August 2009 Archives

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rachel Melvin

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Misunderstandings can be so uncomfortable.

For instance, this dress is clearly what happens when someone says, "Aw, send a corsage to the widow," and a minion accidentally hears, "Send a corset to the widow," and then all of a sudden some bereaved lady puts a dress on eBay that looks like she's wearing her grief on her chest, and a soap star smells a bargain. I call that story Not Without My Eulogy: Mother, May I Sleep With The Fishes?, and I am selling it to Lifetime, stat.

August 31, 2009

NBCFug Los Angeles

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Oh, Local Newscaster Colleen Williams.

You are standing next to Chuck Henry's hair, which is going full Jimmy Johnson, and yet I'm not even paying attention because of your awkward boobs-on-a-satin-platter top and those gold harem trousers. HONEY. This is going to be so awkward. Because now every time I watch the news and you tell me about tragic evacuations in the wildfire-ravaged areas, all I will be thinking is, "You needed to be evacuated... FROM THOSE PANTS. And not in a sexy way."

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Molly Burnett

Fug file:

green,
soap stars

Fug file:

housekeeping

Hey guys,

Just a brief note -- that I hope you will be able to read, because that means the site will have loaded for you -- that we know the site is not loading properly or in a timely fashion today, and that some of the pictures aren't showing. The tech wizards are working on it, and we've been assured it will be resolved quickly. Thank you so much for your patience -- we have a ton of awesome Daytime Emmy stuff in the pipeline today! We'll send up a flare on our Twitter feed once it's totally fixed (we're @fuggirls, of course).

Love,

Us

August 31, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Bree Williamson

Fug file:

purple,
soap stars

Bree Williamson plays a character on One Life To Live who has multiple personalities. What I didn't know is that she herself has a few alter-egos. One is that of a soap actress...

But I don't know if I'm supposed to scream just looking at the red carpet.

August 28, 2009

The Fug and the Fugless

Fug file:

soap stars,
WTF

I am LOVING how all the soap stars are out and about lately, presumably because the daytime Emmys are...tonight, maybe?

As per our dear friends at Wikipedia, Michelle Stafford's character on Y&R "was introduced as an obsessed fangirl stalking [Michael "ROCK ON" Damian]. She eventually stole [Michael "ROCK ON" Damian] from his wife...and then had a major falling-out with [Michael "ROCK ON" Damian], which necessitated her departure from Genoa City...In 2000, she married Jack Abbott and attempted to better herself, even though Jack's ex-lover Diane attempted to frame Phyllis first for setting her beach house on fire, and then for running her over with a car." Listen, as I always say, you're no one until someone tries to frame you for running someone down with a car. Just ask Jane Mancini. I'd also like to ask SOMEONE what on earth Michelle is wearing here. I don't hate it, but nor do I UNDERSTAND IT. It seems to have several vestigial organs that could use removal before they turn gangrenous.

August 28, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jessica Stroup

Fug file:

90210,
metallics

Help me out with this one, Fug Nation, because it's a Friday and I think you all know what happens to my brain on Fridays. (Actually, it's exactly like what happens to my brain on Mondays through Thursdays, but with a new issue of People in my mailbox.)

Is Jessica Stroup's dress cute and youthful and fun?

Or is this a shockingly accomplished piece of dressmaking using nothing but the wrappers from fun-sized Reese's peanut-butter cups?

Or is it both, because maybe a dress made of the detritus from a Reese's binge isn't necessarily a bad thing?

And don't you TOTALLY want some Reese's right now? I wish I was getting paid for this endorsement. I bet I just talked at least three people into buying some the next time they're at Target. You owe me about 20 cents of commission, Reese's People.

poll by twiigs.com

August 28, 2009

Like A Fugther

Fug file:

Oh honey NO

So, not that many things look worse than Sandra Bullock's new movie, All About Steve.

But this is one of them:

It's one thing for Sandra Bullock, in costume and on the movie poster in the background, to look like she's wearing a t-shirt she hand-dyed at a carnival booth and then spilled Italian Ice all over while riding the ferris wheel. But it's quite another for Nikka Costa here to wear an eerily similar outfit on PURPOSE. I mean, it's like she's attending the premiere of a movie based on her life, which... look, I have seen the previews for this thing, and you do NOT want anyone thinking it's your biopic, unless you're the president of the American Association of Demi-Mullet-Wearers For Legalized Stalking.

August 28, 2009

The Fug and the Fugliful

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The other day my friend Carrie and I needed a fix of cheesy TV, so we decided to surf past The Bold and the Beautiful -- or as I like to call it, The Old and the Beautified, on account of what a glorious parade of bad alleged plastic surgery it is. And seriously, it really is. Go check it out.

Anyway, once we turned it on, we couldn't turn it off, because we had stumbled upon this:

"Watching the two of them effectively hang out and make small talk felt a bit like eavesdropping on somebody's incredibly awkward blind date: He tried to care about fashion, and failed; she gave him little to work with beyond quoting funny, nasty things various writers have called her in print, and the encounter ended with a distinct air of relief and absolutely no making out."

OR WAS THERE? (No, though who knows was Anna got up to backstage with the next guest, Mark Teixeira.) Read the rest -- and watch the interview! -- at over at The Cut.

August 25, 2009

Well Played, Yvonne Strahovski

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We learned from Lynn Collins that this terrible backdrop does nothing any favors. But amazingly, it's not preventing me from deciding I kind of like this outfit:

Yvonne here has been featured on the site only twice, for being togged up like it's a gymnastics prom and for a peekaboo bra incident, and if those incidences have taught us anything it's that a) her taste is unreliable and b) I have a total girl crush on her. So maybe I'm being influenced by that, BUT: How cute is she? This is such an improvement. I love the way the shirt and jacket lie together, I love the casual roll of the sleeve, and I LOVE the bold red shoe.

I admit, I don't always know what to make of floating belts, but this one does at least APPEAR to have the nudity-preventing, cinching purpose of preventing her buttonless top from flying open and announcing her bra size very loudly to the assembled masses. And really, I think that is a victory for every woman, except maybe Lady Gaga. And indeed, not sinking into Gagadom is ANOTHER check mark in the "win" column. Yvonne's racking up points all over the place here. Way to go.

August 25, 2009

Can't Fug The Moonlight

Fug file:

look into pants

Obviously, I don't know what LeAnn Rimes is going through right now.

Which is why when I saw this picture of Sam Trammell, I might have shrieked, "Sam Merlotte! What in the HAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE are you wearing?" I sounded like my Southern grandma. Which is thematically apt, as she is dead. But here's the thing: this could have been totally okay. Sam is totally cute, and a light suit is summery and appropriate. But it's also ADVANCED MAN FASHION and I suspect our boy here got to his shoes and was like, "...I have no idea what do to here," and just put on his usual and left. "No one will even be looking at my shoes," he probably said. "I look so cute without my shaggy dog haircut." Oh, Sam. You forgot about us. We ALWAYS look at the shoes.

Welcome to the Inaugural Man Unfug It Up! Time to play stylist and fix this dude:

August 21, 2009

Lemonfug.com: The Fug Girls' Guide To Being A Famewhore

I'll give you one guess as to which odious couple inspired us to write this handy-dandy primer.

[Photo: Splash News]

But although Spencer and Heidi are the most virulent famewhores among us, they're not the only ones who offer us all very instructive examples so that everyone can strive to become as famous as possible for doing as little as possible:

"[Y]ou don't need GOOD taste in men: If there's an available dude of any repute at all, even if he's in the middle of a mid-life crisis in which he wears only Ed Hardy shirts and flip-flops while neglecting his houseful of children, POUNCE."

You can probably guess about whom we're talking here. Click here to drop by Lemondrop.com and read the rest of the piece. Unless you are Kim Kardashian, in which case, you might not love what we have to say.

August 21, 2009

Fug or Fab: Katie Cassidy

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So, somehow I've kind of missed everything Katie Cassidy has ever done:

I didn't see her arc on Supernatural, and I only vaguely watched Harper's Island. So when I managed to get my hands on a screener of the new Melrose Place pilot, I was very surprised indeed to see that she's kind of a scream in it (that's a compliment). The whole enterprise, in fact, is pretty entertaining -- although I suspect I am preaching to choir as far as any Melrose iterations go. That being said: girlfriend, I actually like your dress, but you're made up like an overly zealous Benefit counter girl decided to use you as practice for her cosmetology exam and, I hate to break it to you, she is totally going to fail that thing. This much dress plus that much face is just too much.

poll by twiigs.com

August 21, 2009

Unfug It Up: Lynn Collins

Fug file:

way too much going on

So, Lynn Collins here has been popping up all over the place lately -- often wearing a top hat, for some reason -- and I swear to God, I couldn't for the life of me remember what role she played in True Blood. (Of which I have only seen the first season thus far, due to a long and very boring story involving HBO, my OnDemand, Time Warner Cable and Netflix. I know. It's annoying. And iTunes doesn't have any of season two available yet. I JUST NEED THE FIRST SEVEN EPISODES, HBO. Deep breath.)

Anyhoodle, I eventually figured out that she played a coworker of Sookie Stackhouse's down at Merlotte's who meets with -- shall we say, a less than ideal end? All I know is, if you look WAY better in the super short shorts and white tee shirt sported by the lady employees of Merlotte's than you do in your civies, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. When it comes right down to it, thought, I don't really loathe this dress SPECIFICALLY. I think that it competes horribly with the backdrop here, which is not her fault, but mostly I think the styling on this is....problematic. Those shoes with that dress, and that lipstick, and that hair....honey, I just want to start over with you.

That's where you come in, readers: put on your best Rachel Zoe and fix this mess. Nicely, of course.

August 21, 2009

The Fugtime Emmys: Decisions, Decisions

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So apparently the Daytime Emmy Awards are coming up in a week, and Lesli Kay of The Bold and the Beautiful did some publicity thing where she's trying on dresses. Which I'm sure was a treat and all, but:

She looks like she's about to be crowned Queen of a very small principality whose chief national export is gilded interiors, and is posing for the official photograph that will be used for authorized coronation merchandise -- say, coffee mugs and breakfast trays, or-- in the vein of my very favorite Chuck & Di royal-wedding souvenir -- metal trash cans. It's all a bit mature. And in the case of her shoulder adornments, almost military, as if she exhibited deepest bravery in defense of her country's largest and most jealously targeted brass-knob factory. In short, I don't recommend that she pick this option.

Nor would I advocate this one:

Continue reading The Fugtime Emmys: Decisions, Decisions.

August 21, 2009

NYFug.com: Minor Changes, But It's The Same Old Runway To Us

We're pleased to confirm that the rumors are true: Project Runway has made the leap to Lifetime almost totally unscathed.

"Early on, the only changes we spotted were terribly important details like the size and font of the front-of-show credits, and the occasional ad for Centrum Silver -- a sponsor that would, most likely, never back a Bravo show unless it came out with a vitamin called Centrum Housewives."

There were one or two tweaks -- not including the move to Los Angeles -- but all in all, we're excited to see where the season is going. DON'T READ THIS PART IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED THE EPISODE YET: Although we'll miss the first bootee, Ari Fish, because WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT OUTFIT? I haven't giggled that hard during the runway presentation in a loooong time. Especially when Lindsay Lohan got to lecture her on propriety, which was doubly eerie because of Ari Fish's uncanny resemblance to Samantha Ronson, who has herself probably lectured Lindsay a million times on propriety. Oh, it's delicious.

Ahem. Anyway, if you didn't use the link above, click here to read the rest of our column on NYMag.com, if you're so inclined.

August 21, 2009

Fugrose Place

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rompers

DIDDY: Why didn't anyone tell me Zac Posen had joined a marching band? I should put that in one of my reality shows. Making His Marching Band. Yes. Perfect. It can air after Glee. God. I'm a genius. Also, I look great. I need to go talk to Trump later tonight about how amazing we are.

CASSIE: Yes! My head is still half-shaved. And I'm wearing a jumpsuit! BUT! I still look pretty cute, considering. Hey, don't make that surprised face. It's rude.

ZAC POSEN: All right, let's get this show on the road. I've got a marching band to get to. Those flugelhorns are making me crazy!

August 20, 2009

Aubrey O'Fug

Fug file:

girl groups

Well, hellfire, you guys: All our Fug Madness winners -- all two of them -- are trying to clean up their acts, and I've got to tell you, with that and the fact that Mischa Barton is off-limits for a while because of her recent and genuinely very alarming involuntary hospitalization, I am feeling quite bereft.

Observe:

Yeah, fine, the shoes kind of look like something you'd wear if you wanted to go clogging at a strip club. And if I hadn't seen so very much of her boobs in the past year, I'd think that was one ineptly stuffed bra. But you guys, it's AUBREY. By her standards, wearing this outfit means she's taken the veil, become Sister Mary Aubrey, and plans to attend vespers all week with Mother Superior. I hope to God Solange Knowles is sitting at home somewhere, looking at this photo, understanding that it means Fug Madness 2010 could be hers, ALL HERS.

But can Aubrey keep it up? Let's see:

Continue reading Aubrey O'Fug.

August 20, 2009

The Fugtember Issue

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dialogue

[Photo: Splash News]

SIENNA: Hello, Anna! Gosh, isn't it wonderful to be together again!

ANNA: We meet again, Kate. How delightful.

SIENNA: No, no, not Kate Husdon.

ANNA: I know. You're Kate Bosworth.

SIENNA: No, it's Sienna Miller. I'm on the cover of the Vogue issue that's at the center of your documentary.

ANNA: Oh, yes, the toothy one?

SIENNA: Er...

ANNA: With the unwashed hair?

SIENNA: I suppose so, yes.

ANNA: How lovely to see that you've showered, although you do look a bit like you're still wearing the towel around you.

SIENNA: But isn't it better than when I wore granny panties over my tights?

ANNA: At least those weren't about to fall off, dear. I only do nipples on the runway.

SIENNA: Oh yes? Don't suppose you'd tell me why you never paint your toenails? Or why those shoes reek of Payless? Or why your dress makes you look like you have a hunch?

ANNA: No.

SIENNA: ... Oh, shit. Your dress is so loud, I didn't think you'd be able to hear me.

ANNA: Enjoy this evening, my dear. For it will be your last.

SIENNA: ... Your bob is still a beacon of shiny joy in an otherwise tainted, bleak world.

ANNA: Nice try, dear. I shall send a ham to your next of kin.

August 20, 2009

Sorority Fug

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So, when I start writing an entry here, I usually put placeholders for the copy, and then place the picture, and then I start to write.

Which means that I just spent twenty minutes staring at a draft of this entry in which Audrina was bracketed solely by, "WORDS HERE" on either side of this photo. I feel like I could have just posted it like that and you would have known what I was going to say anyway. Said words would have included: "WTF," "girl, please," "Whitesnake," "I'm so sure," "LC," "eyeliner," "seriously," "bra," "Uggs," "ugh," "nudity," "CC DeVille," and a Playboy crack tied to Heidi Pratt nee Montag. See, I don't even need to finish it now. Awesome.

August 20, 2009

Fug or Fab: Renee Zellweger

Fug file:

great shoes,
orange

RENEE ZELLWEGER: Hello, I'm Renee Zellweger.

R.J CUTLER: And I'm R.J. Cutler, the producer/director of The September Issue.

RENEE: How've you been?

R.J: I'm great! I'd say more, but Jessica worked for me for many years and she finds it weirdly impossible for write dialogue for me. She would make a terrible biographer.

RENEE: I couldn't agree more! But enough about me. I want to talk about me, and my dress. I look cute, right? Youthful! Like I'm having a good time! The color is flattering! It's not ANOTHER boring strapless sheath! I FINALLY PULLED ONE OFF! Right? Right?!

R.J: Can we see it from the side?

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Renee Zellweger.

August 19, 2009

Scrolldown Fug: Michelle Monaghan

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Well, we start out okay here, with the makeup and the color...

... but between looking like an orthopedic brace was built into her dress at the midriff, and the shoes that bespeak a dark obsession with athletic tape, I can't figure out why Michelle Monaghan wanted to hit the town looking like she's being held together by the skin of her fashion. I mean, maybe it's performance art, picking shoes that look like they treat the pain most high heels cause, but they make me want to toss her some crutches and a few dozen Motrin.

August 18, 2009

Inglourious Fug-or-fab-terds

When this photo was thumbnail-sized, I expected to enlarge it and find out that it was Diane Kruger. But no -- it's her Inglourious Basterds co-star Melanie Laurent.

You can kind of see why my brain went there, though, right? They're both blonde. Sometimes La Krug enjoys hairdos that evoke a milkmaid skipping through the meadow. And the top half of the dress reminds me of the kind of experiment-gone-wrong that DK undertakes sometimes -- like initially it was supposed to be a much more interesting dress, a veritable festival of sheer fabric erupting in head-cradling confusion, but the designer got bored somewhere around that haphazard, limp neck tie and just threw in a pencil skirt real fast so he/she could go to happy hour.

As for what Diane actually wore, here you go:

Continue reading Inglourious Fug-or-fab-terds.

August 18, 2009

Fugreek

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Greek

Dilshad Vadsaria is very sassy on Greek. But I think she was erroneously seduced by the imagery on here into thinking this dress was a good idea.

Maybe she just has a serious jones for Thomas Edison, or she always buys the utilities when she plays Monopoly. I don't know. In general, though, I feel it's best to reconsider your options when your clothes are setting you up as the punch line of a "how many XYZs does it take to screw in a lightbulb" joke. Unless it's a REALLY funny one. But what are the odds of that?

August 17, 2009

One Tree Fug

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So, Ashley Rickards here was part of the team over at One Tree Hill last season -- see, someone over there must have had a beef with Sophia Bush, because for the past two seasons she's spent more time sniffling over how badly she wants a baby (at the ripe old age of 22) than sticking her tongue down the throat of any nubile love interests; ergo, one of Sophia's plots involved her taking in a foster child in the form of a surly-with-a-heart-of-god teen played by Ashley.

[And of course -- SPOILER -- it ended in tears because Ashley's character learned her mother was trying to find her, and she decided she wanted to go live with her mother so they could bond, and she left, and there was sobbing and sniffling and tragedy and poignant farewells... despite the fact that her mother LIVES ELSEWHERE IN TREE HILL. Like, y'all, Tree Hill is not Manhattan. It's not even the Manhattan of North Carolina. YOU WILL BUMP INTO EACH OTHER. Probably at the supermarket. Also, there is e-mail. And texting. Get with the times, people. You could've saved yourselves a lot of puffy eyelids if you'd just been like, "Hey, e-mail me and we'll get coffee." COME ON. And how bad is her mother at finding things, anyway? You live in the same square-inch of the state. Did she really want to go live with a woman who was that stumped as to where she might be? Thank you, readers, for letting me work through these issues.]

AHEM. To catch up: Ashley R. = Sophia Bush's former TV foster child.

Although now that her arc is ending, it seems she's in line to play the Lily Tomlin hick twin in a remake of Big Business. Hopefully this one ends with her getting back together with her adorable fiance, who was portrayed as the Tiger Woods of small-town mini-golf. Because you do not let a dude go who can shoot the ball through the windmill every single time, and when putt-putt takes off on ESPN 45 or whatever in about 10 years, you want to be on those coattails.

August 17, 2009

Fugababes

Fug file:

girl groups,
grey

I guess it's British Girl Groups Who Will Never Hit It Big in the States Day here at GFY, because on the heels of Sarah Harding, may I present Heidi Range of the irritatingly twee-ly spelled Sugababes:

[Photo: WENN.com]

In fairness, I must admit that I have one of their songs on my iPod and it is excellent for cardio. I must also admit that I laughed aloud at their Wikipedia entry, which claims -- and has backing citation for said claim -- that two of the group had a huge blowout about Britney's "Toxic" video. How is that even possible? "Toxic" is an AMAZING video. I must finally admit that if cropped tops are coming back, as one might surmise from this photo of Heidi, I will probably somehow end up in jail for assault.

August 17, 2009

Unfug it Up: Danica McKellar

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I can't bring myself to be mean to Danica McKellar:

She's Winner Cooper. No one my age can really feel anything but affection for Winnie Cooper, even if sometimes you wanted to be like, "Kevin Arnold! Stop whining about Winnie Cooper! Something EXTREMELY POIGNANT is about to happen and you need to be present for it!"
She has a math theorem named after her. That is awesome. I can't even get a sandwich named after me.
We went to UCLA at the same time -- it was truly the golden age of Child Star Celebrity Students at UCLA, as at one point I was a student alongside Danica, Mayim Bialik (whom I once saw wearing a Girl Scout Uniform, with green hair, pulling her books in a little Red Wagon), Evie from Out of This World, and, best of all, URKEL. Although considering how much he rolled with the basketball team, I presume it was actually Stefan Urquelle.
However. Let us be honest. This was a bad idea, even if she did wear it to the premiere of Legally Blonde: The Musical. For one thing, she looks like a Pink Lady, and that's an entirely different production.
Can this be FIXED?
I kind of think not.
But you guys are often smarter than I am. Some of you may have theorems yourself. So pretend you're on Project Runway and you have to make something out of this. GO!

August 17, 2009

Girls Afug

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Sarah Harding here is in the British pop girl group Girls Aloud, which have sung such tender, poetic hits as "Sexy! No No No..." and "Something Kind of Ooooh."

[Photo: Splash News]

I presume she is pictured here still in costume from a stint filming cameos in a new video Weird Al -- seeing the need to bulk up his catalog now that he feels temporarily weird about performing "I'm Fat" or "Eat It" in the wake of Michael Jackson's demise and deciding to reach out to the fans of UK-based girl groups who are not the Spice Girls -- has recently made, titled, "Sexy? NO NO NO" and "Something Kind of Ew." What a good sport.

August 17, 2009

Fug U Bad

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I kind of just want to buy singer/songwriter Jazmine Sullivan here a drink:

For one thing, I'm pretty sure she's going to want one after seeing these pictures. And when she wails to me, "It would have looked SO CUTE with a SKIRT," I will pat her arm gently and motion to the barkeep to bring us both another round. And then I will just remind her that she's actually an American hero. Because, Jazmine, if one woman looks at your jumpsuit here and thinks to herself, "God. Yeah. I totally couldn't pull that off either," you will have SAVED that woman from even the heartache of TRYING ON said jumpsuit or similar, not to mention the sinking feeling she might have had the morning after wearing one in public, potentially in front of the cute boy or girl she most wanted to impress with what she told herself was her kicky, jumpsuit-wearing joie de vivre. Womenfolk: hear me and believe me. Your vivre has MORE than enough joie without doing this to your crotch.

August 14, 2009

Well Played, Fergie/The F.U.G.

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Since I whiffed so badly last week and put up that photo of Fergie that I didn't realize was old, I'm compensating by addressing two of her recent outfits. And yes, I checked the dates. Which is not to say I won't do anything else stupid -- I mean, this morning I put the margarine away in the cupboard. It cannot be long before I'm washing my hair with the toilet duck and making my own leggings from back issues of The New Yorker.

None of which has anything to do with this photo, except perhaps in the sense that Fergie here has NOT made leggings that way (at least, not that we've seen).

In fact, she looks delightful. Yes, okay, that dress reminds me a bit of glowsticks. But I have happy associations with those batons of fun: Last time I basked in their petite radiance, I was in London at a performance of the absurd yet awesome We Will Rock You (because I am a total sucker for all things Queen), and not only had I just had a great time, but I was giggling at the signs outside the theater that pimped the show by saying things like, "The band is amazing," and, "It really reminds you how great Queen was," which have to be the most carefully written compliments in the history of West End reviews.

Bringing my digresion back to its point of origin: Fergie's electric dress here is fun and light-hearted and a pretty intelligent way to clothe herself for an awards show at which teens are choosing things. She doesn't look freakily mature or half-naked, nor did she pick something so precious that it's like she's trying to be 14 again herself. The shoes are wicked with it, and the arm cuff... well, look at it. Stare really hard. Does it not remind you of a metallic Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show? I love that crabby bird. And so I endorse this outfit, and I thank her for not going the Lady Gaga route and making an accessory out of Sam's ACTUAL head.

I am not as comfortable with Fergie's next choice:

Continue reading Well Played, Fergie/The F.U.G..

August 14, 2009

Legally Fugs

Fug file:

Oh honey NO

So, I guess this person is named Brittany Curran and she's been on a lot of Disney Channel hoo-ha, and that ABC Family show Legally Blondes, which I haven't watched because I fear that it will make me kill myself.

Fug file:

So it seems the Gossip Girl costume crew feels the same way I do about the return of Michelle Trachtenberg's character to the Upper East Side:

[Photo: Splash]

Rage-y and obsessed with the need for revenge. I get mine via the pen, they fight with unflattering, ill-fitting dresses and the only wedges ever designed to make you look like you're not wearing heels at all. I think I fear them most of all.

August 13, 2009

NY Fug.com: Can the Zoe Report Edge In on Gwyneth's GOOP Market?

This week, for NYMag.com, Heather and I compare and contrast -- just like in English class! -- two of the most important literary pieces of our time. I speak, of course, of Gwyneth Paltrow's GOOP, and Rachel Zoe's "The Zoe Report":

"Aside from the obvious similarities (one is written by a tall, slim actress; the other, by a small, slim stylist who makes a living dressing tall, slim actresses), just how alike are GOOP and the Zoe Report, really? Is there room in your life for two missives from famous people who really want you to go shopping, or do you need to prune your in-box?"

Well, DO YOU? Find out by reading our whole column. You know, if you want. No pressure. I mean, we just want you to know these important facts, but if you've got work to do, or whatever...I mean, that happens. But when someone asks you how the Zoe Report stacks up as far as name-dropping goes, as compared to GOOP, YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW THE ANSWER. The horror!

August 13, 2009

The Fugs Next Door

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You know, I am someone who doesn't have a problem showing up places a little overdressed. (Not that you'd ever guess that looking at me right this moment.) I feel like, my pretty clothes hardly ever get to leave the house, since I work from home, so I might as well trot them out now and then. But there is a line. AND THIS IS WAY OVER IT:

THIS is the premiere of a movie about used car salesmen that Jeremy Piven was reduced to promoting on Big Brother. YOU, Holly Madison, look like you're attending a ball where the dress code is "Into the Woods Formal." I understand that now you've broken up with Hef, you don't have the opportunity to throw wildly extravagant theme parties anymore, and that must be tough for you. But there is a time and a place to work through your unquenchable desire to dress like you're the love child of an ostrich and a tree, and this, my dear, is not it.

August 13, 2009

Wikipedia tells me she has an album coming out at the end of the year, and good for her, I say: from what I remember, the girl CAN sing. But who cares about SKILLS? Let's talk about her outfit.

How cute of her to match her bag to the sign.
WTF is going on with the bodice on this thing? It COULD be awesome. Or it could be just too similar in effect to what you'd get if you pasted tiny bits of aluminum foil to Ace bandages and wrapped them around your boobs. So let's go in for the close-up:

Continue reading Teen Choice Awards Fug or Fab: Jojo.

August 12, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Audrina Patridge

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This one has been brewing for a while now, but I keep forgetting to wax confused by it. Behold Audrina Patridge, having completed -- presumably -- her transformation into having more fun:

The dress alone isn't so much the problem -- yes, she looks like she's at her seventh-grade back-to-school dance, now that These Kids Today constantly clothe themselves like they're at a Nickelodeon cocktail party. But whatever. Some people have very pleasant memories of being in seventh grade and thinking "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" was the most romantic song ever just by dint of being slow. Maybe she just wanted to throw her arms over some dude's shoulders and shift side-to-side down memory lane.

The issues here, which are CREATED by the dress, are twofold: lefty and righty. I know you can tell where I'm going with this, but let's peer more closely at what we're dealing with:

Continue reading 9021fug.

August 11, 2009

Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger

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multi-colored

We've gotten quite a few emails about Diane Kruger's look at the Inglourious Basterds preemieeerrrre last night:

I sort of like it, guys. Sure, it mildly recalls a cocktail dress made of sea anemones, but that's also something I suspect I might like, were it presented to us in the course of a seafood-themed challenge on Project Runway (WHICH CAN'T RETURN SOON ENOUGH). But I kind of think it's groovily tactile. Of course I'm also out of coffee. Let's take a look at the back:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Diane Kruger.

August 11, 2009

10 Things I Fug About You

Fug file:

way too much going on

Rory Gilmore. You are KILLING ME with this.

What drunken brigade of mice helped sew this? Because I think they glued an apron to a table runner and then crawled down the neck of a Pabst Blue Ribbon to celebrate. It actually might be an HOMAGE to Pabst Blue Ribbon, in the sense that you look like a giant first-prize rosette in some sort of pageant honoring wearable tea cozies. The only part of this dress that fits you is the neck hole. ABORT.

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Miley Cyrus

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So, when we got some emails from readers last night who were all, "MILEY CYRUS IS A POLE DANCER!!!" I really just thought they meant she was DRESSED like a pole dancer. You know, that it was a metaphor. But apparently, no. Girlfriend ACTUALLY DANCED WITH A POLE. At the Teen Choice Awards. Cyrus family, you continue to make the most interesting choices. (The teen girl in the background of that photo is making an incredibly apt facial expression. Seriously. Our expressions were like mirrors of one another at that moment.)

The fact that Miley here actually DID dance with a pole kind of takes the wind out of the sails of any crack I might make about her being dressed as a stripper, though. It'd be like saying that Katherine Heigl was dressed like someone who was likely to say something ill-advised from a PR standpoint later in the evening, or that Diane Kruger was accessorized with a hot dude. As we used to say when I was a teen myself, "no duh." So maybe Ms Cyrus is just playing defense, of a sort -- anticipating what I am about to say about her outfit and then DOING IT so as to step on my joke. If that's the case, I admit, I do look forward to seeing how one dresses as Cog More Easily Replaced in Disney Machine Than Anticipated, or Billionaire Girl Unemployed Thanks to the Rise of Selena Gomez/Demi Lovato/A Player To Named Later (Presumably Named Something Like Selemi Govato Just So We're Even More Confused) And Her Own Confounding Behavior As Re: Her Fan Base, And, More Importantly, Their Parents, The People Who Buy The Backpacks With Her Face on Them.

August 10, 2009

Fug.I. Joe

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beige

Even though Sienna has gone on a full-on charm assault during her press tours, I'm not completely on Team Miller. The whole Balthazar Getty thing -- all that willful frolicking, knowing they were being photographed -- was a little too gross for me. But I have to give credit where credit is due; shady taste in dudes and some tacky half-naked episodes on the prow of a boat don't change the fact that I find myself rather charmed by this:

Would I prefer it wasn't quite such a dingy beige? Maybe. Then again, maybe not: It's not washing her out, thanks to that fancy-pants blood-red lipstick. All told Sienna emits an aura of being a darling bridesmaid from a Jane Austen wedding, presumably one in which there is a haughty groomsman who is infatuated with her sassy intellect and refusal to be impressed with his money, yet aggrieved by her lower social station and off-put by her grasping mother... and then suddenly their mutual lusty loathing turns to curiosity. WITH SEXY RESULTS. Okay, that last bit might be more in the vein of a Pride and Prejudice copycat bodice-ripper by, like, Jane Boston. But you get the gist. I dig it.

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards and Other Random Event Fug Carpets: Shailene Woodley

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So, last week, I spaced out. See, sometimes, our image provider bumps old images up onto the main page, randomly, and I often think to myself, "Some poor schmo is going to see those and think they're NEW," and then... I was that schmo. I accidentally fugged a photo of Fergie that was from 2007. I KNOW. It certainly explains why she had her old hair. I have no real excuse, except that things are a tad crazy around the ol' homestead and I'm not getting very much sleep any more, and also, last week sucked. But still. As Homer Simpson would say, "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T."

Ahem. Anyway, given that, you can see why maybe I saw this photograph and feared I was about to do it again. It FEELS a lot like 2007 up in here:

I actually think 2007 just went through its closet and left a bunch of stuff out on the curb for the Salvation Army, and Shailene happened to be driving by and thought a five-fingered discount on a skinny-jeans-and-corset-combo was too good to refuse. Because who DOESN'T want to put on pants that require lubrication just to get them up over your knees, much less your thighs, and then seal the deal with a button-torso closure? That's so much fun it's practically a carnival ride! Of course, it'll take her forever to use the lavatory. I guess the thinking is, if it takes you half an hour to wait in the bathroom line, then you'd best hang out in there a while.

Things didn't improve too much for Shailene at the Teen Choice Awards. Instead of trousers that come up to her armpits, she wore almost the exact opposite:

Continue reading Teen Choice Awards and Other Random Event Fug Carpets: Shailene Woodley.

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Various Kardashians

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KYLIE JENNER: Um, hello? Isn't anyone going to stop this?

KENDALL JENNER: Seriously. SOMEBODY dropped the ball here.

KOURTNEY KARDASHIAN: Security!

KIM KARDASHIAN: What do you mean?

KYLIE: Ew, it's TALKING to us!

KENDALL: I am FURIOUS that they let random fans just WALK UP TO US. Don't they know who we ARE?

KOURTNEY: Well, nobody knows who YOU are, honey.

KYLIE: Oh, please, most people don't know who you are either.

KIM: They know who I am!

KENDALL: The hell? Why would they know who you are, Random Stranger?

KIM: Guys, it's me. Kim.

KOURTNEY: No it's not. I would know my own sister.

KENDALL: You look nothing like Kim, you lying strumpet.

KIM: Dudes, for real, it's ME. I just got a breakup tan and the Audrina Patridge Special on my hair.

KYLIE: I don't believe you.

KOURTNEY: Well, hang on, Kim HAS been yakking on Twitter about changing her hair.

KIM: Right! And now that I'm single, IT'S ON! Where you AT, Tony Romo?

KOURTNEY: I'm not sure how I feel about it.

KIM: Well, I am not sure how I feel about your dress. Is it a magic carpet that you bought in Santa Fe?

KOURTNEY: Oooh, it's a bitch! Then it's DEFINITELY Kim.

KIM: Very funny.

poll by twiigs.com

August 10, 2009

Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Kristen Stewart

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It should be no surprise to anyone that, at the Teen Choice awards, this teen chose to confound me once more. I know we're kind of hard on K.Stew around these parts, but it's not without reason:

[Photo: WENN.com]

Rachel does not look like she wants to spend 30 years skulking around in this dress. It looks kind of tight and uncomfortable, like maybe it doesn't quite have room in it for all her ribs, and we're getting a little, er, specific on the contours of her boobs there -- kind of like when a gymnast finally starts busting out of her leotard.

Oh, and speaking of busting out:

Continue reading G.I. Fug: Rise of Fugbra.

August 7, 2009

I Wanna Tell Her That I Fug Her, But the Point Is Probably Moot

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A Song for Rick Springfield: What Could Have Been And What Used to Be (A Composition to the Tune of Jesse's Girl):

Springfield is a friend.
Yeah, I know he's been
a good friend of mine
But lately something's changed
that ain't hard to define.
Rick's got himself an eyelift*
and it really is a crime.

And I'm watching him with those eyes
And I loved him with his old face,
You just know it
He could have held me
in his arms late,
late at night...

You know, I wish that he had his old face!
I wish that Rick has his old face!
Why did he butcher his hot face like that?

I play along with the charade.
There doesn't seem to be
an option for feedback.
You know, I feel so dirty
He used to be so cute.
I wanna tell him that I love him
Now the point is probably moot.

'Cuz look at him with those eyes!
And he's done something misguided to his body,
I just know it!
He could have held me
in his arms late, late, late at night...

JUST LOOK AT RIIIIIIIIIICK'S FAAAAAAAAACE!
I wish that he still had his old face!
Why did he screw with it like that?
Why did he mess with his face like that?

And he's lookin' in the mirror all the time,
Wondering how this sitch came to be.
Everyone was cool, people were cool with his lines
Ain't that the way aging's supposed to be?

TELL ME!

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
You know, I wish that he had his old face.
I wish that Rick had his old face.
I want his old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

Why did he get an eyelift like that?
Rick's old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish that Rick had his old faaaaaaaaaaaace.
I wish...
I wish for Rick's old faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace.

*ALLEGEDLY

August 7, 2009

Well Played, Kirsten Dunst and Demi Moore

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KIRSTEN DUNST: Hey, Demi.

DEMI MOORE: Hey, Kiki.

KIRSTEN: Do we look nice, or what?

DEMI: We do. Of course, I almost always look great.

KIRSTEN: What are you insinuating?

DEMI: Nothing!

KIRSTEN: I KNEW IT. We look totally boring.

DEMI: Speak for yourself! I think we look great. You know, Kirsten, it's okay to look NICE sometimes. You don't have to always be, like, avant-garde. It is okay, now and then, to just comb your hair and put on a cute dress and look pretty. You don't ALWAYS have to set the world on fire. And when it comes to you, I kind of suspect that people are stoked to see you out and about again, no matter what you're wearing. We've kind of missed you lately.

KIRSTEN: Really?

DEMI: Yes. Remember, you used to go out all the time, in all kinds of crazy get-ups? And then you sort of disappeared?

KIRSTEN: Uh, yeah. I was in rehab.

DEMI: Oh. Right.

KIRSTEN: It's cool.

DEMI: Anyway.

KIRSTEN: Yeah.

DEMI: So I shouldn't break the tension here by suggesting we get a drink?

KIRSTEN: Let's just get back to admiring each other's shoes.

DEMI: We really are glad to see you out and about again.

KIRSTEN: I'll drink to that. AND our cute dresses.

DEMI: Cheers!

August 7, 2009

Fug Pains

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Sigh.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The way this week is going, she'll probably recreate this tonight, only with an actual gun and me grasping my fresh gunshot wound and begging her both for my life and to PUT ON SOME PANTS.

August 7, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katherine Heigl

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green,
sequins

Well, at least Katherine Heigl has that face. Because no matter how enamored, ambivalent, or indecisive I am about her wardrobe, there is no disputing that her genes are enviable. I mean, she wore a bald cap and a scarf for most of Grey's Anatomy's late-season episodes, and managed to be radiant. The woman doesn't even NEED HAIR to look beautiful. That's just not fair to the rest of us.

I'm not sure I can be as nice about this dress, though:

At first, I rather liked it -- there's something appealingly retro about it, as if she's about to go talking it up on The Barry Gibb Talk Show (indeed, I would love to hear her thoughts on crazy gold medallions) before busting out some "Night Fever" dance moves as Gerard Butler sashays around her in white bellbottoms.

But then, gripped with writer's block, I kept staring at it. And "appealingly retro" turned into "my Aunt Ethel dug this out of her closet and wore this to Christmas Mass because she decided she'd been single long enough." You know how much I love when celebs wear bold shades, so it pains me to say this, but the medium-green sequins ended up reeking a bit more of fromage -- or Ben Gay -- than I expected. And then I noticed that the huge sleeve seems like it's tucked into the waist ribbon; that the bodice kind of makes her chest look droopy in a way that it most assuredly is not; and that the hem hits her leg in an awkward spot. For me it's hot-adjacent, but somehow not quite all the way there.

[Sidebar: Is it just me, or is her hair reddish now? I usually love redheads in green. Maybe I'm not sure I love Katherine as a redhead. Something to ponder, since fairly recently I thought I liked her better with darker hair. Clearly I do not know my own mind.]

I'd be curious to see this in a different color -- a metallic, perhaps, or maybe a dark red -- hemmed about two inches higher, with her (blonde again, I think) hair flowing loose around her face to offset the Eau d' Aunt Ethel that's shrouding this for me.

What would you do? Have at it in the comments, and remember to keep it on-topic, keep it friendly, and keep your hands out of the disposal.

August 6, 2009

Fug Kisses

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Dude. Sister. Here's a suggestion. Maybe you should just stay home and lay low for a little while:

You're going to get mobbed by the paparazzi right now, and -- may I be frank? I don't really care what your answer to that is, by the way -- you look like hell lately (especially in comparison to how you looked on the cover of Glamour, just a few posts down). Nothing is fitting properly, you seem to be too bummed out to put on any makeup, and your hair has clearly been plunged into the depths of a seriously deep depression. I get it. You're HEARTBROKEN. So STAY HOME and have a Greek marathon while eating a whole box of frozen jalapeno poppers, like a normal person. THIS IS ONE INSTANCE IN WHICH GOING OUT AND GETTING LOADS OF ATTENTION WILL NOT HELP YOU.

Also, is that Spencer Pratt wielding a camera over your left shoulder? Because Spencer becoming a paparazzo would be make for kind of an amazing arc on the next season of The Hills. MTV, you can make the check out to "the Fug Girls." You're welcome.

(PS: It so happens that Heather and I JUST wrote a piece about Post-Breakup Fashion Dos and Don'ts -- using Miss Simpson here as an example of someone who needs the advice. And that was before I even saw this picture. Now I feel like she needs the help more than ever. Anyhoodle, you can read it at the Lemondrop blog, if you like.)

(PPS: As long as I'm pimping other things, you can ALSO follow us on Twitter.)

(PPPS: I don't really have anything else to tell you. This is turning into a written version of the voicemails I leave for people, where I just yammer and yammer.)

(PPPPS: We got an email the other day that informed us that only old people leave voicemails. I don't believe that, because I feel like if you call and hang up on me, then you were just calling to chat anyway and I don't have to call you back, whereas if you really need to talk to me, you'll tell me so.)

(PPPPPS: La la la la. I should just publish this post now, right? Sorry about all that.)

August 6, 2009

NY Fug.com: Can Sienna Miller's Wardrobe Revamp Her Image?

This week on NY Mag.com, we cast our eagle eye over the press junket wardrobe of one Miss Sienna Miller, piece by piece:

"The overall effect is fetching, and we wouldn't mind a crack at the dress to see if that draping is as flattering on everyone else as it is on Sienna's tiny frame. However, the crabby grandmother who lives in our psyche wants Sienna to flick that hair out of her face."

But WILL SHE? A nation trembles with anticipation. Find out by reading the whole blessed slideshow at NY Mag.com.

August 6, 2009

Superfugs

Fug file:

ew,
metallics

Joanne Krupa here is a Maxim model, who appeared on that show Superstars that no one watched. You know, the one where you'd be minding your own business watching Grey's or whatever, and they'd run an ad featuring some blonde chick you totally didn't recognize yelling at Terrell Owens over some kind of competitive misunderstanding, and you'd be all like, "am I supposed to know her? This is what's passing for a celebrity these days? Sad. I wonder where I put my ice cream sandwich." It appears she's making the rounds:

[Photo: Splash News]

Because going out for sushi dressed as though you're on dinner break from the Cinemax soft-core porn you're filming -- about an innocent maiden who was sold into a harem (WITH SEXY RESULTS, of course) as costumed by Play-Tex (the cheap and cheesy latex and leather shop I just decided I'm going to open on Melrose) -- is totally STAR-MAKING behavior. If you've graduated at the top of your class from Phoebe Price's University of Being (Not Really All That) Famous for Nothing.

August 6, 2009

The Scandalous Lives of Manhattan's Fuglite

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Wow. I guess I always just thought they'd save Little J's teen prostitute storyline for season five.

August 6, 2009

Well Played, Marley Shelton And Fetus

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red

Wow. This is a very pregnant woman.

Rock on, Marley Shelton, for being able to walk the red carpet while you are so actively gestating. Seriously, that has got to be hard. Walking to the car when you're that pregnant is hard. Walking to the bathroom is hard. Walking to the couch so you can sit on it for eight hours in a row is hard. Walking at a slow pace so people can snap photos of you trying not to give birth in the middle of a movie premiere -- in heels, I assume, and formal wear -- has got to be a nightmare. So well played, Marley, and an extra congratulatory thump to your water for not breaking. ... Oops, perhaps not a thump. Maybe more of a friendly hand gesture.

August 6, 2009

Fug-Fug (or Fab) Pow

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FERGIE: Hey, look! I changed back my hair! I wonder when I did that.

ARMANI: I have ALSO changed something!!!!

FERGIE: You changed what dress you were giving me, I know that much. Didn't we discuss one that had a waist?

ARMANI: We did!!! But I decided I would rather you looked like a very large bridal handbag!!!

FERGIE: Yeah, well, mission accomplished.

ARMANI: You could keep your groom in there!!!!!!

FERGIE: Also, I think maybe someone was drunk when they hemmed this thing.

ARMANI: It was probably ME!!!!!

FERGIE: Or am I just wearing it crooked? God, it's like I'm ten years old and am trying to turn one of my mother's fancy skirts into a dress by yanking it up to my armpits.

ARMANI: We do not say the word "armpits" in high-fashion.

FERGIE: Sorry.

ARMANI: It's okay!!!! You still haven't guessed what's new with ME!!

FERGIE: Um. New... enthusiasm?

ARMANI: New bronzer formula!! I switched from 'Rich Mocha Sunset' to 'Toast Surprise'!!!

FERGIE: That's great. Knowing that will REALLY make me feel better if this skirt moves at ALL and the world realizes I'm wearing my laundry-day panties.

ARMANI: I think you look hot!!!

FERGIE: Strangely, so do I. My feelings are so confusing.

poll by twiigs.com

August 6, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Jessica Simpson

Fug file:

Glamour,
sequins

[Photo: Glamour Magazine]
[The photo isn't loading for a small portion of you, so if you're one of those few, you can also see it here.]

First of all: this poor girl. PLEASE please tell me that she has potentially FINALLY learned NEVER ever EVER ever to speak to the press about her love life. Every single time she's slated to appear on the cover of a magazine, she breaks up with her current paramour a week before it hits newsstands all full of woozy lovestruck quotes about how Nick/John/John/Tony/Tony has truly made her complete as a woman. And then we all feel so awkward and cringey.

Now, this cover. Regardless of the fact that I think they've Photoshopped some weight off her -- needlessly, because I feel like it might do the People of the World some good to see celebrities on magazine covers looking the way they actually do in real life -- and I'm not actually entirely sure that they haven't just plonked her head on top of someone else's body, I think this cover is actually pretty good. For one thing, I love her outfit -- I really love that jacket with the jeans - and it's just a huge relief to see her smiling rather than whipping out that godforsaken open-mouthed fish face she make so often. And, according to my jeans, I kind of need the three tips for a flat belly.

On the other hand, the eyeliner....Convince me:

poll by twiigs.com

August 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Ashlee Simpson

I hope it goes without saying that we are super-stoked for the return of Melrose Place.

Even if it's terrible, it will be entertaining and it's returning Michael Mancini to us. Not to mention the fact that it's forcing Ashlee Simpson to leave the house again. I've missed her. Sort of. No, I haven't. That was a total lie. I never even think about Ashlee Simpson at all, unless one of her embarassingly catchy songs comes on my iPod. But, regardless, she's BACK! And now we can talk about her outfits again. Like this one. I both like it, and believe she looks like the upstairs maid in a weird PBS remake of Upstairs, Downstairs that somehow involves an S&M den.

poll by twiigs.com

August 5, 2009

Fugslam!

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I can see why it's tempting to wear a floaty white shirt-dress on a hot summer day. In fact, I was so warm the other day, I was feeling sympathy for anyone in the world who has ever attempted to wear a swimming-pool raft as pants (and I'm sure such people are numerous), because the idea of being ready to jump into any body of water whose path I crossed sounded very appealing indeed.

However:

To me, this is less, "My, what a refreshing shirt-dress," than, "I totally hooked up with Captain Jack Sparrow last night after we split four flagons of rum, and I woke up this morning and found out we cut up my clothes and turned them into his-and-hers pirate do-rags, and so I had to go through his closet and find something to wear to this talk show, and HOLY CRAP all he owns are ruffly shirts and it seems very impractical to engage in actual mortally dangerous swashbuckling swordplay when you have billowy sleeves flapping around all over the place getting caught on your hilt or scabbard." All double-entendres totally unintentional. Mostly.

August 5, 2009

Sara Paxfug

Fug file:

leggings,
sequins

Here's hoping The Beautiful Life works out on The CW -- in part because I need my teen-drama crack and I'm scared One Tree Hill won't deliver now that Chad Michael Murray has ridden his squint off into the sunset, and also because it means we might be in for a lot more of Sara Paxton. So far, in promotional appearances, she's shown up looking like somebody's grandmother in box seats at the rodeo, and now...

... she is clearly in costume as Liza Minnelli's personal shopper. And that means she's achieved the rare feat of inspiring me to make TWO Liza references in one day. What's next, Sara? Dressing up as the entire cast of The Golden Girls all at once? Hawking Dentu-Creme? Getting a job as Joy Behar's personal shopper? I am atwitter with anticipation.

August 5, 2009

Fug or Fab: Cate Blanchett

Fug file:

red

Full disclosure: Mostly, I love this.

Cate Blanchett is just so striking, and this dress is a perfect example of something that is all about context. On some CW starlet it might just look like she's trying to be a more cheerful version of Mary-Kate Olsen; on Emma Watson, I would wonder if she'd stolen the official witch's robe of the Hogwarts sex-ed teacher; on Liza Minnelli I would fear she had fallen into the orchestra pit and banged her head on a tuba, because there are no sequins here; on Michey Rourke, I would probably applaud, because it's a huge upgrade. You get the idea. Cate looks graceful, relaxed, and radiant, not to mention she bested many others -- like her countrywoman Melissa George -- by resisting the urge to wear a searing crimson lipstick to match. Lovely.

But. BUT. The shoes. It falls apart for me with the shoes. They are not only a different red, but they are officially too MUCH red. I feel a bit like I'm in a bad movie, where I'm driving along celebrating the glories of pretty things and then all of a sudden it appears road stops and I have to hit the brakes or else I will plunge into a rocky abyss, and I skid to a halt with one tire spinning off the road and my car wobbling precariously on the edge of the cliff. So, while I collect myself and vomit into the glove compartment at my near-death experience, you make the call.

So help me out here:

poll by twiigs.com

August 4, 2009

The Fug States of Tara

I love the expression on Brie Larson's face here:

She's totally like, "yes. I am wearing suspenders. Please leave me alone.'

Fair enough, kid. Fair enough.

August 4, 2009

The United States of Fug

Fug file:

bows,
red

So, I feel like, from the neck up, the knees down, and the shoulders on, Toni Collette looks FABULOUS!

Unfortunately, the rest of her appears to be going to my prom. Which was in 199noneofyourbusiness. Okay, FINE. IT WAS IN 1993. And THIS is EXACTLY what we all wore. All she needs is an awesome velvet choker, a four-pack of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill wine coolers and a Pearl Jam CD and she would totally fit right in.

August 4, 2009

Dana Delanfug

Fug file:

Dana Delany is a foxy lady. And I really, really wish she'd use that foxy-lady-ness for good. Instead, we get this:

It's all a bit, "It was Miss Scarlet. In the Library. After the bake sale but before the PTA cocktail hour. With the rope."

Because of COURSE you would use the rope: the knife, the revolver, the wrench, the lead pipe, and the candlestick all involve the probability of blood splashback, see? And although Dana's outfit would conceal that admirably, it's murder to get out that kind of stain without having to "disappear" your dry cleaner as well.

August 4, 2009

Fugly-Alice Fughenson

Fug file:

metallics

Mary-Alice Stephenson may love the nightlife, and may indeed frequently be possessed of the urge to boogie on the disco roOOOOOOUUUuund, yeah.

But that's no excuse to show up places WEARING the disco ball.

August 4, 2009

Potentially Well Played/Hmm, Maybe Not/What The FUG: Courtney Love

Fug file:

Everything started out so well for Courtney here.

Great shoes, flattering little black dress, cool leather coat -- there's nothing remarkable here, for sure (although I wouldn't mind borrowing the Loubs and the jacket), except that it feels like Courtney Love needs a bigger pat on the back than most of us just for completing average, everyday tasks -- like successfully getting dressed in something that isn't made of crazy and doesn't look like she got caught in her skivvies chasing the paperboy down the street after he demanded his two-dollar fee in cash and then deliberately hurled the Los Angeles Times through her garage window.

Then the jacket came off:

If she had just averaged out the sleeves on this dress, it might've looked better -- instead of one long and one absent, it could've been two of moderate length. Yeah, the dress has more interest the way it is -- but on the other hand, her right arm seems to be mourning the death of the chalk slate and one-room schools, while her left is in some kind of sinew contest with Madonna. I'm not sure those messages needed to be mixed in one outfit.

And then somehow -- inexplicably -- this outfit turned into, or ceded ground to, this one:

Continue reading Potentially Well Played/Hmm, Maybe Not/What The FUG: Courtney Love.

August 4, 2009

Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks

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I'd say Christina Hendricks looks much improved since the last couple of times we've seen her, but I have a SERIOUS BIRD PHOBIA and I really can't even examine this too long:

From staring down here at her feet -- WHERE IT'S SAFE -- I would argue that she could maybe use a marginally higher heel, but what do I know? I'm in the fetal position over here. I need the visual equivalent of a mega-dose of Xanax. I know I've got something for that...where is it....?

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Christina Hendricks.

August 4, 2009

Fugover

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[All photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

"But remember, you've got to sell the clothes, Tyra. Do you not watch your own show? This says nothing to me. Are they capri pants? Is it a jumpsuit? I don't know. I need more. Also, I can't see your left hand. Janice Dickinson would say you look like an amputee. Can you fix all that? But with WHIMSY? You're still a mannequin in a store window, but you're a mannequin with PIZAZZ. You GET IT. Okay? Now hit me with your best:

Continue reading Fugerica's Next Top Fugger.

August 3, 2009

Fugler Momsen

Fug file:

When I found this image, the photographer's caption said something like, "Taylor Momsen makes a surprise appearance" at whatever Sephora event this is. But it neglected to mention which PART of Taylor threatened to make the most surprising arrival of all.

On most people, that shirt would be used as a poncho rather than as the ENTIRE outfit. I don't even care that her shoes are veering toward being a very fancy kind of orthopedic brace, because her shirtcho was freaking me out so badly during the 10 minutes in which I thought it was a dress. My unholy research has concluded, however, that I may detect in there somewhere the fringe from a pair of denim cutoffs, which unfortunately are SO cut off that they're basically denim panties, and now my nethers are so upset that they're threatening to go on strike unless I take a vacation.

Also, let me tell you, nothing feels ickier than feeling like it's your job to stare at the XOXO of a teenager to try and figure out what, exactly, you're seeing dangling there. I almost reported myself to the authorities.