So, last week, I spaced out. See, sometimes, our image provider bumps old images up onto the main page, randomly, and I often think to myself, "Some poor schmo is going to see those and think they're NEW," and then... I was that schmo. I accidentally fugged a photo of Fergie that was from 2007. I KNOW. It certainly explains why she had her old hair. I have no real excuse, except that things are a tad crazy around the ol' homestead and I'm not getting very much sleep any more, and also, last week sucked. But still. As Homer Simpson would say, "I am so smart. I am so smart. S-M-R-T."
Ahem. Anyway, given that, you can see why maybe I saw this photograph and feared I was about to do it again. It FEELS a lot like 2007 up in here:
I actually think 2007 just went through its closet and left a bunch of stuff out on the curb for the Salvation Army, and Shailene happened to be driving by and thought a five-fingered discount on a skinny-jeans-and-corset-combo was too good to refuse. Because who DOESN'T want to put on pants that require lubrication just to get them up over your knees, much less your thighs, and then seal the deal with a button-torso closure? That's so much fun it's practically a carnival ride! Of course, it'll take her forever to use the lavatory. I guess the thinking is, if it takes you half an hour to wait in the bathroom line, then you'd best hang out in there a while.
Things didn't improve too much for Shailene at the Teen Choice Awards. Instead of trousers that come up to her armpits, she wore almost the exact opposite:
Ahem. Anyway, given that, you can see why maybe I saw this photograph and feared I was about to do it again. It FEELS a lot like 2007 up in here:
I actually think 2007 just went through its closet and left a bunch of stuff out on the curb for the Salvation Army, and Shailene happened to be driving by and thought a five-fingered discount on a skinny-jeans-and-corset-combo was too good to refuse. Because who DOESN'T want to put on pants that require lubrication just to get them up over your knees, much less your thighs, and then seal the deal with a button-torso closure? That's so much fun it's practically a carnival ride! Of course, it'll take her forever to use the lavatory. I guess the thinking is, if it takes you half an hour to wait in the bathroom line, then you'd best hang out in there a while.
Things didn't improve too much for Shailene at the Teen Choice Awards. Instead of trousers that come up to her armpits, she wore almost the exact opposite:
I know we make a lot of Dynasty references here. I do. And I try to resist. But this look is totally Claudia Blaisdel from the waist up -- frumpy, fugly, bad hair, the exact type of thing a woman might wear if she's having sex with her husband and tells him he has a tenderness that transcends gender as a way of teaching herself to be fine with the fact that he was a landmark gay character about half an hour ago -- and Sammy Jo "Heather Locklear" Carrington the rest of the way (that girl sure loved her two-inch inseams). Shailene here wasn't even ALIVE when that show existed, so I'm guessing this is less an homage than an accident due to a very untimely episode of hysterical blindness.
Also, I am not sure why Shailene is so fixated on waists that button up over her stomach. But maybe after wearing a fake belly for one whole season on The Secret Life of the American Teenager, she has convinced herself she's buttoning in some leftover pregnancy weight. To which I say: SHAILENE. You are tiny. I could pick the lock on my back door with your ankles. Please eat a plate of ribs with some nice, starchy potatoes. And then chase it with a loaf of banana bread and a sandwich milkshake. Call if you need instructions.
