[Photo: Splash News]
MARC ANTHONY: Wow! What a nifty personalized athletic shirt.
J.LO: Heheheheheeeeee! My Marc, he is so precious, like a tiny wee pixie but with hormones! That shirt will eat him alive!
MARC: It is pleasing to me that the Miami Dolphins NFL Organization, which I own a piece of now, has provided me with this important shirt. Does everyone get one?
J.LO: Tee hee! It will NEVER fit him! Not even if I boil it twenty times! Mi pequeñito precioso! I had to wear my hair in barettes like I'm eight, so that I seem as teensy as he is! Thank God the rest of me looks smoking hot!
MARC: This athletic shirt symbolizes how committed I am to the game of NFL.
J.LO: Ha ha ha ha, he thinks a touchdown is when a plane lands! But that is okay, because a Certain Someone whose name rhymes with Len Affbleck knows all ABOUT sports and HE does not have his own Dolphins jersey, AND he got all bloaty that one time! HA HA HA!
MARC: And look, there's a number on it. Does that match my seat number?
J.LO: I mean, really, He Who Must Not Be Named doesn't own a piece of a professional sports team! WHO'S BETTER NOW, LORD VOLDYFLECK?
MARC: I can pair this with suit pants, right? Do I need a necktie? .
J.LO: Do not worry, Miami fans, I am here to help. My Marc, he will learn the ways of the jersey.
MARC: Yes. I will be sure to wear this when I am doing athletic things, like... walking, and pumping lead.
J.LO: And I will be sure to wear mine AS A DRESS. Because if there's one thing Mrs. Ben Dumbface does not have, it's a dress made of sports! So WATCH OUT, lady! I will win again!
