It wouldn't be a country music awards gala if Carrie Underwood didn't wear eleventy-four different outfits through the course of the night. So, people of the jury, get comfortable in your chairs and prepare to sift through the evidence to determine whether a crime was committed. You may deliberate in the comments.
Exhibit A:
The prosecution frowns that this mirrored dress mostly eliminates her waist, and reflects the red carpet in such a way that it becomes an artistic interpretation of internal bleeding. The defense snorts that the prosecutors are all a bunch of Crabby McCrabbersons, and puts in a call to some wig vendors to see about replicating this coif, because it's cute, and so is she. The prosecution wonders if this would've been better at knee length, but quiets down when one of the defense attorneys tries to take a pair of scissors to her jeans in order to prove the point that not EVERYTHING needs to be knee-length, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Exhibit B:
Exhibit A:
The prosecution frowns that this mirrored dress mostly eliminates her waist, and reflects the red carpet in such a way that it becomes an artistic interpretation of internal bleeding. The defense snorts that the prosecutors are all a bunch of Crabby McCrabbersons, and puts in a call to some wig vendors to see about replicating this coif, because it's cute, and so is she. The prosecution wonders if this would've been better at knee length, but quiets down when one of the defense attorneys tries to take a pair of scissors to her jeans in order to prove the point that not EVERYTHING needs to be knee-length, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
Exhibit B:
Before the prosecution can say anything, the defense leaps up and suggests that Carrie Underwood's quadriceps are a thing of majesty. The courtroom is silent for a moment as everyone ponders the profound truth of that statement, and then the prosecution wonders if the people in the front row -- particularly Uncomfortable-Looking Girl and Curious-Seeming Dude -- are getting a saucy view up her dress. The defense shrugs that this isn't the dress's fault. The prosecution forges ahead, claining the frock makes her look pregnant, pinches her across the chest, and doesn't need the stupid scarf. The defense notes that the scarf, however pointless, does kind of make all its attorneys want to hop in a convertible and drive through the countryside as it streams along behind them in the breeze. The prosecution orders Mai Tais but swears this has nothing to do with that piece of defense-created imagery.
Exhibit C:
The prosecution calls this "Exhibit Vitamin C" with a chortle, and wonders if a lei exploded onto Carrie's dress. But the defense is having none of it, insisting that this is pretty and flirty and fun and a fabulously vivid color, and concluding that the prosecution clearly just needs more orange juice and hugs in its life.
Exhibit D:
The prosecution chokes out something half-hearted about ruffles and frills and tiny Christmas trees; the defense suggests that if the prosecution doesn't like this dress, perhaps it also hates joy, nature, and cocktails that taste like mint. The prosecution resents this implication; the judge bangs the gavel and suggests that a referendum on grasshoppers and mint juleps is for another time and place.
Exhibit E:
The defense sighs that this makes all its team members want to go watch a tropical sunset. The prosecution wants to know why Carrie Underwood herself looks so horrified, and suggests it's because she caught her reflection in a camera lens and realized it looks like the clearance bin at Mood just threw up on her.
Exhibit F:
The prosecution decides to sit this one out, because it can't think of anything to say except an oblique reference to the chandelier that the Phantom of the Opera sent crashing from the ceiling. The defense high-fives and hip-bumps and decides that Happy Hour has come early, but the prosecution leaps to its feet and points out that, yes, okay, this dress is kind of awesome, but there is no Happy Hour without a verdict and there is no verdict until the final exhibit has been presented. The defense thinks the prosecution should extract the stick from its derriere and understand that it's always Happy Hour SOMEWHERE. The jury members wonder what the hell this has to do with anything, but obligingly write down that fact anyway, in case they ever need to justify a request for champagne while they are sequestered.
Exhibit G:
The prosecution thinks it would be hilarious to refer to this as Exhibit Gaga, as in Lady. The defense snorts that Carrie Underwood was wearing sparkly hot pants under long coats, shirts, and dresses since back when The Duchess of Pantslessness was just a glint in the milkman's eye. None of the prosecutors think that justifies looking like some kind of stripper in an Anne Rice vampire novel. The defense shouts that there's no reason to try and excite the public by mentioning the word "vampires," since they're so hot right now, but the judge interrupts to point out that vampires are in fact SO OVER PLEASE GOD STOP and that clearly the next big fad is going to be people made of trees. The prosecution and the defense silently exchange glances that say, "WTF, crazy lady," and the judge threatens to hold them both in contempt. The prosecution then announces that it would like to revise its remark to say that Carrie Underwood looks like a stripper in a movie about tree people. The defense angrily complains that this makes no sense at all, and everyone agrees we are way overdue for a) Carrie Underwood to stop wearing formal shorts, and b) this trial to end. All the prosecutors snicker that they totally got the defense to agree with them on this outfit, but the defense is so confident in its performance elsewhere that it's willing to concede the point on this one. Because, ENOUGH WITH THE HOT PANTS. YOU ARE NOT THE CAPTAIN OF AN OLD-WEST BROTHEL'S IN-HOUSE DANCE TEAM.
I swear to God, when I saw Exhibit G during the CMA's, I immediately thought of this blog.
Title: Cool clothes with burning effects:
Denim Square, the place of charisma: Coolest Cloths Ever:
Looking HOT was never so easy as made by Denim Square:
Denim Square Coolest Cloths Ever:
Coolest Apparels, Dresses and Jeans at http://www.denimsquare.com:
I LOVED the red carpet dress and it bought her some latitude, I'm just not sure it bought her enough latitude. The Mood bin dress is writing cheques it can't cover.
Also, the pattern on the Mood clearance bin dress upon close inspection seems to include what looks like a hut over her hoo-ha. A hoo-ha hut.
good lord, none of that is THAT bad.
I still can't figure out the purpose for her in a world that already has Reese Witherspoon.
They were all ugly and all made her look fat. Case closed.
Every other outfit except exhibit G had at least bit of merit. True, some of the ruffles may have been trying to eat her, or the pattern in exhibit E did reminisce of Monet's waterlilies, like she is wearing the Met's new rif on the art-as-umbrella, the art-as-formalwear. But for the most part, the fits were flirty, she wore great colors and/or sparkles, and her hair was FAB.
HOWEVER: Exhibit G is not just hot pants. It is sparkly GRANNY hotpants. Just say no, Carrie.
I am sitting in Entertainment Law right now and almost burst out laughing throughout every exhibit. Thank you for making the law MUCH MORE FUN than any law course ever could.
THANK GOD. Whenever I am feeling blue, I re-read that Carrie Underwood "You the Jury" item with the "witches everywhere" and the
"prosecution stroking its collective beards". And now I have another item to add to the Happy List.
Maybe she's trying to draw attention away from cute-as-a-button Taylor Swift with her fierce fugocity?
Exhibit G is just awful, but not the worst offense we've ever seen from a performance constume. Exhibit B just didn't fit well. That is a surprising misstep from a girl who usually wears perfectly fitted dresses. Make C green and D orange and I'd be on board. I think the colors are nice on her, esp. the green, but the style of D combined with the color really does scream Christmas tree.
The Mood Bin dress looks like an awful Thomas Kincaid painting!
Exhibit F and Exhibit C are totally adorable. The rest is sequinned blah.
Even the border-line OK dresses are unflattering on her - either they make her look disproportionate or are "too much look". She's teeny-weeny and has pretty, shiny hair - it can't be that hard to find dresses that look good!!
Exhibits D and G reminded me of these disasters from auf'd Project Runway contest Christopher:
http://www.expressnightout.com/content/photos/20090915-christopher.jpg
http://l.yimg.com/l/tv/us/img/site/21/51/0000062151_20091016105713.jpg
is it true that all of the the "you the jury" fugs have been regarding carrie underwood? girl has too many outfits.
I think it was mostly "meh." nothing too fug, nothing too awesome. I do think that shorts that short are probably inappropriate for the CMAs.
i was back and forth all over those. generally quite cute and not blah, atleast
Hooha Hut!!! oh god, i'll be chortling over that one all morning.
Thanks Sarah!
I love the 'law fugs'. I hate exhibit Gaga. :-)
Exhibit A: This would be fine without the Stepford hair. I guess in the country music world you can get away with that, but it's no excuse as far as I am concerned. I like the dress, though. It's different and cute.
Exhibit B: I agree that her chest looks pinched. Painfully so. Otherwise, I don't hate the outfit, but neither do I love it. Good color on her. Again, that hair... relax it a bit. Improvement from "A", but we can work on this, Underwood.
Exhibit C: Improved hair, but what is that frou frou mess on the front of what might have been a cute dress? Where did her shoulders go?
Exhibit D: This would have been better if it didn't look as though she were storing a fan in her boobs. Great color. Better hair.
Exhibit E: I actually really like that dress. But the hair is way too "young Republican" for me, and ages her. Disclaimer: I don't support any political parties and no longer live in the US anyway.
Exhibit F: This might be the best of the lot. Cute, modern, perhaps a little too much sparkle on it, but at least it's inoffensive. The hair is better as well.
Exhibit G: I don't know if I really hate this or if I really love it. The color combination (purple and ivory) is great, she is ditching most of that Stepford vibe, and the materials look lush, it does remind me of Lady Gaga, and anything that reminds me of her is disturbing.
I'm sorry, I was so distracted by the 3/4 of a butt in the left side Exhibit G that I couldn't render an impartial verdict on CU's crimes against fugmanity.
I want a hit of what her stylist is smoking! Bailiff, lock that last outfit up!
And I'm incorporating eleventy-four into my vernacular, thank you.
I don't understand why she had to change clothes so many times. What's wrong with wearing the same outfit? She was only onstage for a minute at a time!! For goodness sakes! What a waste of money! Clean your room! That boy is a bad influence! Have you started your college applications?
Sorry.
I liked all of them for one reason: As I was watching, I thought, "this is going to make a GREAT GFY entry!!" Yay Fridays! Can I get a WOOP WOOP!
Involuntary fugslaughter IS hedging.
A- would have worked shorter, but not too bad
B- manages to obscure that she's got a smokin' hot body
C and D, as hideous as they are, don't
E- I'm sure could have worked shorter...how much shorter, I can't say
F- aces
G- regarless of what you think of it, for the performance, you gotta let it play
Guilty of a few lesser misfugdemeanors, fugmunity service for her, which is what these shows are in the first place, no?
Some anonymous mid-'80's Miss America called about Exhibit B - she does NOT want that scarf from her pagent formal back.
Man, she started out well on the red carpet, and then the entire entry becomes an illustration of the Law of Diminishing Returns. Apparently, Carrie never met a ruffle she didn't want to staple to her dress.
Is that a cabin in the woods near her lady parts in Exhibit E? and if so, is that supposed to represent something?
I think Carrie is awesome no matter what she wears. If the judges want to vote.. how about vocals? Taylor sucks
I think the real criminal is whatever stylist she is working with that clearly has no idea what her actual measurements are. Seriously, not one of those things was properly fitted. I would have liked E and F if they fit beter, but A and B were really, really not fitted at all
Carrie Underpants we call her now
I love Carrie and wish I looked like her with her shiny, gorgeous hair and great body. I wish I sang like her, too - okay, I just wish I was her.
But even I can't argue against Exhibit G. I moaned out loud, because she really does everything she can to let the prosecution win.
Is there a bun in that oven? I might be a little bit more lenient if there was. If not, girl, there are plenty of flattering dresses out there. And many of them DON'T look like you went to Vanna White's yard sale in 1987.
Fire her stylist and try spanx!
Hoo-ha hut - ROTFLMOA!!!!!
Exhibit G - or what I like to call Miss Kitty At The Diamond Rodeo Lounge is so bad it's kind of hilarious. But the rest of the outfits are just a tad too Middle-Aged Woman At Her Son's Wedding" for my taste. Not BAD, but not flattering, young, or fun enough for her.
Last night I was channel-surfing with my 15 year old son. We went by Carrie in Exhibit F. My God, did you see this in person? It's big square pockets covered in strings of sequins and rhinestones. Even my son said- Hold the bus-what has she got on? There's not a good dress among them here.
Carrie Underpants. Hahaha!
She is so annoying and really not that cute and her dresses are always ugly. So what else is new?
the presence of C & F exonerate her completely.
Verdict: GFY readers suck at maths. Or at least word problems. KEEP A TALLY, DON'T VOTE FOR EACH INDIVIDUAL DRESS.
Anyhoo. Now that I've got that off my chest: Miss Underwood is so pretty she kind of pulls all of these off — yes, even the countryfied Gaga outfit – but that doesn't mean she should try.
Orange skin! Please, celebutantes, stop with the orange skin.
Seeing Ms. Underwood on the CMA's made me think of Loretta Lynn or Dolly Parton from back in the day. Step away from the hairspray and return to 2009.
I love all of you people. You make me laugh.
My thoughts (for whatever they are worth):
Dress 1 - Agree that this dress should be short (like dress 2 length)
Dress 2 - Like the scarf but needs a tailor badly! It definitely adds pounds that she doesn't have.
Dress 3 - Great color, but ditch the flowers down the front
Dress 4 - Too Christmas-y. I wounder if perhaps the skirt was a bit less poofy if that would have helped.
Dress 5 - Weird around the waist as if it is not quite done.
Dress 6 - Love it!
Dress 7 - I like the gold portion of the dress - I would love to see that portion as an actual dress and not this gold robe/silver granny shorts combo.
Finally, she always has amazing hair and is quite beautiful even when what she is wearing is kind of blah. And I would be exhausted with all these costume changes!!!
I deeply covet her hair but those hot pants are hateful.
Further proof that country music is a pox on the world.
Hmm, I like C and F and got Gaga vibes on look G and found it disturbing too. She's a pretty girl and doesn't have to try this hard.
As for the multiple looks that now plague most award show hosts, blame Diana Ross. I don't remember exactly when (sometime in the '80s), but she hosted the American Music Awards and proceeded to change outfits at every commercial break. Now it's commonplace but at the time I just thought she'd lost her mind or something.
I think carrie just has a very annoying demeanor, and her face is flat. so all in all, its not the dresses that werent nice, bcuz some of them wuld look fantastic on someone else less annoying, but she can't pull any of them off.
I think this is the most rude website I have ever encountered.
Carrie, IS BY FAR, the classiest LADY, you will ever meet. She is a beautiful girl and all of her dresses were pretty.
You all are just jealous that you can't look that good and debut an album at #1.
Bet she laughs at you all....all the way to the bank.....
You are a horrible excuse for a website!!!!!
The green dress was much cuter than the picture implies. It was softer and funner on the CMA's.
I LOVE a well-made mojito... rum, mint, sugar, muddled with love: hate the dress if you must but leave my beloved mojito out of the discussion.
I have your prescription: an endless supply of chill pills and a GSOH.
I'm still laughing about the hoo-ha hut.
wait, is this seriously all from one event? how did she find the time for all these costume changes??
All of the clothes I have ever seen her wear, wear her. I can't tell if she's trying to be a modern Dolly or what, but she comes off as dated and matronly in all of this sequined nonsense.
She needs a more youthful stylist ... then again, if she's keeping up country tradition, I guess she is doing OK ... if she'd lay off the heavy reflective fabric and overwrought layers, we could see her lovely figure. And no Carrie, nodding your head to body consciousness does not give you latitude to pull out the booty shorts constantly. Tacky.
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Exhibit A looks like a transporter malfunction, and I am absolutely positive my grandmother wore a version of Exhibit C to my parents' wedding.
So why does her stylist keep distracting people from her amazing legs, to say nothing of the rest of her? Less is more for this girl.
they are all CRAP!
@Milkyaqua
I remember the Diana Ross thing. Not only did she change outfits every commercial break, but the band around her microphone was color coordinated to match the outfit. I was really little at the time, and I probably only remember it because my grandmother was commenting on it throughout the entire show. I also agree with your assessment that she is trying too hard.
@Judy
If you want rude/mean/offensive, you have to try harder than this site. And the "jealousy" card is all cute and overused. Not liking something doesn't automatically equate to jealousy. It just means that we have all formed an opinion that isn't clouded by stalkeresque idol worship of a celebrity.
I saw the first one and thought it was nice. And then I clicked the link. And it got worse...and worse....
Well, since there are no walls to support the "roof" of the "hut" in the in exhibit E, I submit that the object could be interpreted as a hoo-ha hat, not a hoo-ha hut. Or possibly, it is a hoo-ha hut hat ???
Love the shoes in exhibit D, though. Very Priscilla Queen of the Desert.
I suffer from Slight Side Parting Syndrome (aka SSPS) wherein my side-swept bangs seem to be in a dysfunctional relationship with my forehead and will not stay neatly coiffed as one unit, and have tendencies to parade around (not to this intensity) much like K.Stewart’s "claw bangs." So if Ms.Thang with many outfits is going to sharing anything, it should be how she got her bangs to be so perfect, not that she enjoys sequins on her granny panties.
She looks like she's wearing the halloween costume my friend made this year...which was a human-sized shawarma. With which she took pictures with the employees behind the counter at Garlic Corner after the bar.
At least Carrie's making an effort. Unlike la lohan and others. And she always looks feminine and interesting, so it could be so much worse - gaga - that she's a refreshing difference.
Who does she think she is with all of those outfits & obnoxiously cute hair/face?!
Exhibit F has some unfortunately placed sparkly fringe that sort of looks like fringey square purses. I'm sure I'm not explaining myself well. Anyway, what with the event being country, the very first thing I thought of when I saw those monstrosities were saddlebags. Sparkly saddlebags, but still saddlebags.
When you are as beautiful as Carrie Underwood, you can wear anything or nothing and be beautful. GO Carrie!
Hmm... I read blogs on a similar topic, but i never visited your blog. I added it to favorites and i'll be your constant reader.
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