September 2009 Archives

September 30, 2009

612fug

Fug file:

This photo comes courtesy of the Twitter feed for Lindsay Lohan's "lifestyle brand," 6126.

This is allegedly one of the publicity shots for her newest batch of leggings and leggings-related items.

I will give you a moment.

Yes. Yes, she appears to be warming up for her appearance in a Whitesnake video. Or perhaps for a performance in a Whitesnake cover band -- let's call them Darklizard. Or perhaps for her TURN ON THE POLE. Jesus, lady. Do you EVER want to be taken seriously EVER AGAIN?

No? Okay, then, carry on. You're doing an AMAZING job, in that case. We're all so, so proud. Between this, and the fact that you're in debt to the man behind the film Oragami So Horny and you're suspected of potentially orchestrating a burglary of your own home, then at the very least, I think we can all agree that the E! True Hollywood Story of your life set to be produced in approximately 2025 will be one hell of a barn-burner. So thanks for that, in advance, and try not to wear that thing out on any street corners. I think you know why.

September 30, 2009

Fug or Fab: Shenae Grimes

Fug file:

stripes

So, as I believe I mentioned on our Twitter feed (we're @fuggirls, it's fun, we were totally wrong when we said we weren't going to enjoy it, we're big liars, we know), the new 90210 is kind of totally better now, all of a sudden. I think it's because the new dudes are cuter, no one is pregnant, and Shenae Grimes accidentally killed someone with her car AND was the victim of a sexting scandal. Accidental murder, plus humiliating sex scandals, equals trashy CW fun. Entertainment Weekly, I apologize for muttering, "Have you lost your damn minds?" at the issue in which you informed me it had improved. You were right, I was wrong.

And in addition to the show getting better, I suspect little Shenae here went and got herself a better stylist, because in comparison to her former body of work, she now looks like a SARTORIAL MASTERPIECE. Like, I may have lost my mind at some point over the last six weeks -- which would explain a lot of things, actually -- but this is kind of...REALLY CUTE. Right?

poll by twiigs.com

September 30, 2009

Fug Born Killers

Fug file:

Let's not lie to ourselves:

We're looking at the stars of what could potentially be the greatest buddy comedy reality show ever. Mark Burnett, CALL ME.

September 30, 2009

The Fugback

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people we don't see out much

Hi Lisa Kudrow! I found Phoebe the most annoying of the Friends, but, in truth, that's like saying you were the most dissatisfying of the Girl Scout cookies: you were still pretty tasty. Shall we take a look at your outfit?

Why, whatever could your shirt say? Brutal? Ruth? Rutgers? Show us!

Continue reading The Fugback.

September 30, 2009

Fugline

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dress over pants

Are we STILL wearing dresses over pants, Diane "Loveline" Farr? SERIOUSLY?

I mean, sister, at least move on to a jumpsuit.

September 30, 2009

Jenny Fugphrey

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Look, I know the people on Gossip Girl are fake, but come on -- would Rufus Humphrey really be okay with this?

[Photo: Splash News]

Assuming my eyes do not deceive me, that is Little J's shirttail hanging out from her skirt. Which means she's wearing bottoms that are not as long as her top. And I know Rufus is kind of caught up in his own drama, what with Lily being out of town and them having a secret love child together that they think is dead, and all the time he clearly has to spend nurturing his Man Bangs and writing '90s-era rock songs about how gnarly it is when your stepdaughter drops out of college and turns into a tabloid-baiting -- albeit also amusing -- asswad. And I know he's kind of into being to his kids what the principal who announces he's your "princi-PAL" is to high-schoolers. But even amid all that, I'm pretty sure Rufus Humphrey would take one look at Little J trying to leave the house in this, or ANY of her terrible ensembles, and be like, "Jenny, your crotch is not an accessory. GO TO YOUR ROOM." So could we get on that please, Gossip Girl? It's not going to WORK, but he should at least TRY.

September 30, 2009

Stefugnie Pratt

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Honey. We need to talk.

That necklace is as big as your thigh, child. For the love of God, take a break from the show and get right with yourself. Write a book called Eat. Pants. Love. Then live its message.

September 29, 2009

Well Played, Janet Jackson

Fug file:

blue

On the one hand, this is very Krystle Carrington:

On the other, it's both sexy and mature on her -- I mean, as much as Janet Jackson is perpetually Miss Jackson If You're Nasty in my head, she is 43, and so it's nice that she's not running around trying to act like she's Lauren Conrad or something. The matching nail polish might be a bit much, but frankly, I'm just glad Janet looks both happy and as though she has not forsaken eating. Her entire tabloid experience is either stories about a) how she's gained a ton of weight, or b) how she's lost a bunch of weight for the last time, for real, totally, we mean it. So I'm glad she's bought some real estate someplace in between: healthy, hot, and still not afraid to flash a little cleavage. You go, Janet. And if somebody sees this photo and decides to pitch Dynasty II and cast her as the trophy wife in a clan of Kleenex barons or something, well, I can try to learn to love again. It won't be like the first time, but what is?

September 29, 2009

Fug This Town

Fug file:

accessories to the crime

Oh, man.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Don't you hate it when you realize you've accidentally put on the same hat as your doorman? Awkward.

September 29, 2009

My New FugFF

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There are days when I wake up and I think, "no one has left the house looking that terribly bad today. Whatever shall I write about?" And then I remember: PARIS HILTON STILL EXISTS.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And she is EXACTLY the sort of person who would wear heels, leggings that find themselves just barely on the correct side of opaque, a stripe-y sequined top, and a hippie headband -- the likes of which I overheard her sister Nicky tell someone she hates while I was at Fashion Week -- to get a coffee. BLESS YOU PARIS. When the rest of the world is all, "ooh, first day of school!" or "ooh, it's fantasy football season," or "ooh, it's cooling off, maybe I'll bake a pie," YOU are thinking, "those celebrity and gossip bloggers need material! TO THE RESCUE! Later, I'll run off with someone's boyfriend, tell the press that I'm pretty sure we're going to get married, get him a job on The Hills, and dump him. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THANK ME."

September 29, 2009

Fuglyoaks

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Loui Batley here is on the Brit soap Hollyoaks:

Rumor has it that she's leaving at the end of the year and will "go out with a bang." Bear in mind that, thus far, her character Sarah has: intentionally blown a change to swim at the Olympics so as to enact revenge on her mother, who slept with Sarah's boyfriend in an attempt to force Sarah to break up with him so that she could spend more time on her swimming; got back together with the dude who slept with her mom, and let him take naked photos of her, which he then showed to everyone they knew; got engaged to a gay guy who kind of tried to assault her and who ended their relationship by calling her a whore; forgave the assaulting whore-caller; became a model; saw her mother incarcerated in a mental institution; got back together with the dude who slept with her mom, but broke it off with him AGAIN after she found out he was just dating her to get over being in love with his own half-sister; caused a friend's nervous breakdown after he caught her sleeping with his physics professor in his bed; starting dating and subsequently was dumped by the dude who had the nervous breakdown; had a drunken, lesbian encounter with her own step-mother; was then disowned; dated her step-mother's brother until she found out he had a nasty habit of rating all his conquests in a book; and decided she is a lesbian, who then nearly immediately almost accidentally poisoned her new girlfriend.

So, several things.

This woman clearly has no time to worry about her clothing, leading to...this.
WHY DON'T WE GET HOLLYOAKS IN THE UNITED STATES?

September 29, 2009

Dita Von I Wish Dita Had More Credits For My Use In This Space

Fug file:

I know girlfriend has a look.

But at this point, if I saw Dita von Teese somewhere wearing jeans, boots, and a tank top, I SWEAR TO GOD, I would go up to her and give her a nice crisp $20.

September 29, 2009

Sophie Fugk

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Coming soon to a theater near you: The Tear-Away Bride, starring Sophie Monk as a fabric-shy commitment-phobe who rips off a piece of her wedding dress every time she jilts someone, until one day her crotch pops out and points itself at Mr. Right.

It could be a franchise:

Continue reading Sophie Fugk.

September 28, 2009

Fugliette and the Fugs

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So, I've never heard Juliette (Lewis) and the Licks perform, but I did decide to look up some of their song titles -- I mean, any woman who gets up on stage looking like this has to be crooning some doozies:

[Photo: WENN.com]

And indeed, in the stirring "Death of a Whore," Juliette sings, "I felt like nothing was real all tattered and blue like a gutted sheep. And oh, I'm having visions again." That's kind of close to how I felt when I saw this picture. It felt like a hallucinatory dream caused by falling asleep atop copies of Lord of the Flies and Where The Wild Things Are.

Just for kicks, let's check out the rest of the outfit:

Continue reading Fugliette and the Fugs.

September 28, 2009

The Fugternational

Naomi Watts really has a jones for things that look like jumpsuits but leave you with questions. First there was this -- which I decided WAS a jumpsuit -- and now there is this:

[Photo: Splash News]

This, I think, is a dress that's just happens to LOOK like a genie-pants jumpsuit when she stands a certain way. But honestly, this thing fails on both counts: Either it's an oddly shaped dress that inexplicably stops at her ankles, or it's what Jeannie would wear to a funeral. None of that changes the fact that she's wearing lace netting -- like she just popped into 2009 from Madonna's "True Blue" album-release party because she wanted to know how it all turned out, and is about to run screaming when she sees what Madonna's forearm veins have become.

September 28, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jessica Lowndes

Fug file:

sequins,
stripes

When I saw this in its original tiny little thumbnail, I was HORRIFIED and APPALLED, the way you'd feel if, like, Spencer Pratt came over to your house and put on your bathrobe and drank all your Diet Coke.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Now that I get a good look at it, I don't know why I had my Spanx all in a twist. I mean, there's a lot going on here -- stripes! sequins! booties! belt! -- but it's kind of cute, in a saucy Show Choir's Homage To Referees sort of way. Right? Yes? No? I need your validation!

poll by twiigs.com

September 28, 2009

Fugriends

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Listen, everyone loves Maggie "Janice from Friends" Wheeler, right? Right.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Everyone, that is, except for the people who saw her put this on and walk out of the house wearing it. PEOPLE. How many times do I have to say it? SILENCE IS NOT GOLDEN. IT IS DANGEROUS. If you see a loved one -- or even someone that you're just fond of from back when she was dating Chandler Bing -- wearing something that says, "Damn, these three weeks in Hawaii are SERIOUSLY just what the doctor ordered," STEP IN. Unless, of course, you're all in Hawaii together, in which case, give the girl a mai tai and unclench.

September 28, 2009

Lucianfug

Fug file:

I'm Scared,
WTF

This is a woman that Wikipedia assures me is an English singer named Luciana:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I feel like there's GOT to be more to the story than THAT. I mean, she's clearly an alien or a superhero, right? Or an alien superhero? Or perhaps a bridesmaid at a VERY interesting wedding -- by which I mean one that, at some point, went HORRIBLY HORRIBLY wrong. She could potentially be the world's scariest personal trainer. Or its worst personal shopper. Or your favorite neighbor whom you also try not to talk to, ever, because you know you'll be stuck hearing about her new holistic shaman for at least half an hour. Or your ex-boyfriend's newest girlfriend, who is good enough to at least give you and your own friends HOURS AND HOURS of conversation. Or your ex-boyfriend himself, after a couple of years and a lot of serious soul-searching, and quite a lot of excellent work, in which case, I wish you both the best and I can't wait to read your respective autobiographies.

September 28, 2009

Unfug It Up: Katie Cassidy

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I can't remember if we've discussed this on GFY yet, or just on our Twitter, but the new Melrose Place is seriously pretty good, especially Katie Cassidy here:

In addition to looking very Amanda Woodward 2.0, she sort of acts like Amanda Woodward 2.0, although she hasn't yet shamed anyone into alcoholism or suicide. I look forward to her interactions with Amanda Woodward: Original Flavor once Heather Locklear makes her sure-to-be-triumphant return to the building. Speaking of which, I was just thinking last night that Amanda Woodward is totally the Don Draper of the early '90s. Think about it: extremely good at advertising; sleeps around (occasionally for work purposes but often just for fun); can not be bested by mealy-mouthed, bratty underlings (Allison/Pete) regardless of the effort put into said weaselly machinations; concealing a secret and unflattering past; dabbles in intermittent substance abuse; in an office full of people wearing suits, is easily the hottest; has noteworthy hair. If this pattern holds true, then I fear season four of Mad Men is going to involve Joan ripping off a wig and then blowing up Sterling Cooper, after Roger Sterling accidentally-on-purpose kidnaps Peggy and she sort of likes it. Just to forewarn you.

But Miss Cassidy here, while seriously pretty awesome on MP, needed a little styling help over the weekend, am I right? I actually don't mind either halves of her look independently. It's just that together they make a total Fashion Plates moment, making her look as though she's had a terrible accident where the top half of her body has been mistakenly grafted onto someone else's bottom half, which, as I understand it, happens all the time.

Now, if I were her stylist, I would have just given her...wait, this isn't about me. What would YOU do? (Remember, please be nice and stay on topic.)

September 25, 2009

Lemondrop.com: How to Stand Out In a Crowd

Or, lessons learned by immersing ourselves in the Emmys for an entire week, to the point where we feel as if we directed the telecast ourselves. What have we learned? Other than that Neil Patrick Harris is awesome, and "Jon Hamm" anagrams to....nothing beyond "Jon Hamm." Henceforth he shall be known as THE UNANAGRAMABLE.

Oh, right, lessons:

"Don't bore everyone to tears. Conversely, there's poor Elisabeth Moss. She was nominated, at long last, for her role as Peggy on Mad Men": a prim girl who's been dowdy, chubby and secretly pregnant, although the actress herself is none of those things. (We assume. We did not check her uterus.)"

Another good lesson is not to go around checking people's uterii. The contents are none of your business! Use your Friday workday afternoon productively by reading the rest of the article at Lemondrop.com.

September 25, 2009

Well Played, Anne Hathaway

Fug file:

orange

Welcome back, Hathaway. Not that you had gone anywhere in particular; I just haven't seen you in a while, so I was pleased to turn on my computer today and be greeted with this:

I like it! It's interesting but not insane, it's cheerful, and it's flattering. You are pulling off tangerine with aplomb. It actually has me really craving an orange Popsicle, although maybe that's because it's so hot outside in Los Angeles lately that my freezer asked me to buy it some deodorant at the store. Still, I approve, and the only thing that would make me like it better would be if Anne walked through this picture and handed me some sherbet. I realize that's not likely to happen, but... come on, world. We're in the Aughts. We thought we'd have flying cars by now. Surely SOMEONE is working on a laptop sherbet generator.

September 25, 2009

Fuggie In A Bottle

So this is kind of...

I mean, it's not totally... but there's that part... it's like her pelvis is... or maybe it's stretched, like... and I just don't... it's like it ran out of... and I can't really... you know? I mean, right? God, I'm so glad we had this talk.

September 25, 2009

Joy Fugant

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Remember when you were a kid and on your birthday one of your friends would make you a card, and in that card would be a poem based on your name, in which each letter was transformed into an adjective about your AWESOMENESS? Like, mine would be:

Jerky
Erratic
Sassy
Slow-witted
Irrational
Crippled, emotionally
Awesome!

Don't ask me why, but there is something about Joy Bryant's outfit here that inspires me to similar poetic greatness:

ODE TO CAFTAN:

Comfortable!
Awkward.
Flattering -- NOT! (Yes, I'm bringing "NOT!" back, along with making the W with your fingers for "WHATEVER." SOPHISTICATED HUMOR IN THE HOUSE.)
Tricky to pull off, unless you're at home eating Cheetos and trying not to burst into flames, as I currently am. I literally am wearing a caftan right now. BUT I'M AT HOME. (Don't tell anyone.)
Are those cowboy boots?
No thanks.

I totally should have gotten my MFA in poetry, right? I always thought so.

September 25, 2009

Fugrose Fug

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I have quite a bit to say about this:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

No.
Unless you're working as a cigarette girl. And it's a contractual requirement of said gig.
In which case, okay, but you, Ashlee Simpson-Wentz, should probably not need a second job at this point in your career
Which, while we're talking about it....Melrose Place: The Return is actually really good.
And Ashlee is kind of good ON it. I KNOW. I can't believe it either. I think she might just be well-cast, but still. It all works. Plus: MANCINI.
Seriously, was musical theatre involved in this evening in some manner? Because Ashlee's head recalls nothing so much as this Muse from Xanadu:

And This Muse is awesome, but...not with those shorts, you know?

September 25, 2009

Fuglinda and Fuglinda

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Okay, look. I get that we're doing the One Sleeve thing now, but COME ON:

This seriously looks like something from Two-Face's new line of ladies' wear for Kohls.

September 25, 2009

Who Fugged It Better (Or Worse): Naomi and Drew

Fug file:

yellow

I didn't actually hate the long version of this dress that Drew Barrymore sported; I just found it... odd, and I think that was partly exacerbated by her skunk hairdo. But if I had to pick, I'd go with the one Naomi here is wearing:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

The overlay still kind of looks like it's implying her ladycave has teeth, but to me, something that intricate works better over a very simple silhouette like this one -- by contrast, Drew's was off-the-shoulder, and long, and a tad poofy, and her arms looked ensnared by the web of crazy, and OH MY GOD THAT HAIR... I think it was just a bit too much.

Of course, maybe I'm just biased because -- as lovely as Drew is, excepting the dumb coif -- this is Naomi f'ing Campbell, and those legs go for days, and her hair is rockin', and her skin tone makes that canary color sing. It's almost too unfair to compare. But you know what? I'm not always fair.

poll by twiigs.com

September 25, 2009

Agyfugss Deyn

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I can't decide what Agyness Deyn is getting ready to do here:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

The hair is pure Hudson Street Orphanage urchin, the dress is more Grace Farrell, the jacket is something Rooster would probably wear if he were a lady -- or even if not -- and the trouser socks are pure Miss Hannigan. If all this is leading up to a one-woman production of Annie, well, pass the hip flask, folks, because the line stars here and I will wait as long as it takes.

September 24, 2009

Fug Rock

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METHOD MAN: Damn, Kid Rock. DAMN.

KID ROCK: What-WHAT, dude! My tracksuit is the jam!

MM: It's... definitely rare, man.

KR: What the hell?

MM: Let me put it this way: Are you 60 trying to act 35?

KR: A 60-year old can't put back Coors Light by the kegful, dude.

MM: Then are you sponsored by Carl's Jr.?

KR: No. But now that you mention it, I should totally be the new face of the Six-Dollar Burger. I AM a six-dollar burger, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING.

MM: I don't. At all. Are you drunk right now?

KR: Am I drunk? Am I drunk! Is the bling around my neck made from the rope of a Roman prostitute's toga?

MM: I thought so. On both counts, actually.

KR: DAMN SKIPPY.

September 24, 2009

High Fug Musical

Fug file:

Hark: Ashley Tisdale is blonde again. And is that a hot-pink romper I spy?

Even worse, is that her BRA I spy?

Continue reading High Fug Musical.

September 24, 2009

Ashantfug

Listen up, Ashanti.

You are not Rihanna. You are not a long-lost Jackson sister. And you are not starring in Pretty Woman 2: Hooker Boogaloo. I am not fooled.

September 24, 2009

Fugs Aloud

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I have a question for Nicola Roberts of Girls Aloud:

How can one do this without showing nipple to: the valet, the bartender, the waiter, your doorman, the taxi driver, that dude who lives across the street, your downstairs neighbor, the coat check girl, that guy in the elevator, the girl seated across from you, the kid who snuck into the event, and your date? (That last one might not present such a dilemma.) Do you paste your breasts to that thing as if everyone's very lives depended on it? Or is it better to shrug and just hope for the best?

I mean, I'm also operating under the very reasonable assumption that she wore this after being forced to do so at gunpoint. Obviously.

September 24, 2009

Deceptively Fuglicious

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Behold Jessica "Mrs. Jerry" Seinfeld:

Coming to the New Yorkers for Children benefit straight from her New Yorkers Against Mirrors meeting. Brave.

September 24, 2009

The Beautiful Life: WTF

Fug file:

Mischa Barton looks beautiful.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

...from the neck up.

In fairness, the rest of her looks amazing if you're deeply obsessed with test patterns and/or self-hypnosis.There's something for everyone!

September 24, 2009

Clinique Fresh Fugs

Fug file:

makeup mishaps

Clinique and Teen Vogue kicked off their "Fresh Faces" tour this week in the following manner:

Um. I don't know if "fresh" is the adjective I would be using myself.

September 24, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Rose Byrne

Fug file:

sequins

Well, well, well. This is fortuitous. Just after I finished pulling the last of the photos for our Emmy coverage, including this one, I read the following in Harper's Bazaar, from Ms Rose Byrne:

"...one pair of snarky bloggers have been merciless. 'They think I'm depressed because I look serious in photos. It's usually because I'm just nervous,' Byrne explains."

First of all: Hi, Rose! Love you on Damages.

Second: MERCILESS seems dramatic. I prefer, "concerned."

Third: I WAS concerned. You always looked so glum! So I am happy to hear it's just nerves. Seriously, someone who has your head of hair should never feel depressed.

Fourth:

Kid, that dress is aces. And you look so happy and relaxed. Am I allowed to consider this a breakthrough? Fabulous!

Now, if you can just get Timothy Olyphant to spend all of the next season of Damages shirtless, we'll really be in business.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Anna Torv

Fug file:

pink,
sequins

So, I'm not watching Fringe even though I know I would like it, plus it has Pacey. I know. I know. I should be supporting Pacey. But here's the thing: 8pm on Thursday is like IMPOSSIBLE right now. I am watching like SIX THINGS on in that time slot. I only have two eyes, and one dual-tuner TiVo. I'm sorry, Pacey. Don't hate.

That being said, I kind of love Anna Torv, both because she pulled off A Secret Marriage -- which I always appreciate, from a gossip standpoint -- and because....listen. I love this. You may disagree -- as I always say, it'd be so boring if we all agreed -- but I looove it:

It's shiny, and I, like a magpie, am always pleased by sequins. Plus, the color is great on her, and I love the fact that it's all sexy, cleavage-wise, but the rest of it is demure. I just dig it. Even if it wouldn't be inappropriate on a Barbie. That ain't always a bad thing.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Lindsay Price

Fug file:

purple

Is every single piece I write about the Emmys going to begin, "When I first saw this dress on the red carpet, I [hated it/loved it/spilled my drink with glee/choked on my hot pocket], but now I get a better look at it, I [want to marry it/feel like vomiting/want to die/can't decide]?

The answer to that rhetorical question is: yes. When I first saw this dress, I was like, OH HONEY NO. But it's sort of grown on me in the last three days, like mold on a fine blue cheese. I think it helps that SHE is so pretty. (By the way, I assume you read that article in Fitness where she says she has actual scars from the zippers on her size zero costumes on Lipstick Jungle cutting into her body? Can I just say, WTF? I know those are sample sizes sent over from the designer or whatever, but she's a PERSON. Her costumes should not be MAKING HER BLEED. SEND. THE GIRL. THE RIGHT SIZE. DRESS. Jeez.) Nevertheless, I kind of think it's more successful now than I first did, but perhaps that's just because I've mellowed over the last three days, thanks to the immense amount of shirtlessness I've witnessed on The CW since Monday. God bless.

poll by twiigs.com

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Sigourney Weaver

Fug file:

In case you were wondering, I want to be Sigourney Weaver when I'm 60 years old.

Hell, I want to be Sigourney Weaver RIGHT NOW.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Anastasia Griffith

Fug file:

So, this is totally confusing to me:

If you're wondering where you've seen this actress, she plays Rose Byrne's fiance's sister on Damages, and she's pretty good. And according to Wikipedia, her brother is Jamie Bamber of Battlestar Galactica, so....that's an attractive family right there. But I would just like to state for the record that I do not understand why a dress that is designed to look like the bodice is made of two saucily placed ribbons is an entirely good idea. Unless, of course, the plan is for your evening to end with said ribbons unfurling at an apt moment. But a) these can't ACTUALLY unfurl, thus throwing a wrench into that plan, and b) suddenly appearing topless at the Emmys is a ploy best left to those without paying jobs.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Ginnifer Goodwin

Fug file:

purple

I enjoy how, in photos, Ginnifer Goodwin always seems to be cocking her head and looking at the camera with intense eyes, as if to say, "Come on, hit me with it. I can take it. I'm ready. DO YOUR WORST.

"You want to tell me the necklace reminds you a bit of Halls cough drops on a string? FINE. You think the bodice looks like a construction-paper valentine? BRING IT. You want to wax nostalgic about how you were lousy at drawing even hearts, so you'd draw half of one on a folded piece of paper, cut, and then open it up and VOILA, instant symmetry? And how this dress has now made you reminisce about kindergarten in a way that you haven't since the last time you walked past a toy aisle and saw the Play-Doh Mop Top Hair Shop and secretly thought about buying it for yourself even though you were fully grown? HAVE AT IT. I CAN HANDLE IT. I AM TOUGHER THAN YOUR STUPID ANECDOTES. As long as you give me credit for not gluing any part of this to a doily. Can you do that? CAN YOU?"

poll by twiigs.com

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Padma Lakshmi

Fug file:

Congratulations to Padma Lakshmi!

She may have lost the Emmy to Jeff Probst, but it appears from her dress that she won the Kentucky Derby, so that should be balm to her wound.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Cat Deeley

Fug file:

yellow

La Deeley seems like a nice lass.

Which is why it's such a shame her chest looks bandaged -- it reminds me of the dressings Gwyneth Paltrow's character wore in Shakespeare In Love when she was pretending to be a boy. Which is fine when you are, say, pretending to be a boy. In fact, it's all reminiscent of the embarrassingly entertaining Amanda Bynes classic She's The Man, in which Amanda runs around a school fair like a crazy person because she has to both impersonate her brother and play herself in a kissing booth, and she almost screws up one of her costume changes; hilarity ensues. I am pretty sure Cat Deeley would be horrified to think her gown looks like a boob harness that she forgot to take off -- but then again, maybe she's just a really big fan of She's The Man. And I certainly can't judge her for THAT. No, seriously, you guys. It will grow on you. It's like comedy mold: You don't WANT it there, but you can't STOP it, either.

September 23, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rebecca Creskoff

Fug file:

See, this is why trainers tell you to work out both arms evenly:

You don't want to end up with one arm Bluto-bloated and in need of its own annex.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Christina Applegate

Fug file:

blue

Christina Applegate seemed a little cranky when she was talking to Ryan Seacrest on the red carpet, and I figured there were several reasons for this:

a) she doesn't like Ryan for some reason
b) it's surreal to be nominated for a role that no longer exists
c) it was like ten thousand degrees on Sunday.

But once I got a real look at her gown, I thought of another option.

d) she hates her dress. She DID sort of bobble over the designer's name and then kind of dismiss it entirely, so obviously they're in a blood feud. I can't say I wholly blame her. The color is swell -- it really makes her eyes pop, as they say -- but there's so much happening on her left side that I wouldn't be surprised if she started to list in that direction.

poll by twiigs.com

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Jennifer Morrison

Fug file:

I changed my mind way too many times about this dress: On Sunday it was one of our red-carpet favorites, but by that night, when I had to write it up for NYMag.com, I decided I didn't care for it; then while downloading the pictures for GFY, I thought, "Maybe I was too harsh... " but I think now I might've talked myself into not liking it again.

Part of the issue is, I think, the fact that on TV we never got a great shot of the front of her dress. And in photos, it is revealed to be totally boring. A few seams -- one of which seems to create a divot near her hip that's big enough to hold a lip gloss, or perhaps some dip if she has carrots in her purse -- and an asymmetrical hem are barely a design choice. Most dresses with a front this dull make up for it with Major Drama in the back, though, so let's peek:

Continue reading Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Jennifer Morrison.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kate Walsh

Fug file:

crazy layers,
grey

So, this dress on Kate Walsh photographed better than I thought it would:

I actually kind of like it here, but when we were watching the broadcast, there was a lot of, "OH HONEY NO," and this is why:

Continue reading Emmy Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Kate Walsh.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Post-Party Fug: Bonnie Somerville

Fug file:

wearing white

I never noticed before, but Bonnie Somerville looks kind of like January Jones. And I'm wondering if, by hiding behind that messy forelock, she thought, "Maybe someone will mistake me for January Jones and that will be how I recover from having participated in Labor Pains."

Unfortunately, January Jones doesn't usually wear dresses that a) look like what middle-school girls in the 80s would do to their gym t-shirts; or b) evoke questions about the severity of her static cling. Something about that draping makes Bonnie look like she's hunching slightly because the skirt is stuck to her thick black tights, and can only be peeled upward very slowly or else she'll get zapped hard enough to curl her bangs to the root. Still, chin up, B -- maybe Betty Draper needs a long-lost sister. Or a lookalike cousin. You might still have a chance.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Post-Party: Amanda Righetti

Fug file:

Leg City

Amanda Righetti here has found her way onto The Mentalist, which is a pretty sweet gig for her -- mostly, all her character does is get left at the office to do elaborate top-secret Google searches, and yet she gets to be on the No. 1 show on television.

However, she really needed someone to mentalize her a better dress -- preferably one that doesn't look like she stole it from the dude in charge of gladiator funerals at the Colosseum.

Parenthetically: You are not fooling us, Ms. Amanda. We all know full well you are trying to make a point of how high that slit is -- why else would you have you leg stuck out and cocked at such a jaunty angle? Is it not enough that your skirt is slit up to your hips on both sides? You have to PROVE it? Did someone insult your thighs as a child? Oh, Mentalist, how suavely you would get to the bottom of this psychological minefield, if only you were real.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Elisabeth Moss

Fug file:

Well, this surely didn't go quite as planned.

There are aspects of this that I actually like. For one thing, it's refreshing to see Elisabeth Moss not having to wear her Mad Men bangs. WHY are they parted in the middle like curtains all the time? That may be period-appropriate, but I keep wanting to drag her into the Sterling Cooper Ladies Powder Room and brush them TOGETHER. Why hasn't Joan stepped in to resolve this incredibly important issue? And this color is kind of....intriguing? Sure, it's sort of the shade of the dark meat on a turkey, but it doesn't wash her out too terribly and could be sort of sophisticated. If it didn't look like she had it balled up in the bottom of her closet for six weeks prior to the event. Look, I understand that shit gets wrinkled, and sometimes you just go to an event knowing that you might be a wee bit creased. But this thing isn't just creased. It's CREASED. And this is the Emmys. And she's a nominee. So I guess what I'm saying is, if she insisted on wearing this Delicate Dark Meat Turkey Satin Number, why didn't she fully commit and lie down flat in the limo on the way over so as to preserve its integrity? That's all.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Mary-Louise Parker

Fug file:

So, I stopped watching Weeds right around when Nancy Botwin decided it would be a good idea to traipse around Tijuana dressed like a prostitute. I mean, Mary-Louise Parker has a great body and all, but when you're smuggling illegal drugs across the Mexican/US border, maybe you ought to consider looking a bit less conspicuous.

However, I'm beginning to wonder if an excessive attachment to whipping out the gams is a Nancy Botwin affectation, or if it's a trait of Mary-Louise Parker's that has bled from fact into fiction. Behold:

This dress is cute. I like it. She's in great shape (she's 45! She looks ten years younger -- thanks perhaps to Botox, in part, but still!). This could totally work...for a cocktail party. Or a movie premiere. And even then, perhaps it would be better on someone very young, like Vanessa Hudgens young, because it smells a bit cutesy for me with the bow. For the Emmys? On a grown-ass woman? REALLY? I don't think so.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Unfug It Up: Jessica Lowndes

Fug file:

I can't remember what 90210's Jessica Lowndes's hair looked like back when I was watching that show the first time -- I stopped watching, and then EW said it was entertaining again and I picked it back up, and it IS kind of more entertaining now -- but regardless, she has been looking very pretty indeed lately. But let's talk about this outfit:

I feel like it's CLOSE to good and yet not quite there. I kind of almost wish it was a weeeeee bit shorter, or that she'd paired different shoes with it. Something about the dress's length, plus the straps of the shoes feels a teensy bit off for me. I might make the dress itself closer to knee-length, and give her more traditional looking shoes -- you know, with the thought being that if you're going to drift toward a sort of 50s prom look, you might as well just REALLY GO THERE. I mean, not in a costume-y way, but...COMMIT. COMMIT, LADIES!

But what would you do, readers? I feel that this needs some tweaking in order to shut it down, so that we can all die/go bananas, a la Rachel Zoe. Please enlighten us! (Nicely, as usual.)

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Sarah McLachlan

Fug file:

green,
WTF

My favorite part of any awards show is the dead-person montage, because it always gives me goosebumps. I don't know, I guess it feels like a final farewell -- like you're not really gone in Hollywood until your image has appeared during a telecast with audience applause and a really sad song behind it. Sniffle. And Sarah McLachlan sang a lovely rendition of "I Will Remember You" under this year's Emmy montage -- Bea Arthur, I WILL remember you, glorious lady -- so I don't mean to undercut the power of her moment, but...

There are many things wrong here, not least of which is that her chest appears to be a furry tribute to the glories of the large intestine. And it's hard to contemplate my grief AND my plumbing at the same time.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Awards Post-Party Fug: AnnaLynne McCord

Fug file:

Drunkface McCord has a message for you:

In two hours she'll be performing a sex-jams cover of "Material Girl" at the Playboy Lounge on the Lido Deck. Bring cash for tips and booze, but the pretzels are free.

P.S. If she holds a raffle for the shoes and the bag, I will buy 100 tickets.

September 22, 2009

Emmy Post-Party Fug-or-Less-Fug: Blake Lively

Fug file:

.. Okay, I'm thinking Blake didn't really understand Leighton's point here. Which, granted, was made in the course of a fictional conversation, but still:

It's BETTER, in some ways, but if you're going to flash just as much of yourself, why bother changing at all? I suppose her boob-pits might've gotten chilly, or her left leg became violently jealous that the right one was on display; maybe her shoulders were so convinced that linebacker is totally hot for fall that they refused to cooperate unless she dressed them accordingly. Either way, I think I'd have liked this better if it were EITHER longer, or had a higher neckline. And the fact that the one thing she KEPT was the pigtail-braid... I haven't seen a rope that frayed since gym class.

That being said, at least these clothes appear to FIT. Which, given most of the stuff she's wearing in her GFY archive, is a huge step forward.

poll by twiigs.com

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played: Chloe Sevigny

Fug file:

polka dots,
yellow

You guys, I know this may rock you like a hurricane, but: I think The Sev might've been one of my favorites from last night.

Love the dots, like the yellow slip underneath that gives it an ethereal sheen, love the hip brooch... not sure what to make of the hair -- is it edgy, or just lazy? -- but at least it doesn't distract from her dress or look like a mangy rope of fake tresses borrowed from an old Star Trek movie (ahem, Blake Lively's Braid Thing).

And my good will is so robust that I might even be okay with this:

Continue reading Emmy Awards Well Played: Chloe Sevigny.

September 21, 2009

Emmys Fug or Fab Carpet: Olivia Wilde

Fug file:

This is another look that caused a fair amount of dissension during the red carpet live-blog. Some readers loved it; some hated it; some, like me, were withholding judgment.

Well, my judgment is no longer withheld: I woke up this morning and decided that, while I liked January Jones's dress, this one I did not. I mean, it's one of those things where I GET IT, I just don't care for it. It's like what would happen if an ice dancer and Crystal Barbie had a baby.

poll by twiigs.com

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Drew Barrymore

Fug file:

I feel bad for anyone who has the itch to design a dress in this basic vein:

I will give it to Drew: As much as I think flesh tones tend to wash out fair ladies like her (and me), her skin looks utterly flawless and porcelain. I'm not crazy about the hair and makeup -- they're a bit flat -- but my less-than-enthused reaction to this dress really isn't her fault. See, unfortunately, anything flesh-toned with an elaborate skirt is doomed to be compared to Penelope Cruz's Oscar dress, which is -- to use the texting parlance the kids love these days -- the OMG version of what Drew is wearing. The above is pretty, but it will always lose. Like, yeah, the Wakefield twins are super pretty, but poor, sweet, deaf ex-model Regina Morrow, who got her hearing back only to kick it after a broken heart drove her to experiment with cocaine? She was BEAUTIFUL. Ask anyone. So while there's nothing wrong with being a Wakefield -- I mean, you're still ALIVE and everything, and you own an awful lot of mini-skirts -- you never did make it onto the cover of Ingenue and you never were able to turn caddish Bruce Patman into a nice guy, so...

poll by twiigs.com

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Jane Krakowski

Fug file:

Listen. Who DOESN'T love Jane Krakowski? I mean, her work in The Rural Juror alone has given me hours of pleasure:

But I feel like if someone tried to dress her 30 Rock character in this dress, that person would be in for a world of completely ineffectual hurt:

This both washes her out AND makes her look boxy. In other words, it's like she's wearing a recycled bulk mailer. Part of the problem is that J. Krak doesn't have much of a waist -- a debilitating and crippling condition I happen to share -- so she needs to wear a dress that helps create the illusion of one. AKA, not this one. The Rural Juror votes, GUILTY.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: January Jones

Fug file:

wearing white

While we were doing our live-blog yesterday -- and thanks to those of you who stopped by, it was super fun -- Heather and I decided that we didn't know what to decide about Mrs Betty Draper here, AKA January Jones:

This morning, I think I've personally come down firmly on the side of love: it's interesting and intricate without being all Crazy McLookAtMe, and it fits her like a dream. But we promised you a poll, and a poll ye shall receive:

poll by twiigs.com

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Thomas Jane and Patricia Arquette

Fug file:

PATRICIA ARQUETTE: I maybe should have gone up a size on my bodice.

THOMAS JANE: What are you talking about it? I LOVE IT. Your cups OVERFLOWETH.

PATRICIA: Yeah. I know. It's totally uncomfortable. My nipple is seriously about to make a run for it and I haven't taken a full breath since 11 a.m.

THOMAS: So?

PATRICIA: So I might PASS OUT, buddy. This top is literally cutting into me.

THOMAS: HOT.

PATRICIA: You're so unhelpful.

THOMAS: WRONG. I am awesome. Did you see me on the red carpet?

Continue reading Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Thomas Jane and Patricia Arquette.

September 21, 2009

NY Fug.com: Red-Carpet Hits and Misses at the Emmys

In addition to our comprehensive and continuing coverage of the Emmys here at GFY, we also prepared a piece for our friends at NY Mag.com:

"But just because no one fell off the stage or accidentally lit Ryan Seacrest on fire doesn't mean that those generous souls who braved the red carpet solely for our entertainment -- and their own good press -- don't deserve a little constructive feedback."

Curious to know which dress is guilty of doing the Worst Disservice to a Total Babe? Check out the slide show.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Kim Kardashian

Fug file:

Kim Kardashian is certainly toned, and she is definitely very pretty. And for all I know, maybe she's a royal diva, the kind that only eats orange M&Ms that aren't visibly touching any other color, refuses to use the bathroom unless there are rose petals in the bowl, and sups only on the juices of her own melodrama. I don't know her life.

But I do know that she seems to be trying to convince us she's Jennifer Lopez. And you, Kim Kardashian, are no Jennifer Lopez. For one thing, you didn't even bring a prop scarecrow in a tux. I mean, REALLY.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Show: Blake Lively and Leighton Meester

Fug file:

BLAKE LIVELY: Hi L.

LEIGHTON MEESTER: Hey, B.

BLAKE: Am I showing way too much skin?

LEIGHTON: As usual. Boobs OR legs, remember, Blake?

BLAKE: I have the worst time with that.

LEIGHTON: We know. And your dress has an open back.

BLAKE: So?

LEIGHTON: You're beating us about the head and neck with your hotness, when you really ought to just let it hug us tenderly.

BLAKE: I don't know what that means.

LEIGHTON: Stop showing so much skin. For the 10th time.

BLAKE: Your turn.

LEIGHTON: Whatever do you mean?

BLAKE: Uh. Your dress is like way too big for you and you're wearing shoulder pads that give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "don't squeeze the Charmin."

LEIGHTON: What new meaning is that?

BLAKE: I don't know. It was the only toilet paper joke I could think of.

LEIGHTON: Bitch, please, this outfit is directional.

BLAKE: It should have directed you to a tailor. And what about your face? At least my makeup looks awesome.

LEIGHTON: Your hair doesn't.

BLAKE: WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU:

Continue reading Emmy Awards Fug Show: Blake Lively and Leighton Meester.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Sarah Silverman

Fug file:

So, I think we can all agree that this was a mistake, right?

I mean, the color is great but the last time this particular silhouette was flattering on a woman, her name was Glenn Close and she and John Malkovich were playing an increasingly dangerous game of seduction while she was wearing a corset and her hair had a ship in it. If you're not wearing the period-appropriate undergarments with your panniers, then you just look like your hips are suddenly as bizarrely wide as a beam, and if you are wearing said period-appropriate undergarments, then you are probably going to pass out and/or people are going to think you are KA-RAZY because you're running around dressed like you've recently escaped from the set of Dangerous Liaisons II: Get Dangerous! In other words, Sarah, we're thrilled you're not wearing jeans and a ripped sweatshirt and playing with your gum as usual, but this was an exceedingly weird choice. In fairness, I admit that I will never understand why Sarah Silverman seems to feel the need to downplay how cute she is by generally dressing like a hot mess at events, when the fact is that she's created an entire comedic persona around the (completely tired) idea that it's funny when a cute girl says something shockingly crass/crassly shocking. Doesn't it therefore follow that she should generally look adorable, as part of her branding? It's not like she's Charlize Thereon, who might worry that her stunning beauty will get in the way of being cast in a serious role. Her whole DEAL is that she's cute, and therefore it's HILARIOUS if she calls someone a word I won't use on this website because my mom reads it. I actually don't agree with this as a comedic concept in the least, but she seems to buy into it, so why doesn't she ever try to LOOK BETTER? THAT'S THE WHOLE CRUX OF HER ENTIRE DEAL!!

And it makes me shouty.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Phoebe Price

Fug file:

HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING TICKETS TO THIS THING?

It certainly isn't because of her contributions to our combined sartorial health and wellness.

September 21, 2009

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Victoria Rowell

Fug file:

soap stars,
WTF

Okay. There is expressing excitement about and support for Barack Obama, and then there's this:

Does there have to be an Etsy store for everything?!? He's not a SOUVENIR. He's the PRESIDENT.

September 20, 2009

Emmys Red Carpet Live-Blog

Happy Emmys Day, guys! Are you ready for some live-blogging? And would you like to get into the little pool Heather and I have going about which celebrity Ryan Seacrest is most likely to have to chase down the red carpet tonight? (My vote goes to Jon Hamm. But I always vote for Jon Hamm. I might have accidentally voted for him for Senator this year.)

The shenanigans kick off at 3 p.m. PST and comments will be open! Obviously, standard rules apply: be on topic, be gentle, be kind, rewind, etc. Keep refreshing to read the most up-to-date version of the post and get ready to rumble! (Except please don't rumble. It's so hard to clean up afterwards.)

3:00 p.m: WHERE ARE THE CELEBRITIES??!!! And, dang, Giuliana looks teeny here on E! Although her dress is very pretty.

3:05 p.m.: Heidi Klum is sporting some serious earrings. She looks fabulous as usual, it's so annoying. Although we're more accustomed to seeing her in a color, and we are seriously over the fishtails. Ryan looks VERY petite next to the tall hotness that is Heidi/Seal (Seidi? Heal?)

Continue reading Emmys Red Carpet Live-Blog.

September 18, 2009

Emmy Liveblog Reminder: Here at 3 p.m. Pacific time

That pretty much says it all, actually, but click here for yesterday's post about it (and to revisit the glories of The Embrace Cooed Over 'Round The World, If By 'World' You Mean 'The Living Rooms Of All My Satire-Loving Ladyfriends.') Comments will be open. See you then!

September 18, 2009

Nelly Fugtado

Fug file:

lace,
transparency

Happy Friday, everyone! I have a gift for you -- something I know you've all wanted. Ready? Here it is:

That's right, MORE see-through stuff! Here, we have a nice little lace chunk on Nelly Furtado's chest -- it's like a soul patch on the theoretical chin of her boobs. But as you can slightly tell from this photo, it doesn't stop there -- no, the fun rages on:

Continue reading Nelly Fugtado.

September 18, 2009

Every Fug You Take

Fug file:

ew,
I'm Scared

This is Sting's daugher, Coco, who is apparently a musician, model, and actress in England.

She is also the president of the Joker's fan club, hasn't slept in 5 years, and may want to sup on your blood. Hope that's okay.

September 18, 2009

Fugchel Bilson

Fug file:

metallics

Cute girl.

Possibly cute bra. Totally strange suit made of Ferrero Rocher wrappers; maybe the flash of lingerie was Rachel's way of distracting us from asking ourselves just how many candies had to be scarfed in the making of this outfit. I feel her. Nobody really wants his or her 3 a.m. infomercial-watching eating habits exposed to the world.

September 18, 2009

Andy Richter Fugs The Universe

Fug file:

hot pants

We here at GFY love Paget Brewster. She's way underrated in the industry, she seems like a fun person, and she once e-mailed us to say that her infamous fish purse was actually a cooler she bought at Rite Aid. Our kind of girl.

But:

[Photo: WENN.com]

We are not as enthusiastic about her black satin loincloth, which MIGHT be a skort of some kind. Unless it turns out she bought THIS from the cooler aisle at Rite Aid, too. Then we might have to applaud. Because hot pants that keep beer cold would be a national treasure and a victory for mankind over physics.

September 18, 2009

Fug or Fab: Natalie Portman

Generally, I think red and pink really do clash rather loudly, and so I tend to steer clear of it.

But -- and maybe it's just the delirium talking; it's been a really long week -- I don't hate this. There's something bright and fun and spirited about it. Unlike Natalie's facial expression, but presumably, she cracked a smile at SOME point that night. I mean, if you're going to wear an upbeat dress, the least you can do is act like you haven't just had nails driven into your colon.

poll by twiigs.com

September 18, 2009

Leighton Meestfug

I feel Leighton Meester -- Fashion Week is tiring, especially when you have another job you're doing at the same time.

But even so, in our tiredness, we have never worn a bathing suit under drawstring shorts to a show. We'll save that for the day we want Anna Wintour to have us arrested for public lazyness.

September 18, 2009

Well Played, Salma Hayek

Oh, Salma.

You are glorious. I love how you used accessories to jazz up a very straightforward little shift, and I would like very much to find out that you and I share a shoe size and that you are willing to loan me, a total stranger, those silver pumps. I promise I will only wear them while vacuuming.

That's really all I have to say, but I guess I can stay and chat for a while. How are you? Are you coming back to 30 Rock any time soon? How was working with Alec Baldwin? Because I find him inescapably, irresistibly hilarious, and yet I suspect his personality could be somewhat tough to take, given that he flew into a rage and called his kid an ungrateful pig that one time. Maybe the love of a good woman will cure him. Can you do something about that? I know you're married, and all, but maybe you have a friend? No? Well, it'd be nice to see you on the show again. So get on that, at least, please. Thanks.

September 18, 2009

Fugn Girls

Psst. Lindsay. You popped a button on your...

[Photo: Splash News]

... eh, you know what? Never mind. You don't care.

September 18, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day THE END

I deeply wish I'd been present for the below:

Regardless, thank GOD Mickey Rouke is back. He really does improve nearly every event. Hopefully he'll show up at the Emmys! We can't think why he would, but you never know. Maybe he'll be in the neighborhood.

So, fashion week is a WRAP. We closed the last day by seeing Miss Kathy Griffin at Isaac Mizrahi, which was thrilling for all involved. Please also feel free to check out our semi-annual Fashion Week Wrap-Up Post. As always, it was a blast -- big thanks to the good people at NY Mag! Fashion Week, we love you!

September 17, 2009

Emmy Awards Live-Blog: Sunday, 3 p.m. Pacific

Hey guys! As you might have ascertained, we enjoyed the VMA live-blog we did here so much that we're doing it again for the Emmy red carpet. With comments open! What do you think of THAT, O Divine Trinity of Awesome?

I KNOW! We're totally excited too. (Also, we'd like to be the meat in that sandwich, but that's a post for another day. On another blog.)

Here's the deal: We start blogging here, on this very site, when the E! telecast begins -- so, at 6 p.m. on the East Coast and 3 p.m. on the West Coast. It'll be pretty hard to miss the entry itself, since it'll be at the top of the page. And obviously, the usual anti-squabbling rules apply in the comments. Otherwise, that's pretty much it, actually. There is not much "deal," in the end. But we hope you come by and chat it up during the last major awards show of this season. It's the online equivalent of crossing our arms, holding hands with the person next to us, and singing "Taps."

September 17, 2009

Fug or Fab: Rachel McAdams

Fug file:

lace

Hey, remember when Rumer Willis wore a top like this with pants?

[Photo: WENN.com]

In our "Unfug It Up" comments, lots of people voted for Rumer to ditch the pants and replace them with a pencil skirt. Rachel's dress, which is from the same Stella McCartney collection, fulfills the spirit of that (it's not exactly the same top -- different sleeves, and I think the seam on Rachel's neck means there's modesty netting present, which... feh). I still like the concept of Rumer's jacket if not the way she executed it, but if Stella McCartney snuck into my house, pinned me against the wall, and forced me to select one of these outfits or else accept a hearty bitch-slap, I'd take Rachel's.

poll by twiigs.com

September 17, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Ashley Greene

Fug file:

Twilight

I'm not sure anyone in recent memory has enjoyed her rise to fame more than Ashley Greene. She hitched her wagon to exactly the right star: No one had ever heard of her before last November, and now she turns up EVERYWHERE. All over the world. She is the new Tara Reid, in the sense that she'd go to the opening of an eye if there was a swatch of red carpet within a two-mile radius. Good for her, I guess, but I wish she was doing more with it than this:

This is so half-hearted. I feel like, either go with a minidress, or go with a prom dress, but don't wear a tiny skirt with a top that looks like you cut off the business end of the wedding dress and then dyed the bodice black. Isn't her Twilight character supposed to be the clothes-conscious one?

September 17, 2009

Who Fugged It Better (Or Worse): Sara Paxton and Posh

Fug file:

Hmm. This is a conundrum.

It's tough to judge directly whether Posh wore this dress better, because she's Posh, so she simultaneously does things better and worse than I could ever imagine. Plus, this dress is probably being deployed in a more proper context by Sara Paxton, who is -- sorry, Victoria -- considerably younger and therefore looks less like she's trying so hard to be hip. But I do object rather strenuously to the disco clogs. I am not a clog fan. Clogs are for drains, not feet. Sara may look a bit fresher from the ankles up, but damn, I'd go with Posh's boots any time.

poll by twiigs.com

September 17, 2009

Katharfug McPhee

Fug file:

Have we talked about what a bad idea this is?

And I'm not talking about the dress -- although I could be, because girl, I can see things. Private things. And those private things, as bathed in the nosy light of the camera flashes, appear to be the same color as Katharine McPhee's dye job.

I can't figure out why she did it. If this is for a role, I will laugh, because I feel like if you are hiring Katharine McPhee for your movie, you're not doing it because she's a chameleonic actress of the highest caliber -- you're doing it because the nation fell in love with her on American Idol and wanted to invite her over to dinner. So having her not LOOK like Katharine McPhee is kind of a drawback.

Of course, Katharine McPhee might be sick of looking like Katharine McPhee, and I respect that. We all like a change every now and then. But generally don't we like to stick to flattering ones? That color and cut evoke nothing so much as Kelly Taylor: The Cult Years, when she got sucked in by one of her professors and Brandon and Dylan had to work together to get her out; and also, Kelly Taylor: Single White-Blond Female, during which time Kelly went to rehab for coke addiction and her roommate Tara became obsessed with her and came home one day with an identical hairstyle. Those were, dare I say it, extremely low points for our plucky heroine, and are very unfortunate visual associations for Katharine here. But I guess we can at least be thankful that she didn't go down Donna Martin Blvd. That girl changed her hair every six episodes and STILL never found a combination that worked.

poll by twiigs.com

September 17, 2009

Melodfug Thornton

Fug file:

I'm not sure what to make of this.

Pussycat Doll Melody Thornton is clad with an almost nunlike severity and austerity, except that her rosary is stuck down by her crotch. Having Jesus hang from a cross that is itself swinging gently across your genitals strikes me as... what's the word... ah yes: Wrong.

September 17, 2009

Cate Blanchfugtt

Fug file:

It's an admirable effort from a sassy lady, but no amount of vamping can change the fact that Cate Blanchett is wearing a throw somebody's grandmother crocheted in 1974 and which has lived on the basement sofa ever since.

For real, there are probably several people out there reading this and going, "Hot damn, I lost my virginity on that dress." At least it appears Cate Blanchett is having more lasting fun with it than about 70 percent of those folks did.

September 17, 2009

Fugyness Deyn

Fug file:

Holy Sleeve(s) Batman

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Agyness Deyn:

Top model, sleeve aficionado, and emo Prince Charming for hire: She'll rescue you from the tower and then write a song whining about how love totally killed her hamstrings.

September 17, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Seven

"Why, hello, stranger! I'm a marabou slipper!"

Yes, yes you are. That happened at Marchesa yesterday. Among other things.

What else happened? Alexa Chung refused to give us the finger.

And then we saw Michael Douglas. WITH NO CZJ THE HORROR.

September 16, 2009

Offugce Space

Fug file:

metallics

I am not sure what Us Weekly bigwig Jennifer Aniston stabbed with a fountain pen, but clearly, she or someone in her camp pissed off the wrong person -- that magazine WILL NOT pay her a compliment. That cover line about why Bradley Cooper "picked" Renee Zellweger was crazy enough, but the accompanying story was all, "He likes Renee because she's not tragic and desperate," and instead of giving Jen that funny crack about movie titles that accidentally pertain to her life, they were all, "Well SOMEBODY needs attention." Poor kid. She is somebody I really root for but who keeps making me smack my forehead.

For instance:

I like the IDEA. But for a clingy and glittering gunmetal mini, this is sort of limp, no? I suspect its sticker price is four figures, but if you told me she'd bought it at Charlotte Russe and then celebrated with an Auntie Anne's pretzel, I'd probably believe you. Not to mention that it would appear her support garment is on display. And although it's mighty refreshing to know that someone with her rockin' bod still needs a little extra help here and there, I'm pretty sure SHE would rather we didn't know that. Oh, Jen. You don't get to have ANY secrets, do you?

Still, I'll put it to a vote, because I like her and so maybe y'all out there will cut her a break that I didn't.

poll by twiigs.com

September 16, 2009

Fuglivia Palermfug

Fug file:

Don't get me wrong, I love a good suit on a woman. But this is not a good suit.

The jacket and the pants are too similar in color not to match -- like, either go different, or the same, but not so mildly off that it looks like half the outfit faded at the dry cleaner. I'm not enamored of the pants being floods, either. She just looks schlumpy and hungry and wan in it, and I'm sure the yellow shoes are supposed to cheer me up and make me forget about how limp the rest of it is, but that's not working -- something about their sheen evokes recycled French's Mustard bottles.

Which is to say, I don't like what she's wearing. At all.

September 16, 2009

Pokfug Face

I wish I'd watched the entire VMA telecast, because then I'd have seen all of Lady Gaga's outfits and could've knocked them out in one post, as opposed to scattering them around and dragging it out in a way that's sure to please her. I had intended to ignore the ones I didn't notice right away. But I couldn't resist posting this smoking pile of crazy:

[Photo: WENN.com]

That is... that is the Santa Claus you find in your apartment complex's dumpster, reeking of whiskey and urine. That is the property of one very cold chicken. That is what happens when you go to summer camp and the girls in your cabin hate you, so they cover your face in honey and cut up your pillows.

And that is the soulmate of this person:

Continue reading Pokfug Face.

September 16, 2009

Fugh Lezark/Unbreak My Fug

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You know that old chestnut about letting your legs OR your boobs hang out, but not both at once? Leigh Lezark is putting her own special transparent spin on that. First she flashed her bottom half at us, and now she's covered up down south in favor of showing us her aurora boobealis.

Get it? The Northern Lights, aurora borealis... Yeah, okay, that was horrendous. Sorry. But this is also horrendous.

It's been like three weeks and I'm already so tired of the Madonna-circa-1984 transparent lace stuff coming back around, mostly because we've got about a week before Forever 21 picks up on it and that means a bunch of 12-year olds will start wearing this crap to school dances and I will officially have to move into a nursing home because my righteous indignation will make me turn 80 on the spot.

But at least Leigh isn't trying to pull it off with leggings, a la Toni Braxton here:

Continue reading Fugh Lezark/Unbreak My Fug.

September 16, 2009

Lady Fugda

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You want me to believe Minnie Mouse wore white on her wedding day? Girl, PLEASE.

September 16, 2009

Fug Fug Pow

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If the Pussycat Dolls ever came out with a line of swimwear, I think Fergie's getup here would be among the first items to hit stores.

Seriously, this is what you wear to the beach if you are blind. Or you really, REALLY trust your sunscreen-application skills.

Also, it really says something about the state of famewhorey artists today that I can look at Fergie in this outfit and be like, "Yeah, but where is your prosthetic udder and mask made of cheese?"

September 16, 2009

Fugsley Mortimer

Fug file:

It's about time designers built flotation aids into their clothes. We're due for another Biblical flood and apparently only animals are allowed on the damn rescue arks.

September 16, 2009

Fug It!

Drew Barrymore has been getting a little too involved in her projects lately. On the Grey Gardens promotional tour she went with a lot of old-fashioned and evocative hair and makeup styling. But I seriously don't understand what about writing and directing Whip It! inspired Drew to dip her hair in shoe polish.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Maybe she's gone Method on us. Maybe Drew, as her getup here indicates, truly believes she is Mary Pop-Shins, a badass Roller Derbying nanny who will teach you things like how a spoonful of sugar makes the absinthe go down, and then expose you to the joys of smashing other people into sidewalk art under the auspices of it sending them to a happy-go-lucky parallel universe. If that's the case, then... yeah, you know what, I still don't understand the shoe polish.

September 16, 2009

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

You know, believe it or not, I think the haircut is the least of Solange's problems.

It has grown on me. I actually think she might pull it off if she knew what the hell to do with her makeup -- her lips look like she just snacked on a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

And then there's the dress. For New York mag, I wrote that she's dressed as a present someone brought to a funeral, and I do still believe that. I mean, I'm pretty sure the thing on her right shoulder is something Target sells in a rainbow of colors. But the more I stare at her, the more I conclude: She's kind of WORKING it, no? Yeah, there's some reflection coming off her left boob, but this is Solange we're talking about -- she's finally picked something unusual that DOESN'T look like she drew it after she was hanging something in the bathroom and slipped and hit her head on the toilet. I've got to give her props for that.

poll by twiigs.com

September 16, 2009

Confugsions of a Teenage Fugga Queen

Fug file:

LINDSAY: I'm hungry.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm disaffected.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm really into eyeliner.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing nine yards of cheap fake hair.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm bleaching the hell out of it, too.

TAYLOR: No, I am.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing an insect ring.

TAYLOR: No, I am. ... Wait, no, I'm not.

LINDSAY: I'm wearing thigh-highs.

TAYLOR: For once, I'm not.

LINDSAY: I'm all messily orange and shit.

TAYLOR: Not I!

LINDSAY: I look like I got punched in the lips.

TAYLOR: Nope.

LINDSAY: See? We're nothing alike.

TAYLOR: NOTHING.

September 16, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Six

Six days down! Two days to go! Somehow Fashion "Week" has EIGHT DAYS. MAGIC. I'M TIRED. I MIGHT JUST TYPE AND TYPE AND....no. I am okay. I am not at all a fashion week zombie. Everything is fine.

This happened last night:

Courtney Love, in case you're wondering, is not someone who watches a fashion show quietly. She...is a flailer. And a talker. And a HANDFUL. Bless. Read about her shenanigans by clicking on this helpful link.

What else happened yesterday? Let's see. I had a Tasti-DEE-LITE, or however it's spelled. One of my blisters developed a blister. Betsey Johnson gave everyone mini-bundt cakes. I mistook Fran Drescher for Lucy Liu (I'm...tired. CAN YOU TELL?) and then....something else happened. Something alarming and fascinating and weird. What was it? Oh, yeah: MICKEY ROURKE SHOWED UP. And I spent that entire show longing for a pre-f'ed'up photo of him to wave plaintively in the air, like a lighter. A lighter celebrating the glory of previous hotness.

September 15, 2009

NYFug.com: VMA Roundup

This went up on NYMag.com on Monday morning, but we completely forgot to alert anyone to it. I blame Drew Barrymore's new dye job, which -- for today, at least -- is apparently my new Spencer when it comes to scapegoating. Although maybe I can blame him for her hair; yes, that makes the universe feel aligned again.

Anyway:

Neither [outfit] was a hit, but this one at least doesn't evoke a horror film about the produce aisles.

About whom did we write that? Click here to marinate in the full slideshow and you will find the answer.

September 15, 2009

Well Played, Diane Kruger

Fug file:

green

Lordy, Diane Kruger is busy. She just got off the Inglourious Basterds carousel (and WHAT is with my pathological inability to hit the 'D' key correctly whenever I type that movie's name? I had to fix it TWICE) and now she's in Venice promoting something called Mr. Nobody. Thank God she probably has people sending her free clothes by the trunkload, because between acting and promoting things and then getting freaky with her maybe-fiance, I don't know when she'd ever have time to go shopping.

I love this. I kind of want to try it on, except I know how it would go: I would get starry-eyed and excited and then put it on and realize that there's no way in hell I could pull it off without a bra, and then I'd yell at my boobs for a bit, and then apologize to them and take them out to a nice lunch. You know, as one does. But it's all adorable on her and it reminds me that I need to get reincarnated next time as a person with an unlimited wardrobe budget and legs for days. Must put that on my to-do list.

Also... I don't usually like bringing this up, but because I know we'll get a shitload of e-mails about it, because that happens any time we show a photo of a woman who DARES to have any kind of natural flesh folds at all around her armpits, I am compelled to say: THOSE MOTHERF'ERS HAPPEN. To EVERYONE. Or at least everyone who has flesh. FLESH IS NOT A FLAW. Thank you. The end.

September 15, 2009

FuggaLynne McFug

Fug file:

90210

Check it: Drunkface doesn't have drunkface!

[Photo: PacificCoastOnline.com]

But she DOES have Brazen Thigh Syndrome, which I define as a tragic resistance to considering pants, with an accompanying inability to distinguish tights from trousers (minor symptoms include wearing minidresses that bunch in your crotch, and wearing stockings that kind of look like you got bored at the bar and pulled out a Sharpie for some therapeutic doodling). Which is worse: chronic drunkface, or the debilitating refusal to care about the privacy of one's pubic region? I think I'll take the latter any day. So come back, Drunkface's drunkface. But only if you bring some pants with you.

September 15, 2009

Naofug Watts

Fug file:

jumpsuit

I think Naomi Watts is trying to put one over on me.

I THINK she's wearing a jumpsuit. But I suppose that MAYBE this is just a black shirt tucked into quasi-jodhpurs -- like, perhaps the giant brooch she's pinned to her navel is a deliberate attempt to throw me off the scent, because it could be hiding some kind of telltale mark, like zipper and button or somesuch, that would rescue this outfit from Jumpsuit City (and promptly banish it to Bad Pantsville, but that's not my problem).

The back view doesn't entirely help either:

Continue reading Naofug Watts.

September 15, 2009

VMAs Fug or Fab Carpet: Alicia Keys

Fug file:

sequins

I'm flummoxed.

I SHOULD think this dress is cute. But somehow it's not working for me on Alicia. Kind of like how I SHOULD like peanut butter and bacon sandwiches, because peanut butter and bacon are magically delicious, but for whatever reason the two just don't go together for me. Am I just out of sorts? Do I need more sleep? Some champagne? A back rub from Intern George? Or is my vague and hard-to-articulate sense of "meh" well-placed? I need your guidance, Fug Nation.

poll by twiigs.com

September 15, 2009

Veronica Fugbb

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You guys, I have nothing against Veronica Webb, but I think there's a pretty good reason she got booted after her one season of co-hosting Tim Gunn's wardrobe-makeover show.

Actually there are three good reasons: the jumpsuit, the hat, and the shoes. It probably didn't do much good if Tim couldn't concentrate on cleaning out people's closets because every time Veronica walked into the room he furrowed his brow, put his hand to his face, and said, "I'm worried, Veronica." After all, the show was Tim Gunn's Guide To Style, not Tim Gunn's Vain Attempts To Concentrate On The Task At Hand While Being Slightly Nauseated By Veronica Webb's Insistence On Dressing Like A First-Grader Given Free Rein In Her Own Wardrobe.

September 15, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet Scrolldown: Leighton Meester

Fug file:

At least Leighton Meester keeps it interesting. At first you see the tousled hair and cute minidress and think that's all there is to see, and then... and THEN:

Those shoes are many things -- aggressive, likely to cause unusual blisters, the footwear of choice for cocktail waitresses at King Tut's Falafel Pyramid -- but dull is not one of them. However, I don't particularly think the shoes and the dress work together: The patterns fight, and something about the height of the ankle cones cut off her leg at the worst point and makes you wonder if she's sprouted some cankles. (I am certain she hasn't. Blair Waldorf would never allow it.) Still, on a night where not much of interest happened that didn't involve Lady Gaga scaring the bejeesus out of me and Eminem, I applaud her for giving my fingers ample reason to pound on this keyboard. Otherwise, the bastards would be banging out the URL for eBay and searching on "Louboutin" and that might end badly.

poll by twiigs.com

September 15, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Five

DAY FIVE IS DONE! We've hit the portion of Fashion Week where we're careening down the hill toward it being over and I stop being overwhelmed and start being sad. But this picture totally cheers me up:

It looks like Kelly Rowland is telling Kim Kardashian that she feels most emotionally fulfilled when she's, like, hanging out on her private alpaca farm or that she's incredibly confident that her feature film adaptation of Suddenly Susan is going to win her an Oscar. We'll never know what they were actually talking about, but I do know that they were at Jill Stuart yesterday, and that they're both annoyingly good looking in person.

What else happened yesterday? We gave notes to animal rights protesters and proceeded to make some stuff up about Emmy Rossum. Three days to go!

September 14, 2009

Fabiola Fugafugsa

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I cherish that Fabiola Beracasa wore this to celebrate the second season of Rachel Zoe's show, mostly because I think Zoe herself would die before she dressed any of her clients like Hell's Angels at a May Day party:

The next time Mickey Rourke gets married, I fully expect this to be the garb of the flower girls. Or the bride, actually.

September 14, 2009

How The Fugch Stole Fugmas

Fug file:

AGAIN?

And not even on stage this time? You're not Courtney Love, girl (and that is a good thing, TRUST ME). Since your mom won't say it, I will: GO TO YOUR ROOM.

September 14, 2009

VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga

Fug file:

just...wow

Gaga Laboratories really outdid itself this time.

Here, she's styled herself into an Aztec dominatrix with a sprained neck who lives in the basement of Radio City Music Hall, jealously haunting the patrons whose heads have a full range of motion.

But you guys, as grating and dull as I find her antics of late, and as unnecessary and disturbing and unappealing I found the VMA performance in which she ended up splattered in fake blood and feigning death-by-hanging or whatever (really sensitive, too, considering the first chunk of the telecast was honoring an artist who died before his time), I almost finally fell in love with Lady Gaga when I saw this photo:

Continue reading VMA Fug Carpet: Lady Gaga.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars

Fug file:

The Hills is going to be a little weird without Lauren Conrad. Because as boring as she'd gotten on the show -- understandably, since she developed an actual romantic and professional life outside the confines of the show's blurred reality and that would make me Over It also -- she was its heart and soul, and without her there's really nothing to root for except perhaps the onset of a raging case of crabs in Chez Pratt.

Still, MTV is trying, including making sure as many of its stars are visible as possible. Starting with Lauren Bosworth:

I really like this on Lo. It seems to fit -- which is more than I can say for those jeans -- and it skims her figure without skewing its proportions. The makeup is a bit heavy for her, though. I keep thinking of The Joker. In all, though, this is harmlessly cute and replete with the kind of wavy blonde sweetness that Lauren Conrad used to give the show, which probably means Lo is expected to fill the Everygirl role now and is going to have to practice her very best concerned expressions and the art of shedding one single tear, so that MTV will have plenty of ways to smash to commercial off her inner turmoil.

Unfortunately, it will be hard to buy into a new Lauren Conrad when the old one is still around:

Continue reading VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Amanda Bynes

Fug file:

OH MY GOD, you guys! You're not going to believe this! Amanda Bynes is wearing a tiny mini-dress and a fake tan!

Up is down and down is up! Next you're going to tell me that bacon grows on trees and Brett Favre is retiring for good and Audrina Patridge made eye contact with something! WE'RE THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS HERE, PEOPLE.

September 14, 2009

Whip Fug!

Fug file:

Let's pause for a moment in our VMA orgy to discuss this.

That dress is amusing -- the top part looks like a very elaborate tattoo, and the rest is kind of a Rorschach hallucination in which I see, like, pirate ships and sea creatures and a chopping maw of angry teeth that's rather unfortunately lined up with her nethers, as if suggesting they need a snack.

But my real question is: Do we think Drew Barrymore is maybe losing her mind a bit? I know she's promoting her roller-derby movie, so she's being all calculatedly edgy and whatnot, but isn't the joke on her? She may think the hair is hilarious but she still has to be the one wearing it. The last time I saw a dye job that bad, it was paw-shaped, attached to a keychain, and being rubbed for good luck. Although I will say she's making me crave chocolate-dipped shortbread, so maybe something wonderful will come of this after all.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Jennifer Lopez

Fug file:

Holy Sleeve(s) Batman

"Meow, amigos. I am an intergalatic sex kitten, coming to you from Planet Rrowr to blow your mind. HA HA! I'm kidding! It is I, Jenny from the block! Assuming your live in the tool shed on my estate because otherwise we have no block for miles. Also, get out of my tool shed! That is for the lawn mower and my Marc's embalming kit for his Learning Annex class! LEAVE!

"Where was I? Ah: Me. For that is who I am. Everyone tonight is wearing BORING dresses with BORING tops and BORING patterns. Nobody has vision. Nobody picked a sleeve harness that required three employees, two pulleys, and a helper monkey to put on their bodies! That is COMMITMENT, all you single ladies! If you liked it then you should've put a sleeve on it! Follow me, sad people, and I will show you the way. But first I need to take Marc home. He smells like anti-freeze. Ay, mi enamorados, some days I have to put gardenias up my nose just to get through breakfast with him. In fact, a secret: These are not sleeves at all. They are giant pot-pourri bags! I AM A GENIUS! And now I must pretend to go inside before diving into my limo and going somewhere better. Adios, dull-sleeved peasants!"

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Whitney Port

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The other day I put Freida Pinto's Christopher Kane dress to a vote, and 57 percent of you decided it was Fug Central. So I'm curious to know how you'll feel about Whitney Port's frock from the same line:

To me, it's worse. At least Freida's promised to hold itself up; Whit's is perilously close to freeing an imprisoned nipple, and it almost looks unfinished, like there was supposed to be a top built around that support garment but the designer ran out of time. And don't get me started on how These Kids Today sit down in skirts like that -- makes me wonder if the transparent layer is actually necessary as some sort of sanitary liner. I'm waiting for the day somebody makes a gynecological minidress with a full-on toilet-wrap dispenser attached. You know it'll happen. Hell, Lady Gaga probably has three of them in different colors sitting in her basement lab.

poll by twiigs.com

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Kanye and Amber

Fug file:

This seems like a classic chicken-and-egg scenario to me.

Is Kanye inhaling the booze because his date is dressed in a heinous bodystocking, or is Amber Rose wearing the heinous bodystocking because Kanye was inhaling the booze? I don't know the answer, but I do know this: On her home planet, Amber doubles as a giant snakeskin handbag. She's like a fashion Transformer. I can't wait until Kanye figures that out and blogs about it: MY GIRLFRIEND IS A MAN-PURSE IN DISGUISE. THE OTHER DAY I FOUND MY KEYS IN HER SMALL INTESTINE. THAT MAKES ME THE KIND OF PERSON WHOSE AUTOGRAPH I WOULD WANT."

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: Beyonce

Fug file:

Do my eyes deceive me...

... or is Beyonce essentially wearing a high-fashion fanny pack?

September 14, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Four

One of these girls claims her wisdom tooth extraction made her lose her mind. Girl, I hate the dentist too, so I feel you. The above happened at the Herve Leger show on Sunday -- a show Heather and I can not speak of without using a very, very faux French accent -- and let me tell you, that was the least of what happened yesterday:

The aforementioned Herrrrrrrrrrve Legggggggggggggggggggggeeeer.
Oh my god. You guys. I met Victoria Beckham. It was...I mean...if I were Rachel Zoe I would have both died and gone bananas. I died while going bananas. I went bananas until it killed me. Unbiased? Why, no. But seriously. Posh Spice. I had her action figure. What do you expect?
Oh my god. You guys. After that, Zinedine Zidane closed Y-3 by doing a penalty kick for everyone. Bananas killed me AGAIN. Sigh. And I thought Sunday was going to be a trial. Only four more days and....a lot more shows to go!

September 13, 2009

VMAs LiveFug

Fug file:

live-blog

The MTV Video Music Awards pre-show goes on-air at 5 p.m. Pacific time, and just for fun, we thought we'd live-blog it -- with comments enabled! -- as a dry-run for possibly live-blogging the Emmy red carpet next Sunday. It might have been a more SUCCESSFUL test if we'd had the idea in time to tell people last week that we'd be doing this, but it's all good -- consider this like a restaurant's soft open, where people who stumble upon it can walk through the doors and have a meal while the staff works out the kinks.

The commenting rules are the usual: No personal attacks (on each other or on us -- for the latter, of course, we invite you to use our handy-dandy e-mail address, but the former tends to ruin the atmosphere around here so please avoid it), keep it free of hate speech and the like; and keep it on topic. Just have fun with it so that everyone can KEEP having fun with it.

All righty, keep refreshing or coming back to get the latest addenda to the post. And 3...2...1...

4:59 p.m.: America's Best Dance Crew's end credits are rolling us into the VMA pre-show, so I'm watching a bunch of women in what looks like pirate lingerie shoving their pelvises at each other. That actually seems like the perfect tone to set.

5 p.m.: I didn't realize the VMAs are in New York -- that plus Fashion Week plus the U.S. Open? Busy. But should be good for the celeb turnout. Lady Gaga emerges from her limo in a gold Phantom mask, giant hat, and feathered collar; the whole thing looks so heavy that she can barely turn from side to side. She's practically hoisted to her feet from the car. Pretty soon she's going to start arriving places via an elaborate system of pulleys and wires, a la Bruno, except with less man-sac.

Continue reading VMAs LiveFug.

September 13, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Three

Ever wondered what people look like when a full-on mock-turtleneck catsuit comes down the runway?

Happy to help. You KNOW someone is going to wear that out, and I CAN'T WAIT TO WRITE ABOUT IT. Thank you, Christian Siriano!

Want to read about the rest of the shenanigans at Siriano? I can help you with that.

What else happened on Day Three of Fashion Week? Well, I went to a party that was solely devoted to the screening of a short silent film of a man climbing a rope. Yes: Fashion Week is never not funny. I also thought I was going to come face-to-face with Carla Bruni, but just got Mischa Barton instead. DISAPPOINTING.

September 12, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day Two

Oh my god, I was just saying to Heather, "you know what I wish would come back in style? Acid-washed mini dresses!"

I FEEL SO LUCKY. I'm going to buy a Lottery ticket!

This...happened....at Charlotte Ronson yesterday, but so did a LOT of things, including Lindsay Lohan MAYBE running in brandishing a gun! (Maybe not. Still. It was fun.)

Also today:

At Preen, famous people worried about skinny people.
At Monarchy, we were promised New Kids on the Block and we were DENIED. I RAGED. I also managed to write several paragraphs in which I did not refer to AnnaLynne McCord as "Drunkface," which was super tough. Feel my pain.

September 11, 2009

Fug The Cover: Redbook

Fug file:

Redbook

If you want to do a big story and cover line about looking and feeling your hottest, I think it would be a good idea -- although bear in mind I am not a professional -- to make sure all your cover subjects look and feel their hottest.

So, whoops:

Alicia Silverstone? Cute! Connie Britton? Enviable! Ashlee Simpson? Cock-eyed, tired, and wonkus. It reminds me of when I was making a version of myself on the Tiger Woods golf game for the Wii, and just for fun I kept inflating all my features to really weird sizes. It is the worst possible angle on her and it makes her surgically streamlined and generally flattering nose look more like a honker of a schnozz -- plus, you KNOW how much I hate makeup that GIVES you undereye bags (see also: Deschanel, Emily). If this cover is supposed to make women in their 30s and 40s feel better about themselves by making them feel way hotter than the twenty-something, then congrats, because that strategy may have worked. Yeah, Connie Britton is shoved in there at a weird body angle but she's hot.

Then the attack migrates to the thirty-somethings. Look at the picture they chose of Alicia Silverstone for inside the magazine:

Continue reading Fug The Cover: Redbook.

September 11, 2009

Almost Fugmous

Fug file:

I feel you, Kate.

[Photo: Splash News]

I'd ALSO be bummed if my pal Stella McCartney could only be arsed to cough up this tired old stale-feeling jumpsuit (I assume it's from her, anyway, since you're at Stella's Fashion's Night Out bash). But look at it this way: At least you're not one of the umpteen celebrities wearing sheer skirts. And if your taxi breaks down and you need to change a tire or check the oil, you can do it in great comfort without leaving any telltale marks on your clothes. See? Silver linings everywhere.

September 11, 2009

Cory Fuggedy

Fug file:

WTF

In the vein of Leigh Lezark from yesterday, Cory Kennedy is another Fashion Week mainstay for whom I have zero time the rest of the year. Seriously, she is chiefly famous for having lots of MySpace friends and being picked as a cover girl for club kids with slouchy style (apparently this led to some modeling gigs). Like, I wish I'd known in MY teens that I could get front-row seats at Fashion Week just for looking really tired and unkempt all the time. I'd be in my hotel room right now rolling around in piles of expensive swag.

Anyway: Cory Kennedy. Here she is.

She looks like a latch-key kid whose mother does aura readings at outdoor music festivals, and whose father is Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

It gets odder:

Continue reading Cory Fuggedy.

September 11, 2009

Jessica Fugzr

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In a way I sympathize with ol' JessicaSzohr here. Her Gossip Girl character, Vanessa, is heinously boring. Like, keep an episode stashed on your TiVo, because if you are ever having trouble sleeping then you can watch one of her scenes and slip deep into a rejuvenating nighttime coma. So of course La Szohr is going to dry to drum up some off-screen interest via her wardrobe.

BUT:

She and her animal-print hooves don't exactly look INTERESTING so much as vaguely threatening, like she can't decide whether she wants to sleep with you, beat the tar out of you, or just ask you to hold her feet while she does some sit-ups. And we're only about three days into the explosion of sheer clothing and already I'm exhausted by it; that shirt leaves little to the imagination and even less to be desired. Especially once you peek at the back:

Continue reading Jessica Fugzr.

September 11, 2009

Monstfug

Fug file:

From the neck down, I can work with this. It's not that exciting, and it could maybe have used a neck or arm accessory, but on the whole it's just fine.

But what is going on with Charlize's head? The lack of makeup makes her look ill, and her hair looks like when you wake up the morning AFTER a fancy event and you're trying to figure out where all the bobby pins went, and whether they might be hiding alongside your panties. But I am pretty sure she shouldn't have attempted any kind of hairdo at all without a hot-oil treatment. Charlize, have you met Mr. Duane Reade? He hangs out on just about every NYC street corner, and he's got any number of elixirs in his arsenal that could help you.

September 11, 2009

Vicfugria Beckham

Remember how, when Posh got her boobs reduced, we were afraid it meant she'd go all demure and staid on us in an effort to be taken seriously?

[Photo: Splash News]

Thank GOD we were wrong.

September 11, 2009

The Pretty Fugless

Fug file:

Holy MOLY, Momsen. I don't even know how to be funny about this. I get what Taylor's perception of herself is, I think, but SERIOUSLY?

I know you think you're a rock star now and everything, but it bears repeating: YOU ARE SIXTEEN YEARS OLD. WHERE IS YOUR MOTHER? MRS. MOMSEN, I SWEAR TO GOD, IF YOU ARE OUT HAVING COCKTAILS WITH DINA LOHAN AND TOASTING YOUR AWESOME PARENTING SKILLS THEN I AM GOING TO ... shoot, what am I going to do... aha: I AM GOING TO CONTINUE USING ALL-CAPS UNTIL YOUR DAUGHTER PUTS ON SOME MOTHERFREAKING CLOTHES. YES. TAKE THAT.

September 11, 2009

Fug Up And Fug

Fug file:

Well, you guys, this is it.

We FINALLY know what the love child of Kanye West and Grace Jones would look like.

September 11, 2009

He's Just Not That Into Fug

Fug file:

red,
transparency

On one hand, I can TOTALLY see Jennifer Connelly's boobs.

On the other, it appears that she has GREAT boobs. So....should we just call this one a draw? Seems fair to me.

September 11, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day One

SOLANGE: Dude. I know.

KERI HILSON: Here's the scoop, kids. I am crazy tall and wicked cute in person. Woo hoo! God, that's a relief. For me. I didn't think YOU, dear reader, were that worried. Ah, life is good.

SOLANGE: Yeah.

KERI: Why so glum, S?

SOLANGE: Hilarious.

KERI: What is?

SOLANGE: Acting like you don't know what's wrong. I'M WEARING A JACKET TRIMMED WITH THE REMNANTS OF SOME GRANDIOSE OLD PERSON'S DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW DRESSINGS. YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.

KERI: Well...you know. If you don't have anything nice to say....

SOLANGE: Is that why you haven't mentioned MY HAIR OR LACK THEREOF OH GOD WHY DID I SHAVE MY HEAD?

KERI: Um. It turns out I need leave now.

Poor Solange. I saw her at the BCBG show today and she did NOT look pleased. Cheer up, sugarplum! That coat is a great example of the power of recycling! I mean, it's not great-LOOKING. But it IS a coat. Read all about the shenanigans at BCBG here.

Also experienced this inaugural day of Fashion Week, I saw Gwen pat Gavin's ass. IT WAS AWESOME. By which I mean, I was totally blase about it and could not have cared less, so blase was I.

September 10, 2009

Fug or Fab: Jacinda Barrett

Fug file:

GABRIEL MACHT: HO HO HO!

JACINDA BARRETT: What are you laughing about?

GABRIEL: Oh, just trying to look breezy.

JACINDA: Why?

GABRIEL: Oh, you know. It's good to look casual and devil-may-care at these things. Oh, HOLLYWOOD! You AMUSE! Etc.

JACINDA: Maybe we should just talk to each other. Like normal married people.

GABRIEL: Indeed! JACINDA! TREASURED BRIDE! I loved you on THE REAL WORLD! HO HO HO REALITY TELEVISION.

JACINDA: Seriously? I've been in a ton of movies. You have to bring this up? You know how I feel about it.

GABRIEL: HA HA HA YOU ARE A CARD! Pretending I have RUFFLED your RUFFLES! HO!

JACINDA: I am going to find the open bar now. Why don't you ask these nice people what they think of my outfit?

poll by twiigs.com

September 10, 2009

Fug or Fab: Ginnifer Goodwin

Fug file:

red

What say ye, Fug Nation: Cute, youthful cocktail dress?

Or the model for the cake at a heart surgeon's retirement party?

poll by twiigs.com

September 10, 2009

Alexfugra Burke

Fug file:

"Hello, everyone!"

"Welcome to the Motel Thighs, Leg City's finest establishment for by-the-hour comforts! Naturally, our HBO is free."

September 10, 2009

Leigh Fugzark

Fug file:

One thing I love about Fashion Week is seeing all the old standbys who mean absolutely nothing to me for the rest of the year, but whose presence at Bryant Park mean that we will at least have SOMETHING to write about in any given front row. One such person? Leigh Lezark.

Of course, now she means something to all of us: She is the woman who showed us how to wear shrink-wrap over a leotard. My only question is whether, the reviled style of the 90s, that bodysuit snaps at the crotch -- if so, and you don't get those suckers closed super tight, that could prompt a front-row show of a whole different variety. Which would REALLY give us something to write.

Is it wrong that I'm kind of rooting for it now?

September 10, 2009

Leighfug Meester

Fug file:

You guys, I'm so excited!

As long as I poke an arm through a hotel pillowcase and employ a really huge belt, I can TOTALLY rock my black ski pants this fall! VICTORY!

P.S. Leighton, whoever told you to go with mellow lipstick AND light eye makeup is not your friend.

September 10, 2009

North Fugtry

Fug file:

bad hair

I never feel older or more stodgy than when I am gripped with the compulsion to tell someone, "You're such a pretty girl, if you'd just get that HAIR out of your face!"

And yet:

CHARLIZE. You are SUCH a pretty girl. If you would JUST get that HAIR OUT OF YOUR FACE.

Also, with your coif curtain drawn thusly, for a second I thought you were Nicole Kidman. Which isn't exactly a bad thing, unless you saw Australia. Which I did. So... maybe put that hair back next time, for real.

September 10, 2009

I Know Who Fugged Me

Fug file:

That's right, Lindsay.

[Photo: WENN.com]

KEEP SHOPPING. I'd so much rather you keep trying, than give up and decide that it's okay to live life in costume as a character from the Rent/Hair hybrid musical aptly called Rent Hair -- in which you are the lead, obviously, because I am pretty sure most of your hair IS rented.

September 10, 2009

Superfug

Fug file:

Golden Girls,
twee

There are pros and cons to Emma Stone's outfit here.

The con, of course, is that it's heinous.

Obviously I wasn't there, but I am pretty sure that Rose Nyland wore this to her wedding rehearsal dinner back in St. Olaf.

However, the pro is that at least this means Emma Stone may grow up into the kind of friend for whom, if she threw a party and invited everyone she knew, she would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, "Thank you for being a friend." I'm so glad we have that to look forward to now.

September 10, 2009

Fug Fug You Fug Fug, XOXO, Fugsip Fug

Fug file:

MISCHA BARTON: Hey, Taylor.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: Hi, Mischa. How are you feeling?

MISCHA: Well enough to wear unflattering formal shorts!

TAYLOR: Aha! So you're back to normal.

MISCHA: I thought I was off-limits for criticism due to my recent, very sad mental trauma.

TAYLOR: Oops. You are.

MISCHA: Thank you.

TAYLOR: Although now you're claiming it was wisdom-tooth pain and not any deep psychological pain, so maybe you're NOT off-limits after all.

MISCHA: Well, just to be safe, let's leave me alone for a while and focus on YOU. Because you have problems.

TAYLOR: I do?

MISCHA. HONEY.

TAYLOR: ... I guess I AM wearing a really expensive tube top. Like, REALLY expensive.

MISCHA: You look like a bad special effect in Twilight. Please pull yourself together before you, too, suffer from heinous wisdom-tooth pain.

TAYLOR: I'll think about it. But first, I HAVE to ask you one more thing.

MISCHA: Fire away.

TAYLOR: WHY is your new show called The Beautiful Life: TBL? What is that about?

MISCHA: Isn't it AMAZING? They should change your show to Gossip Girl: GG.

TAYLOR: Are you joking? It's like an extra-stupid reversal of CSI: Crime Scene Investigation. I mean, hello, by the time we get to the colon, we all already know what "TBL" stands for.

MISCHA: We do?

TAYLOR: ... What did you think the colon-TBL was about?

MISCHA: I thought it was, like, the airport code for a REALLY EXCLUSIVE private airstrip in New York.

TAYLOR: ... Yeah, I think we're done here. Seriously, I'm glad you're okay. Stay strong.

MISCHA: Thanks.

September 9, 2009

Housfug 2: Nutjob Boogaloo

Fug file:

Hours after our first encounter across a crowded Internet, I'm still scratching my head about what Jennifer Morrison is wearing here, to the point where I -- and several e-mailers and Twitter users -- decided an alternate angle might help. Or at least be MORE informative. It seems that one reason I thought J.Mo's dress turned into boots is that she IS, in fact, wearing boots...

[Photo: WENN.com]

... UNDER her crazy-ass velvet-encrusted dress. This thing reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream. Oh, sure, maybe at first it seems like a GREAT idea to have strawberry and vanilla and chocolate all together in one bowl -- why pick one thing when you can have THREE?!? -- but then it starts to melt, and it swirls together, and it makes a depressing soup that looks a bit like dingy rainwater gathering in a puddle on your doorstep, and instead of mixing delightfully it just tastes like artificial flavors in a pile, but there's no going back because throwing away ice cream is some kind of violation of the social code, so you're stuck with your decision and THEN you put BOOTS ON which makes the whole thing weirder.

So, this didn't help at all. Yes, we all know more or less what pieces make up this dress, but the larger "WHY?!?!" has not been answered. And you know what? It never is.

poll by twiigs.com

September 9, 2009

Elizabfug Hurley

Fug file:

I only JUST now noticed that Liz Hurley's boobs are oozing out of her bodice.

And the reason I only just noticed: I was too distracted, hypnotized even, by the fact that Liz's eye shadow matches her dress. Am I supposed to be okay with that? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not okay with that. I don't want to be told that my eyelids have to coordinate with my clothes. Especially if I am wearing blue. It's just so STRONG. And chilly. Like she hired the Snow Miser to do her makeup.

Let's have a squizz at the close-up:

Continue reading Elizabfug Hurley.

September 9, 2009

Lady Fugga

Fug file:

So we've gone from a willful lack of pants and do-it-yourself nipple shields... to this:

It's like one part Madonna, one part Liberace, a sprinkling of Liza Minnelli, a droplet of Joan Collins, all thrown in a blender and frosted with a divine icing made of this:

Continue reading Lady Fugga.

September 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Freida Pinto

Fug file:

When I saw this photo of Freida Pinto, I thought, "Oh, dear. OH DEAR." Because I was not sure at all I would like where this is going:

Freida Pinto seems so low-key and charming, and SO above showing up somewhere in a dress that's a glorified bra connected to a skirt by a zipper on a sheer overlay. That feels like famewhore behavior, and she seems the exact opposite of that. Like, to the point where if Fame came up to her and offered her a really cheap rate on an erotic massage, I seriously think Freida would be like, "Nah, I'm just going to go home and watch Big Brother and wonder why the wardrobe people still manage to make Julie Chen look like she shops at Talbots For Seniors even though she's pregnant." Okay, maybe I'm projecting, but you get the gist.

Then she turned around:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Freida Pinto.

September 9, 2009

Fug or Fab: Eva Mendes

Fug file:

NICOLAS CAGE: Hello, special lady.

EVA MENDES: Hi, Nic. Is there something on your face?

NICOLAS: It's my new, wholly mature facial scruff. Is there something on your crotch?

EVA: Just my dress.

NICOLAS: Are you sure it's not a special awards rosette? Did your crotch win a prize?

EVA: Yes. It was named a national treasure.

NICOLAS: Was it?

EVA: No, idiot.

NICOLAS: Are you sure? Because I was just saying the other day that my National Treasure franchise needs a third part. National Treasure: Crotch of Lies? National Treasure: Woman-Cave of Mystery? National Treasure: Enigmatic Lady-Labyrinth?

EVA: You are talking nonsense that is even weirder than your hair is whenever you're in a movie.

NICOLAS: WELL. If you're going to get personal, I'll point out that I'm pretty sure the cut of that dress went out of style two years ago.

EVA: Petulance doesn't suit you.

NICOLAS: I KNOW YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

EVA: Right.

poll by twiigs.com

September 9, 2009

Housfug

Fug file:

Oh, sweet pants of fire, WHY IS EVERYTHING STUPID?

I don't even know what to say. For a second I thought it was boots. I really did. Hi, my name is Heather, and I thought Jennifer Morrison was wearing a skirt that turned into boots.

But at least that's conceptual. This is just ... it's as if, moments after coating her legs with glue -- as one does -- she dropped her keys in a pile of black-velvet fabric and had to wade in up to her knees to find them. I wonder if Dr. House, M.D., has a cure for that kind of crazy. At the very least he'd have a creative pile of insults, which I could certainly use right now given that I think this temporarily shorted out the wiring in my brain.

September 9, 2009

Fugright, Fug

Fug file:

Lily Allen looks about as excited by this outfit as I am.

Which is to say, she looks like somebody said, "Hey, Lily, either wear this outfit, or hang out at home having paper clips pounded into your nail beds by a meat tenderizer -- your choice," and now that she's on the red carpet, she's thinking, "Shit, I shouldn't have picked door number one -- maybe I'll bolt early and swing by an office-supplies store." And that is probably the same expression that would be on my face if I were caught outside in a very elaborate bathing-suit cover-up, looking like I'd been punched in both my eyes. But don't fret, Lily -- I'm pretty sure Lady Gaga has never done paper-clip fingernails, so at least you'll have her beat on that.

September 8, 2009

Big Fugger

Fug file:

Stephanie McMichael is a former Big Brother UK contestant.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

She is making a convincing case for herself as a threat to Jodie Marsh or Katie Price in the All-England Creatively Naked Fame-Grubber Competition. For real, kid: Invest in a 500 percent boob augmentation and a bunch more sequined crotch slings and you're set.

September 8, 2009

Mean Fugs

Fug file:

look into pants

Dear Lindsay:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Do you and yours run your wardrobes like a fantasy football draft? Are you and Ali and Dina sitting around cross-legged on the carpet, taking turns picking as many of your favorite layers as possible before anyone else can get them -- and then later realizing you accidentally didn't draft any bottoms that weren't hot pants? Is Ali running around town wearing nothing but two pairs of leggings, some jeans, and ripped denim shorts? Because otherwise, you just look like a hooker with a court date.

Hugs,
Heather

September 8, 2009

Fugerique Bel

Fug file:

just...wow

This is just too subtle.

[Photo: WENN.com]

Frederique obviously wants to tell me something, but WHAT? That microwaving a top hat will result in a must-have lid for fall? That red lipstick is back? That cobweb is the new cotton? What?!? If only she would be clearer.

September 8, 2009

You The Jury: SWINTONfest '09

Fug file:

You The Jury

Know what makes a holiday long weekend even better? Returning to work and finding that SWINTON has been a social butterfly. She's been flitting from flick to flick at the Venice Film Festival, so let's put her cavalcade of fashion on trial, shall we?

First up is this number:

The prosecution collectively winces and pulls out a giant pair of sunglasses, citing the retina-searing potency of SWINTON's red-orange lipstick. The lead attorney then asks if she needs the number of a good blacksmith to get those hooves shod, and suggests she needs to be fed more regularly. The defense snorts that the shoes are funky, and compliments SWINTON on her choice of navy and the intricate, sleek draping of this dress. At this, the prosecution chortles and submits the following alternate angle into evidence:

Continue reading You The Jury: SWINTONfest '09.

September 7, 2009

Happy Labor Day!

So, we heard a rumor that today is a Federal holiday in the United States, and whenever we hear even the slightest whisper that allows us to skip work in favor of lolling around shoveling potato chips in our mouths and napping, well, we take it. We're not CRAZY.

Hence, in honor of Labor Day, Heather and I have taken Monday off. We will be back and better than ever (allegedly) on Tuesday.

To tide you over, even if you have to work today presumably it will go better than this event does:

BRIDE'S. WORST. NIGHTMARE. TV's best season-ending cliff-hanger? Discuss amongst yourselves, and we'll see you tomorrow.

September 4, 2009

I Hope They Fug Beer In Hell

Fug file:

polls

Before I get started, I'd like to point out that even though I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell sounds like an annoying story about a total asshole, I totally agree with the title. I DO hope they serve beer in Hell. It's going to be really hot down there, and I'm pretty sure my table will be nearish the flames, so it'd be nice to get drunk as they start licking at my ankles.

Now, onto the issue at hand: Actres Keri Lynn Pratt, whom you might recognize from the Melissa Joan Hart/Adrien Grenier/Ali Larter vehicle Drive Me Crazy. And also, wow, one of those names is not like the other one -- not even now that she's on Dancing With The Stars.

Wow, ANOTHER digression. Let's get back AGAIN to Keri Lynn:

I struggle with asymmetry sometimes. I understand the point of it, and sometimes I think it works, but often the proportions don't speak to me or the neckline clips the bust in a weird way. Here, I think the trouble is that we are at both ends of the spectrum: Her right half is very bare and her left half looks like she'd take off if she flapped her elbow hard enough; the whole effect makes it seem like she poked one arm out through the the neckhole of her blouse. I'm thinking it's not a good idea to wear clothes that create the illusion that your body is desperately trying to escape being seen in them. Yes? No? I await your vote.

poll by twiigs.com

September 4, 2009

Melfug Fugce

Fug file:

Remember the first season of Melrose Place, when there was an entire story arc based on whether Billy would give up his independence and take over the family carpet store?

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Apparently they're going down that avenue again, except this time, Katie Cassidy is going to run her own Mexican food franchise called Nacho Mama, where for an extra $5 you can eat your food out of her hat. And for an extra $20, you'll get a bottle of Colt 45 in her shoes. That might seem expensive to most of us, but for foot fetishists it's probably a real bargain.

September 4, 2009

Star Fugs

Fug file:

"Help me, Rachel Zoe!"

"You're my only hope!"

September 4, 2009

Fug and Fug: In Fug

Fug file:

I am concerned about Tori:

She is not going to a yard sale. She is not cleaning out her closet. She is not hanging out at Home Depot, looking at faucets and light fixtures. She is not buying compost. She is not looking at used toilets listed on Craigslist. She's not taking out the trash. She's not running out for coffee filters and toilet paper. She's not moving her car for street cleaning. She's not late for her O-Chem final. She's not starring in an episode of Law and Order in which someone who appeared on What Not to Wear is murdered after backsliding into their old way of dressing. She's at an m-fing wine-tasting/photo op. In grody moccasins and old cut-offs. SHE MUST BE CLINICALLY DEPRESSED. Right? I mean, that's the only acceptable explanation.

September 4, 2009

Unfug It Up: Rumer Willis

Fug file:

I love how it looks like the girls in the poster are shrieking at Rumer and Demi.

[Photo: Splash News]

Not that shrieking is necessarily warranted here. Demi looks lovely and dignified. But Rumer... she's getting there, she really is. The jacket is intricate and interesting. But it's also a tad mature: I could it on anyone ranging from Cate Blanchett to Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren to freaking Barbara Walters in that thing. Okay, maybe not Baba Wawa, unless she put a camisole under it, but you get the gist -- don't clothe yourself into your golden years, Rumer.

I'd almost like to see them trade outfits. Maybe we'd find out that it takes a very particular face and body to pull off an explosion of ruffles, but it also might be fun to see Rumer in a dress that's not strapless, since she has a pathological inability to choose one that wants to stay above her ribcage. As for Demi, she could totally work the lace, and would probably do better than pairing it with a truly unremarkable pair of black pants. They definitely don't compete with the top, it's true, but they don't enhance it either. In fact, they're kind of rolling over and playing dead. I'm glad Rumer herself is not -- if Demi Moore were my mother, I might consider giving up completely and becoming a shut-in who never shaves and eats only what can be foraged from the attic -- but I do wish she'd done something else here.

How would you fix this? Swap their clothes? Keep them in their outfits, but lose the pants (and replace them with something else)? Give them more exciting shoes? Or are they perfect just the way they left the house? Fair readers, let us know. You know the rules: On topic, on manners, on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen. Merci.

September 3, 2009

Lemondrop.com: Soap Star Fashion

Fug file:

soap stars

Wondering what to wear if, as in the case of one Ms Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Montgomery Marrick Marrick Marrick Mongomery, you:

"...have been married twelve times -- many of them invalid -- and been to prison twice, kidnapped by Latin American terrorists, became disfigured in a car accident, and had an abortion that magically came back to life thirty years later."?

Have we ever let you down? Check out our latest column on Lemondrop about soapy situations and the outfits they led to at this past week's Daytime Emmys. If you're not in the middle of throwing someone down a mineshaft or impersonating your twin sister so as to steal her baby and sell it to mobsters to pay off your drug debts, that is. That could take awhile.

September 3, 2009

Unfug It Up: Eva Mendes

Fug file:

animal print,
red

It is a measure of how much I secretly love The Rachel Zoe Project that, in looking at this, all I can hear is Rachel saying in a frantic tone that she needs to find something for Eva to wear to Venice, while Taylor pulls her hair over her face and looks put-upon and Brad looks sympathetic and slightly nervous.

I must admit that, while I don't wholly dislike this -- I don't THINK -- I am neither dying, nor am I going bananas. I think, for me, the big issue is that she seems under-accessorized (though you'd think the pattern on this dress would be accessory enough), and I haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate the headband. I just want to snatch it off her head and drive away in that boat. Eva Mendes is not Blair Waldorf and while I love Blair Waldorf as much as the next girl: Thank god. If I learned anything from the last Fashion Week, it's that most grown-ass women in twee headbands look ridiculous and I feel like...this is bearing that out. But what about the rest of it? Do you love? Hate? Feel the crushing ennui of total indifference? Are you concerned that the fabric was inspired by the collected leggings of Van Halen? You get to play Rachel Zoe in this scenario, so play nice and get to work.

September 3, 2009

NY Fug.com: Can Models of the Runway Save Itself?

That's the questions we're asking over at NY Mag.com. To boil it down to Tim Gunn-isms, we're concerned:

"While we're treading water waiting to learn which woman is arbitrarily eliminated, we've being forced to sit through segments where models try on shoes at Nine West, do squats, and clean the kitchen. We understand that if MotR rewinds and drops you in the middle of a Project Runway story arc that you just saw play out, it risks feeling like a retread, but if we wanted to watch women complain at the gym, do housework, and then buy shoes from a mall store, we'd just get out a mirror."

We WANTED to love you, Models of the Runway. We wanted to love you SO BAD. Find out why our love affair is probably doomed over at NY Mag.com.

September 3, 2009

Fug or Fab: Kimberly Wyatt

Fug file:

green,
ruffles

I am loving Kimberly Wyatt lately -- not for her clothes so much as for the fact that I think she is making a strong play for Fug Madness inclusion, and who doesn't love some new Fug Madness blood? In fact, I find myself spending a fair amount of time wondering which upstart will upset Lohan next? (Poor Lindsay: can't even get to the final four in Fug Madness. Things would really turn around for her on all kinds of fronts if she would just make an effort.) Like, look at this:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

It's both kind of great AND kind of crazy. It's gorgeous...and it has muttonchops. It would be rather dull without the ruffled fabric sideburns....but it's lunacy with them. I love it...and I find it ridiculous. TELL ME HOW TO FEEL.

poll by twiigs.com

September 3, 2009

Fug or Fab: Olivia Wilde

Fug file:

grey,
shiny

I love Olivia Wilde, and not because she managed to slog her way through that somewhat poorly-executed Marissa Experiments With Lesbianism storyline on The OC without visibility rolling her eyes on camera.

I love her because when she was interviewed about being ranked Number One on Maxim's Hot 100 List over the summer, she was kind of hilarious, noting that she was "honored to be considered warmer than the average taco," saying that she stays so hot thanks to "fourteen tablespoons cayenne pepper in [her] VERY HOT coffee each morning," and she used the word "thrice." Anyone who uses the word "thrice" is automatically noted as A Friend of GFY. And she certainly is very pretty. But let's talk about her dress. Does it make me want to running screaming out into the yard and set the squirrels on fire with rage? Absolutely not. In fact, I think I might like it. And it looks comfortable. You guys know how I feel about clothing in which I feel that I could comfortably eat an enchilada platter or two: VERY pro. But I woke up this morning and thought it was Friday, so who knows if I'm on the right track.

poll by twiigs.com

September 3, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Random Fug: Rachel Zeskind

Fug file:

It's little wonder I've never heard of Rachel Zeskind.

Until today, no one had seen hide nor hair of her since her job as the hostess at the incredibly ill-conceived and unpopular Sea World Sushi Lounge.

September 2, 2009

Fug the Ad: Jessica Simpson

Seriously. I will send Jessica Simpson $100 if she ever poses for an advertisement for one of her many products in which her mouth is CLOSED. I SWEAR IT CAN BE DONE.

September 2, 2009

How The Grinch Fugged Christmas, a.k.a. I Am Out Of Ways To Insert The Word 'Fug' Into Gossip Girl Phrases

Fug file:

Coming soon to a CW affiliate near you:

[Photo: Splash News]

Little J moves out to California to star in Gotta Rub Her The Right Way: The Christina Aguilera Story.

September 2, 2009

Sex and the City: Fug

Fug file:

Sigh.

[Photo: Splash News]

Okay. I might be biased, but I really can't deal with the fact that we have to live through ANOTHER Sex and the City movie when the last one was really essentially a bit irritating. I actually quite enjoyed the series itself, and I thought the series finale was really lovely and then we get to the movie and Mr. Big leaves Carrie at the ALTAR and then she ends up being OKAY WITH IT because that's how he decided to handle not having a big wedding instead of TALKING TO HER ABOUT IT because that is SO IN CHARACTER for EITHER OF THEM, and I'm so sure your friends would all, "Oh, okay, that makes up for like a year of total ASSHATTERY ON BOTH YOUR PARTS," like, I spent all six-hundred minutes of that movie wanting to crack people's heads together, and then in the end Carrie had to get married in a "no-name" dress (that was actually like Dior or something of course) at the courthouse -- like, Mr. Big gets exactly what he wants and she gets NONE of what SHE wants -- and STEVE of all people is a cheater and SAMANTHA BREAKS UP WITH HOT HOT SMITH JERROD, therefore undoing all the emotional growth she went through in the last season of the show and ARGH I can't even talk about it anymore. We talked about our issues with it when it first came out. I just caught the movie on HBO last week and steam came out of my ears all over again, so it's fresh. I guess it just felt sad to me to take something that was so nicely and satisfactorily completed as a story and unravel it with no good reason. At least the outfits were good. But now, judging from this pic of SJP back in character as Carrie Bradshaw, WE DON'T EVEN GET THAT. From what I understand, this outfit MIGHT be from a flashback scene, but it's like the most half-assed 80s flashback attempt ever, like I AM SO SURE this is the best Pat Field could do with the 80s. You have to be kidding me: half the stuff Carrie wore as a matter of modern course looked more wackily 80s than this, which makes me worry that this segment was somehow costumed with an eye toward, like, modern accessibility/trend-setting, all of which is just a roundabout way of saying, if we all end up looking like droopy Flashdance rejects next summer, Pat Field, I WILL CUT YOU.

September 2, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lesley-Anne Down

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It seems Lesley-Anne Down is using a headband to hide her weirdly delineated hair.

Fortunately, though, she is not hiding her Crazy.

She looks like she's posing for Mrs. Peacock on a new set of Clue cards. Parenthetically, I never did understand why Mrs. Peacock in the movie wore orange, because peacock generally refers to a shade of blue, yet Eileen Brennan was decked out in fall-foliage colors. Not that I would ever, EVER question that movie, because it is perfection. But I approve of this as a secondary option: It's costumey, it includes a purse that could conceal a gun one might use to shoot a singing-telegram girl, the gloves would leave no fingerprints, and all that ruching might ably hide the contours of a sinister wrench stuffed in a lady's underclothing. So, you know: Everything a girl needs for a rainy night out on the town in a mysterious house.

September 2, 2009

9Fug210

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Oh, DRUNKFACE. Your face is drunker than ever!

I know Axl Rose, Drunkface. Axl Rose was a friend of mine (by which I mean if he hit me with his car, I'd be able to tell the cops that it was MOTHERF'ING AXL ROSE who ran me over). And you, Drunkface, are no Axl Rose.

Nor, in case you were wondering, are you Steven Tyler.

No, nor are you Bret Michaels (you need a bandanna for that).

No, I'm sorry, you are also not CC DeVille.

No, David Lee Roth also doesn't fly.

No, I'm very sorry, nor will I even accept Kid Rock.

Tacky '80s groupie, the likes of which I have seen in many an episode of Behind the Music, generally before a segment in which someone drives his car into a cliff/ODs on glue/loses a limb/decides to invest all his money in solid gold faucets?

Hmm.

Yes. Yes, that I will accept. Congratulations! I think you're supposed to flash us your boobs now.

September 1, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fab or Fug Carpet: Tatyana Ali

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First and foremost, I think we can all agree that Tatyana "Ashley Banks" Ali grew up to be super gorgeous.

But let's talk about her dress. I kind of can't figure it out. Like...literally. It's sequined....right? And....sort of striped? Or that's just how she's standing? And if so, does it vaguely resemble newsprint? And if so, is that still okay? Or is what looks like a pattern actually just reflections of the light combined with the way she's standing? Or are they a sort of Rorschach test-esque pattern in which I keep seeing a sports bra, and if so, does that mean my subconscious wants me to work out more? Or does any reference to The Fresh Prince just act as a flimsy excuse for me to post this?

(YouTube has yanked the sound from that video, but you KNOW what song is playing. Hum it at work.) You be the judge.

poll by twiigs.com

September 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen

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I am getting old.

Five years ago, this would have whipped me into a FRENZY over how RIDICULOUS it is that the Olsen twins are wearing #%tddw$%^##^&*()()))#@!!! tulle rabbit ears, like two tragic Playboy bunnies who're going through some kind of tiresome art school phase where they lounge around the mansion reading Anais Nin and smoking cloves and talking about how their work as centerfolds is really just a post-modern reclamation of the male gaze and telling Hef not to be such a phallocentrist perv. But now that I'm old, I feel like, a) screw The Girls Next Door, THAT's the reality show I want to watch, and b) eh, the rabbit ears are kind of cute in an admittedly obviously silly way, and the twins look fantastic from the neck down -- well, A does. M-K's dress is a bit too festooned for my taste, but...details -- so let's all just have a beer and relax.

poll by twiigs.com

September 1, 2009

Well Played, Rumer Willis

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By George, I think she's got it.

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

That might be the best I've seen Rumer Willis look. It's probably no coincidence that this is also the most like Demi I've ever seen her look, but regardless: The kid has been through some REALLY rough phrases. Remember this? That mammarial crime made my soul yawp. And the experiment with red hair had really mixed results. There's so much more where those came from -- an entire Fug Madness nomination's worth. I mean, essentially, Rumer is only famous for a) being Demi's daughter; b) having Demi tell her at the Golden Globes, DURING the telecast, to stand up straight; and c) for wearing strapless dresses that constantly sagged south, limply, on her frame. So I'm relieved for her that she looks cute, clean, and well-made-up for this Letterman appearance. Maybe a role in ABC's rumored St. Elmo's Fire TV series is not far behind.

... Although I hope it is, because that remake sounds like BLASPHEMY. I mean, one of the producers said they imagine it having a similar tone to Friends. ST. ELMO'S FIRE IS NOT FRIENDS. Did Joey play the saxophone, rock a mullet, and deflower his cardigan-wearing best friend? Did Chandler stalk a really wooden doctor of dubious appeal? Did Monica open all the windows in her empty apartment and sit there crying in the cold breeze while Rob Lowe banged on the door? NO. And I definitely don't recall Ally Sheedy doing this:

Kinda would've ruined the emotional climax of the movie if Ally stuck her head up the business end of a turkey before pulling a Kelly Taylor (in fact, beating Kelly Taylor to the punch by about ten years) and choosing herself.

I'm sure Rumer Willis would be THRILLED that a post in which I finally compliment her has devolved into an excuse to post that photo of Monica shimmying for Chandler like a stripper with a Thanksgiving fetish. But, hey, kid, take your compliments however they come.

September 1, 2009

Daytime Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Jacqueline MacInnes Wood

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Jacqueline MacInnes Wood plays Steffy Forrester on The Bold and The Beautiful and when I explain what has happened to Steffy in her short life you will easily understand why B&B won best Daytime Drama on Sunday night.

It seems she:

Has fallen off a boat and been presumed eaten by sharks
Has been held captive by her father's ex.
Was held captive AGAIN by the same ex.
Was saved from said ex -- who was then committed to an insane asylum -- by her father, who drove his car through a building to do it.
Has to deal with being the child of a man who not only is apparently a reckless driver, but who also has been married eight times to three women
Lost her mother in a brutal murder that of course turned out to be just a misunderstanding
Was conveniently sent to boarding school so she could Rapidly Age
Lost her twin sister who died in a car accident the night of their father's rehearsal dinner (I am so sure she's actually dead. You could burst into flames on a soap and then have your head cut off and they can bring you back) and realized this solely thanks to her Magic Psychic Twin Power
Appears to be engaged to her own step-uncle who once tried to marry her mom. I think. This show is CONFUSING. I totally have to start watching.

Seriously, the fact that her skirt is made out of cupcake liners is totally the least of her problems.

September 1, 2009

Fuggia Rules

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Okay, Lindsay.

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

I am weary of you trying to tempt the world into giving you an impromptu pap smear. If you want to be naked that badly, just have a pool party. It's that simple.

And as for this:

Continue reading Fuggia Rules.