I don't speak French, per se; though I can recognize what some words are and how to say them, I took Spanish as my foreign language in high school. So while I can't be positive what some of the cover lines are on this issue of French Elle, I get a lot more enjoyment out of filling in the blanks myself with what I think is applicable:
For example, right by Scarlett's right arm, I decided it says, "New home, new baby? WHY SWEET JESUS WHY?!? I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN TWO MONTHS." Further down, I've decided the "affaire courjault" one is suggesting that she have a torrid and slightly gross orgy with three dudes who dress as court jesters for a living, which will tire her out a LOT, but at least she'll have a good story to tell people over coffee the next day while she tries to wake up enough to go to work.
You get the idea. I don't care or want to know what they ACTUALLY say (so, no e-mails necessary): It's impossible for me to look at any of this without thinking that Scarlett looks like she posed for this cover after four sleepless nights in a row, which involved a lot of wine and some Rock Band and possibly that jester orgy, and then at least three viewings of Beaches, during which cried herself silly. I appreciate au naturel as much as the next girl, but there is a gray area between "Photoshopped into a cartoon" and "It's 3 a.m. and I am still wearing last Thursday's bra." So the problem for Elle becomes, I'm not sure I'd want to buy this magazine based on the cover image of a really exhausted, hungry-looking girl and a story about how to lose a size in three weeks. Because whatever it is she's doing, I think I want to do the opposite.
For example, right by Scarlett's right arm, I decided it says, "New home, new baby? WHY SWEET JESUS WHY?!? I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN TWO MONTHS." Further down, I've decided the "affaire courjault" one is suggesting that she have a torrid and slightly gross orgy with three dudes who dress as court jesters for a living, which will tire her out a LOT, but at least she'll have a good story to tell people over coffee the next day while she tries to wake up enough to go to work.
You get the idea. I don't care or want to know what they ACTUALLY say (so, no e-mails necessary): It's impossible for me to look at any of this without thinking that Scarlett looks like she posed for this cover after four sleepless nights in a row, which involved a lot of wine and some Rock Band and possibly that jester orgy, and then at least three viewings of Beaches, during which cried herself silly. I appreciate au naturel as much as the next girl, but there is a gray area between "Photoshopped into a cartoon" and "It's 3 a.m. and I am still wearing last Thursday's bra." So the problem for Elle becomes, I'm not sure I'd want to buy this magazine based on the cover image of a really exhausted, hungry-looking girl and a story about how to lose a size in three weeks. Because whatever it is she's doing, I think I want to do the opposite.
