These Lindsay Lohan pieces are starting to write themselves.
It all starts with a gallery of pictures on pretty much any site, called something like, "Lindsay Lohan [insert variation on "staggers"] out of [insert name of Hollywood club] looking [insert synonym for deranged, sad, or 'the worse for wear.']"
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Then comes the part where I throw up my hands and decry her lack of pants, and how she looks rumpled and tragic -- here, because she looks like she just bedded a pirate and then stole his wardrobe for the walk of shame.
Next up, of course, is the obligatory jump to a closer look at her face:
It all starts with a gallery of pictures on pretty much any site, called something like, "Lindsay Lohan [insert variation on "staggers"] out of [insert name of Hollywood club] looking [insert synonym for deranged, sad, or 'the worse for wear.']"
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]
Then comes the part where I throw up my hands and decry her lack of pants, and how she looks rumpled and tragic -- here, because she looks like she just bedded a pirate and then stole his wardrobe for the walk of shame.
Next up, of course, is the obligatory jump to a closer look at her face:
And THIS is where we all clutch our pearls in horror, because a) If that hair cost ten cents, she paid too much; b) she's 23 years old but if I told you she's secretly 32 and just got run over by a bus, you'd totally believe me; c) her eyes don't focus any more; and d) OH, THE HUMANITY. I'll close with some sort of reference to Mean Girls or Parent Trap or Freaky Friday, because they're the only happy Lohan references any of us have any more, and then I will log off, moisturize, hug my babies while explaining to them that I'll be locking them in the house until they're safely 40, and take a long nap.
