If life were a soap opera -- and I personally wish it were, because if you ask me, not nearly enough people skulk around during a murder investigation clutching hidden guns and books that say How To Kill Your Sister, only to find out that she's fake-dead and an amnesiac who's been living on an island with some dude who turns out to be her fiance's brother, who has a brain fog that means you can't tell him anything vaguely vexing or else his head will explode -- then I think we'd soon discover that Helena Bonham Carter has been living in secret as Bellatrix Lestrange's long-lost twin.
Unfortunately they were switched at birth, and the one who was SUPPOSED to be raised evil -- let's call her Hellatrix -- instead went to a family of Deadwood-loving bubblegum enthusiasts who encouraged their daughter to embrace things like castle-handbags, puppies, tulle, and men with real noses who aren't afraid to cry, and grew up to become a dotty librarian by day and a barmaid at a country-dancing saloon by night. But Hellatrix and Bellatrix do at least both favor that special fresh-out-of-Azkaban coif, so you can tell they're related and will find their way back to one another in an explosively psychotic reunion chronicled by J.K. Rowling and the BBC, and probably Wolf Blitzer on CNN, in a special called "Lestranger Than Fiction."
Alas, since life has NOT yet collided with fantasy and/or the once-glorious NBC daytime drama lineup, none of that will come to pass. Not for lack of Helena trying, though.
Unfortunately they were switched at birth, and the one who was SUPPOSED to be raised evil -- let's call her Hellatrix -- instead went to a family of Deadwood-loving bubblegum enthusiasts who encouraged their daughter to embrace things like castle-handbags, puppies, tulle, and men with real noses who aren't afraid to cry, and grew up to become a dotty librarian by day and a barmaid at a country-dancing saloon by night. But Hellatrix and Bellatrix do at least both favor that special fresh-out-of-Azkaban coif, so you can tell they're related and will find their way back to one another in an explosively psychotic reunion chronicled by J.K. Rowling and the BBC, and probably Wolf Blitzer on CNN, in a special called "Lestranger Than Fiction."
Alas, since life has NOT yet collided with fantasy and/or the once-glorious NBC daytime drama lineup, none of that will come to pass. Not for lack of Helena trying, though.
