Things I Know About Sandra Bullock:
- She seems awesome and normal in interviews and hardly ever does annoying celebrity shit like talk about how we'd all feel better if we only ate foods that are blue, or how we should buy a $5000 pilates machine for our home gyms, because it's an investment in ourselves.
- She's in amazing shape in The Proposal.
- How fun is Speed? Come on, you guys! If the bus slows down, it'll explode! Crazy!
- She is SO MUCH BETTER THAN THIS.
- Seriously. This sucks. Sometimes I hate an outfit, but I can see how some people would love it, or at least be convinced that they ought to love it, and sometimes I love stuff that other people hate, or I allow myself to be convinced. But:
- NO.
- To the point that I wonder if she's wearing this as a gag.
- Because her hair looks like it was by someone ON speed (see what I did there?).
- And the frock looks like two cocktail dresses glued together by a Project Runway contestant who picked the wrong week to start sniffing said glue.
- Like, seriously. Did she pull that skirt on OVER another dress?
- No, I really am asking.
- The shoes, Sandy. Not tonight. Not ever, really. But really not tonight. Maybe with...no.
- I can see in your eyes that you feel it, too -- your hot messitude. It's okay, girl. You can go home and wipe your tears on $100 bills and then, because you're charmingly normal, you'll just set them on the bedside table to dry so you can still use them.
- Maybe to buy another dress? Just think about it.
