Sweet Mary Jane, I love the Daytime Emmys. For one, I love soaps, and for another, it gives all these people who work tirelessly to make sure that we can still watch characters coming back from the dead, or marrying their way through an entire extended family, or trying to make themselves temporarily blind by injecting Botox into their [WORD REDACTED TO AVOID CAUSING ME SEVERE MENTAL TRAUMA].
And speaking of Mary Jane, this lady -- Stacy Haiduk -- plays a character on The Young and the Restless by that name.
Now, Mary Jane is really Patty Williams, who had good old-fashioned face-changing surgery so she could skulk into town pretending to be someone else and wreak havoc on her enemies, and also executed a good old-fashioned "drug a dude so he'll think you're someone else, sleep with you, and get you pregnant" scheme. And so even if I hate what she's wearing, this is probably the perfect thing for Ms. Haiduk's character: We can see her villainous nipple shields, and she's wearing truly evil semi-detached beaded sleeves, all of which make her look like a classic overdramatic soap villainess who likes to throw gala parties at which everyone drinks punch spiked with hormones and a dead body falls out of a cake (so, you know, your typical Labor Day barbecue).
But in aligning fashion and fiction, I'm thinking maybe Stacy shouldn't have gone QUITE so far. For instance, she brought her co-star:
And speaking of Mary Jane, this lady -- Stacy Haiduk -- plays a character on The Young and the Restless by that name.
Now, Mary Jane is really Patty Williams, who had good old-fashioned face-changing surgery so she could skulk into town pretending to be someone else and wreak havoc on her enemies, and also executed a good old-fashioned "drug a dude so he'll think you're someone else, sleep with you, and get you pregnant" scheme. And so even if I hate what she's wearing, this is probably the perfect thing for Ms. Haiduk's character: We can see her villainous nipple shields, and she's wearing truly evil semi-detached beaded sleeves, all of which make her look like a classic overdramatic soap villainess who likes to throw gala parties at which everyone drinks punch spiked with hormones and a dead body falls out of a cake (so, you know, your typical Labor Day barbecue).
But in aligning fashion and fiction, I'm thinking maybe Stacy shouldn't have gone QUITE so far. For instance, she brought her co-star:
Yes, that's right: A dead stuffed cat. (Presumably, no actual dead cats were stuffed for this, and no actual live cats were made dead so they could be stuffed for this.) His name is Mr. Kitty and he is her character's confidante, and NO, I am NOT MAKING THIS UP, and this is why the mind boggles at why soap operas are in so much trouble. Y&R is the no. 1 soap, so all those other scrubs need to sit up and take notice. It's criminal that the art form that brought us summer stories in which a heroine gets dropped into a vat of acid (Days of our Lives, EONS ago), or the one in which an old lady hires a simian nurse who then has romantic fantasies about the show's leading man in which he lovingly makes her banana smoothies and proposes under the stars (Passions, of course), and which brought us parodies like Soapdish, AND in which a woman is TALKING TO THE CORPSE OF A CAT, should be imperiled to the point that people think soaps will cease to exist. Dose not America need cheerful camp now more than ever? Would this not drag us kicking and screaming out of our financial depression? I mean, I am in a fantastic mood right now, thanks to Mr, Kitty. COME ON. If the soaps would just give us stuff worth talking about, maybe more people would watch.
So you know what? No. Forget what I implied earlier: Stacy Haiduk did not go too far here. In fact, Stacy Haiduk is now my favorite person ever for bringing Mr. Kitty as her date. I think it might make this entire outfit, which I previously hated, marvelously fab. Maybe now other soaps will stand up straight and remember why we love to love them in the first place.
