June 2009 Archives

June 30, 2009

My Big Fat Fug Wedding

Fug file:

So...this didn't go that well, did it?

Oh, NIA. You're cute as the proverbial button and, according to what I read in People, things are going awesome for you: new movie, happy family, etc etc. So why on earth are you out and about in what appears to be a velour nightgown layered over a black Second Skin Satin bra? This is not what you wear to a premiere! This is what you wear when you're standing in your kitchen in your nightgown making coffee and you realize that you need to move your car for street-cleaning, but the fools across the street are always hanging out on their lawn screwing around and you can't go out there without a bra on because they will be all eyeballing you and it will be awkward when all you want to do is just to move your damn car. You throw on a bra under your nightgown and run outside and move the car and then you come back inside the house. You don't throw on a bra under your nightgown and run outside and move the car....to Beverly Hills for a movie screening. Honey. Come on. You can do better.

June 30, 2009

Joanna Fugpa

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While I was waiting for Better Off Ted to start a week or so ago, I got stuck -- okay, sucked into -- watching the last half-hour of some terrible competition show on ABC called The Superstars, in which athletes are paired with celebrities (or "celebrities," ahem, Dan Cortese And Your Overwhelmingly Freshly-Ironed-Looking Face) and then compete in teams at a bunch of physical challenges resembling decathlon events. And for no apparent charitable purpose. Anyway, they stuck model Joanna Krupa -- you might remember her from such sensitive photojournalism as that in Maxim, FHM, or Teeze magazines -- with pro-football player and semi-professional douchediva Terrell Owens. And she got so sore at him for their losing effort that she cursed a blue streak in his face and refused to shake his hand. As I said to my husband, if you can make Terrell Owens look like a good sport who's being wronged, then you are either a) the biggest jackhole on Planet Asshead, or b) on Tony Romo's payroll, because he just wanted to sit at home and giggle while someone stomped around screaming in his ex-receiver's face.

Still, her fairly idiotic appearance on that show made seeing her in this outfit all the more satisfying for me.

That's not a shirt, that's a costume from Nancy Kerrigan And Friends' Salute To America's Most Depressing Bathroom Wallpaper. And if it's not, then I sure hope she KNOWS she's lactating lace flowers. That's an embarrassing thing to find out when you're already out of the house.

June 30, 2009

Fugloe Fugvigny

Fug file:

I am experiencing some serious fugja-vu here, courtesy of Chloe Sevigny:

Aside from still having legs and a shoe closet to die for, Chloe apparently also has this ensemble in more than one shade of bland. Because you never know when you'll need TWO blazers with scalloped skirts that always catch in your crotch and either make people wonder if they're culottes or create unfortunate wrinkles that point right up your fun zone. I mean, it only makes sense: It's CLEARLY blasphemy to wear the ecru at night, so of course you'd keep one in your closet that's a more thrilling beige hue, or perhaps a daring latte-tinged flavor of khaki -- you know, a tan that really brings your new blood-orange colored lipstick and the kaleidoscope of sequins you've sewn to an old ballet leotard. I'm so pleased Chloe understands these kinds of nuances.

June 30, 2009

Well Played, Mischa Barton

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MOHAMED AL-FAYED: Thank you for opening the Harrods summer sale for us, Mischa.

MISCHA BARTON: You're welcome! Thanks for validating my continued existence as a celebrity.

MOHAMED: No problem. You look nice today.

MISCHA: Thanks! I clean up okay, still, right?

MOHAMED: Sure. Although....there's something missing.

MISCHA: There is? What?

Continue reading Well Played, Mischa Barton.

June 30, 2009

Sol-Angel and the Fugly St. Dreams

Fug file:

I understand that Solange here was performing at San Francisco's gay-pride parade -- the symbolism of the rainbow colors isn't lost on me:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

But did it HAVE to go here? Did she HAVE to treat this event like she's the lone athlete representing Fugdavia at the Olympics? It looks like she's singing the country's national anthem -- "Let's Get Fugical," featuring the memorable lyrics, "Let's get fugical, fugical... I wanna get fugical... 'cause polterwang is lovable" -- before launching herself down a luge track. Who knows, maybe she'll surprise us all and do that in Vancouver in 2010. Now THERE'S a way to upstage her sister.

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug Carpet: Melody Thornton

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Dear Melody "Pussycat Doll" Thornton:

OMG.

WTF?

NO.

You have scarred me into only speaking in monosyllabic words and common acronyms. This...is not.... It needs.... There ought to be.... MORE. MORE OF SOMETHING. MORE OF EVERYTHING.

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug: Beyonce

Fug file:

I don't know about you.

But I just found my wedding dress. I spent my girlhood dreaming of a gown that would marry -- so to speak -- the aesthetics of Barbie with the "November Rain" video, and HERE IT IS. Now I just need to find an awesome dude wearing a top hat with his hair over his face to act as best man and track down Axl Rose and we're SET.

June 29, 2009

Who Fugged It Better (Or Worse): Megan Fox

Fug file:

polls

Okay, so I'm REALLY not sure the problem with this outfit was the length of Emily Deschanel's pants.

Ergo, I'm not sure why Megan Fox thought she could fix it all with a pair of tight-calved, loose-kneed capri pants that look like some slacks on a TGI Friday's server ran off and copulated with a pair of leggings. Great shoes, and I get the leather, but no pants in the world can change the fact that her torso is looking at me like I'm sitting on the rotting, well-aged carcass of a wildebeest.

Or am I being too harsh? Did one of these ladies secretly get it right?

poll by twiigs.com

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug or Fab: Alicia Keys

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Okay, first and foremost -- because I believe in the power of positive reinforcement -- I just have to say that I love when Alicia wears her hair the way she did last night at the BET Awards. I think she's very pretty to begin with, obviously, but there's something about this look that is really flattering. And I liked what she wore on the red carpet:

She looks leggy and summery and I love the color. But speaking of leggy, shall we take a looksee at what she wore inside?

Continue reading BET Awards Fug or Fab: Alicia Keys.

June 29, 2009

Tales of a Teen Age Fug Queen

Fug file:

look into pants

So, this weekend was Lindsay Lohan's 23rd birthday.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Happy birthday, Lindsay! I bought you a present! Guess what I got you!?

Continue reading Tales of a Teen Age Fug Queen.

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug Carpet: Omarosa

Fug file:

pink

I feel like things with Omarosa have been quiet. TOO quiet. She's got to be up to something, right?

Judging by this, it's a reality project entitled Glinda The Good Bitch, where she runs around Oz in various twee, bubblegum-hued prom dresses, committing random acts of rudeness on behalf of others -- all to prove there is profound social merit in acting like an imperious jerk with a royalty complex. Come to think of it, that would make a great companion piece to Paris Hilton's Neverending Search For A New Temporary BFF Who Isn't Attractive Enough To Cockblock Her But Isn't So Ugly That Paris Has To Pretend To Care About The Person Within. I shall set my DVR.

June 29, 2009

BET Awards Fug Carpet: Beyonce

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Oh, Beyonce, you coy little mistress of mischief.

I can't be positive, but I have a sneaking suspicion that dress is secretly an abstract painting of a flamingo done entirely in oils and sequins, from Monet's lesser-known "psychic"delic period -- you know, where he'd abuse drugs in order to hallucinate the future and create things for Linda Evans to wear as blouses. They don't teach it much in art history, but trust me, it came right between his drag era and the time he gave up painting altogether to become a cobbler who specialized in turning Easter baskets into wedge sandals.

June 26, 2009

Fug the Cover: Gwen Stefani

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Okay. I want to be clear. I don't DISLIKE this cover. For one thing, I love that they put "The Red Lipstick That Anyone Can Wear" right next to Gwen's head, because...well, you know how she loves her red lipstick. That seems smart. And to be honest with you, this issue of Elle actually has a lot of articles, it seems, that I legitimately want to read and not just because they sound hilariously inept or out of touch. I DO want to make my long hair shine, okay? Is that so wrong? Also: I am relieved that shopping is back. And the line, "SHOPPING'S BACK!" reminds me fondly of my favorite billboard. See, here in Los Angeles, near Fairfax, about five years ago, there was the best billboard ever. All it said was, in sweeping letters, "SYPHILIS IS BACK!" Like it was a hit musical. I giggled every time I saw it. Not because syphilis is funny. Because I am immature. BUT ANYWAY. My issue with this cover is simply that I can not figure out what Gwen is wearing. The top seems....attached to the bottom. But it must just be tucked in, or (horrors) a bodysuit, right? And then....there are pants? And a little...apron-y thing attached to them? Or....is that? I'm....just trying to puzzle that out. It looks like a very chic handwarmer of the sort used by quarterbacks playing in frigid climates and honestly, if anyone were to adopt that as a fashion statement, it MIGHT be Gwen Stefani. But I can't imagine that's what I'm actually....looking at? Is it....? It's....? Are....? Maybe....? I am perplexed.

June 26, 2009

The Beautiful Fug

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So, I've got this theory. I firmly believe that everyone needs to have what I call their Get a Grip Friend. This is the person who loves you enough to grab you when you've gone off the rails - over a boy, or a work nemesis, or your raging cocaine habit -- and shake and you and say, "HONEY. GET A GRIP." Mischa Barton, I am beginning to suspect, does not have that friend in her life:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Look. I have residual love left for her if only for that one scene in The OC where she freaks out at Julie Cooper-Nichol and throws all their patio furniture in the pool. So I'll do it, you guys. SOMEONE HAS TO. This girl needs a hand from a (semi) loving friend.

MISCHA. HONEY. GET A GRIP.

June 26, 2009

The Devil Wears Fug

Fug file:

metallics

So, often, Heather and I are asked who we think is the best dressed celebrity, and who is the worst. And the honest truth is that I can never pick either. Because honestly, Us Weekly is not wrong. Stars ARE just like us: sometimes they look awesome and then other times, they don't, and some look more awesome more regularly than others and then some are like this girl I went to college with, who always wore tie-dye. But, if pressed, I would probably say that Anne Hathaway has been looking fabulous lately. I wouldn't wish a check-kiting, fraudulent, lying, cheating, stealing boyfriend on anyone, but at least I think we can all agree that Anne bounced back from a very awkward romantic situation with tremendous aplomb and also, conveniently for purposes of making him eat his heart out, proceeded to look more awesome with more regularity. Which is why she was due for a misstep. AKA, this:

But maybe the fact that she's essentially dressed like a gilded artichoke is actually a GOOD thing. No, seriously. Stick with me here. It's like this. Say you're a huge fan of your college basketball team. And your team is doing REALLY WELL. They're undefeated, right? You actually don't want that. At a certain point, you really want your team to lose a game. Early on. Because otherwise the pressure of being undefeated starts to be too much. It makes you crazy. Because you can't keep it up! Basketball season is long, and towards the end, the games are more important. Going into the tournament undefeated is like a recipe for an ulcer. Because you know the streak WILL be broken eventually and you REALLY don't want it to happen when it counts. What's really better for everyone is to lose a couple of games now and then, to take off the pressure, so that when the heat is really on, your boiler won't explode (wow. That metaphor just went off the rails). If college basketball teams were starlets, Anne would be a major player. She's like the UNC of actresses. And the last thing she wants is to show up wearing this at, say, a major awards show. That would be a huge loss. But today? Eh. Everyone screws up some time. It's a Friday. It's summer time. No one notices! Nobody cares! It's not going to ruin her ranking -- if actresses were ranked like college teams, which it's probably for the best that they are not (Fug Madness notwithstanding, of course. And that kind of...goes in the other direction). She's just taking the pressure off her....er, fashion boiler? You know what I mean? Oh, just nod and pretend like that made sense.

June 26, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

blue,
ruffles

Remember what Madonna wore to the Met Ball? (Hint: IT WAS CRAZY.) Ever thought, "I wonder how that would look if it were utterly de-crazied and kind of changed in a way that after I thought about it, I realized it wasn't exactly the same dress as much as it was a dress from the same basic family and designed by the same person, but I kind of thought it was the same dress before I had my coffee?" The answer hangs in Fergie's closet:

Look. It's been a CRAZY WEEK, right? I can't even imagine how crazed they all are at, like, Us Weekly right now, with all the shocking/tragic/unfortunate/surprising celebrity demises to cover in full. Frankly, Farrah Fawcett and MJ on the same day was too much for my synapses to fully absorb. Like....did that just happen? Because my brain feels swollen. I need more coffee. But regardless: I'm pretty sure I like this? She looks pretty, right? It's interesting, yes? It's kind of chic, no? Most importantly: IT'S FRIDAY, ISN'T IT? PLEASE TELL ME IT'S FRIDAY.

poll by twiigs.com

June 25, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell

Fug file:

As per usual at this point in the week, I don't know what to think, and need an assist from the Fug Nation. Behold Kristen Bell:

She's cute, of course, but I worry she got this from the Stevie Nicks Juniors Collection. The fringe! The black! The...texturally confusing shrug! The back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Kristen Bell.

June 25, 2009

NY Fug.com: Dissecting Megan Fox's Red-Carpet Strategy

This week, over at NY Mag.com, Heather and I tackle the question of Megan Fox's Transformers press junket wardrobe. The verdict? Surprisingly mixed:

"She actually looks surprisingly chic: relaxed, confident, casual, and not at all like an actress who was once quoted as saying that she always forgets to flush the toilet."

But there are misses, too. OH ARE THERE MISSES. Head over to NY Mag.com to check out the full slideshow.

June 25, 2009

Well Played, Christina Hendricks

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

Hey, remember the time we Unfugged Christina Hendricks?

She totally listened! Damn, I just love it when a plan comes together.

June 25, 2009

Blue Fug

Fug file:

So, this is Zöe Salmon, who, Wikipedia tells me, is an Irish TV presenter who used to host a BBC children's show called Blue Peter, which seems like a title which must have prompted many a juvenile pun from the children of the United Kingdom. She's apparently been in a lot of other random British TV shows, like Dancing on Ice and something I orginally misread as, Shooting at the Stars. My reaction to that was, "I knew this day would come." And it will. It just hasn't yet. (Apparently, the show is actually called Shooting Stars and it sounds TOTALLY BATSHIT CRAZY/kind of awesome. Wikipedia described it as, "simultaneously a parody of the game show format and an experiment in dadaist television," which is not a sentence I ever expected to read outside of a university course on post-modernism. I would explain how the show works here except none of us have six hours. You HAVE to read the Wikipedia page about it, though. It sounds.... amazing and like something you would stumble on and wonder if you'd suffered a major head injury that you'd forgetten about, especially if you accidentally found it on the first day of your vacation, say, and you had wicked jetlag to begin with. Seriously. Go read about it. I need someone to email me and explain to me if it is actually entertaining because it sounds brilliant.)

Where ARE we? Oh, right. Z - "o" with an umlat - e.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I am confused by several things:

Is that BLUE EYESHADOW? It's very....potent.
Sweetpea, your shirt is doing that gappy thing mine does ALL THE TIME. I hear a little doublesided tape will fix you right up. Hey, these things happen.
Are those...shorts? I'm seriously asking. I am pretty sure they are shorts. Which leads me to:
Those are SHORT. Like, that...is not even an inseam. It's like an "inse."
Something about this angle makes your shorts look like you actually have a denim binder for hips and it's kind of MESMERIZING, if we're being honest.
Pursuant to the point about the binder, you have the FLATTEST STOMACH EVER. I'd consider high-waisted shorts if they made my stomach look this flat (she wrote, eating a cold piece of pizza).
I won't actually go through with that, but still.
No, they're really short. I mean, really. Really short.
But have a good time at your party. I can't hold anything against you right now -- if I'd never seen this picture, I never would have read the following sentence on Wikipedia: "Ulrika Jonsson had to wipe dandruff from a car windscreen using any of her four cheeks, while Oops Upside Your Head by the Gap Band played." I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. But it's funny.

June 25, 2009

Unfug It Up: Eva Green

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I've recently come to the conclusion that I prefer my Eva Green to look, as she often used to, like a lunatic, sex-starved, consumptive vampiress than....well, this:

BLAAAAAAH. This woman is not particularly interested in draining the blood of the innocent, or interrupting the sleep of the just, or disturbing the dinner of the holy, or stealing the mail of the virgins, or trimming the bangs of the uptight, or anything even REMOTELY sexy and vampiric. And ergo, I have no use for her.

But surely, this can be fixed, no? We can re-interestify her, yes? I'm confident this unfortunate choice is not beyond the powers of the GFY Nation. Work your magic -- nicely, as usual -- in the comments, please!

June 24, 2009

Fug or Fab: Lucy Liu

Fug file:

wearing white

I am never going to get over the cancellation of Lipstick Jungle. Wait. Cashmere Mafia. I'm also not ever getting over the cancellation of Lipstick Jungle, except for how Robert Buckley's abs are on One Tree Hill now, so I don't care anymore. But Cashmere Mafia -- though terrible -- also featured completely cracked out costumes for Lucy Liu here, the likes of which I will NEVER SEE AGAIN until Pat Field gets another job on a nighttime soap. HER CHARACTER JOGGED WEARING A FUR. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW AWESOME THAT IS? The good news is that Lucy Liu herself is prone to wearing crazy, amazing and cramazing items all on her own, so it's SORT of like the same thing, except that so far she hasn't been spotted jogging in a fur. Sadly. While we're waiting for that to happen, let's talk about this:

I think it is both crazy and amazing, and for me, therefore, I'm pretty sure this is falling into the Cramazing category. Sure, from afar, it looks as though the bodice is spotted with dirt that fell from the hydrangea blooming on her bosom, but when you have flora planted in your brassiere, that is simply the price you pay. Am I right? There are few who could work brassiere-planted flora, so if you fall into said category, it's almost a crime not to work it. Ergo, for me, La Liu is NOT GUILTY. Because I think she's working it. I'm not sure if that was clear, there. Is what I am saying.

poll by twiigs.com

June 24, 2009

Well Played, Marion Cotillard

Fug file:

multi-colored,
pink

I think I have a style crush on Marion Cotillard. When she won the Oscar last year, I clearly remember standing in the shower the next morning, washing my hair and thinking to myself, "I REALLY liked her dress." I don't generally do that. Sure, some dresses are memorable -- Nicole Kidman's chartreuse Dior, and the yellow Vera Wang that Michelle Williams wore the year she was nominated for Brokeback Mountain stuck with me -- but usually they go in one eye and out the other, you know? But so far into her Public Enemies press tour, I am loving her wardrobe. Let's investigate, shall we?

Exhibit A:

Pretty! Don't you want to just twirl around all up in this shit? Whoops. Sorry -- I am watching a TiVoed episode of Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List and the last six sentences I've written have been accidentally overrun with expletives. You should be pretty damn impressed that I managed to get them all out so far.

Exhibit B:

Continue reading Well Played, Marion Cotillard.

June 24, 2009

The Fug Bunny

Fug file:

denim abuse

Oh, please, sister. Is this all you got?

[Photo: WENN.com]

Short shorts last seen on Tobias Fünke and uncombed hair? That's IT? That's all you got? Please. If time-travel were possible, the Chloe Sevigny of 2004 would storm over there and kick you in the shins for delivering such weak sauce. Get back to me when you're wearing a sombrero and a skirt made of coffee filters. Otherwise, stop wasting my time.

June 24, 2009

Phofugbe Prifugce

Fug file:

stupid hats,
WTF

[Photo: Splash News]

"So, Phoebe, what did you do today?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. I wandered the streets of Hollywood in a cocktail gown and a skipper's hat, looking wistful and eating gummi bears."

"Then what happened?"

"This seemingly sweet old lady came running up from behind and whacked me with her cane. She told me to get a job and scampered off. She was surprisingly spry."

"I'm sure you deserved it."

"Yes, maybe I did. Can you hand me my dunce cap and that bag of popcorn? I'm late for shift outside of Kitson."

June 23, 2009

Fug or Fab: Aubrey O'Day

Fug file:

blue

I haven't seen Fug Madness 09 Winner Aubrey O'Day out and about much of late, which -- now that I think about it -- seems odd. Where on earth could she have been?

Maybe she went shopping? I have to admit, this seems like a step up from her usual. It fits her correctly. The color is pretty on her. It's fairly flattering. Sure, one good tug on the string hanging from her shoulder and the whole kit and kaboodle comes crashing down like a set of incorrectly hung venetian blinds, but that adds some DRAMA to the equation, wouldn't you say?

poll by twiigs.com

June 23, 2009

Iron Fug II

Fug file:

Haiku For Mickey Rourke

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Mickey, Mickey, no.
Your lunacy can charm, yes.
But you need a shirt

Maybe you forgot?
I know these things can happen.
A Post-It might help!

Truly. Just a note:
"Shoes, pants, shirt, accessories."
Avert a mishap!

I just want to help.
And don't want you to catch cold.
Remember your health!

I'm glad we talked.
Communication is key.
Feel better? I do!

June 23, 2009

Fug Moss

Fug file:

denim abuse

Let's talk about Kate Moss, here:

[Photo: Splash News]

May we talk frankly? I know that we can, dear readers. And we need to, about these shorts. Do they look okay on Kate Moss? Yes. Does that mean that a semi-substantial subsection of the general public will soon run out to purchase very short pleated shorts? Unfortunately, my vast experience in these matters means that I can tell you, with nearly complete confidence, that it means exactly that. Will the majority of said subsection manage to pull off these shorts with any kind of aplomb? As someone with fleshy inner thighs, I can assure you that I personally could not. And as someone with working eyes, I can also tell you that much of the world ALSO has fleshy inner thighs and it stands to reason, mathemathically, that if you were to construct a Venn diagram in which A is all the women in the world who have a tendency to buy things after having seen Kate Moss wear them, and B consists of my fleshy inner-thighed brethren, there will in fact be a generous overlap in between the two. Which means that six weeks from now, that sound you hear will be the screams of women who have stumbled into the ladies room at their local watering hole, wearing these shorts, and who have had their wits refreshed by several rounds of refreshing beer, and who will thereupon realize that OH MY GOD THESE SHORTS LOOK TERRIBLE ON THEM. Consider yourself warned.

June 23, 2009

Fug Or Fab: Cameron Diaz; Whatever, TomKat

Fug file:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

TOM: Um, Katie?

KATIE: Hmm? Oh, are you still here?

TOM: I was just wondering why you couldn't dress up a little for our friend Cameron's Walk of Fame thing.

KATIE: Can you see me from all the way down there? How sweet.

TOM: Honey, I know your jeans are supposed to look like that, but it looks like you haven't washed them in a month.

KATIE: Exactly. I paid a tremendous amount of money for blotchy jeans that look filthy. Get with the times, man.

TOM: And I don't understand what's going on with your t-shirt. Were you planning to tie it up into a pouch at your waist and smuggle out some snacks?

KATIE: Scientologist, heal thyself -- is that a tag on your crotch, or just a really bright zipper?

TOM: Also, it's hot out and you're going to get yellow sweat stains all over that cardigan.

KATIE: I don't sweat. I glisten.

TOM: I just think you should've tried a little harder for our friend Cameron. Especially because SHE seems to have put in some effort:

Continue reading Fug Or Fab: Cameron Diaz; Whatever, TomKat.

June 22, 2009

Well Played, Kelly Clarkson

Fug file:

multi-colored

So, this is progress, right?

Our beloved K. Cla has said lots of times that she doesn't work with a stylist, and lots of times, lots of people who LOVE HER and voted for her on Idol like a thousand times even though that was so long ago that you had to actually MAKE A PHONE CALL to do it, read that and sighed and said to themselves, "honey, you NEED one." I suspect she may have taken our advice for this particular event, or the friend she took shopping with her is skilled, because...she looks totally cute, right? This silhouette is very flattering on her. I wish her hair looked a bit more rock star, rather than prom queen, but this is sort of fun and flirty on her and OH MY GOD I'M JUST REALLY RELIEVED IT'S NOT HORRIBLE. Phew. Okay. I just had to let that out. I love Kelly and I want the best for her so every time she leaves the house and I don't have to say to myself, "Oh, KELLY, what are you WEARING?" it's a load off my mind. Now I just have to worry about the quasi-unfortunate scarf-y tube top and too-long jeans she wore to perform in (a photo I could not obtain legally, unfortunately, though you can see it here), the fact that I worry that her voice has sounded sort of raspy-er than usual lately (albeit still good) and WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG I HOPE SHE'S JUST TIRED, and, also, what I myself plan to wear when I see her in concert this summer. I'm thinking tube tops for everyone!

June 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Sophia Bush

Fug file:

Everyone knows we totally think Sophia Bush is lovely and God knows we're jealous that she gets to make out with dreamy Austin Nichols on One Tree Hill, although this entire past season was FULL of terrible things happening to her including a bizarre through-line in which she quasi-adopted not one but two different children (although one of them was nearly her age, and that storyline actually turned out sort of awesome) and also spent like A LOT of time moaning about how badly she wants to be a mother, which I totally respect, but her character is TWENTY-TWO and it seems like maybe it's a little UNREALISTIC for a 22 year old multi-millionaire media mogul-ess to be SUPER worried about that. Like, you have time, honey. Go make out with Austin Nichols some more. On the other hand, this is a show in which one character has had TWO mothers die on her and was also kidnapped on prom night by a psychotic who was pretending to be her brother, and Chad Michael Murray is supposed to be brilliant author. So maybe I should not expect realism. Especially since its lack of realism generally turns into things that are AWESOME, like the time brother-killer and grave-immolator Dan bought himself a giant headstone in preparation for having his bum heart give out and kill him (which hasn't happened yet and hopefully never will), and said hilarious headstone has been trotted out numerous times to be abused by other characters, with, like, shovels, and whatnot. It's awesome. Anyway: let's talk about the relative awesomeness of this dress:

[Photo: Splash News]

My gut instinct is that it gets a bit short there. To the point where a very inappropriate pun involving her last name popped into my head, which I will not share with you because this blog is rated PG-13. Usually. If the slit on the dress were shifted a bit to either side, I think we'd be in business, because on the whole, I think this is potentially cute. It just doesn't seem to fit her exactly right.

poll by twiigs.com

June 22, 2009

Twitter Reminder: Fuggirls

Fug file:

housekeeping

So it's week two of Twittering, and we're still doing it. Who knew?

If you'd like to follow our feed, our user name is fuggirls -- or, click here to read and/or bookmark our page. If you don't, you miss terribly important information, like our feelings on Motley Crue's The Dirt, onion rings, and Courtney Peldon's random-ass appearance in the crew credits of The Proposal. All of which will make it very difficult for you to sleep at night, we're sure.

June 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

If this is Fergie's idea of being "so 3008," then I think I'm okay with being "so 2000-and-late":

[Photo: Splash News]

What's bothering me is the netting and boning in the middle. I feel like her shirt is baring its teeth at me. A big ol' thick belt might've done the same thing and felt less threatening, although if she got THAT at Home Depot along with all her other accessories, it probably would've had a hammer and a socket wrench hanging from it.

Still, the silhouette is kind of funky, so I'm open to the idea that I'm just unable to understand next-millennium fashion. Perhaps my foresight needs glasses to process great distances.

poll by twiigs.com

June 22, 2009

The Fugills

Fug file:

So, this doesn't even look like Audrina, right?

[Photo: Splash News]

In the thumbnail size, I seriously thought it was old Drunkface McCord. I saw it and I was like, "Oh, DRUNKFACE! What are you wearing? Are those arm warmers? Is it THAT cold in Canada right now? Everyone behind you seems fine in t-shirts!" And then I looked at it larger and lo and behold: Ms. Patridge herself. I seriously don't even know what's going on here. I can't manage to get the math worked out correctly. Like, is that tube dress + shrug + arm warmers? Because I keep coming up with that and yet it seems like AN IMPOSSIBILITY that someone would wear that combo IN JUNE, especially AUDRINA. It makes me feel like something has gone awry at the core of the universe. Audrina is supposed to have darker hair and be wearing a bandage dress of some sort. I don't know how to process anything else.

June 22, 2009

Fugsten Bell

Fug file:

dialogue

ANNA FARIS: Hi, Kristen. Or should I call you Helga?

KRISTEN BELL: Why would you do that?

ANNA: Because you look like some kind of S&M milkmaid.

KRISTEN: I was going for "retired Jabba slave."

ANNA: You didn't quite hit it. I could MAYBE see that you're at a Xena: Warrior Princess fan club gala.

KRISTEN: Can we stop ragging on me, and talk about how your dress strap is actually a zipper?

ANNA: No.

KRISTEN: Why not?

ANNA: Because it's sort of funky.

KRISTEN: IS IT, though?

ANNA: Compared to your bodice? Yes, Helga, it is.

KRISTEN: Dammit.

ANNA: It's okay. If we make The House Bunny II: Udder Madness, about a sorority of militant Dutch cow-tippers, you can TOTALLY audition.

June 22, 2009

Lil' Fugval

Fug file:

blinged out

Wikipedia tells me Lil Duval is a comedian. My eyes tell me he is a a bling-fighter.

T-Pain, I believe it's your move.

June 19, 2009

The Big Fug Theory

Fug file:

Empirically, there may be nothing wrong with this. It's hard to tell -- with all-black outfits, sometimes I can't see enough on my computer screen to know if I'm missing something really obvious. But my beef here is not so much with the ensemble, per se...

... but rather that: a) Kaley is attending celebratory party for the Lakers on a rather warm Los Angeles night, yet seems more appropriately dressed for the funeral of a public parks official in, say, Northern Canada; and b) Kaley looks alarmingly like an Olsen, with her tousled hair, her pursed-lip smile, and the heavy black shift and blazer, and I think the Olsens do the Olsens better. Which is as it should be. Plus, not that the Olsens aren't very pretty girls, but why -- when you are on one of the country's most successful (inexplicably so to me, but still) sitcoms -- would you want to even RISK being mistaken for anyone who participated in New York Minute? Yes, that movie features a makeover montage at the House of Bling, but it ALSO features Andy Richter having something VERY close to an awkward Mickey-Rooney-in-Breakfast at Tiffany's moment, and Darrell Hammond trying to deliver sincere dialogue with a profound moral message for the children. It's just WRONG, is what I'm saying. And I should know -- I just watched it (again) last weekend. Don't judge me. It's hard to resist the temptation to see if it's going to be just as bad with each subsequent viewing, and then when it turns out to be, I feel oddly vindicated. And now I've said too much. Carry on, everyone. Nothing to see here.

June 19, 2009

Fug Or Fab: Melissa George

Fug file:

wearing white

I have been holding on to this picture for a couple of days, because I seriously have no idea what to say about it:

It's kind of sexy. But it's also so severe. But it's kind of Sharon-Stone-in-Basic-Instinct. Which is good. But that makes me worry that she might stab me. Or flash me. Or both. In short, I'm scared, I'm confused, and I don't know what to think. Please help.

poll by twiigs.com

June 19, 2009

Well Played, Whitney Port

Fug file:

You know, between the satin sleep shorts and the crowns of flowers and all the terrible pants/leggings/tights atrocities Whitney Port has committed over the years, it's easy to forget she's actually a tall drink of water. So presumably she decided to remind us:

[Photo: WENN.com]

I love this on her -- it's simple and elegant and flattering, three words that I don't believe I've EVER used to describe one of her ensembles. Somewhere, her City rival Olivia Palermo is sitting at home, brushing her hair 200 times in front of her mirror, wondering how easy it is to get away with arson, or whether she can arrange for Whitney to be standing next to Spencer and Heidi at the EXACT moment of their inevitable smiting from on high.

June 19, 2009

Fug by Fug

Fug file:

blinged out,
yellow

So, I guess Christine Lakin here was actually on Step By Step, the wretched 90s sitcom starring Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers that I watched religiously but can not remember AT ALL?

I mostly remember her for being the poor tragic actress who was chosen to star opposite Paris Hilton in The Hottie and the Nottie -- as The Nottie, which is obviously patently ridiculous -- for which they actually shared a Razzie for Worst Screen Couple. Now that I've written that all out, I feel kind of bad for making fun of her outfit. I mean, she's had a rough go of it the last few years. Like, I just spent several minutes reading the aggregated terrible reviews of THaTN on Wikipedia and they are wretched. Apparently, the movie was called, among other unflattering things, "deeply offensive," "excruciatingly, painfully, horribly, terribly awful," "disgusting," and "fascist" [!!]. I was going to make some rude crack about curtains, Dancing with the Stars and Kitson, but you know what? Girlfriend here hasn't got time for the pain. Congrats on managing to leave the house after having to deal with the fall out of being yoked to Paris Hilton, honey. Stay strong.

June 19, 2009

The Williams Fugsters

Fug file:

[Photo: WENN.com]

VENUS: Um, Serena?

SERENA: Um, Venus?

VENUS: So... you have your own fashion line, right?

SERENA: Yep.

VENUS: And therefore it's fair to say people want you to design clothes that will be sold for money?

SERENA: Hells yeah.

VENUS: And therefore it's ALSO fair to say that people must think you are stylish?

SERENA: Uh-huh.

VENUS: And yet you are wearing those pants?

SERENA: Damn skippy.

VENUS: ... Did you think that one through?

SERENA: Chill, sis -- you have a degree in fashion design, and you're wearing a satin dress with a built-in tuxedo bib.

VENUS: But I still look sort of fabulous, as opposed to you in your gold lame genie pants with a crotch so low it could hide the Wimbledon men's trophy in it if you wanted to smuggle it out.

SERENA: Oh, REALLY. Well. Tell you what -- let's have a wager. If I win the tournament by beating you in the final, you have to wear these pants around London for one full day.

VENUS: Since I'm the one who has won Wimbledon FIVE TIMES, including the last two and in fact beating YOU in 2008 to take it home, I will take that bet. And if I win again, you have grant me three wishes AND burn the pants.

SERENA: Shut up, fool. I'm in.

VENUS: It's ON.

June 19, 2009

Fug the Cover: Kate Hudson

Fug file:

random-ass magazines

So, we got this cover shot several times from a variety of our lovely Australian readers, and I meant to get to it before now, but...I don't know what happened. You know how it goes. You're minding your own business, just standing in front of the fridge for hours and eating peanut butter from a spoon, and then before you know it, the week is out and you didn't get nearly as much done as you intended and your pants don't fit anymore. Here's the thing: Kate Hudson is as cute as a basket of babies. THIS GIRL is cute too, but she's much pointier and more neckless than K. Hud and, call me crazy, but do any of us take a photo in the hopes that we'll turn out with less neck? Generally, the answer is no. On the other hand, I clearly need to read about what guys think of my outfits. Right now, my guess is that they're thinking, "damn. That girl has peanut butter all down the front of her shirt."

June 18, 2009

Fug Chef

Fug file:

I don't know if any of you have seen Top Chef Masters, but the person they have hosting it is so robotic, she makes Padma Lakshmi look like she's a charismatic dynamo who's hopped up on twenty-six Red Bulls laced with speed. It made me miss ol' Padma.

Until this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Oy. This is the kind of outfit that's best left in the pages of one of the original Sweet Valley High books, where Jessica would show up at a party and see Lila Fowler holding court, and the narration would read, "Jessica felt a twinge of jealousy -- she knew she looked fabulous in her skintight overalls cuffed at the calf, but Lila was dazzling and sophisticated in a slinky, impossibly chic mauve jumpsuit with a gracefully blousy strapless top." When in fact the rest of the world, if allowed to jump into a book Thursday Next-style, would look at this outfit and say, "Lila desperately needed to hem her heinous cocktail pajamas... and also, whatever Jessica Wakefield is wearing is automatically made of NO."

June 18, 2009

NYFug.com: Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy

Fug file:

It's FINALLY here: the week you marked on your calendar months ago with a red Sharpie. (Or was that just us? ... Never mind.) Lauren Conrad's semi-autobiographical fiction novel, about a girl who finds herself on a hit reality show, arrived stores on Tuesday -- and because we are givers, we ran out and picked up a couple copies so that we could report back to all of you about whether it's dreadful, delicious, dull, or dishy. The answers, by the way, are: Not at all, not particularly, not as much as we thought, and not as much as it could be:

The gold standard, Nicole Richie's secretly awesome The Truth About Diamonds, refers to the Paris Hilton character as functionally retarded; compared to that, L.A. Candy is practically a love letter. [...] But the first 70 or so pages do include copious jabs at girls who move to L.A., bleach their hair, plump their lips, get boob jobs, and become generic, useless bimbos. Hello, Heidi!

Click here to check out our entire breakdown of the merits and demerits of L.A. Candy, as spoiler-free as possible (but not completely, so beware). Or at the very least, pop on over to take a peek at the author photo. It's so STERN.

June 18, 2009

Fug on For One More Day, Yet Actually Well Played, Carnie Wilson

Fug file:

So, Carnie Wilson here just had a baby. Like, JUST had a baby. Like on Monday. THIS Monday. Which, presumably, explains why she is out and about in a full-on, leopard print muumuu. To which I say: ROCK ON, LADY.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I am not joking. If you can't walk around town in a leopard print muumuu three days after giving birth, WHEN CAN YOU? I think getting what is essentially a FORMAL MUUMUU for the few weeks post-childbirth is honestly totally awesome. Because it's comfortable AND it's sassy AND it's TOTALLY CRAZY in a way that is both hilarious and completely acceptable. And if some asshole is all like, "nice MUUMUU," you can be like, "I just had a baby. What have YOU done lately?" and then they'll be all, "uh....congratulations." And then you and your awesome crazy muumuu can sweep off victoriously. So a hearty congratulations to Carnie Wilson and family on their new addition and their clearly robust senses of humor. May I suggest a Hawaiian print for your next outing?

June 18, 2009

Fugches Geldof

Fug file:

Last time Peaches Geldof made an appearance on this website, I later read that she had announced on her Twitter that she had been forced to wear that acid-washed mom-jumpsuit by Nylon Magazine and that said fashion decision HAD NOT been made of her own volition. Needless to say, I was very happy to hear that and I retract my comment about how she should have just worn a shirt that said, "I'm a jackass." Instead, clearly the shirt should have read, "Please send help!" At any rate, I am presuming that we're in some kind of similar situation here:

The dress is, ostensibly, pretty, but she's clearly just coming from a shoot for David's Bridal's fall marketing campaign, right? Honey, at least ask them to take off your headgear before you leave for the day. You've got to start making more demands, kid!

June 18, 2009

Fugla Tequila

Fug file:

Now that A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila doesn't exist any more, I'm back to not understanding what her point in life is or how she gets invited places. At least when that show existed, she was getting paid to ~~stick her tongue in people's mouths~~ find true love while doing publicity for MTV; now I think she literally just gets cash to show up and flaunt her abs.

This girl can probably build a shoe rack on her closet floor that's four stories high, because none of her actual CLOTHES would extend down from the hangers more than a couple of inches.

Having said that, I did accidentally get addicted to that stupid show. I couldn't help it: I caught the end of it before an episode of The Hills came on, and she was telling a guy, "You're kind of a douchebag," but then she KEPT HIM. And eliminated a dude because he was always LOOKING AT HER. On a show where the whole point was to look at her.

I do understand where she's coming from on that one a bit, though, because obviously this girl really struggles with being looked at:

Continue reading Fugla Tequila.

June 18, 2009

Hana Soufugpova

Fug file:

I imagine this is the souvenir that incredibly rich people buy in Hawaii, for when they can't bear to stick a plastic girl wearing coconuts and grass on their limousine dashboards.

It's just a shame that Hana Soukupova is all dressed up and ready to hula when there's no high-fashion luau to attend. Maybe someone ought to wake up and throw one -- true, I can't imagine A-Dubs signing off on serving a giant salted pig that's been cooking in the ground, but once the champagne starts flowing and the limbo stick comes out, I'd pay good money to see her and A.L.T. go head-to-head.

June 17, 2009

CMT Fug Carpet: Laura Bell Bundy

Fug file:

Behold Laura Bell Bundy, with whom I am familiar mostly because I watched MTV's reality show about casting the next Elle Woods for the Broadway version of Legally Blonde and she made the occasional appearance. Parenthetically, I have to say that show was SUPER entertaining -- the reality show, I mean. I've never seen the musical itself. It was sort of like Fame meets Top Model meets all the years I spent doing high school theatre meets the Pepto Bismol headquarters. At any rate, I feel that SOMEONE ought to have stepped in to prevent this:

I'm serious. Didn't we last see this on one of the Brady Bunch episodes in which the gang has to perform some kind of kitschy musical number complete with awkward choreography? I'm pretty sure that we did. Ergo, she looks like, at any moment, she's liable to break into some sort of routine that involves a copious amount of thumbs and/or pointing. Which, actually, I've never seen on the red carpet. It might be secretly awesome.

June 17, 2009

Doutzen Fugroes

Fug file:

Model Doutzen Kroes deserved better than this dress.

At a big ol' fashion-industry awards show, it must have been kind of annoying to have people come up to her all night asking for a shot of her best moonshine, expecting her to deal a poker game using cards without numbers on them, or surreptitiously wondering where in her saloon-of-ill-repute the really naughty girls can be found.

June 17, 2009

CMT Unfug It Up: Shawn Johnson

Fug file:

grey,
Oh honey NO

Okay, listen. This girl is an Olympic champion and the winner of Dancing With the Stars, for the sake of sweet little pickles. CAN'T WE DO BETTER BY HER THAN THIS?

Shawn is short and a little stockily-built and THAT IS TOTALLY OKAY. Three quarters of people reading this right now are a little short, a little stocky, and/or both, am I right? Please, tip your waitress. But seriously, folks. A lot of people are built just like Shawn (except without the incredible athleticism, generally) and most of them manage to look very cute indeed on a daily basis, with no professional help. Right? Like you -- right there, with the turkey sandwich. You look adorable in that sweater. Way to go. So this is why I can't understand why whoever is styling Shawn -- America's Sweetheart! -- can't manage to, like, figure it out. Clearly, the empire waist here is an attempt to make her legs look longer, but the top is totally unflattering, the shoes don't match and the colors are so very Elderly Bridesmatron. I just want to grab her and take her to Bloomingdale's and FIX HER, since apparently, her stylist doesn't CARE ENOUGH to do this right. I'd start with making this dress shorter -- knee-length at least --- and give her something with sleeves, say, with a deep v-neck, to elongate things? But what would you do?

Usual Commenting Kindness rules apply, please. Now, TAKE IT AWAY:

June 17, 2009

CMT Music Awards Fug Carpet: T-Pain

Fug file:

I just wish T-Pain weren't so maddeningly VAGUE.

June 17, 2009

Lynn Fugvins

Fug file:

I've had the following conversation with myself about this Lynn Collins photo, in some form or another, pretty much since I saw it:

HEATHER: The hell? I don't even know what to say. She looks insane.

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAT.

HEATHER: Not sure I want to go with another Artful Dodger joke here...

HEATHER'S BRAIN: Top. Hat.

HEATHER: Maybe she's crabby because she left the rabbit in it before putting it on... nah, that's kind of tragically hacky...

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAT TOP HAT.

HEATHER: President of the Fred Astaire fan club?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOOOOP HAT.

HEATHER: Villainous wench about to collect the rent from her tenant or tie him to the train tracks?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOP HAAAATTTTT.

HEATHER: Keeper of a nice six-pack of beer in case she gets thirsty and the bar isn't open?

HEATHER'S BRAIN: TOPHATTOPHATTOPHAT.

HEATHER: Ack! I can't THINK clearly. Sometimes there just aren't words.

HEATHER'S BRAIN: I CAN THINK OF TWO.

June 16, 2009

Fabiolfug Berafuga

Fug file:

Fabiola Beracasa is fast becoming my favorite socialite of the bunch -- which might not be saying much, since I don't tend to think about any of them unless we're at Fashion Week and are tasked with trying to distinguish one from the next, but that doesn't make it any less true. This woman is RELIABLE. Remember this? And this? And these? Well, there's more to add to the collection.

Let's start with the old -- somehow, back at the beginning of June, I completely missed this:

[Photo: WENN.com]

It's like she strapped on her orthopedic ankle braces and walked to the funeral of the dude who invented the paper shredder. It will be so moving when she removes her crown of fake blossoms and places it tenderly on his coffin, right before it's shoved through a wood-chipper.

So we've covered something old, and something blue -- let's hit up something new, in the form of what she wore last night:

Continue reading Fabiolfug Berafuga.

June 16, 2009

Fug or Fab: Ashley Olsen

Fug file:

orange

So, I have been thinking about this:

I might love it. Is it as '80s as Bret Easton Ellis doing a live reading of Bonfire of the Vanities while standing on top of a pile of cocaine before leaving to get sushi with Mickey Rourke and his original beautiful face?

[This one:

]

NO. Don't be ridiculous. It's not that '80s. Is it as '80s as reading a copy of Less Than Zero while eating some Cool Ranch Doritos? Yes. I mean, it DOES have shoulder pads and is potentially made out of the same sweatpants material as my most favorite periwinkle blue Esprit skirt circa 7th grade. But I dig the color, and Ashley can kind of pull this sort of thing off, when other starlets/multi-millionaire entreprenuers might look a little too Styled By Someone Else.

poll by twiigs.com

June 16, 2009

Fug Up And Drive

Fug file:

I'm Scared

Sometimes, I get so caught up in looking around for photos to fug that I forget to eat lunch in a timely manner, and then my stomach starts growling and totally goes apeshit on me.

[Photo: Splash News]

But generally, I like to keep that feeling on the INSIDE.

June 16, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kirsten Dunst

Fug file:

bad shoes

I think I'm starting to view Kirsten Dunst as a friendly but hapless cousin, or a beloved sports team that can't stop shooting itself in the foot. Every time I see that she's at an event, I catch my breath a little and wince, hoping against hope that she will look fabulous and yet fully bracing myself for the quarterback to get his ass sacked so hard it leaves a divot in the turf.

So it was here. I furrowed my brow in anticipation... and you know what? She kind of pulled it out, the little minx.

[Photo: WENN.com]

The marbled fabric makes the bandaged look rather interesting, especially now that I know the strip across the top is not, in fact, reflective (the first time I looked at it, I was like, "I don't understand how it helps to have a mirror showing off the underside of her chin... is she on Unlikely Zit Patrol?"). The lightly colored netting on her shoulder, I'm less sold on, but overall this is interesting and it fits and it's mostly holding her boobs up in the right place. These are all victories. Especially that last one. It's kind of like my football team taking a seemingly safe lead into the fourth quarter, allowing me to get up off the floor and take a break from screaming to rehydrate and coax all the blood away from my face and back to the extremities that need it.

But then we get to the shoes. I'm REALLY not convinced they belong with this dress -- they feel too casual, too chunky in a non-chic way, and for my money, too ugly. I understand wanting to contrast the delicacy of the dress, but there's "contrast" and then there's "torching it with your candles of hate." So getting down to her feet is a bit like my team resting on its laurels in the final quarter and playing prevent defense and getting sloppy, and throwing a stupid interception that gets run back for a touchdown and then forgetting how to tackle the opposing team and suddenly it's their first-and-goal with 30 seconds left and your defense looks gassed and the stupid three-win opponent looks poised to steal its fourth from you on your home field and you're out of Diet Coke and the chips on the table are stale and suddenly you find yourself being restrained by your loved ones lest you punch a hole in the wall.

poll by twiigs.com

June 16, 2009

Fug Moon

Fug file:

I know Kristen Stewart's latest haircut is for a role -- she's allegedly playing Joan Jett -- but seriously, this movie cannot start and finish shooting fast enough. Because the haircut she got for the part, while perhaps apt, is also BAD.

[Photo: Splash News]

She's stuck for however long walking around town with a head-suit that not only DESPERATELY needs to go to the dry cleaners (is it in her contract that she can't wash it?), but which can be expressed in mathematics terms as Wayne Campbell + Alice Cooper ÷ Adam Lambert, and then attacked by a Flowbee. With the possible addition of a zombie in there somewhere, as it appears she may be going all Method for this and forsaking sleep because it's, like, totally not rock-and-roll. Maybe a wig would've been better. Not that I don't appreciate commitment, but now she and Robert Pattinson could pit their coifs against each other in a sloppy grease-off and it would be a pretty tight contest.

I am a tiny bit concerned that all this will rub off on her co-star -- and also her New Moon castmate -- Dakota Fanning. We've been thrilled that Dakota seems to have avoided turning into a Hollywood lunatic, but lately she's been palling around with K.Stew so much that I'm afraid she might turn into her or someone like her:

Continue reading Fug Moon.

June 16, 2009

Gossip Fug/Well Played, Blake Lively

Fug file:

TELEGRAMS FROM THE DESK OF JESSICA MORGAN
GO FUG YOURSELF HQ WEST

As dictated to Intern G. Clooney.

TO: BLAKE LIVELY
RE: CDFA AWARDS DRESS

MUCH IMPROVED STOP THANK GOD YOU FINALLY PICKED SOMETHING THAT FITS PROPERLY STOP LOVE THE PINK STOP DON'T STOP STOP BUT STOP STICKING YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS LIKE THAT STOP IT'S AWKWARD STOP LIKE I SAID PLEASE STOP IT STOP LOVE JESSICA POSTSCRIPT WHY DON'T PEOPLE SEND TELEGRAMS ANYMORE QUERY I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF EMAIL BUT THEY'RE SO ROMANTIC STOP I THINK I'LL SEND ANOTHER STOP.

TO: MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG
RE CDFA AWARDS LOOK:

Continue reading Gossip Fug/Well Played, Blake Lively.

June 16, 2009

Fug the Cover: Sienna Miller

Fug file:

polls,
Vogue

Sienna Miller. On the cover of Vogue. AGAIN. Has there EVER been an actress more fawned over by Vogue with less cause? Yes, I know she's in a Broadway play opening this summer, and she's in GI Joe, but COME ON. I feel like she could be guest-starring in a ShamWow commercial and A Dubs would toss her on a cover with a headline like, "SIENNA MILLER: On tough spills, two-for-one specials, and OxyClean." Also, we KNOW it's not hard for you to fall in love, Sienna. We were all here for the Balthazar Getty debacle. You might as well say something like, "It's not hard for me to land on the cover of Vogue." It's, like, common knowledge. That being said -- and in the name of fairness -- I must admit that she looks much better here than she did on this Vogue cover. But good God, is that damning with faint praise. And there's something hilarious about the fact that they've given her a long, faux ponytail and then slapped her with the headline, "Are You Ready to Cut Your Hair?" According to something I recently read about The September Issue (the documentary about the making of the particular Vogue issue to which I just linked, which I have not seen myself, although in the interest of full disclosure, I know people who worked on it, although I have no juicy inside information about it -- are those enough disclaimers for now? Jeez), Lady Bobbingsworth was irked that Sienna wouldn't do anything with her hair for them for THAT cover, so this particular headline actually might just be passive-aggressiveness. Which actually sort of makes me like the whole thing a lot better all of a sudden.

poll by twiigs.com

June 15, 2009

GFY and Twitter and You: Partners in Fugdom

Fug file:

housekeeping

So, it's finally happening: We are joining 2009 -- well, technically, 2008 I suppose -- and starting a Twitter feed for Go Fug Yourself.

I know, George. It's a heady, scary time. We're limping slowly into a brave new world.

But we think that, for the people who use Twitter, it'll make it a bit easier to follow our new entries -- every time we post fresh content, there will be a Tweet and a link. And although we probably won't use it (at least for now) to have conversations with other Twitter users -- since that can make reading a Twitter feed kind of like listening to one half of someone's phone conversation -- we will occasionally post random other thoughts on there too, depending on what's happening on a given day. Maybe I'm watching the 90210 where Kelly is trapped in the bathroom during the fire with Crispy Lesbian, and Ray Pruit runs back inside to look for them, and I'm thinking, "That actor is a firefighter now. This episode MADE HIM what he is today." Or maybe Jess is reading gossip that makes her want to hit her head against the keyboard. Or maybe we're both laying bets on whom God will smite from on high first, Heidi or Spencer, based solely on their heinous antics on I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here.

The point is, we don't really know yet -- we're still feeling out this whole Twitter thing, like we're old ladies who don't understand the newfangled technology the kids are playing on these days. But we certainly hope that if you use Twitter, or even if you don't, you'll find it a handy way to keep track of what's new on the site.

Yes, George, it IS exciting. We're going to be just fine.

Our user name is fuggirls (as gofugyourself was taken already, which seems... unusual) and the direct link to our feed is right here.

Happy Monday!

June 15, 2009

Paris Hilton's New FugFF

Fug file:

Will someone please give in and put her on Dancing With the Stars already?

[Photo: Splash News]

Yes, I know having to deal with her on a major network on a weekly basis will be TERRIBLE, but think of it this way: you can very vigorously NOT vote for her, and maybe she'll stop wearing this sort of ridiculous ballroom dancing gear out and about. That way, WE ALL WIN.

June 15, 2009

NYFug.com: Summer Heat Means Celebrity Meltdowns

We're so accustomed to Hollywood's resident idiots going buck-wild during the summer months -- I mean, remember when Paris went to prison and then read her poetry on Larry King? -- that we can't believe it's so quiet. But, seeing as we're only halfway through June, it COULD be the calm before the storm. We've got a couple young celebs on our meltdown watch list; see if you can guess about whom we wrote this:

He's become so beside the point these days that even bravely gaining about 300 pounds yielded him zero press. Where is his sensitive People cover on which he proclaims that he is proud of his curves? What more does this guy need to do to get attention -- have his own talk show? Wait, nevermind.

Give up? Or just want to know if you're right, and see who else made it on there? Click here to read the rest of the column and play in the comments.

June 15, 2009

Take My Fug Away

Fug file:

I guess the band Berlin performed this weekend, and I'll say this for Terri Nunn: This DID take my breath away.

Unfortunately, it was not from awe, but rather in a somebody-put-me-on-a-respirator-or-give-me-a-paper-bag-so-I-can-hyperventilate-into-it way.

I also can't help thinking that if Rachel Zoe were to start eating and stop tanning, then this could as easily be a photo of her 20 years from now performing Broadway-themed cabaret act called, like, Zoeklahoma or something. But that doesn't solve Terri Nunn's immediate problem of wearing the world's least flattering corset-and-granny-panty combo and adding curtain fringe. To put it in lyrical terms she might understand, I have no more words.

June 15, 2009

Maria Fugnounos

Fug file:

multi-colored

Oh, Maria. This is certainly very cheerful:

Yet at the same time, for some reason it very strongly arouses the unquenchable desire for a margarita. And by, "for some reason," I mean, "because it looks a lot like the tablecloths at my most beloved margarita-purveyor." And by "unquenchable," I mean, "very easy quenchable for $8.50, including a bottomless bowl of chips," and by "margarita," I mean, "two margaritas," and by, "two margaritas," I obviously mean, "three." And after three margaritas, the overwhelming cheerfulness of this dress PLEASES ME GREATLY, therefore, WAY TO GO and please pass the chips.

June 15, 2009

Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks

Fug file:

I just seriously do not even know what to do with Mad Men's Christina Hendricks. She looks amazing on the show and then in real life, she looks like this:

Her face, at least, is great -- that is, of course, the saving grace of the majority of celebrities featured herein, that even if they're wearing two potato sacks and a recycling bin, their genetics continue to be kind to them -- but hoo boy, what is up with the rest of this? That length is doing her no favors. Maybe if this dress didn't have long sleeves in addition to the frumpy skirt length it would be a whole different story, but as it is, one of the sexiest women on AMC looks like the major of Dumpsylvania. What would you do to fix her?

Usual commenting requests apply: play nice and share your toys and later we can all have a snack and a nap.

June 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jennifer Aniston

Fug file:

metallics

We have a long and varied -- okay, so it's not particularly varied. It's just long. A long, long history of complaining that Jennifer Aniston ONLY wears black or navy blue strapless gowns and it's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING. So I have to hand it to her for breaking out of the color mold and going for a metallic:

Yes, her body is great -- as one would hope, since doesn't she spend like 50 hours a week in the gym, sobbing through Bikram yoga? That's not judgment, by the way. If I spent 50 hours a week exercising, I would be crying, too. Anyway, obviously, she is in amazing shape, so it's nice to see her work it. What good is 50 hours in the gym if you can't wear whatever you like? Other than all that "health" mumbo-jumbo, of course. And I feel like this dress is very pretty, except...

poll by twiigs.com

June 12, 2009

Just Fugce

Fug file:

This photograph actually may be my moment of Zen for the week.

[Photo: Splash News]

Yes, that's Lady Gaga, and yes, she appears to be wearing a giant skein of yarn on her head in case a vicious knitting battle breaks out in the middle of her interview. In a way, this is my reassurance that all continues to be normal in the world.

Of course, now I'm craving a jelly doughnut. But I'll deal with that on my own time.

June 12, 2009

Fug-or-Fab The Cover: UK Cosmo

Fug file:

Cosmo

As with a lot of magazine covers out there, it's not so much that Cameron Diaz looks BAD here:

[Photo: Splash News]

She just doesn't look like herself. In fact, this whole cover feels cracked-out, like it's a designer-impostor publication called Cosmicpolitan that's trying to trick people at the newsstand into thinking it's the real thing. Even the cover lines -- which, incidentally, match her lipstick -- read like a joke issue of Cosmo and totally dwarf her presence. Seriously, there are a bajillion things I notice on this page before I even notice the ID that it's Cameron Diaz: "great sex," "dress sexy," "butt naked," "Super Diet," and "sex toy." My eye actually even went to "stalker" first.

So as far as the casual onlooker is concerned, this might as well be some random blonde chick who -- thanks to sexy clothes and a 10-day wheat purge -- just had the best bronco ride of her life atop a butt-naked man that she stalked for a year, who knows how to use props. And maybe that's all true of Cammy here (I don't know her life), but if you're going to all the trouble of putting her on and in your magazine, don't you want to make it feel more unique? As opposed to using a photo that looks as if it got pulled from a 2003 archive that went on clearance sale, and which is now used exclusively in those 150 Great Looks For Blondes magazines you only see at your hairdresser's?

poll by twiigs.com

June 12, 2009

Fugsin Murphy

Fug file:

Oh, hooray. I was getting worried that, after inducting Roisin Murphy into the ranks of Fug Madness contenders, she'd go and drop off the face of the planet, thus denying us that which we so crave from her. But not so.

And while this certainly isn't up to -- down to? -- her usual standards of wackitude, it DOES feel like she threw a loud caftan, a flight attendant's uniform, and some kitchen wallpaper into the washing machine with her favorite white housedress, ran the cycle on hot, and waited for it all to bleed into a pattern. Bless.

June 12, 2009

Fugte Walsh

Fug file:

Kate, no! Save yourself!

[Photo: Splash News]

I can see your nipples coming from here! ABORT! ABORT!

June 12, 2009

The Real Fugwives of Fug Fugk

Fug file:

Apparently, in my frustration-fueled jumpsuit roundup of yesterday, I missed one.

[Photo: Splash News]

I didn't realize people were making trouser versions of tank bathing suits from the Land's End summer catalog. Do we think the entire thing is swimming-friendly? I don't suppose anyone would be up for chucking her in the drink to find out...?

June 12, 2009

Unfug It Up: Bai Ling

Fug file:

ill-fitting,
yellow

Bai Ling is trying really hard. Like, REALLY hard. You almost never see her in Ed Hardy bra tops and tiny frayed denim skirts any more, which I personally think is a tragedy -- it's like she's keeping her panda sprite in a bottle in the sofa of her psyche, or whatever -- but which clearly is important to her in an effort to be taken seriously as a person who understands what it means to get dressed.

Here is her latest effort, and despite the title of this post, I'm not completely mad at it:

I appreciate the attempt here. I do. She almost looks like she's trying to be a Disney princess -- maybe there's a job open on a cruise line and she's gunning for a few free trips to St. Croix. And It's always nice to see someone trying to work canary yellow, because that's a hue that strikes fear into most people's hearts, although again -- maybe she just heard that cats eat canaries and she was looking for a rough-and-tumble good time. With all the different forces at work within Bai, it's impossible to say. But all in all, whatever the reason, she's trying to work it without being 90 percent naked and I appreciate that.

But here's the thing: I'm pretty sure that dress doesn't fit.

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Bai Ling.

June 12, 2009

Fug Matthews

Fug file:

Meg Matthews here is the ex-wife of Oasis' Noel Gallagher. And here's hoping she paid attention when his band sang all those times about not looking back in anger, or else someday she may have a rage-induced aneurysm when she stumbles upon this photo:

I mean, it really wasn't a good idea to fashion a sleeve out of something she found wadded up in an old gift bag. It totally wasn't necessary to add footless tights, much less ones that depict vines creeping up toward her knees as if to ingest them. And she CERTAINLY did not have to wear a giant taffeta sack that appears to end in bloomers. Ladies, the ONLY thing that should end in bloomers is a Shakespeare play, or possibly someone's shift at the Mead Parlor at the local Renaissance Faire. Remember that.

June 12, 2009

Waking Up In Fugas

Fug file:

I'm starting to wonder if Grease was actually a documentary, and Katy Perry's costumer/personal shopper is one of the former Pink Ladies.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Here's hoping it's at LEAST one of the crew from Grease 2 that she's working with -- yes, Rizzo was awesome, but those idiots from the sequel seemed like way more fun. Bursting into song while bowling, learning about plant reproduction, attempting to get it on in an old bomb shelter, AND at gas stations? Running around shouting the correct spelling of "Cool Rider" to nobody in particular? YES. For sheer lunacy that beats a choreographed number at the lunch tables any day.

June 12, 2009

The Fugton Sisters

Fug file:

dialogue

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

NICKY: Hey, Paris, sorry about Doug.

PARIS: What now?

NICKY: Doug, your ex?

PARIS: Who?

NICKY: You dated for six months... just broke up...

PARIS: Doesn't ring a bell. Hey, how does my bra look?

NICKY: It looks... like a bra.

PARIS: And my headband?

NICKY: Like you're Bjorn Borg.

PARIS: Who? Is that some other guy you think I was seeing?

NICKY: Sigh. No. He's a tennis--

PARIS: Whatever. I'm bored. I'm glad we don't eat food any more, so that we can just go straight to the bar and WORK IT. Los Angeles needs to smell what I'm cooking.

NICKY: Are you sure it's not too soon to be on the prowl?

PARIS: Too soon after what?

NICKY: It's been, like, six hours since Doug.

PARIS: Who?

NICKY: Never mind.

June 11, 2009

Fugs on a Plane

Fug file:

I have a theory.

It is this: When you are wearing something that looks suspiciously like harem pants, you should not also wear your tunic top, unless you are specifically attending some kind of kitschy harem-focused Arabian Nights party, like Celine Dion's second wedding, in which case this whole thing is too boring ANYWAY, because said party probably requires you to go all out. In daily life, the sad truth is that one must separate one's harem pants from one's tunic top. I know. It's a cruel fact of life, but it must be done to avoid looking too obsessively thematic.

Note: This theory is negated if you are an old lady, in which case you should wear whatever you want, and, in fact, this is perfect for gossip and mahjong by the pool.

June 11, 2009

Fugsuits Galore

Fug file:

My tank is almost empty, guys: I'm running out of things to say about jumpsuits. They're slowly joining leggings on my list of things about which there are fewer and fewer original ways to register my displeasure. Maybe I need a second safe word. "Altoids" is my all-encompassing word of protest about leggings (for which my objections are curiously strong, making it apt); I've yet to come up with an appropriate one for jumpsuits, though. And I'm going to need it, because they're still EVERYWHERE.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Leona Lewis has gone for a boobalicious genie version that makes her look squat and square and bow-legged, like someone pushed down on her head really hard until her knees buckled sideways. It's absurd enough that it makes me imagine Tyra Banks wearing it at one of her ANTM judgings, except Tyra probably would make it knee-length, because she's crazy and I think sometimes she likes looking like a really inappropriately dressed paratrooper.

Heidi Klum got into the jumpsuit action too:

Continue reading Fugsuits Galore.

June 11, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

metallics,
sequins

God help me, but the edgy stylings of one Ms. Fergie Ferg Duhamel have been growing on me lately. I actually like this:

It KIND OF seems as if her midsection is being clamped by a gargantuan hair accessory, but somehow she makes it look good. And the underlying dress is sexy-short but not gynecological, and it has shape without being overly poofy and twee. (The bodice line is not actually crooked; it's just the angle at which she's standing.) I might even be starting to like the darker hair -- it makes her coloring pop out in an exotic way. I mean, am I secretly hitting the bottle in my sleep, shuffling in a half-dream-state to the bar and sticking a bendy straw inside my flask of tequila? Or is she looking kind of hot?

Wait, before you answer, check out another outfit of hers that's giving me a bit more pause:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Fergie.

June 11, 2009

The Fugover

Fug file:

Hey, Heather!

Come on, turn around! That's a great color with your eyes, and I'm loving the strappy gold shoes. Don't be so bashful! Show us the front!

Continue reading The Fugover.

June 11, 2009

Waking Fug in Vegas

Fug file:

It's hard to believe that this well-dressed and, frankly, pretty adorable girl is actually Katy "Sushi Leotard" Perry:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Because THIS girl is so cute. Her vest is a little wacky, but she's working it and I love the orange skirt. She looks like the sort of funky but really cute girl who lives down the hall from you and has some kind of wacky business -- she's like a dog-walker or something -- that allows her to sign for packages for you and check on your pets while you're out and you think she's kooky but very trustworthy and she always has a funny story about, like, the time she got caught in a subway train with Bradley Cooper and how it was the best day of her life. You don't know her very well but she's charming and very pretty and you wish her the best. THAT Katy Perry seems like a treat.

Too bad THIS is the Katy Perry we usually have to deal with. BEHOLD:

Continue reading Waking Fug in Vegas.

June 11, 2009

My New BFFug

Fug file:

So, I'm sure you've heard that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt here have called it quits. It's okay. I'll give you a moment to collect yourself. It was hard for me to process too. Paris has only announced that she was planning to marry seven or eight of her other boyfriends, so it's natural that we all thought this was the one she was going to be correct about. I'm clearly pretty devastated. If Serial Engager Paris Hilton can't make it work with one of Lauren Conrad's plasticine cast-offs, what chance do any of the rest of us have for lasting romantic happiness? In fact, you should probably just call your significant other now and tell them to hit the road. Why bother?

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

But while we can never know at what exact moment this precious, cherished jewel of a relationship finally cracked and crumbled into thousands of crystalline tears, I like to think that it happened at the event in this photograph, which occurred the night before the PR announcement regarding the dissolution of their tender union rippled across the internets and rent our collective hearts into thousands of pieces. In fact, I truly believe, deep in my now loveless soul (for who can feel love if Paris and Doug Reinhardt are no longer as one? Not I) that on this night in question -- a night I believe future generations will refer to as The Night That Romance Died -- Doug turned around and looked at Paris. And he thought to himself, "That dipshit is wearing sunglasses at night. I'm outtie." And then we all were lost.

June 10, 2009

Fug the Cover: Scarlett Johansson

Fug file:

Elle

I don't speak French, per se; though I can recognize what some words are and how to say them, I took Spanish as my foreign language in high school. So while I can't be positive what some of the cover lines are on this issue of French Elle, I get a lot more enjoyment out of filling in the blanks myself with what I think is applicable:

For example, right by Scarlett's right arm, I decided it says, "New home, new baby? WHY SWEET JESUS WHY?!? I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN TWO MONTHS." Further down, I've decided the "affaire courjault" one is suggesting that she have a torrid and slightly gross orgy with three dudes who dress as court jesters for a living, which will tire her out a LOT, but at least she'll have a good story to tell people over coffee the next day while she tries to wake up enough to go to work.

You get the idea. I don't care or want to know what they ACTUALLY say (so, no e-mails necessary): It's impossible for me to look at any of this without thinking that Scarlett looks like she posed for this cover after four sleepless nights in a row, which involved a lot of wine and some Rock Band and possibly that jester orgy, and then at least three viewings of Beaches, during which cried herself silly. I appreciate au naturel as much as the next girl, but there is a gray area between "Photoshopped into a cartoon" and "It's 3 a.m. and I am still wearing last Thursday's bra." So the problem for Elle becomes, I'm not sure I'd want to buy this magazine based on the cover image of a really exhausted, hungry-looking girl and a story about how to lose a size in three weeks. Because whatever it is she's doing, I think I want to do the opposite.

June 10, 2009

Dancing with the Fugs

Fug file:

Dear Lil' Kim:

Please never change. I mean that metaphorically. At some point, you should probably take this off before you get a yeast infection.

June 10, 2009

Fug Practice

Fug file:

TIM DALY: Hey, Kate.

KATE WALSH: What up?

TIM: Our show turned CRAZY this year, right?

KATE: Oh, did it? I didn't really notice.

TIM: Um, yeah. Whatshernuts from Felicity is stealing Judging Amy's baby! It's like Young and the Restless or whatever all of a sudden.

KATE: I had no idea. Taye Diggs is so mesmerizingly good-looking that I sort of go into a semi-coma every time we're at work. What is my character doing? Are WE hooking up?

TIM: No. You're having an affair with this dude who is like a total charisma vacuum. Apparently he infected your wardrobe.

KATE: Excuse me?

TIM: BORING.

KATE: Me?

TIM: It's like you look great from the thighs down and the neck up. Otherwise, SNORE. BOXY SNORE. BOXY SNORE YOU BOUGHT FROM CHICO'S.BOXY SNORE YOU BOUGHT FROM CHICOS THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A TUNIC. BOXY SNORE YOU --

KATE: Enough. I get it. God. You're so irritating.

TIM: But still rakishly rumpled and handsome, yes?

KATE: Just shut up.

June 10, 2009

Unfug It Up: Heather Graham (And K.Cav)

Fug file:

No, you are not experiencing fugja vu:

[All photos: WENN.com]

I woke up this morning thinking I'd take a stab at fugging Heather Graham in this dress, which she wore a few days ago, only to find out Kristin Cavallari wore it last night and that her appearance was already in the fug pipeline.

Still, I forged ahead undaunted. Because they don't seem to be EXACTLY the same: Cavallari's appeared to be brown, whereas I think Graham's is fervently putting the "little" in "little black dress." Cavallari's was tighter; Graham's doesn't look stellar on her boobs, either, but at least they have room to breathe and I'm not concerned they're going to explode in protest. K.Cav picked summery, casual beige pumps, but Graham wanted strappier prom shoes. And while Cavallari's looks a little bit more like it's a bundle of safety pins away from being an homage to Elizabeth Hurley's infamous red-carpet debut, Heather's slits look a lot more like they have a backing panel. Because seriously, if that was flesh under those cutouts, we'd be on as intimate terms with her anatomy as her physician.

Graham's is also shorter, I think, which can lead to problems like this one:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Heather Graham (And K.Cav).

June 10, 2009

The Fugs

Fug file:

So, I have to admit that I personally am kind of stoked that Kristin Cavallari is joining the cast of The Hills. I loved her on Laguna Beach and I really appreciate that kind of relaxed shit-stirrer vibe she has. Like, she has no problem riling people up, you know? But she does it the way I would order a latte: totally, totally calmly, like it's something she does every day and she knows she's about ten minutes away from getting exactly what she wants and she just has to wait patiently for it to be handed to her. Whereas, say, Spencer Pratt riles people up the way I would walk into a cloud of killer bees: screeching and screaming and waving his arms around like a little girl. I know K. Cav introduced Spencer and Heidi whilst she was dating Brody, and I admit I really hope that while she's working on luring Brody away from his crazy current girlfriend she takes a moment to inflict some soft-scripted power play on Spencer that will bring him to his knees in the span of about fifteen seconds because I seriously think she could do it, mostly because I think she realizes Spencer is ridiculous and she isn't scared of him the least, whereas he sort of freaked out LC on a regular basis (which I can kind of get). HOWEVER, this has got to go:

[Photos: Splash News]

Sweet pea. That's just too tight. And look at the rest of it:

Continue reading The Fugs.

June 10, 2009

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Fug

Fug file:

"What do you mean these boots aren't flattering? I refuse to believe that."

June 9, 2009

Jenna Fugeson

Fug file:

First off, I'm thrilled to report that Jenna Jameson, former adult film star/entrepreneur extraordinaire, is looking very healthy after having her babies a couple of months ago. I was scared she was going to ratchet down to crazy skinny again, but I think she looks fabulous just as she is. Outfit excluded:

Girl. I know your job history may have slightly warped your view of what is actually considered clothing, but I'm pretty sure this was last seen on a showgirl in Atlantic City's famous Ancient Greece-themed revue, Topless Acropolis.

June 9, 2009

Fugily Deschanel

You know, I love me some Siegfried and Roy, too. And I'm sure the closeout sales at The Mirage's gift shop are fabulous.

But I think maybe I'd have limited my purchases to a pair of hilarious novelty socks.

June 9, 2009

Rufug Willis

Fug file:

ew,
stay classy

Okay, so the pendulum swung back: Rumer's got the hair working for her again, but the dress is back to being suspect:

Nothing says "classy" like a dress with photos on it of a woman's hand holding a cigarette. She's basically in costume as lung cancer, and if that doesn't get a girl in the mood to wear a frilly tutu, I don't know WHAT does.

Actually, for a long time, I stared at it and thought it was an order of french fries from McDonald's, and sat here trying to think of a name for a ballet in which Rumer might be starring that's based on the secret pain of the Hamburgler. All I came up with was The Clowncracker, which needed some workshopping, or Ron Lake, which sounds just as much like it could be about your accountant as about how one fast-food chain's clown continually defeats a man who's trying to steal his beef. Sigh. Fortunately it's a moot point.

June 9, 2009

Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Phyllis Newman

Fug file:

costumey,
WTF

Other than the fact that she shares a name with a Young and the Restless character, I didn't know that much about Phyllis Newman until I Googled her and learned she's something of a Broadway fixture and used to be on The Match Game a lot.

None of which explains why she showed up at the Tonys looking like a cross between Diane Keaton, Sally Jessy Raphael, and a priest.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Maybe I should put this post in Match Game parlance she'd understand:

HOST: At the Tony Awards, Phyllis Newman looked really crazy.

AUDIENCE: How! Crazy! Was she!?!?!

HOST: So crazy that the paparazzi begged her to bless them with her holy [BLANK].

June 9, 2009

Tony Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Piper Perabo

Fug file:

grey

Readers, why can't I get on board with this?

[Photo: WENN.com]

Somehow, between the fabric texture and the cut at the bottom, I can't shake the feeling that the hem of her gown looks like insect wings parting. Or as though she's being slowly devoured by a dolphin that currently is savoring her ankles. Or as if something is giving birth to her feet. It's just... I'm DISTRACTED by it. I don't like to think about epidurals in the morning. Or ever, really.

This angle doesn't help:

Continue reading Tony Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Piper Perabo.

June 9, 2009

Well Played, Allison Janney

Fug file:

purple

Well, DAMN.

There is a dude back there on the right who is looking straight at the camera and, presumably, thinking, "You're seeing this, too, right? This goddess in purple? Tall, legs for days, radiant, shoulders I'd like to gnaw on like a chicken drumstick? I would TOTALLY TAP THAT. And so would you. And you KNOW IT." And he's probably right.

June 9, 2009

Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Graham

Fug file:

Lauren. I wanted to like this. I did. You are so pretty.

[Photo: WENN.com]

I even think the green works with your coloring. But honey, that slice of Key Lime Pie has gone rancid in your fridge: If you are NOT wearing a strapless bra that's inching its nasty way down your torso so that the underwire can make sweet love to your rib cage, well, then something is doing a great imitation of that lady-tragedy. Not to mention that whatever rigging system you did come up with has failed your right boob more than your left. I am pleased there was an attempt at SOMETHING, but this is exactly the type of catastrophe many of us try to work out during a dry run. Or, aptly and in your theater parlance, a dress rehearsal. This is why I never cut the tags off anything until I am absolutely about to wear it out of the house.

Plus, can we talk about the bow? It looks like the bedraggled-but-optimistic Itsy Bitsy Spider climbing up the water spout after several torrential downpours had knocked it to the floor. And look what it's doing to your silhouette:

Continue reading Tony Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Graham.

June 8, 2009

Fugly Port

Fug file:

[Photos: Splash News]

I know what you're wondering, looking at this. You're thinking, "I wonder who's texting her." Well, thanks to the miracle of modern technology, I can tell you. The computer wizards here at GFY HQ intercepted a series of texts between Whitney and her mother, which I exclusively present to you here:

MAMA PORT: Whitney. Go home and put on some pants. My god.

WHITNEY: What R U talking about? I'm WEARING pants.

MAMA PORT: Those aren't pants. So ashamed right now.

WHITNEY: I bought them @ Bergdorfs. Says "TAP PANTS" right on the box.

MAMA PORT: TAP PANTS ARE UNDERGARMENTS.

WHITNEY: ????

MAMA PORT: YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR THEM OUTSIDE.

WHITNEY: How can U even C me?

MAMA PORT: Please use complete words when you text me.

WHITNEY: Fine. How can YOU even SEE me?

MAMA PORT: It's called THE INTERNET. Have you SEEN your rear view?

WHITNEY: I don't have eyes in the back of my head, Mom.

MAMA PORT: Find a mirror. I'll wait.

Continue reading Fugly Port.

June 8, 2009

Fug Magnolias

Fug file:

OH. DARYL HANNAH. Honey. Honey, no. No, no no no. Noooooo. That skirt. That is....really short. Like, Lisa Rinna-style short and even she wore tights with it.

Just...I don't even know what to tell you, lady. This shit ain't right. We both know that. Don't tell me you don't know that. EVERYONE knows that when your skirt reveals the soft, tender flesh of your inner thighs as they delicately kiss one another, IT'S TOO DAMN SHORT.

The good news is, this event appears to be at Stella McCartney's store. She TOTALLY sells pants. Or skirts. Or longer dresses. So help is close at hand.

June 8, 2009

Fug or Fab: Drunkface McCord

Fug file:

Dude. You guys. Drunkface McCord can turn her head almost ALL THE WAY AROUND:

Other than the fact that she's clearly AN ALIEN and she's FREAKING ME OUT, she looks pretty okay, right? But I admit it's possible that I'm so overcome with FEAR that I have lost my ability to reason. Obviously, I need your help. Oh, right. You need to see the rest:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Drunkface McCord.

June 8, 2009

Fugtie Fugce

Fug file:

Often, we've entreated Katie Price to cover up, or put various things away.

But an unflattering $10 rhinestone-studded mini-caftan in a subtle shade of Violent Sunburn is not exactly the solution I envisioned. Which may be for the best -- after all, I did always assume that the day Katie Price's tastes and mine dovetail into beautiful alignment would be the day I leave the house in legwarmers over leggings and a shirt made of Ruffles bags. So, you know, we've got at least a few weeks to go yet.

June 8, 2009

Lo Fugworth

Fug file:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

STEPHANIE PRATT: So, Lo, I've been thinking.

LO BOSWORTH: Good for you! That is kind of a big deal for you sometimes.

STEPHANIE: Thanks. So anyway, I've been wondering... do you think we're interesting enough to carry The Hills next season?

LO: Well...

STEPHANIE: I mean, everyone on the show is blonde now that Audrina changed her hair. I'm not as evil as Spencer, I'm not as whiny as Heidi, I don't have Audrina's boobs or any kind of dramatic lovelife woes, and now they're bringing on Kristin from Laguna Beach to be the bitch. I'm really not sure what we're supposed to do. In fact, I'm not completely sure what you've EVER contributed except for a few glares at Audrina once.

LO: Why do you think I am wearing this jumpsuit?

STEPHANIE: I was going to ask.

LO: I have almost nothing to offer that show. But if I start looking totally insane, people won't forget about me. They will PAY ATTENTION.

STEPHANIE: Is that really the right kind of attention, though?

LO: Honey, those heinous Jon and Kate people have six Us Weekly covers in a row just because they act like jerks to each other and feel unduly sorry for themselves. If I can string together a few more idiotic genie-pants jumpsuits that put a phantom ten pounds on me, I'm at LEAST set for a few Fashion Police segments or a piece with the headline, "Lo Expectations," and then LOOK OUT WORLD. I will LO-BALL you!

STEPHANIE: What does that even mean?

LO: I don't know, I'm still working on a catchphrase.

June 8, 2009

Tony Awards Fug/Well Played: Hope Davis and Marcia Gay Harden

Fug file:

MARCIA GAY HARDEN: Let's be frank. I look kind of great tonight.

HOPE DAVIS: I...don't. Damn it.

MARCIA: Did you see me on Damages this last season? I was sort of really sexy, right? Even if my character did kind of drift off into nowhere. After all those cracks over the last few years about how I'm a "handsome" woman. I'm looking GOOD lately. I think it's the hair.

HOPE: The hair is kind of big tonight, don't you --

MARCIA: Shut up, Dowdy McFrumpsville. Don't you have a junior high school dance to chaperone?

HOPE: That seems unnecessary.

MARCIA: So are your shoes.

HOPE: God, Marcia. Looking hot makes you MEAN.

MARCIA: Sorry. You just look...not as good as you COULD look. That's all. I just want you to look better. Like I do.

HOPE: Can we just do this so I can go home?

MARCIA: And fire your stylist?

HOPE: ENOUGH OUT OF YOU.

MARCIA: Sorry. I'm just drunk on my own awesome.

HOPE: I wish I were drunk, PERIOD.

June 5, 2009

Fug Gardens

Fug file:

What is going on with Drew Barrymore?

[Photo: Splash News]

Seriously. I don't even know what to say about this thing. Did you ever see the Friends episode where Chandler decides not to be so sarcastic (or something), and thus he is constantly being confronted with moments that are perfectly set up for snide comments, and he is essentially reduced to clapping his hand over his mouth? That's how I feel looking at this, except my hand is clapped over my mouth to keep the nonsense in, because this get-up has provoked SO MANY varied responses to me that my only reaction is gibberish. I mean it. Two minutes ago, I basically wrote, "SLANKET grunge 90s TIME TRAVEL SACK scarf hair TOGA picnic drunk."

Okay, so that basically covers it, right?

June 5, 2009

Fugison Fugfrapp

Fug file:

Having just discussed (via Spencer Grammer) that I appreciate when celebrities have a favorite piece they pull out on multiple occasions, along comes Alison Goldfrapp with this little beauty:

She's totally revisiting a shirt she wore two years and one week ago, when I first confessed my profound fascination with her surname. To Alison's credit, her hair doesn't look quite as goldfrapped in this picture, although her pants look like they got royally goldfrapped in the limo on the way over to the party.

On the whole, while her enthusiasm for sequins is appreciated, I'm not sure it was advisable to dip her nib back into this particular sparkly inkwell. Unless she's headed to a business meeting at which she's pitching Xanadu-meets-The Office, then she should've left this shirt -- WAIT FOR IT -- Suspended In Time.

And now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to IKEA to buy a very sensibly designed GOLDFRÅP bookshelf.

June 5, 2009

Peaches Fugdof

Fug file:

denim abuse

About six weeks ago, I went to Paris on a wee vacay -- it was fabulous, thank you, and I am very envious of our Parisian readers. Your city is beautiful -- and one of the best parts of the trip was seeing what kind of clothes were being sold. I saw many, MANY Kanye West Venetian Blind Glasses, copious acid-washed denim and many pairs of man harem pants. When I saw a pair of white, saggy crotched, demin man harem pants (marem pants?), I could not resist, and texted the news to my friend Jen. She immediately texted back, "OH HALE NO." Which was exactly my reaction to the get-up of one Miss Peaches "DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION" Geldof, pictured below:

[Photo: Splash News]

SHUT. UP. This is so aggressively, purposely, ridiculously ugly. You might as well just wear a tee shirt that says, "I'm a total jackass." Save us all a bit of trouble.

June 5, 2009

Fugging Up In Vegas

Fug file:

This photograph was taken last weekend, at Japan's MTV awards, but I put it away and forgot about it -- and now I see why. Clearly, I WANTED to forget.

Yes, undeniably, there is something artsy about the dramatic stripes and the peacock detail, but none of that eradicates the fact that a giant bird is staring me down from the vicinity of her crotch. A giant, legless bird-pod whose feathers are exploding out of Katy's groin. It's like a horribly overwrought metaphor for the plumage she CAN'T show because this outfit has forced her to cover her nethers.

Inside, though, she was back to her old tricks:

Continue reading Fugging Up In Vegas.

June 5, 2009

Tara Fugler-Tomkinson

Fug file:

My previous readings about Tara Palmer-Tomkinson mostly reinforced the idea that she's one of those demi-blue-blooded Brits who managed to turn herself into an "It GIrl" socialite and then converted that into a TV presenting career. Kind of like Paris Hilton, but skinnier, older, a bit tanner, and less likely to be spotted posing on the red carpet with her back thrown out of joint.

But apparently Tara P-T ALSO had to have her septum rebuilt in 2006 because it collapsed due to a raging cocaine addiction, is a classical pianist, AND is the subject of a rumor that the British armed forces nicknamed the Tora Bora caves, where Osama Bin Laden was alleged to be hiding, "Tora Bora Tomkinson." I don't know if that's a compliment or not. (I also for a second thought that New Woman magazine had named Tara "Whore of the Year" in 2005, but indeed, I misread it and she was instead their woman of the year. Oh well. Not as fun, but probably better in the long run.)

So in sum, if Wikipedia is to be believed, Tara Palmer-Tomkinson is more interesting than I'd previously thought.

But even so, she is NOT THIS INTERESTING. OH MY GOD, LADY. Where does she think she is? Cannes? Although, in fact, can we PLEASE all just stop with the knicker-flashing and the transparency and the really uncomfortable exhibitionism that smells an awful lot like desperation mixed with dumb? Even the guy she's grabbing onto is like, "I don't feel right about this. Can you make it the rest of the way alone? Because I just remembered I have to, um, wash my hair." I would, however, like to thank her for not turning around for this photographer. That would bring a whole new, tawdry meaning to the phrase, "That girl's got sheer cheek."

June 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Michelle Williams

Fug file:

So, I have a total soft spot for Michelle Williams. It might be because of the many many many years I spent toiling at the hem of Dawson's Creek, and it might be because every time I see a photo of her out and about with Matilda, I coo to whoever is in close proximity, "she [Matilda] looks just like her Daddy," and then I feel really sad about that whole Heath Ledger thing and ergo protective of the parties involved. Whatever the reason, I am fond of old Jen Lindley and I want her to be happy. But while we all know that outfits can not bring true happiness one way or the other -- although I certainly think they can make you feel MUCH BETTER about things, which is why I own so many pairs of shoes -- let's get to the clothes, anyway, shall we?

The front:

The back:

My suspicion is that this is one of those things that you see in person and it's crazy amazing (Cramazing! One of Areosmith's most popular tunes!) and then in photos it looks kind of like it's teetering on the edge of cheesy/chintzy. Like, I wonder if it just doesn't translate. It's a bit like a gladiator has raced in from fighting a lion, or whatever, and then realized that he's TOTALLY running late for Marcus Agrippa's stupid toga party, but if he doesn't go, it will be social DISASTER, so he just throws on his toga and dashes out the door. Which might be what M. Wil was going for. As her former co-star once so memorably announced, I don't know her life. Wait. That's not what he said, was it? Let's go to the tape:

OH. Well, close enough.

poll by twiigs.com

June 4, 2009

Harry Fugter and the Fug-Blood Prince

Fug file:

Emma Watson had a Rodarte event to go to, so clearly, she felt obligated to deck herself out in some borrowed gladrags from the designers. Usually that must be an awesome perk of the job, but Emma doesn't look super convinced by the one she ended up with:

[Photo: WENN.com]

It's like the shabby-chic beauty-pageant stepsister to the one Natalie Portman wore to promote The Other Boleyn Girl. I keep expecting the blue sash to SAY something, like maybe Miss Teen Rock Opera 2009, acknowledging her excellent achievement in managing to look a bit like the sort of trendy biker-boho-ballerina you'd find running around on-stage singing "Somebody To Love" in We Will Rock You. All she's missing is some combat boots and a dodgy script.

June 4, 2009

Ugly Fugty

Fug file:

I'm not one of those people who thinks you have to wear makeup to look fabulous, and we've certainly made our fair share of comments about Kelly Osbourne's history of painting her face into a borderline ghoulish kabuki mask. So I'm not some crazy slap peddler. But what does confuse me is the trend of wearing a ton of makeup so that it looks like you're wearing none. Observe:

The pearl-necklace dress, I find sort of amusing; the shoes, I desire greatly. But whenever I look at Becki Newton's otherwise adorable face here, it's as if her lips blend right in with the rest of it -- I kept wondering if they were chapped, maybe, and she'd just slathered them with Carmex, or wiped them really hard with a napkin after dinner. And then I saw a close-up:

Continue reading Ugly Fugty.

June 4, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kate Bosworth

Fug file:

I always love to look at the OTHER people in a photo like this:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

There's always Bored Bouncer Type Guy -- who sees these sorts of shenanigans all the time. And then you've usually got one Concerned Associate, and Some Dude Yelling, and then there is always one person who looks moderately amused by the fact that any of this is happening at all. I always wonder which of those people I would be. I like to THINK I would be Vaguely Amused This Is Happening, but I know me. I would probably be Some Dude Yelling.

But let's talk about Kate, here. I do have to hand it to her for taking risks -- if only because, if she didn't, I wouldn't have as much to write about. There are aspects of this dress that I really like -- but anyone who's read this site for longer than two minutes know what my complaint is: I don't think this color does anything for her. She looks like a pat of butter.

poll by twiigs.com

June 4, 2009

Fugginator: Salvation

"You know, I could still turn around and go back to the hotel. I've only taken a few steps here. This can be undone, right? I can put my husband's undershirt back where I found it and unwrap the sarong I made out of Hefty bags and take off my strange ankle-cuff shoes and buy Wall-E on Pay Per View and order room service and curl up and eat it in one of the $80 robes they hang in the bathroom, and then I won't have to watch this boring movie I'm in AND I won't have to answer questions about what I'm wearing. I can still do this! I can leave, right? I can! I'm going to... [CAMERA FLASH] Dammit."

June 4, 2009

Fugtel

Fug file:

SHARI BELAFONTE:

This is not a pool party, even if it IS in Vegas. Where is your SHIRT? Don't get me wrong -- you look AWESOME for 55, but sometimes, as they say, discretion is the better part of valor.

PS: Loved you on Hotel, although I barely remember it. I always get it confused with Remington Steele, and I have no idea why. Maybe because they were both shows starring people with brown hair that my grandma watched while I was playing with my Barbies and thinking about candy corn. Look, I have freakish recall for TV shows from the 80s, but not even I can remember everything that was on the TV when I was 7. My brain needs some space to contain the names of my family members and every word to every song on Wham! Make It Big.

June 4, 2009

Better Played, Spencer Grammer

Fug file:

plaid,
polls

There's something awfully refreshing about an actress recycling stuff from her wardrobe, like any regular girl would -- clearly, Spencer Grammer loves this blazer, and those are her favorite black pumps because maybe they're the only ones she has that don't give her blisters, or maybe she didn't get a pedicure and everything else in her closet has an open toe, and so she took both items out on the town again two days after wearing them at an ABC Family event:

And on the whole, I think I prefer this outfit to the too-tight, semi-unflattering shorts. Don't get me wrong: Girlfriend still probably needs a stylist. This is not Singles, and she is not Bridget Fonda, and so it doesn't matter how many hats she wears -- Matt Dillon still is not going to show up and say "gesundheit" to her in an elevator. But if you mentally remove the hat, she goes back to being a cute girl with a dress she probably got at Urban Outfitters, but which isn't warm enough or doesn't cover her bra straps entirely and so she needs to cover her shoulders with a blazer. We've probably all been that girl in some form or another, except for a) the guys reading this, or b) the people who don't shop specifically at Urban Outfitters because we don't all want to spend $68 on some random plaid thing we probably could've picked up at The Gap for $29.99. In other words: Spencer seems refreshingly normal for a girl whose dad probably could buy her the entire contents of Saks, but maybe for her birthday he should give her a personal shopper.

So in all, on her report card I'd give her good marks for improving upon her original deployment of these pieces, but I would note that Spencer is a bright girl who still needs to apply herself a bit harder.

poll by twiigs.com

June 4, 2009

America's Next Top Fugger

Fug file:

ANTM

We have gotten a few emails over the last week about CariDee English here, former ANTM champion and current spokesmodel about town:

Namely, they are along the lines of, "WHAT HAPPENED TO HER FACE?" or "I was in a cab last night and CariDee was on some ad on the TV in the cab and I was like, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" And there IS something different about her face and I'm scared it's Botox or fillers or something -- she's so shiny, and she might just be shiny, but it might also be the weird shine you get when you've been screwing with your face, medically -- but I can't figure it out. I am, needless to say, a little concerned. However, in my attempt to try, I found photos of her at a Super Bowl party in 2007 and she is wearing THIS EXACT SAME WRETCHED SHORTS SUIT....except without a shirt. So even if she is messing aroung with Dr. Frozen Face, at least progress has been made SOMEWHERE. By 2012, we might even see her in pants!

June 3, 2009

Law and Fugder

Fug file:

Okay. Let's get real.

If Angie Harmon is barely pulling this off, what chance do the rest of us have? Seriously. Just think about that for a little while.

June 3, 2009

Big Fug II: The Big Fuggenning

Fug file:

Uh-oh.

I wondered if Chloe's appearance yesterday was the harbinger of more crazy craziness from Ms Sevigny. And now it appears my question has been answered. And apparently the answer is: HELL YES. To which I say: BRING IT ON, SISTER. I can take your super shorty short shorts and your tonsorial salute to Donald Trump's majestic comb-over. I relish them. I am READY for them. I HAVE MISSED THEM. I command you to look at the events on your social calendar for this summer and devote yourself to wearing the bat-shit-craziest things you can find to each of them. Out-do your past self. Show those wackadoo upstarts like Katy Perry and Aubrey O'Day how it's REALLY done. I mean it. This summer. You and me. Fugger v. fuggee. Your assignment is to veer drastically between wearing, like, a bucket as a tube top one day and looking wildly hot the next, and mine is to tell the internet my deeply conflicting feelings about you. Just like in the olden days. Seriously. Keep making the rounds. I promise you, it's going to be awesome.

June 3, 2009

Well Played, Amanda Seyfried

Fug file:

I just love this.

That's all. Please go about your business. I just had to tell someone.

June 3, 2009

Bionic Fug

Fug file:

Oh honey NO,
pink

So, here's the thing:

When your dress is bright pink, it's not in your best interest to match your makeup to it, unless your goal is to look as though you spent the whole party in the bathroom crying. Point the second: When you're wearing a bright pink dress that may somewhat recall the glory days of middle school, it's probably not advisable to wear your hair in a way which similarly brings to mind things like cafeteria food, slumber parties, spelling tests and/or four-square. Unless, of course, you are in middle school, in which case: please do carry on. But if you're Michelle Ryan here, I think things might have gone somewhat more successfully if she'd just hopped back in the shower and started over.

June 3, 2009

Riley Fugough

Fug file:

Riley Keough is Lisa-Marie Presley's daughter, and hence, the grandchild of Elvis. As I was born the exact day and year of Elvis's death, and therefore clearly am the reincarnation of The King (I love peanut butter, I want you to love me tender, and as you might imagine I own several hundred white leather jumpsuits that are studded... come on, WE ARE ONE), you'll have to forgive me if I'm impelled to display a little grandparental concern here.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

You're... OKAY, right, Riley? Because surely you understand why I might be worried that you're wearing a Mr. Rogers cardigan underneath a jacket, without any demonstrable presence of pants, and that your two-tone thigh-highs seem to come with knee pads. And that I have reason to suspect you did your makeup with a Sharpie. If Elvis were here -- and HE IS, through me -- he might be concerned you'd be arrested for, ahem, "street-walking," at which point everybody in the whole cell block would quit dancing to the jailhouse rock and start wolf-whistling at your pantsless body. And that's not what a grandfather likes to imagine, okay, sweetpea? Take it from me. Here's a Werther's Orignal. Now go home and find some trousers.

June 3, 2009

Helena Fugham Carter

Fug file:

By now, we all know that Helena Bonham Carter enjoys dressing as if she's a vagrant. This is nothing new.

[All photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

And since she's out and about running errands, or whatever, I'm loath to ding her for it -- especially because at this point I find it wickedly entertaining that Helena just does not care. In fact it tickles me to imagine that, when she prepares to leave the house, she thinks, "I'm totally going to get my picture taken, because I always do. But you know what? SCREW IT. I'm going to put on my white skirt and my very favorite old maternity smock -- the one I never bother to iron -- and then probably add a cardigan, and I'm going to yank up my thick socks and take my orthopedic clodhoppers for a spin, and throw my hair up in a bun that looks like I used a hand-held egg-beater to arrange it, and when I'm done exerting all the strenuous effort it demands to look THIS weird, I am going to LEAVE THE HOUSE and I don't CARE if people start throwing pound coins at my feet because they think I'm about to drop a hat on the ground and busk for supper. SUCK ON IT, WORLD." I mean, think about all the steps she had to take to go to this place, and she did it anyway. That is commitment right there.

So, no, the clothes themselves aren't why Helena graces the site today. What has me really curious here are the shoes. Check them out in close-up:

Continue reading Helena Fugham Carter.

June 3, 2009

Belatedly Well Played, Nicole Kidman

This post is about a month overdue, and I'm not sure why we never got around to it before, but it's never really too late to sing hymns of joy to the heavens, is it? Some team of angels up there somewhere is having a bad day and is going to be all, "You know what, thanks, Fug Girls, because we were out of Philadelphia Cream Cheese and we spilled Diet Coke on our robes, and the harp broke a string, and now God's all mad because Spencer Pratt won't shut his lousy piehole for five minutes -- so, the tardiness of your praise, resulting from your inattention to detail in the last month, ended up turning this craptacular day into a fairly decent one, even if your crooned praises make our ears want to bleed a little. Here, have a Divine Twinkie, on us."

So here we go: Thanks to some new photos from a movie set, we can finally scream HALLELUJAH.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Nicole Kidman has gone back to having a hair color. And it's a RED color.Okay, so she might still be Botoxed to the nines, but she's not washed out nor bleached to within an inch of her scalp's life, nor do I fear I need to confine her to her bedchamber and feed her chicken soup. She looks so much better! Ladies and gentlemen, IT'S ALIVE!

poll by twiigs.com

June 2, 2009

Heroes: Fugs

Fug file:

You know, coming up on five years of writing this blog (...wow), I often think that I have lost the ability to be stunned or amazed or horrified or thrilled by anything anyone wears. And yet it turns out that I HAVEN'T. My reactions to things are still as powerful and loud as they once were, lo those many years ago, when this blog began. How else to explain the fact that I actually screeched, "OH MY GOD," when this popped up on my computer screen:

OH MY GOD GIRL. I do not want to couch my reaction to this in any sweet words or kind protestations or anything that would detract you from my actual feelings about this: YOU LOOK TERRIBLE. THIS IS HIDEOUS. WHAT'S WITH THE FEATHER PURSE? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? YOUR FRIENDS AND STYLISTS ARE WRONG. THIS IS WRETCHED. WRETCHED. DON'T EVER WEAR THIS AGAIN.

Sorry to drift into Kanye-esque ALL CAPS but....LET'S GET REAL. THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

June 2, 2009

Fug or Fab: Fergie

Fug file:

blue,
great shoes

I am still not wholly on board with Fergie Ferg's darker hair. Obviously, it's a person's prerogative to do whatever she wants to her hair -- hence my dangerous and mistaken flirtation with Sun-In circa 1989-- but while I think I am sort of used to this look on her now, and the blonde was a mistake on my own part, I kind of prefer her with a sunnier do. That being said, let's talk about the dress:

Okay, before the dress: Yes, I see that her toes are hanging off the end of her shoe. Every time that happens, we get e-mails from people wondering why we haven't mentioned that, and it is because when you have a really high heel and you stand in one place for a long time -- as for a press opportunity like this -- your foot gets sweaty and you sort of slide down the arch of the shoe and this happens. Ain't nothing she can do about it in the moment, so it's doesn't seem fair to ding her for it. There we go! A much-asked question answered. Those ARE some wicked shoes, though. NOW, let's talk about the dress. Except for how I'm tired already from typing all this blah blah about sweaty feet and Sun-In and yadda yadda yadda.

poll by twiigs.com

June 2, 2009

Big Fug

Fug file:

THIS IS SO EXCITING. No, I mean it. Chloe Sevigny isn't out and about as much as she used to be, and I started to miss her. She's reliable -- either she looks CRAZY or she looks AMAZING, and that's all I really ask for. Something really wretched and terrible, something utterly batshit crazy, or FABULOUSNESS. Or the trifecta of all three at once. This doesn't quite hit all points, but it IS delightful in its own way:

Who else would come out of the house looking like Mary Poppins from the waist up, and Leggs McGee from the way down? I mean, as far as I recall, there is NOT a scene in Mary Poppins where she goes out for a date with Bert in a rather scandalous -- yet still demure -- shorts suit, but maybe Chloe here is angling for an updated version. In her iteration of the Disney classic, "A Spoonful of Sugar" is mashed up with "Pour Some Sugar On Me" while Mary cavorts on top of a horse and buggy, and "Jolly Holiday" is actually remixed with Madonna's "Holiday" while Mary takes Jane and Michael out to buy cone bras. I can almost read my angry letter now.

June 2, 2009

Partly Well Played, Malin Akerman

Fug file:

great shoes,
polls

Love the hair, makeup, and gams, Malin, but the dress itself is pretty blah:

[Photo: Splash News]

In theory I don't object to the slouchy top and mini, but this one is so languidly draped as to look lazy and tired and kind of bored of being itself. All that bunching in the front seems unsure of where it's supposed to hang, yet too disinterested to figure out an alternative. It's like a giant satin jowl.

Which is what makes her shoe choice that much more brilliant. Because when you have a dress that refuses to wake up from its hanger nap and sparkle, it never hurts to whip out some serious hooves:

Continue reading Partly Well Played, Malin Akerman.

June 2, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Stewart

Fug file:

Kristen Stewart makes me crabby. I know, I know, many of you think that making me crabby must be about as difficult as getting a Hills girl to nod vacantly while making marginal eye contact with something in the middle distance. But seriously, come on, kid:

REALLY? Because the dress actually works a bit with the punk-princess sensibility she tries to work sometimes, but wouldn't this be a hundred times hotter -- yet STILL edgy -- with, say, Ashley Tisdale's shoes here? And did I really just tell Kristen Stewart to learn something from one of the stars of High School Musical? YES. I DID. Do you see what the lazy Converse have done to me? It would be fine if she were on set, and they were shooting angsty close-ups about vampiric love woes and the trouble with having lots of supernatural creatures with pointy teeth who are so very obsessed with you, and Kristen's feet hurt so she ditched her real shoes for something more comfortable to wear while just standing around not being seen from the waist down. But guess what? THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE TIMES.

Of course, then she went and charmed me a little by trying to exit the MTV stage and completely bumbling, then dropping, her popcorn statuette. And by acknowledging it in a sweetly awkward way, while also not appearing to care that part of it may have broken. So it all just made me wish MORE that she would respect the power of a great shoe.

Edited to add: I also just noticed that the tags on this entry accidentally make a full sentence: "SIGH, Twilight, you couldn't try a bit harder?" It's true on SO MANY LEVELS, people. So many.

Edited again to add: And if it's true she sprained her ankle (as is apparently rumored) and couldn't wear heels, well, there are about a hundred thousand better options than Converse for this outfit and occasion -- and if she was well enough to go in the first place and stand around on her ankle, she probably would've been fine in whatever arch support a cute pair of flats gave her. And also, she didn't seem to be limping. And also, unless she really had a doctor's note demanding the sneakers, I reiterate the aforementioned re: pursuing flats. Because it can't be said enough.

June 2, 2009

Greefug

Fug file:

SCOTT MICHAEL FOSTER: Hi, Spencer. I see you're wearing another pair of semi-high-waisted, fairly tight and tiny shorts.

SPENCER GRAMMER: Yes. Yes I am.

SMF: And a tank top.

SPENCER: Yup.

SMF: And a blazer, which... I don't hate on you, actually, but I just can't figure out why you look like you're headed off for a day of sailing on the S.S. Some Kind Of Wonderful.

SPENCER: Your point?

SMF: Wouldn't a skirt have been CUTER? And less... confining-looking? As usual? Do you just have a skirt allergy?

SPENCER: Well. Thank you, Mr. Fashion Plate, but I don't think I am the problem here at all.

SMF: Oh really?

SPENCER: I know your hair is always sort of... like that. And it works for your character. But is it just me, or are you going WAY more old-school David Cassidy than usual?

SMF: Well, Ms. Smarty Shorts, why don't we ask him? He's here.

DAVID CASSIDY: Hi, Scott. It's true, son. You ARE headed down Young David Cassidy Boulevard.

SMF: Does that have to be a bad thing?

SPENCER: It's just kind of distract--

DAVID: HELL NO, son! Do you have any idea how many women threw themselves at me back then? I could've gotten more ass than a sorority house toilet seat. So you GO. You grow. You cultivate the hell out of that thing and live the dream.

SMF: I am in a MUCH better mood now. I'm so glad we checked with him.

SPENCER: And I'm kind of wishing I didn't always wear things that make me look boxy.

SMF: Maybe if YOU had David Cassidy Hair, it wouldn't matter so much. I think I love it, so what are YOU so afraid of?

SPENCER: GREAT advice. Thanks.

June 1, 2009

NYFug.com: Red-Carpet Hits and Misses from the MTV Awards

In case our coverage today wasn't enough immersion in MTV for you, or you prefer your quips and snarkings in slideshow form, we awarded a dozen looks our own facetious fashion prizes from the evening -- some we like, most we didn't, and a mix of stuff we've fugged and stuff we haven't.

"It's beyond us why she's clad like she just finished packing brownies into the minivan for the Little League bake sale."

About whom did we say that? Well, naturally, I'm not going to tell you -- click here to view the slideshow and join in the comments.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Ashley Greene

Fug file:

Twilight

I'm not sure why this outfit stuck in my craw so much -- or what a craw even is, or why it's so hard to get things out of it, or what else might be in there that I've been missing for a while (seriously, is that where my keys are? Or that jar of Jif I'm pretty sure I bought last week but which is nowhere to be found? Because if my craw is holding out on me then SO HELP ME GOD it will pay).

Anyway: Bring on the angry Twilight mob with their torches, because for whatever reason, this bugs me.

I THINK it's because if I were to photoshop Dana Delany's face onto this picture and tell you she stopped by on her way to a Desperate Housewives promotional luncheon and polo match, you probably would believe me. Okay, in part that's because you trust us, and we thank you for that, but it's also because there is something sort of primly mature about the dress and the giant hair. Not in an altogether BAD way, but just as if Ashley ganked an entire ensemble intended for someone else. Someone who likes to pack a little cleavage when she goes to Sunday Mass. A church cougar, if you will.

Or am I insane? I mean, she DOES also have a touch of the drunkface, which I suppose makes it all a bit more MTV.

poll by twiigs.com

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Paris Hilton

Fug file:

pastels

Dear Famewhores,

Just go ahead and do a backbend on the red carpet and get it over with. God.

Love,

Jessica

PS: I liked that dress better on my Peaches and Cream Barbie.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Leighton Meester

Fug file:

Why so coy, Leighton?

You look like you have a secret. A naughty, naughty secret. What could that be about? The top/front of your dress is sort of interesting and cool. But that wouldn't provoke such a self-amused little smirk. Could it possibly have something to do with the fact that there exist almost NO pictures of your backside at this event? Were you scuttling about the Movie Awards like a chic little crab? Have you started to grow a tail? What is happening here, dear B?

Continue reading MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Leighton Meester.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug-or-Fun Carpet: Monique Coleman

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On first blush, I said of this outfit, "WHOA." Eloquent, right? But seriously, look at this photo:

There is a LOT going on with Ms. Monique Coleman here, with the hair and the aluminum foil and the black tutu, and for a second I was overwhelmed.

But... come on, I am not made of stone. She looks like she's having such a good time, in that awesomely costumey and ridiculous Center Stage final performance way, where in two seconds someone will pan away from her and then pan back and she'll be in head-to-toe crimson with different eye makeup and streamers in her hair and then she'd start twirling while all the eligible dudes present tried to get her attention by doing a lot of jumping. And who wouldn't want to see THAT in real life? Not to mention that Monique's new afro is kind of sassy. It reminds me of when Tyra Banks made F'ing Yaya get one on Cycle 3 of ANTM, and it was so huge and fantastic and full of personality and RESPEITO that F'ing Yaya totally rocked it all the way to the finals and enticed Tyra to show up to one judging in a giant 'fro of her own that ALSO looked kind of glorious and I swear to God I had some serious Sass Envy that day.

So in sum: Cheap-looking prom shoes aside, I cherish the spirit of fun this look embodies. But I'm still putting it up to a vote, because I realize my reaction may have a lot to do with my taste in TV and my own personal affection for whimsy and possibly even the fact that I had a really tasty chicken-parm sandwich this weekend that put me in a really good mood for, like, two days. Seriously. Sandwiches are powerful.

poll by twiigs.com

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Rumer Willis

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bad hair,
green

Rumer Willis always presents me with such a quandary. I feel like any compliment I give her is almost GRUDGING, like, "She looks good... FOR HER," when in fact at this point I am rooting for her to hit it out of the proverbial ball park so that I can cross her off my list of worries.

But when she goes and does stuff like this, it makes it so hard.

I'd be curious to see the dress on someone else -- someone slightly less, well, awkward -- to see how I feel about it for real, but my first thought was: Wow, she is wearing a stained-glass window somebody designed based on a blackjack table. And her hair is all mussed and sweaty as if she had been sitting at said blackjack table for 18 hours straight, drinking free vodka tonics and losing a boatload of cash that she can't win back again. I can smell the casino on her. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... can we get Rachel Zoe on this case, please? Say what you will about that one -- and we have, and will continue to -- but she usually knows what she's doing, whereas clearly Rumer does not.

June 1, 2009

MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Taraji P. Henson

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On the plus side, this dress works better in black and white than it did when Miley Cyrus wore something similar:

Sure, she looks like something from the Decorative Arts section of the Met -- she's a vase! she's an urn! she's a delicately needlepointed chair! -- but at least she's a delicately needlepointed chair with great legs. Surely this can be salvaged! Let's see the back!

Continue reading MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Taraji P. Henson.

June 1, 2009

Unfug the MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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So, on her Twitter yesterday, LC here said that the dress she was supposed to wear to the MTV Movie Awards came back from the tailor and didn't fit. I don't know if she managed to make it work, or if this was something she'd held in reserve just in case of tailoring emergencies, or what happened. Either way, I think we can all agree that something isn't quite right:

I've been looking at this for twenty minutes and I am not quite sure how I'd fix it. For me, the ruffly skirt bit reminds me a bit of topiary -- like this is the dress version of a box hedge. And while box hedges are lovely in your garden, they are not necessarily flattering on one's body. If I could wave my magic de-fugging wand over Miss Lauren (last night WAS her final appearance on The Hills, so it seems like she deserves some kind of going-away present), I suspect I would keep this as it is, but find a way to make the skirt look less SQUARE. Because, CONCEPTUALLY, it's sort of fun and flirty, but in practice she looks like she's brought her own tuffet to the party. But hit me with your best shot -- what would you do to fix it?

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