The other day my friend Carrie and I needed a fix of cheesy TV, so we decided to surf past The Bold and the Beautiful -- or as I like to call it, The Old and the Beautified, on account of what a glorious parade of bad alleged plastic surgery it is. And seriously, it really is. Go check it out.
Anyway, once we turned it on, we couldn't turn it off, because we had stumbled upon this:
Now, I'm not sure if you can tell, because we all know that my television + my camera = cracked-out photographs, BUT: Lesley-Anne Down's hair is two different colors. And not in that fresh-from-the-salon way where she's got a head full of chunky highlights. No, Lesley-Anne has golden-blonde bangs, and fake-ashy-blond everything else. Seriously, watch the show -- it's hypnotic. She'll be in scenes with that actor who goes to my gym, who plays her beefy young husband on the show, and they're emoting stiffly about all sorts of terribly important things - like why her son, Jack Wagner, disapproves of their union, although in my opinion they should be talking about why Jack Wagner plays her son when they're five years apart in age in real life -- and it's impossible to do anything but stare at the delineation between her two blondes and wonder why. Why. WHY. I just don't GET IT.
Yes, Lesley-Anne, you should hang your head. This is crazy on you. The colors in this photo are bit more distorted to make the back look silver, but the bi-hued coif itself is very real. I am not hallucinating. And what's worse, the back locks look as fake as the tresses on a Madame Alexander doll. But if it's a piece, why does she have roots? Did she WANT a wig that makes her look bottle-blonde? Is that some perverse way of bringing authenticity to this tragic chicanery? If not, why can't somebody over there figure out how to make the valance match the curtains? I don't... it's baffling. This cost MONEY and it's nuttier than a pecan pie. Help me understand. Hold me. Or at the very least, go hold her, because I guess if I were a super attractive older lady and I was also Jack Wagner's peer, and somebody at my show decided I could pass for his MOTHER -- without the aid of Estelle Getty-style wigs and trifocals -- then I would sink into a deep hair-ruining depression too (and then probably go ask for the number of Jack's alleged surgeon). So maybe that's it -- maybe somebody just needs to give Lesley-Anne a nice, life- and hotness-affirming hug. Please, y'all. Do it for her dye job. Do it for ME. Because I can't get sucked into gaping at another half-hour of that show. Ronn Moss's cheekbones could slice deli meat and it scares me. Thanks.
Anyway, once we turned it on, we couldn't turn it off, because we had stumbled upon this:
Now, I'm not sure if you can tell, because we all know that my television + my camera = cracked-out photographs, BUT: Lesley-Anne Down's hair is two different colors. And not in that fresh-from-the-salon way where she's got a head full of chunky highlights. No, Lesley-Anne has golden-blonde bangs, and fake-ashy-blond everything else. Seriously, watch the show -- it's hypnotic. She'll be in scenes with that actor who goes to my gym, who plays her beefy young husband on the show, and they're emoting stiffly about all sorts of terribly important things - like why her son, Jack Wagner, disapproves of their union, although in my opinion they should be talking about why Jack Wagner plays her son when they're five years apart in age in real life -- and it's impossible to do anything but stare at the delineation between her two blondes and wonder why. Why. WHY. I just don't GET IT.
Yes, Lesley-Anne, you should hang your head. This is crazy on you. The colors in this photo are bit more distorted to make the back look silver, but the bi-hued coif itself is very real. I am not hallucinating. And what's worse, the back locks look as fake as the tresses on a Madame Alexander doll. But if it's a piece, why does she have roots? Did she WANT a wig that makes her look bottle-blonde? Is that some perverse way of bringing authenticity to this tragic chicanery? If not, why can't somebody over there figure out how to make the valance match the curtains? I don't... it's baffling. This cost MONEY and it's nuttier than a pecan pie. Help me understand. Hold me. Or at the very least, go hold her, because I guess if I were a super attractive older lady and I was also Jack Wagner's peer, and somebody at my show decided I could pass for his MOTHER -- without the aid of Estelle Getty-style wigs and trifocals -- then I would sink into a deep hair-ruining depression too (and then probably go ask for the number of Jack's alleged surgeon). So maybe that's it -- maybe somebody just needs to give Lesley-Anne a nice, life- and hotness-affirming hug. Please, y'all. Do it for her dye job. Do it for ME. Because I can't get sucked into gaping at another half-hour of that show. Ronn Moss's cheekbones could slice deli meat and it scares me. Thanks.
