My tank is almost empty, guys: I'm running out of things to say about jumpsuits. They're slowly joining leggings on my list of things about which there are fewer and fewer original ways to register my displeasure. Maybe I need a second safe word. "Altoids" is my all-encompassing word of protest about leggings (for which my objections are curiously strong, making it apt); I've yet to come up with an appropriate one for jumpsuits, though. And I'm going to need it, because they're still EVERYWHERE.
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
Leona Lewis has gone for a boobalicious genie version that makes her look squat and square and bow-legged, like someone pushed down on her head really hard until her knees buckled sideways. It's absurd enough that it makes me imagine Tyra Banks wearing it at one of her ANTM judgings, except Tyra probably would make it knee-length, because she's crazy and I think sometimes she likes looking like a really inappropriately dressed paratrooper.
Heidi Klum got into the jumpsuit action too:
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]
Leona Lewis has gone for a boobalicious genie version that makes her look squat and square and bow-legged, like someone pushed down on her head really hard until her knees buckled sideways. It's absurd enough that it makes me imagine Tyra Banks wearing it at one of her ANTM judgings, except Tyra probably would make it knee-length, because she's crazy and I think sometimes she likes looking like a really inappropriately dressed paratrooper.
Heidi Klum got into the jumpsuit action too:
[Photo: Splash News]
Girlfriend, I know you're pregnant. I get it. But you are also friends with Tim Gunn, who would look at you and furrow his brow, place his finger over his lips, and say, "This concerns me, I have to tell you. I'm worried, Heidi." And you're friends with Michael Kors, along with God knows how many other designers who want to dress your hot pregnant body, which even while ripe with womb-fruit looks better than 90 percent of us ever will. There is no need to clothe yourself like you're on sale at Mood for $1.99 a yard.
That thing almost makes this look cute:
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Yes, the pattern looks like a bad watercolor, she MIGHT have gotten her feet caught in a wildlife trap, and I think she's wearing tinted lab goggles, but overall I think Miss Beyonce wins the jumpsuit stakes by a country mile. If that can be considered "winning."
