About ten minutes after I started working on this piece, a reader e-mail came through that enclosed this picture and was titled, "Kellie Pickler, Age 43."
And it's TRUE. This kid is 23, but you'd never know it. Now, I don't blame Kellie for wanting to distinguish herself from the cabal of country blondes -- Julianne Hough, Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood -- but the sedate hair plus the heavy dress, which looks like something a mature lady socialite would wear to a charity gala she's chairing, do nothing but add years to her.
Like, seriously, compare her to attendee Patricia Heaton, who is 51:
And it's TRUE. This kid is 23, but you'd never know it. Now, I don't blame Kellie for wanting to distinguish herself from the cabal of country blondes -- Julianne Hough, Taylor Swift, Miranda Lambert, Carrie Underwood -- but the sedate hair plus the heavy dress, which looks like something a mature lady socialite would wear to a charity gala she's chairing, do nothing but add years to her.
Like, seriously, compare her to attendee Patricia Heaton, who is 51:
Now, you can say, "Oh, well, Patricia Heaton's had a boob lift," which she's admitted to, and for all I know she's touched up her face, yada yada yada, I don't really care. Because the fact remains, she's 51, and she looks more boobalicious, vivacious, and fun than 23-year old Kellie Pickler. I find nothing wrong with that on Patricia Heaton's part, and EVERYTHING upsetting about it related to K.Pick. That tired old warhorse "Youth is wasted on the young" is apparently true. I'm not even OLD -- much -- and yet I'm sitting here shaking my head and going, "Kellie, CHILD, ENJOY IT WHILE IT'S THERE," while shopping online for a rocking chair I can put on my porch for convenient yelling at neighborhood urchins who have no respect, don't know my struggles, won't get off my lawn, etc.
To give myself less of a headache, I'm just going to focus on Patricia here, who is -- let's be blunt here -- enjoying the shit out of it. She gives me hope for when I'm 51. Which, in my soul, is probably in about three years, but biologically I have a little time.
