So, I'm sure you've heard that Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt here have called it quits. It's okay. I'll give you a moment to collect yourself. It was hard for me to process too. Paris has only announced that she was planning to marry seven or eight of her other boyfriends, so it's natural that we all thought this was the one she was going to be correct about. I'm clearly pretty devastated. If Serial Engager Paris Hilton can't make it work with one of Lauren Conrad's plasticine cast-offs, what chance do any of the rest of us have for lasting romantic happiness? In fact, you should probably just call your significant other now and tell them to hit the road. Why bother?
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
But while we can never know at what exact moment this precious, cherished jewel of a relationship finally cracked and crumbled into thousands of crystalline tears, I like to think that it happened at the event in this photograph, which occurred the night before the PR announcement regarding the dissolution of their tender union rippled across the internets and rent our collective hearts into thousands of pieces. In fact, I truly believe, deep in my now loveless soul (for who can feel love if Paris and Doug Reinhardt are no longer as one? Not I) that on this night in question -- a night I believe future generations will refer to as The Night That Romance Died -- Doug turned around and looked at Paris. And he thought to himself, "That dipshit is wearing sunglasses at night. I'm outtie." And then we all were lost.
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
But while we can never know at what exact moment this precious, cherished jewel of a relationship finally cracked and crumbled into thousands of crystalline tears, I like to think that it happened at the event in this photograph, which occurred the night before the PR announcement regarding the dissolution of their tender union rippled across the internets and rent our collective hearts into thousands of pieces. In fact, I truly believe, deep in my now loveless soul (for who can feel love if Paris and Doug Reinhardt are no longer as one? Not I) that on this night in question -- a night I believe future generations will refer to as The Night That Romance Died -- Doug turned around and looked at Paris. And he thought to himself, "That dipshit is wearing sunglasses at night. I'm outtie." And then we all were lost.
