If you want to do a big story and cover line about looking and feeling your hottest, I think it would be a good idea -- although bear in mind I am not a professional -- to make sure all your cover subjects look and feel their hottest.
Alicia Silverstone? Cute! Connie Britton? Enviable! Ashlee Simpson? Cock-eyed, tired, and wonkus. It reminds me of when I was making a version of myself on the Tiger Woods golf game for the Wii, and just for fun I kept inflating all my features to really weird sizes. It is the worst possible angle on her and it makes her surgically streamlined and generally flattering nose look more like a honker of a schnozz -- plus, you KNOW how much I hate makeup that GIVES you undereye bags (see also: Deschanel, Emily). If this cover is supposed to make women in their 30s and 40s feel better about themselves by making them feel way hotter than the twenty-something, then congrats, because that strategy may have worked. Yeah, Connie Britton is shoved in there at a weird body angle but she's hot.
Then the attack migrates to the thirty-somethings. Look at the picture they chose of Alicia Silverstone for inside the magazine:
So, whoops:
Alicia Silverstone? Cute! Connie Britton? Enviable! Ashlee Simpson? Cock-eyed, tired, and wonkus. It reminds me of when I was making a version of myself on the Tiger Woods golf game for the Wii, and just for fun I kept inflating all my features to really weird sizes. It is the worst possible angle on her and it makes her surgically streamlined and generally flattering nose look more like a honker of a schnozz -- plus, you KNOW how much I hate makeup that GIVES you undereye bags (see also: Deschanel, Emily). If this cover is supposed to make women in their 30s and 40s feel better about themselves by making them feel way hotter than the twenty-something, then congrats, because that strategy may have worked. Yeah, Connie Britton is shoved in there at a weird body angle but she's hot.
Then the attack migrates to the thirty-somethings. Look at the picture they chose of Alicia Silverstone for inside the magazine:
I haven't seen that facial expression since Cher Horowitz put the moves on Christian and he didn't bite because he was too enraptured by Spartacus. She looks like someone at the shoot turned on Batman & Robin (or Excess Baggage, or Blast From The Past...) and then asked if it was okay to burn a manure-scented candle. Not to mention they picked a shot where the right side of her dress is wrinkly. What are you trying to say here, Redbook? That thirty-somethings spend that entire decade confused about why they're not 20 any more and dreading the prospect of 40? That even adorable actresses take bad photos? That Alicia Silverstone didn't really like the muddy background, either? What? Either way, picking this... well, in the immortal words of Cher, that was WAY harsh.
