Song Contest: Rehearsals.

May 12, 2009

Well Played, Jessica Biel

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I was looking at this picture this morning and trying to remember when it was that I decided I didn't like Jessica Biel:

Because she never really did anything all that egregious and yet I just don't care for her and I couldn't pinpoint why. I think it all started when she made a bit of a fuss about distancing herself from 7th Heaven. Not that I liked 7th Heaven, particularly, but there's always something distasteful when someone publicly rejects the thing that made them famous. But I think the real issue came a couple of years ago where suddenly the Hollywood media machine decided Jessica Biel was the Next Big Thing and that we were going to LOVE HER despite the fact that she'd done really nothing all that embraceable. (Other than having a really great body, which is nothing to sneeze at -- I covet her guns here.) Suddenly she was all over the place and it was totally inexplicable, remember? Like, at the Oscars for no reason at all and named like The Sexiest Sex Symbol In the Universe and whatnot? And it kind of didn't work -- after all, she's not really that much more famous now than she ever was, even if she is dating probably one of the most famous dudes in the world. It's the same thing happened that with Sienna Miller. For a while, the movie-going public was told that we were supposed to be SUPER INTO this person, but we were all like, "....no, thank you. No, seriously. No, thank you. NO THANK YOU SERIOUSLY NOW I HATE THIS GIRL PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE WITH THIS. GOD PLEASE SHUT UP WITH THE ENDLESS YAPPING ABOUT THIS PERSON." So I went through a long period of really wrinkling my nose at Jessica Biel, is what I'm saying. And having said that AT LENGTH, I am able to be objective enough to say that I think she looks kind of great here and I love her lipstick color and the dress is good and she looks pretty. FINE. SHE LOOKS REALLY NICE. Are you happy now, Hollywood, ARE YOU?

Phew. God, I actually feel so much better now. I'm really glad I was able to talk that out. Next, can we tackle my inexplicable and undying love for Mandy Moore? I haven't figured that out yet, but I know it's there!

May 12, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Jessica Simpson

When I first saw this cover, I must admit that I thought, "oh, GOD, J Simp. Can you ever take a picture without that open mouth, slack-jawed look?" Because, literally -- look at Vanity Fair''s slideshow. Her mouth is open in every single photo, with the exception of one. Which is not to say that she doesn't look beautiful, because she does. Just beautiful AND slack-jawed. At some point, you'd think someone would decide that maybe Pretty But Dim isn't the best cover choice when it comes to selling this particular magazine, which isn't exactly aimed at the world's dim bulbs and dull knives (I always think of VF as being Smart Fluff, while, say, US Weekly is Juicy Fluff, and People is Fluff Plus Babies Who Fell Down Wells). Surely there was a photo of La Simpson in which she looked like she had a thought in her pretty head...no? PS: I'm sure she's thrilled they decided to bring up The Mom Jeans Heard Around the World again. Because why would she want to put that behind her?

poll by twiigs.com

May 11, 2009

Fug or Fab: Eva Longoria Parker

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Apparently, I am indecisive today.

Much as I was with Mariska Hargitay before her, I am of two minds about ELP here. (1) I'm sure that, in person, the detail work on this dress is amazing. (2) But she might look a bit shapeless and washed out. (3) But texturally, it's really interesting. (4) Although there's something about it that reminds me of a pile of window treatment samples come to life. (5) I think she needs a bracelet. (6) Never mind, she's wearing one. (7) I know this might an unpopular opinion, but I think ELP is actually really good on Desperate Housewives. Although I don't watch it anymore. (8) This also kind of looks like low shag carpet. (9) I'm sure 4 out of 10 readers just made a "shag" joke to themselves. (10) Apparently, I am of more than two minds about this.

poll by twiigs.com

May 11, 2009

Fuglianne Moore

It happened again, hat weird voodoo thing where we mention someone random out of the blue and then that person instantly appears. In this case, it was Jess referencing Colonel Sanders in a post, and then suddenly on my mother's flight to LA that very evening, none other than the man, the myth, the chicken savant himself was sharing the same recycled stuffy plane air. This guy -- who, yes, I realize is not THE Colonel (who is dead; RIP, pal), but the dude currently playing the Colonel in any advertising and just generally being a walking ambassador for giant buckets of fried food -- was decked out in full Colonel Sanders regalia, right down to the glasses and suspenders with his white suit, little tie, and beard. He also carried a briefcase with a very ratty old KFC sticker on it, which I presume is The Package that contains the secret for KFC's Original Recipe. Unfortunately my mother was not seated next to him to try and charm it away from him. Next time.

It's too bad Julianne Moore was all the way in New York, though, or else she'd have made a very fetching companion for him indeed:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Between her and Jessica Stroup from Thursday, I have to wonder if perhaps the Colonel's new recipe for financial success is to become a fashion designer. I can only pray we'll get to go to a KFC fashion show in Bryant Park, because in addition to the potential gift of a black neck scarf of our very own, we might get COUPONS. And I would die happy if I caught Anna Wintour surreptitiously forking over a voucher for a $3 chicken bucket and then devouring it in the back of her limo.

May 11, 2009

Fug or Fab: Mariska Hargitay

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It goes without saying, I am sure, that Mariska Hargitay is a very beautiful woman. AND she's very likable on Law and Order: Sports Utility Vehicle. AND she had her lung collapse a bunch of times this year and that happened to a friend of mine as well, so I feel like she and are friends via the transitive property or something. But let's take a looksee at what she wore to the White House Correspondents Dinner this weekend, shall we?

Somehow this manages to be both kind of great and yet also reminiscent of spitballs. I don't know how those two things can happen at the same time, and yet here we are.

poll by twiigs.com

May 11, 2009

The Fugbournes: Reloaded

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Say what you will about Kelly Osbourne's usual Goth-ish look -- and we have -- I did actually LIKE the black hair on her. She has the most gorgeous porcelain skin, and when she didn't cake on the makeup like it was nourishing her inner aspect, GOOP-style, I think she looked rather lovely.

So this disappointed me:

I object to Kelly's hair bleach. For me, it takes what was unusual about her and makes it ordinary. Her skin is still pretty, but with her usual face paint and the hair that blends right into her face, she's less striking.

Not to mention: Kelly is 25. And yes, her fiance is younger, but together in this photograph they look like they're auditioning for The Amazing Race as a mother-and-son duo wherein the mom is a secretary at the American Rock Groupies Union and the boy is an elf who jumped out of a Tolkein novel. It's unsettling. I'm afraid Gollum is about to jump out of Kelly's handbag with Phil Keoghan so they can say, "WELCOME TO MORDOR, Kelly and Luke, you are Team Number ONE."

poll by twiigs.com

May 11, 2009

Padma Fugshmi

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Okay, from the neck up Padma appears to have dashed over to the White House Correspondents' dinner straight from Pilates.

But from the neck down, my first instinct was to say that the dress is rather pretty. But then something started to bug me -- an insidious little suspicion that nibbled at me the way Spencer and Heidi chew on our souls: unwelcome, persistent, nagging. So I kept looking. And looking. And suddenly I realized exactly what was bothering me, and that it was -- as I feared -- not 100 percent safe for work or curious children (something which, incidentally, is ALSO true of Spencer and Heidi).

Continue reading Padma Fugshmi.

May 8, 2009

For a Good Fugging Cause

Heather and I were thrilled and honored to be asked once again to contribute a doodle to USA National Doodle Day. Doodles like ours are being auctioned on eBay from now through May 17th to benefit NF. Inc, an organization which helps people and families impacted by neurofibromatosis, one of the most common genetic disorders in the United States. NF causes tumors to form on your body's nerves -- any time, and anywhere. There is no cure. But funds raised from Doodle Day auctions will help support education and research that could change all that.

This is our doodle:

See? It's like a recipe....for FUGLINESS. Don't ask me how you get a jigger of a t-shirt, or a splash of a boot but I'm sure it can be done, even if t-shirts aren't quite as easily poured into measuring utensils, as, say, vodka. Because metaphors are magic. Anyway, if you'd like to help raise money for NF by bidding on our clearly very profound doodle, you can do that here. We will not be offended if you decide you'd rather own Rue McClanahan's doodle, possibly the final work of the late lamented Dom Deluise, or the doodle that proves once and for all that Matthew Perry made the right choice to become an actor rather than an artist. (I can't draw very well either, Chandler, so I feel you. You're still my favorite Friend. Obviously.) Please go forth and bid in good health!

May 8, 2009

A Thousand Fugs

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people we don't see out much

OH MY GOD YOU GUYS VANESSA CARLTON IS ALIVE! You remember her. She sang "A Thousand Miles," and played the piano? She's the one that's NOT Michelle Branch? SHE'S ALIVE!

SHE'S SQUARE BUT SHE'S ALIVE!

May 8, 2009

Fugdie Marsh

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Look, you guys! Jodie Marsh is DRESSED!

... Okay, "dressed." She does look like Cleopatra, reincarnated as a Renaissance Faire's in-house jazzercize instructor. And she IS still using flesh as pants. But I have to work a LOT harder than usual to notice that you can see faint outlines of her bra and panties under it. And we wouldn't know nearly as much about her waxing habits if she were standing up straight. So in some senses this is a huge improvement. Certainly as far as my retinas are concerned, anyway.

May 8, 2009

Unfug It Up: Rihanna

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metallics,
pink

Given that Rihanna's style is generally quite unusual -- no newsflash there -- I think I like where she was going with this outfit.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I just don't know about how she got there. Somehow, these particular parts don't add up to the exact sum I was expecting when I clicked on the photo this morning. For instance: I love the idea of the skirt, but that right pocket is flapping open like it's jonesing for a five-fingered flesh snack. That contributes to the overall aura that the skirt is cut a bit bulgy and weird. The boots would be cute at a pole-dancing class, but distract me a bit here. And the shirt, while edgy, also evokes images of her sitting up at night crouched under her dining table, crafting clothes out of aluminum foil so that when the aliens come they won't cook her innards with their mindbeams.

And yet with all that said, I don't think this is too far off from being interesting. So we're going to use it to launch a feature idea we had that involves -- drum roll, please -- opening the comments to you. See, we're curious as to what you'd tweak or dump from this outfit to make it better. Would you just swap out the shoes? Change the skirt to one less lumpy? Take off the shirt's elaborate sleeves so that it's a bit less "Space: The Final Frontier"? Replace the shirt altogether? Or make the shirt into a dress?

The usual Fug Madness commenting rules apply: Please keep it on topic. Don't veer off into a discussion about Rihanna's personal life, or Paris Hilton, or the economy. Be respectful of the subject and of each other. But most of all, have fun with it. If we like how it goes, we might make this type of feature a lot more commonplace around here.

And with that, consider the test balloon floated. Comment away...

May 8, 2009

Obfugged

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You make the call:

Is this MORE or LESS embarrassing than being in Obsessed?

poll by twiigs.com

May 8, 2009

Audrina Fugtridge

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This is the closest I've ever seen Audrina come to making actual eye contact with a camera (seriously, have you ever noticed that? It's so distracting - it's like having a conversation with someone whose eyes can't stop staring in the vicinity of the zit you're pretty sure you have developing on your cheek but which you thought you covered up but apparently you didn't and oh my God get to the bathroom right away and slap some makeup on that sucker).

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

And yet, ironically, the comparative directness of her gaze comes at the one time when looking HER in the eyes is almost impossible.

May 7, 2009

Fug02fug0

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Everything had been going so well! I literally just said to someone that Jessica Stroup here has been looking so cute lately. And I was correct. But apparently I jinxed her. (Sorry, Jessica. I've also stopped watching your show. I know. I didn't think I could quit a 90210 franchise either, but the episode where Shenae and Tristan Wilds -- who deserves better -- went on a road trip and spent the ENTIRE TIME singing the praises of Dr Pepper broke me. I actually turned it off in the middle of one of their conversations and deleted the season pass. Literally, said converstion was like, "I love Dr. Pepper. Because you know what? It is not a road trip without Dr. Pepper. Dr Pepper is SUPER refreshing. Which is what I need on this road trip we're on: refreshment in the form of a cold Dr. Pepper." While prominently waving around a can of it. CLICK.) Anyway, look at her now:

Oh, honey. No. You have lovely long legs. But not in this. In this, you look like you're about to fall over because those wee little stumps couldn't possibly hold up the rest of your body. And I do not think that's what you were going for. In fact, judging from the bow tie, Colonel Sanders of KFC has taken over sponsorship of 90210 and you're going to have to spend the next month talking about how much your character's angst has made you hungry for chicken, and at this event, you were simply going for a nice corporate tie-in. (No pun intended. Well, not entirely.) This is also not a good choice, by the way, but it doesn't REQUIRE you to look short. Just something to keep in mind.

May 7, 2009

Fuggy Bell

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Note to socialite Birdie Bell:

If you're actually going to wear this, you at least have to PRETEND to be excited about it.

May 7, 2009

The Curious Fug Of Benjamin Button

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God knows, I thought Taraji P Henson looked AWESOME throughout the past awards season, so she was due for a misstep eventually. And here it is:

Dude. You are hot. You were also the best thing about Benjamin Button, which I FINALLY saw (on a plane, of course, because I like to watch movies on the tiniest screen possible with the least amount of room for my limbs) and about which I have myriad complaints, all of which I recognize are about nine months too late to get into now (MYRIAD! Like, how is it possible that Brad Pitt was living in a world with no nosy neighbors who found his aging backwards curious? And how did Cate Blanchett explain to people that hey, now she has this random baby and guess what? It's getting younger! And why did he turn BACK into a baby at the end instead of staying man-sized but with a baby head? AND why didn't Cate's daughter seem to notice that her mom was gallivanting around a lot with some mysterious toddler she'd never seen before? AND....okay, I'll stop there. ALTHOUGH I HAVE MORE. Including: don't ever make me wade through seven hours of footage just to get to hot Brad Pitt ever again). Anyway, Taraji is very talented AND she's adorable, so she is probably one of the last people in Hollywood who need to cram themselves into what I suspect is actually a top to get attention. Size up, my friends! NO ONE ELSE WILL KNOW AND YOUR BOOBS WILL STAY IN.

May 7, 2009

NYFug.com: Zoe Saldana Dresses For Her Big Break

Confession: Some of the previews for the new Star Trek make it look like a new CW show (okay, with slightly better special effects) and not a blockbuster movie. But we're sure we'll end up seeing it at some point and it will make pots and pots of cash, so whatever. We're more interested in what people wear to the premieres, anyway, beginning with the fashion of one Zoe Saldana, heretofore famous for being the sassy smoking ballerina in Center Stage:

"We were curious to see how Saldana would handle the stress of dressing for multi-city press junkets at this make-or-break point in her career -- especially since, at her highest-profile event to date, the Vanity Fair Oscar party, she paired a limp camisole with a giant leopard-print skirt that we suspect was once Sharon Stone's shower curtain. Would she embrace her potential new status as a household name and face in an appropriately killer wardrobe, or would she show up looking like a starlet whose best days were playing second fiddle to Britney Spears in Crossroads?"

To find out how we think she did -- hint: the shoes play a big role -- check out the rest of the piece at NY Mag.com.

May 7, 2009

Just Fug

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So, I've been thinking.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And my conclusion is, despite whatever dumb salary dispute they're having, I'm pretty sure Chad Michael Murray CAN'T leave One Tree Hill, because where is he going to go? Who is clamoring for his services, exactly? How will that show work if Lucas can't squint with joy, or squint with pain, or squint while deep in thought, or squint in judgment, or squint in confusion, or squint with pride? And what other show, or indeed acting role of any kind, could accommodate that kind of deeply nuanced emotional range? Is he supposed to squint with concentration on CSI? Squint with lecherous evil on Gossip Girl? Squint with a popular kid's disdain at the Buy More nerds on Chuck? I guess he could squint at the Squints on Bones, but then would the universe fold in on itself?

I just thought I'd ask. This seemed like as good a time as any.

May 7, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Miranda Kerr

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Do you think Miranda Kerr got wrong the Met Ball theme this year?

[Photo: WENN.com]

Because I am thinking she accidentally heard "Model as Muse: Embodying Fashion" as, "Model, Use The Body As Fashion."

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

For real. This dress is made of tassels, skin, and ass cleavage. If she DIDN'T misinterpret things, then she might want to watch Silence of the Lambs to see what insanity and psychosis can befall people who decide that skin is just another form of fabric.

May 7, 2009

Fughanna

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Leave it to Rihanna to splash back onto this site in a big way. As if arriving at the Met Ball looking like a cater-waiter at a Dynasty garden party weren't dramatic enough, RiRi then hit the shops in this:

[Photo: Splash News]

I treasure how much it looks like the people on the street are giggling at this, like they can't figure out why THEY are all in coats or clothes with some level of insulation and yet Rihanna is wearing a naked corset. Maybe the heat from her boobs' collective fury at being tamped down in this manner is keeping her warm. But my question is, how do you know if what you're trying on is going to look good out in the real world? Does she have to unhook that thing any time she wants to test out a dress? Does she gauge the merits of a pair of pants based on whether they work when she wears them with one of Scarlett O'Hara's old undergarments? To me, a girl who loves to shop but sometimes is deterred from trying stuff on based on how annoying it will be to undo my existing outfit, it's about as practical as wearing a snap-crotch bodysuit to a frat party.

But far be it from me to comprehend the mysteries of Rihanna's mind. Check out what else she wore recently:

Continue reading Fughanna.

May 7, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Bosworth

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BRUCE WILLIS: Hey HEY, check it OUT. Mmm. Tasty. YES. That Bosworth kid looks like an Old Hollywood movie star. Okay, so it's not as uncomfortably exciting as that time Demi wore bike shorts with a cape, but I'm fragile. I can't live through that kind of experience again. And Kate looks classy, even if it's not all that original. I mean, I don't even LIKE lace that much and she's kind of making me want to eat her whole. Yeah, that's right, I'd like to break off a piece of that and then dive hard into a fancy dipping sauce. Heh-heh. "Dive hard." See what I did there? I slay me. I hate it when I make a joke no one can hear. Maybe I should tell my wife.

BRUCE: Wait. On second thought, Emma doesn't need to know what I'm thinking. Maybe I'll just keep watching Bosworth over there and try to figure out for myself how she's making something as tired as lace-with-black-piping look alluring. Although it could be because she's standing next to a dude in a blue suit and blue-suede shoes. THAT dude is insane. I bet Demi would have made me wear that when we were married. I should probably text Ashton.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Holy Cats, The Met Ball Was A Font of Fuggery

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housekeeping

Just another notice to say that the Met Ball yielded SO much content -- praise be -- that we are updating often enough to keep bumping more and more entries off the home page. Ergo, don't forget to use the handy-dandy numbers at the bottom of the home page to leaf backwards and make sure you're not missing anything -- be it Met Ball related, or other stuff we sprinkled in between.

We realize 99.9 percent of you know this. But just in case, we don't want anyone to miss out on all the rampant nuttiness. And for the uninitiated -- like, say, if you are someone's grandmother, and you just found a laptop sitting around with this page loaded -- the aforementioned numbers look like this at the bottom of the last post on the page, but larger:

They just want to be loved by you. Plus, they'll come in handy on all the OTHER days when people leave the house en masse looking crazy, because -- material permitting, naturally -- we'd like to update more often and it's our Mid-2009 Resolution to find a way to do so. So go forth and enjoy.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball And Other Carpets: Well Played and Better Played, Liv Tyler

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I would just like to take a moment to give Liv Tyler a hand. I think she's been looking great. To wit:

I feel like this is particularly flattering on her. It's very retro, and she has kind of a retro aura to me, although I might just think that because I really love That Thing You Do! and she's so cute in it. Maybe if I were super into Lord of the Rings I would be musing that I didn't think this was sufficiently elfin, or if I were the world's biggest fan of Dr T and the Women, I would complain that is was not....gynecological enough? I don't know, as I never saw that movie and thus only know that it's an Altman flick in which Richard Gere is an OBGYN...with lady problems of his own! Zing!

Anyway. She looks nice, no? And she's two-for-two because I liked what she wore to the Times 100 Whatever Whatever last night, as well:

Continue reading Met Ball And Other Carpets: Well Played and Better Played, Liv Tyler.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Victoria Beckham

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The fact that our girl Posh was not even close to being the weirdest-dressed Met Ball attendee almost makes me wonder if we're in some kind of alternate universe, where up is down, down is up, high-waisted pants are universally flattering, and Intern George has a blemish.

But she's still the leggy, over-tanned exhibitionist we know and love. Or hate, or just can't be bothered to feel ANYTHING about except a mild urge to pack her back to a life of obscurity. As for how I feel about THIS, I don't know. It has all the Posh hallmarks: huge shoes that don't look especially comfortable (is she en pointe in those things?), a tiny skirt that jettisons her thigh muscles from the unbearable prison of fabric, and an eruption of attempted drama. The minidress kind of reminds me of an old-school swimsuit -- the type of thing we'd call a Bathing Costume, with the merest hint of a snooty accent to remind us that it's from Olden Times. The cape? Maybe a matching cover-up.

But I don't know if it's interesting enough to scream either fug OR fab, yet it's also not dullsville, because it's Posh, and she IS strutting around like a polka-dotted peacock. And when you factor in my general feelings of affection for Her Campiness, it's probably best to let you guys be the voice of judgment.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Shalom Harlow

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I am so pleased Shalom Harlow wore this, because it almost broke my brain in the most gleeful way.

It reminds me a bit of when I was little, and I'd want to play a game in which I was a princess and/or some sort of bride (but not The Princess Bride, because that came out later), so I'd grab the comforter off my bed and wrap it around myself and parade around my bedroom while wondering if I could still reasonably sing songs from Annie if I were dressed as royalty.

And of COURSE Shalom is wearing footless tights underneath all that fabric -- God forbid she show any ANKLE. It's just so much. SO MUCH. Is she secretly pregnant everywhere but her hands, the arch of her foot, and her neck? Did she maybe get a really hideous tattoo recently while inebriated, and is refusing to expose any inch of herself until she's gone through the lengthy and agonizing removal process? Is she going to throw off the outerwear and perform a solo from Cats to show off that her new anti-perspirant totally passed the sweat-stain test? WHAT ARE YOU HIDING, SHALOM?

May 6, 2009

Fuglla McCartney

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Stella McCartney is a confusing creature.

This is groovy on her. Love the shoes, love the wrap, and I even don't mind the pockets. Even with her hands jammed into them, they don't really distort the line of the outfit, which is flattering and an interesting use of balancing the intricate lace pattern with other cool accessories. In essence, it's the type of thing that makes me feel like I could walk into her store on Robertson and -- assuming I'm not tossed out because the purse I'm using right now is totally from Target and I only own Louboutins that have come from eBay -- not weep at the vision of everything being sold there.

However, then Stella goes and takes basically the same lace fabric and does this with it:

Continue reading Fuglla McCartney.

May 6, 2009

Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson

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Ooooh, so close.

These pants are doing us all the great service of illustrating how easily an unflattering cut can add like ten pounds to your body, even if you are in like crazy great celebrity shape obtained only through the magical combination of three hour work-outs and magical genes. I'm not quite sure what happened here, but, first of all, I think Kate's pants are a little too short. Add that to the shiny white fabric, the cut of the leg, and the place on her body where that boxy blazer hits, and somehow she looks like she gained whole bunch of weight overnight -- which I think is unlikely, although I have felt that way myself after a particularly vigorous go at the hot wings and beer. (Sometimes, the only thing that can save a rough week is some wings, you know?) I am not sure how I would fix this, other than not wearing the jacket and the pants together EVER EVER again. Because I feel like the jacket could be cute with a skirt that shows some leg, and the pants might be okay with a different shoe and a more body conscious top. OR -- here's a great idea -- maybe she should just wear this again:

Continue reading Fug AND Fab: Kate Hudson.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Beckinsale

Fug file:

go big or go home

I will say this about Kate Beckinsale: Even if it's not actually true, it feels like she shows up to everything -- no matter what level of formality it is -- in a strapless satin dress that's usually accompanied by an elaborately Prom-esque updo, so I'm pleased she went more over-the-top for the Met Ball.

In some senses, I really like this, because I totally understand why a girl might want to wear a giant skirt and train to a huge event: Where else in your life can you do it? It's not like you can wear it to the supermarket, or to yoga, or to pick up your kid at school -- well, unless you want all the other parents to conspire to lock you in the trunk of a very small vehicle with shitty suspension and take you for a quick ride around town.

But I can't decide how I feel about this PARTICULAR elaborately beskirted dress. The colors are interesting, but the top part does feel a bit like a lazily bedazzled tank, which is slowly being devoured by a sea creature from the treacherous deep. And it's also unfortunately VERY challenging to wear a dress in this vein without being compared to the benchmark of giant-traindom, Penelope Cruz's 2007 Versace from the Oscars:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Kate Beckinsale.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova

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Well, I love Paulina Porizkova, and I think however she's doing her aging has been a magnificent choice for her. I also wish she and Janice Dickinson had gotten the chance to be on the same ANTM judging panel. Neither of them mince their words but it'd give us so many genius squabbles because while Paulina's critiques can be stern, Janice is Janice, and YES.

However:

She looks like the hottest woman in the Polyphonic Spree, whose day job is at an Orange Julius stand and who brushes her hair about 400 times a day.

And for those of you who craved a Mischa/Paulina comparison a week or so ago, let's go ahead and stick 'em side by side:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug Carpet: Paulina Porizkova.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Bee Shaffer

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Bee Shaffer seems like a very lovely and low-key young woman despite her famous parent, which is why I think this dress is a shame:

For one thing -- despite the pretty color -- this gown looks like one of those old Victoria's Secret Second-Skin Satin bras sewn to a corset and lazily finished with ribbon and a see-through train.

For another, it's a tad reminiscent of this Emmy Rossum dress. They're not by the same designer, and I'm not alleging anything; merely suggesting that when you are the daughter of Anna Wintour, fashion's most powerful woman, you probably deserve an outfit for the Met Ball that doesn't remind people of something totally meh that a New York-based starlet wore two months ago -- not to mention that you deserve something that doesn't look like undergarments wrapped in tissue. And if you're too nice to storm around throwing a diva strop and screaming, "Don't you know who I AM?!?!?" in an incredulous voice until someone coughs up a better option... well, technically, you're to be applauded, because it means you're really cool and level-headed. But maybe Bee could've delegated that hissy to her mother. I'm sure A-Dubs would've had a LOT of fun with it.

poll by twiigs.com

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway

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purple

This picture ALSO makes me laugh:

She's all like, "Yeah. I know. It's short. Take the picture, bub." I also love the woman in jeans in the background -- clearly a photographer or something -- who is just sort of slack-jawed by what she's seeing. I like to imagine that she's staring at Madonna right now. Although, in fairness, when I saw what Madonna was wearing, I looked more like this:

Wait, that's wrong. I was NOT asking anyone how to talk to an angel. It was more like this:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Helena Christensen

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So many things about this photo depress me.

1) That Helena Christensen, famed supermodel and -- thanks to Chris Isaak and that "Wicked Game" video -- once the hottest thing to frolic in the sand since Bo Derek, felt the need to show up to an event hosted by Anna Wintour in a dress that clumsily spells the name of her magazine, as if Helena is begging for a pat on the back from her master;

2) That Zac Posen, who allegedly designed the dress, felt the need to design a dress for an event hosted by Anna Wintour that clumsily spells the name of her magazine, as if Zac is begging for a pat on the back from his master;

3) That no one has yet written the ice dance, ballet, or pep dance-team routine that depicts the rise of A-Dubs and her various conquests along the way -- -- which is, as we noted yesterday for NY Mag, the ONLY appropriate context for this outfit -- and which includes a tender pas-de-deux between Anna and the dude playing Andre Leon Talley, who would wear a cape, moccasins, and a beret glued to his head;

4) That Zac didn't accidentally misspell Vogue, because that would have been hilarious. And a fitting punishment, methinks.

May 6, 2009

Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Ashley Olsen

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This photo totally cracks me up:

Ashley Olsen's bf, Justin Bartha: Book of Secrets, is totally checking out her ass. And I think he likes what he sees:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug or Fab Carpet: Ashley Olsen.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Housekeeping Carpet

Just a quick note that, because we updated a lot today, some of the Met Ball entries have fallen off the front page. Make sure to click to the next page to see them all! Coverage will also continue tomorrow. I love it when people actually leave the house.

Thanks!

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Kirsten Dunst

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As I noted in the piece we wrote for NY Mag.com about this evening, when I saw this picture in thumbnail form, I actually squealed with joy because I thought Helen Mirren was in the house.

Once I enlarged said photo, the following IMs were exchanged:

JESSICA: KIKI NO NO NO KIKI NO

HEATHER: OH KIKI. NO.

JESSICA: OH KIKI

We rarely communicate in all caps -- okay, that's a lie. We often communicate in all caps, especially on nights like the Oscars or the Met Ball, and frankly, we're just trying to be more like Kanye West as it is. But in this case, I feel like the caps were really WARRANTED. I am SO happy that Kirsten Dunst is out and about again. She pleases me in many ways and I hope she gets a job soon so I can read about her career renaissance in one of my many glossy magazines. I also hope that said renaissance comes with a stylist who will find her a series of gowns that don't make her look like a 70 year old woman. A HOT 70 year old woman, but still. Kiki. Come on. What are you doing? Why so saggy? Why so fringed? Why so saggy and fringed? Why are you always wearing something that looks somewhat like something from the Barbara Mandrell show, thus leading me to believe that you're about to burst into a country western song from the early 80s? Why why why why why?

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Rachel Weisz

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Seriously, every time I looked at this photo, I gasped. And I looked at it A LOT:

Sweet fancy bananas, she looks bad. The dress is bad, the makeup is bad, the hair is bad, the styling is bad -- seriously, a choker? Are you Kelly Taylor in 1994? -- the whole thing is just WRETCHED. She looks like she's in costume for a period piece in which she plays a beautiful debutante (the daughter, obviously, of some kind of nefarious robber baron) who is slowly dying of some terrible mysterious wasting disease and she just finished filming the scene where she collapses at the ball, right into the arms of the hunky but dissolute rake she loves. But of course they can never be together because he's under the angsty impression that he will never be good enough for her. Obviously, her pure and steadfast love will make him into a better man, but only after she dies, which looks like it's about ten minutes away from happening. Now, I sort of want to see the movie. But no one needs to reenact it in real life, you know? Wasting diseases are seriously unflattering.

May 5, 2009

NY Fug.com: Crazy Comes Out to Play at the Met Gala

In addition to our on-going Met Gala coverage here today, we also wrote a piece about the craziest looks of the night for NY Mag.com:

"When André Leon Talley shows up in a poncho-cape and it still isn't weird enough to make our list of the top standout ensembles, you know you've thrown an awesome party. And so, with love, we've dished out commendations to our twelve favorite head-scratchers of the night. After all, this kind of high drama tinged with camp -- intentionally or otherwise -- renews our faith in the enduring nuttiness of celebrity attention whores, makes us want to do this job forever, and ultimately deserves a pat on the back."

See who made the grade -- and weigh in on your own favorite So Crazy It's Awesome looks right here.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Molly Sims

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I have to think that some of the Met Ball attendees misunderstood the "Models As Muse" theme and thought it was, "Models AMUSE."

Because former model Molly Sims is cracking me up here. She looks like she's wearing Blake Carrington's living room sofa. Bless.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Blake Lively

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Could someone please explain to me WHAT is going on with Blake Lively lately?

From the neck up, of course, she looks amazing, because she is very beautiful. From the neck down she looks, as Heather said to me yesterday, like an East German ice dancer attending a Communist spectacular in the late 70s. No offense to Communists. But hootchier. This dress is also, by the way, backless. Blake Lively, I don't know why no one else has told you this, but I will: you don't need a backless, cleav-tacular, one-sleeved dress with a giant slit up the side to look alluring. You are alluring enough to begin with and now you just look CHEESY. Like, the giant slit on the same side of the dress as your one sleeve? Really? REALLY? You're not on Dancing With the Stars, and you don't need to be. This disaster plus the Nina Ricci custom-made satin sausage you wore to the Oscars has me, frankly, concerned for you. Why are you so tacky all of a sudden? What is happening with you? WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE HELP YOU?

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Emma Roberts

Fug file:

red

I want to find this cute and youthful. I do.

But it looks like it was fused together from melted-down Mini Babybel wax covers, and now all I want is some cheese.

poll by twiigs.com

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Hilary Swank

Fug file:

BORING,
orange

You know how America's Next Top Model has done a lot of group photos recently? Like, where they make an overly complicated setup and then tell the model that in order to have a successful photo, she has to draw everyone's attention to her and away from all the extras? I think Hilary Swank would've failed that challenge.

I want to know if that's actual top model Coco Rocha in the gold dress, and whether it's really made of scales. I want to know more about the girl in the hot-pink-heeled shoes and white dress with bodice decorations that look like recycled candy wrappers. I even want to see the front of the purple dress on the girl standing to Hilary's left. ALL of that is more interesting to me than La Swank and her miserable orange outfit. The bodice makes her boobs look depressed, and the rest of it seems all caught up in itself and messy and as if she's so rife with static cling that she could walk up and touch a lamppost and the ensuing electric spark would light up the whole of New York for two hours. And yet... it also manages to be boring. Quite an achievement, Hilary. But maybe I sold her short -- I mean, the fact that I devoted this many sentences to her just proves she DOES somewhat stand out in the crowd, if perhaps not in the way she intended.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Fabiola Beracasa

Fug file:

This woman is on a roll. I'm not sure I've typed her name in five years as often as I have in recent weeks, and it's because of gems like this:

It's like a very badly blurred still from a soft-core movie about a grieving librarian from Olden Times, who takes solace in the Dewey Decimal System and the man who built the card catalog. With predictably sexy results.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Lake Bell and Rihanna

Fug file:

suits,
WTF

Riddle me this: On a night when the theme was models-as-muses, why did Lake Bell show up looking like Charlie Chaplin?

Our pet theory is that she wanted to get attention. Because she's Lake Bell, and outside of the blogging world, I don't think anyone cares who she is.

But if you listen very closely, you might hear an ungodly shrieking sound carrying on the wind. That noise is coming from Lake Bell's soul, anguished because it just checked in her purse and it turns out all of Lake's thunder got pick-pocketed by Rihanna:

Continue reading Met Ball Fug Carpet: Lake Bell and Rihanna.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Jessica Biel

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JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: Love the dress, Jessie baby.

JESSICA BIEL: I also love my dress. Thank God we started dating. I get way better party invitations now.

JT: I just have one question. When you walk away from me, is your tan going to leave a mark on my jacket?

JESSICA: Ha ha, you're so funny.

JT: I am, it's true. But that has nothing to do with the problem here. Why are you that color?

JESSICA: Why are you asking me this NOW?

JT: Are you bringing it on down to Orangeville?

JESSICA: Excuse me?

JUSTIN: I am like three seconds away from singing "Tanning it up... with The Barry Gibb Tan Show."

JESSICA: Oh, cute, you're going through your Saturday Night Live greatest hits. Next I suppose you're going to suggest I cut a hole in a box and put my junk self-tanner in the box, and then let you open the box.

JT: That's ridiculous. Why would I say that?

JESSICA: Whatever, Milhouse. I am so breaking your glasses later.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Madonna

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Picture Carrie Bradshaw. Now picture her having fallen on hard times, reduced to starting a burlesque show in her apartment to make ends meet while Big weeps over his crippled stock portfolio. Then add absinthe and stir. Voila! You have Madonna:

I would love to have seen Guy Ritchie's face today when he picked up his morning paper and saw the spread on the Met Ball, likely led off with a large color photo of his ex-wife wearing that. He'd either be horrified, deeply gratified that he may have been what cleaved Madge to her last remaining strands of sanity, or laughing too hard to have any opinion other than wondering where you can possibly go in choosing a burlesque pseudonym once your ACTUAL name is already Madonna. First Sunday School teacher plus name of your local supermarket? Grandmother's name plus anagram of your second husband's surname?

Oh, come on, Madonna, don't walk away now. We were just staring to have some fun. I hadn't even gotten to the part where I'm almost HOPING the taffeta Louis Vuitton tutu is actually bloomers, for fear that you will flash the, er, crack in your armor at every last party guest. Oh well. Another time.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Leighton Meester

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Possibly the best thing that happened to me yesterday was the beginning of the Metropolitan Museum of Art's annual costume ball, because I have never seen a more glorious combination of high fashion and head injuries. It was magnificent. About every ten seconds, Jessica and I would fire another IM to each other that said some close variation of the following: "OH MY GOD, [Insert Celebrity Name Here]. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

We burned many an ellipsis on Leighton Meester here, and used block letters to the point where we should've just hit Caps Lock to keep from scratching the word "Shift" off of that key.

WHAT. IS. THIS? Were it MERELY the dress part, I could perhaps overlook the overall color palette evoking the disaster that ensues when children mix their watercolors. But no. It's not just the dress. It's the red metallic leggings with paisley lace creeping down them like a rare and woeful skin disease, all of which contribute to Leighton looking like she's wearing a matador's living-room wallpaper. Not to mention the twee shoes with ankle bows, and the kind of hair you'd see on a kid making her first communion. Precisely what Leighton is communing with here -- other than possibly a large vat of Elmer's Glue emitting potent brain-scrambling fumes -- I cannot say. So kids, take a lesson: Friends don't let friends drink and dress. And now if you'll excuse me, I need a lot of Excedrin.

May 4, 2009

Rumer Fuggis

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As you all know, we used to find Rumer Willis really frustrating, as one of the primary examples of celebuspawn who often act they're entitled to their own slice of the fame pie just because they are genetically tied to people we HAVE embraced. But you probably also know -- and if not, well, I'm mentioning it now -- that we can't help feeling some sympathy for the kid, too, because Demi Moore is her mother. And Demi Moore, whether with constant help or just a little here and there or just a lot of sex with her young stallion husband, appears to get hotter every time she leaves the house. So what went from annoyance at Rumer trying to bait the paps into photographing her at Kitson kind of morphed into us rooting for the kid, as she got parts in The House Bunny and tried to make it work as an actual actress who receives paychecks and might get her face on DVD packaging someday.

So let's start off with some pros: Rumer is figuring out something nice to do with her hair. And she's not wearing a dress that's hell-bent on dropping off or drooping to the side and exposing her braless boobs. These are all major advances.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

But her nice tailored suit jacket would've looked SO MUCH BETTER with something other than high-waisted hot pants that sag at the crotch, creating either the world's saddest and least manly polterwang, or the illusion that her pelvis is smirking.

May 4, 2009

Logie's Fug Carpet Omnibus

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So, this weekend, the Logies were held in Australia. If I understand it correctly, the Logies are sort of like if the Emmys had a baby with the People's Choice Awards: they're all TV-based, and the public votes, but it seems more prestigious than the People's Choice Awards? I'm sure if I'm wrong, one of our lovely Aussie readers will set me straight. Many of those readers, in fact, emailed us to make sure we took a look at the red carpet from the Logies and...yes. You were correct that we needed to do that.

With no further ado:

Oh, Carson. You are magical. Never change. Someone who ought to have changed, though, is this young lady:

Continue reading Logie's Fug Carpet Omnibus.

May 4, 2009

Piper Fugabo

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I just did a quick search on all our posts about Piper Perabo, and discovered that two of them entreat her to stop looking so crabby, one of them references the fact that she usually looks crabby, and one of them suggests she looks like she's about to vomit all over herself.

There is a theme there. So whip out your hands and put them together for Piper today, who has proven to be a model of consistency:

It's possible Piper is the happiest person alive, and is just a way better actress than I thought. But she sure comes off like someone who hates being seen -- which I can understand, given the weird satin flap on her shirt and a green skirt that photographs as if it is made of a pleated plastic tarp. But again, it all begs the question: If she's so displeased, why is she wearing any of it?

Piper, my suggestion is, if you're happy and you know it, burn that skirt. Or, if you're happy and you know it, trash that shirt. If you're happy and you know it and you'd like your face to show it, give your misery-inducing wardrobe to the poor and get a stylist whose last name rhymes with "skirt" and "shirt" so that I can complete this rhyme. Thanks.

May 4, 2009

Fug Housewives of New York

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Well, since Kelly Bensimmon's Real Housewives of New York rival, Bethenny Frankel, got it earlier today, I thought it was only fair to spread the love around a bit. (Speaking of which, I wish those two would just make out and get it over with. CAN'T THEY SEE THEY'RE IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER?!) Behold Kelly at her own birthday party:

Um. Wow. Thanks for making an effort? I feel like UGGs in 2009 on the red carpet at your own press-covered birthday party is like the shoe version of screaming, "I COULD NOT CARE LESS ABOUT THIS EVENT" in all of your guests' faces, slapping them, and then setting the venue on fire. Add in the mega-distressed jeans -- I know they're au courant, but surely not for evening, with UGGs or UGGs-esque slipper thingies, and a poncho that looks like it was attacked by a deranged flock of rabid sea gulls -- and she might as well have rolled to this event in her bathrobe.

May 4, 2009

Fugke Shields

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Look, Brooke Shields, I really like you. And it seems like your children are adorable.

But maybe -- MAYBE -- you shouldn't let them dress you, because that's when you end up looking like a life-size Barbie who is about to show up at Ken's wedding to another woman right in the middle of the ceremony, making everyone turn around and gasp and wonder why you're wearing white TOO, and why you look like a reverse Smurf, and whether you're going to yell that you object or just sit there crossing and uncrossing your legs while Ken stammers through his vows.

She also went a little nuts at a Derby party:

Continue reading Fugke Shields.

May 4, 2009

The Fug Hatters

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This weekend, my visiting sister and I spent some time hanging around various places in L.A. and doing what we call Hat Watching -- which is to say, people-watching with a particular zoom on rampant asshats. You can imagine this is fairly specHATular in Los Angeles, although frankly, it's a meal pretty much anywhere in the world.

But today, thanks to the Kentucky Derby -- and its proud tradition of encouraging people to wear awesomely crazy things in the name of tradition, a la Royal Ascot and other big horse-racing events -- we get to do some Hat Watching that involves actual HATS. The wackier, the better. It's hard to judge people's headgear when they're EXPECTED to go nuts, but giggling at it is all part of the experience, which I remember from going to Royal Ascot and being too young to wear a spectacular accessory of my own but fully appreciating all the drunk people staggering around in king-sized hats full of wackitude.

So, let's get to some hats. Which anagrams to "shat," which has nothing to do with anything really, except that it would've been a perfect segue if somebody had worn millinery that looked like a creature had relieved itself messily on his/her (most likely her) hair. The first time I looked at Lynn Whitfield here, I flashed back to the last time I was in the gift-wrap aisle at Target, looking for the biggest and most obnoxious ribbon I could find to adorn the tiniest Christmas present I had to give.

But I suppose I could also argue that a Fraggle emptied its bowels onto her coif.

As for what happened to Niecy Nash here, I do not know:

Continue reading The Fug Hatters.

May 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Hudson; Well-Played, Demi Moore

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dialogue

[Photo: Splash News]

DEMI MOORE: Hahahahahaha!

KATE HUDSON: Hahahahahah...wait, what are we laughing at?

DEMI: Oh, NOTHING!

KATE: Really? You seem so MERRY.

DEMI: Well, yes. I can't help it. I am INSANELY HOT and appear to only get HOTTER as the years tick by. Wouldn't YOU be happy too? Especially if you knew that there was simply no argument as to your hotness?

KATE: Is there argument as to my hotness?

DEMI: Maybe not your hotness...but certainly your dress.

poll by twiigs.com

May 1, 2009

Winona Ryfug

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Well well well, if it isn't Wino Forever, whom I will always refer to as such because she's the cause of my very favorite tattoo-repair job.

I love this picture. Wino seems so confused and startled, almost like she's standing on the fan side of the velvet rope along with all the other plebes, hoping to get a glimpse of whether Chris "Captain Kirk" Pine's eyes are as pretty as they look on TV, or to scream at J.J. Abrams for some Lost spoilers.

Oh, Wino. I miss you, a bit. Thinking back to the big stars of my formative years, I don't think I'd have called it in a million years that Molly Ringwald would be the one with the regular paying job right now, and Wino would be standing at the Ster Trek premiere looking sheepish and as if she's not quite sure whether she's on the list -- despite the fact that she is IN THE MOVIE. Not to mention that she's wearing a dress that, while not awful, makes me think of something her Beetlejuice character might've worn to elope in Las Vegas. I've decided it's high time the movie world brought back Wino for bigger stuff than just sci-fi stunt-casting (she plays Spock's mother) and independent flicks. Or at the very least, stick her in something with Johnny Depp, just so we can all ooooh and aaaah over the potential awkwardness of seeing them together on the press tour all the time. Pretty please?

poll by twiigs.com

May 1, 2009

What a Fug Wants

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BORING,
pink

"Hey guys!

Guess what? I'm totally predictable now!"

May 1, 2009

Erin Fuggerston

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Everybody is all stressed out about the swine flu.

But nobody seems to be talking about the medical dangers of the deadly Saturday Night Fever.

May 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway

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** Whoops, when this first published, the poll didn't show up properly -- but it's there now, so vote away!

You know, as much as there's still a lot of residual sympathy for Anne Hathaway's crappy summer breakup with the extortionist, I have to say, there are worse ways for her to dry her tears than on the piles of expensive clothes people are throwing at her now (which I know has to do with her career and not her sadness, but still, VERY fortuitous timing there). Seriously, she could get her calls returned by any major designer she wanted -- assuming she even had to bother picking up the phone in the first place. That's a pretty good piece of karmic payback for having the bad luck to be in love with a dude who allegedly uses the Vatican's name to rip off his marks. (Seriously, did it REALLY need to be said, "Hey, don't tangle with the Pope"? Did it? Are you SURE, jackhole?)

Anyway: Sometimes the knowledge that she's essentially A-plus-list at this point makes me judge Anne's clothes a little more harshly -- since I would be shocked if she ever only had one option for a given event, it's a lot more interesting to me to see what she picks, and I spend a lot more time scratching my chin and trying to decide what I think while also concentrating REALLY HARD on not furrowing my brow in the usual spot above my nose lest it become so deep I could stash a Twinkie in there.

This is one such outfit.

In theory: Cute, I think. Obviously she's had a little trouble keeping the skirt from riding up when she walks. The hair, makeup, and accessories are spot-on with a dress that's got so much happening around the shoulders, and the fact that there IS detail around her shoulders to keep it from just being a tiny blue strapless number is great. But I'm not sure how I feel about the exact Something that's there.

Let's go in for a closer look at it:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway.

May 1, 2009

Fug of a Teenage Drama Queen

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look into pants

Oh, Lindsay.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

When I repeatedly IMPLORED you to leave the leggings by the wayside, I meant that you should THEN PUT SOMETHING ELSE ON THE LOWER HALF OF YOUR BODY. Not that you ought to run all over the place in what are, for all intents and purposes, basically undies. I know you are in Hawaii. But Hawaii is not an alien planet where all the rules of polite society can be safely ignored. In fact, it actually is part of the United States of America. And, like the rest of Earth, it is peopled with human beings, the majority of whom are not visually impaired. You are in the parking lot of a mini-mall. You are not on the beach, at the pool, in your hotel room or your backyard or your own balcony. Those are the ONLY PLACES that we, as a society, have agreed that it is okay not to wear bottoms. You are not trotting across resort property to grab a daiquiri and a club sandwich. You are in a public place. I guess Dina never taught you this, but when you go to the Ritz Camera for a new memory card, you NEED TO WEAR PANTS. Or shorts. Or a sarong. OR SOMETHING. WE EARTHLINGS HAVE SEEN ENOUGH OF YOUR INNER THIGHS. PLEASE RELEASE US FROM THIS NEVER-ENDING CYCLE OF PANTLESSNESS.

May 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Uma Thurman

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Uma Uma Uma Uma.

[Photo: WENN.com]

You are, of course, a timeless beauty and this dress is theoretically lovely. But do I, or do I not want to come over and yank it up just about an inch and a half? Do I, or do I not want to revamp your accessories? Do I, or do I not want to ask you if maybe -- should I choose not to hoist your dress up a wee bit -- you might want to put on a bra? Do I? Or do I not?

poll by twiigs.com