Unfug It Up: Melissa Joan Hart

simpler shoes, take out the yellow, get rid of the lil purse, put the hair up into a slick do

If the black skirt were more of a sheath or pencil cut, still with the lace over it (but still jutting out), maybe? I think it all goes wrong with the tulle.

Also, what's with the blue bracelet? How on earth did that get by?

This entire outfit is 15 years too young for her. Can we scrap the entire thing and put her in a bias-cut teal dress?

Make the whole ensemble white, put a bouquet in her hand, and send her down the aisle of a chapel in Vegas in 1986?

I was going to make the exact same comment as @Meghan: pencil cut and no tulle. I think this could be quite pretty with that simple adjustment.
Oh, and I think that the shoes look cheap. But not offensively so.

Nix the yellow apron-doily, take that foofy thing off her shoe, get rid of the purse and the purple bracelet, and just pray.

Personally, I dig it. I would tear the poof from the shoes, hide or ditch the camera/purse? and get rid of the purple thing on her wrist.

I say remove the straps altogether, and make it long. Possibly bring the white lace down over the black tulle on the bottom...I haven't decided whether I like that or not. Get rid of the random purple bracelet, and instead put the rosette from her ankle on her wrist.

Oh, and P.S.- Jessica, typo: Salem was a cat, not a car! ;)

I swear that's a picture of me before my semi-formal in 10th grade. Awww, memories. Thanks, MJH.

is it just me, or does this look like a high school prom dress from the early 90s?

reinventing prom is never a good idea.

Pros: cumberband styling helps define a waist, black and cream color palette is classic, lace is popular right now?

Cons: not even the worst bridezilla would put her maids in that tulle horror.

Unfugging: knee length; no poof; have the lace go down all the way to the hemline; and though I like cream and black together, I don't in THIS combination so maybe have the lace be black as well; make it strapless, since those black strings look like an afterthought anyway; less clunky shoes without the random single flower (is that a flower? ugh); get rid of the tiny pointless purse because it is too structured for so romantic a dress; get rid of the purple bracelet (is that a bracelet? ugh); lose the earrings (more purple?) and add a beaded chunky type black necklace to balance out the sweetness of the lace; and finally, a soft updo or loose waves -- this is sort of casual, sort of prom looking.

Wow, that's a long list... maybe just start over?!

You don´t try to unfug this. You burn it.

86 the straps, bracelets (both wrist and left shoe), and tulle, and extend the yellow overlay all the way to the bottom. Oh, the hair is a do-over.

Holy Smokes.

Ok.....ditch the shoes, bracelet AND the hair. She can keep the earrings.

Turn the skirt of the dress into a pair of slim black cigarette pants, and the top into a black bustier. Then fashion the lace apron into a shrug. Closed toe black heels. Hair in a sleek low off-center bun. Darker red lipstick.

It could (maybe?) be better if it were strapless and she lost the lace... of course, that would just be a little black dress, and why didn't she just go with that to begin with.

P.S. Someone ought to tell her that Sabrina actually wore those shoes in 1997 to Homecoming, and I think she bought them at Payless.

The horror the horror.

Weirdly, she doesn't seem to have aged in the last 15 years. Perhaps she's trying to hold back time by wearing creepy children's party dresses, Baby Jane style?

This cannot be fixed (unless it's 1991 and she's 14). The cat should just shoot me now.

i'm sorry, but this is cute. i have to put my foot down on fugging this. Fine, the accessories are all very bad news, but the dress is FINE.

Change the cream lace to black, slim it down, send her to a funeral.

Remove the spaghetti straps, they look like a cheap version of Dolce and Gabbana Sicilian widow. Make the bodice of the dress earn its living, instead of just lurking under her armpits waiting to expose an unfortunate angle.

It must be the shoes making me so morbid, maybe its the wristlet/purse from the discount bin at Sears.Should have been a really great clutch in non black.

This is a doosy...

Okay, remove the black tulle part from the bottom and make the cream lace part longer to make up for it. Make it a strapless dress. Change the shoes to black pumps. And def, DEF (!!!!!), get rid of the flower 'round the ankle.

Also, I dunno what that purple braclet thing is. I assume she's somewhere classy enough that wristbands are not required to drink at the open bar, if they are that's absolutly fine, otherwise that can go too.

Ditch the straps, bracelet and awful shoes. Make the skirt into a pencil or sheath shape that hits right about the knee, and bury that tool (misspelling, but I'm keeping it because I feel it fits) in consecrated ground with a stake through its heart.
For replacement shoes... maybe peep toes in a neural color that ties in the cream lace? Or low cut pumps with some texture.
Oh, and a big-ass cocktail ring with some sparkle, to balance those earrings without over-powering them.

First of all, she is and always will be Clarissa, not Sabrina.

Second, get rid of that horrible lace, and the flower on the shoe, and I think we've got a winner.

Lose the yellow, and make the skirt longer. I'd also make it strapless. And spray Raid on whatever that is on her left ankle.

I would say remove the straps, get rid of the poof on the shoe, extend the lace to cover the whole skirt, remove the purple thing on her wrist, get a better clutch and maybe make the black belt part narrower. Then maybe it would be okay...

Lose the yellow, and make the skirt longer. I'd also make it strapless. And spray Raid on whatever that is on her left ankle.

While I agree with some of the comments to get rid of the lace, I also think it could work if the lace were brought all the way down, and the sash in the middle were less wide (or eliminated). A pencil cut would help to give it a more sophisticated look. And definitely get rid of the ankle flower and purple wrist thing! And get less clunky shoes. Okay, maybe I'd change everything.

Lose the Glamour Shots do and makeup. So hair down, and give they eye make up a little fluff-job please. Nix the purple bracelet that looks dangerously scrunchie-esque. I'm ok with the lace, but let's dye it the color of interesting. How about a bold purple or teal? Also needed is cumberbund reduction surgery. No straps on this dress necessary too, right? I don't care for the shoes at all, so start over completely there Mel.

close but no cigar...different accessories; as in loose the ring and earrings,change the bracelet and bag, burn the ankle corsage?!?! and loose the calf constricting shoes.
i also think a different lace overlay in a black,deep burgundy or navy would improve the look
i'd give her more dramatic eye make-up as well

Had to have a second cup o' coffee before tackling this one. No spaghetti straps, cover the shoulders with the lace, short puffy sleeves, maybe, remove the growth on the ankle. She has great skin.

I probably won't say too much that is different from other comments.

That poof thing on her shoe - what is that? The shoe would have been fine without it.

The lace has to go or be black. It does indeed look like a quasi French maid outfit otherwise. It would work if it were all solid black, because actually, the actual style of the dress is okay and it suits her. But yeah, as is, this belongs on a Halloween costume rack or a fifteen year old going to a dance.

What makes it all worse is the Goldilocks hair. A nice updo would work.

It's not the lace or the fullness that's the problem. It's the length and the colors. If you're going to go off-white, you don't want a hard black. Personally I'd change it to burgundy or a deep turquoise. Secondly, you want it knee-length, no shorter. Thirdly, you want a pump or a D'Orsay. Fourthly, I think you want to own the look with eyeliner or accessories far more than MJH is doing here.

I think minus the straps and with the lace extended to the bottom, this would have been overlooked as an "eh" instead of a fug.

Well. And the accessories, of course.

I'm with Allison, this is a cute dress, just styled incorrectly.

Subtract -
Bracelet
Shoes
Earrings
Purse
Hairstyle

Add -
Flats or Kitten Heels without straps, perhaps patent?
Chunky necklace
Simpler stud earrings
Betty Draper updo (as styled during Rome vacation)
Python clutch (yellow or black)

Move pouf at ankle to wrist or hair.

Voila!

MJH could pull a GaGa, burn the dress, and just wear her knickers and bra (assuming she's wearing one (please be wearing one!). But if we have to keep this outfit ...

Cut off the straps, ditch the purse and weird blue (!) bracelet, find different shoes, strip off the lace, let your hair down, and find different earrings.

Alternatively, find Juliette Lewis and have her loan you that drape.

@chatty cricket: I'm basically with you. Just change the whole thing. No way to fix this disaster walking around in cheap shoes!!!

MJH could pull a GaGa, burn the dress, and just wear her knickers and bra (assuming she's wearing one (please be wearing one!). But if we have to keep this outfit ...

Cut off the straps, ditch the purse and weird blue (!) bracelet, find different shoes, strip off the lace, let your hair down, and find different earrings.

Alternatively, find Juliette Lewis and have her loan you that drape.

I don't think the dress itself is that bad, it is too young for her, though. The shoes are bad with it, too. Something about the ankle strap stumpifies her. And the random flower on her left ankle is just stupid. So, put his dress on Dakota Fanning with better accessories (ALL of them: shoes, bag, bracelet) and it is fine.

oh. oh my.

okay.

DITCH: the sash/belt, the straps, the tulle underlay. then, the weird red-orange lipstick, purple bracelet thing, that horrid trinket-box-bag, those shoes and the memory that they ever existed, and... i think the earrings too. also, can we please trim her bangs? she looks like me in the 6th grade with the awkward "no, seriously, i'm growing these out" swath. she'd look nice with a shorter sweep-y bang.

THEN: extend that lacy business to a few inches above the knee in a pencil-skirt shape. keep waist nipped (just without the prom-y sash). give the girl a pair of covered-platform pumps, maybe in a tan/nude tone, some warm pink lipstick, and a low ponytail or something to show the nice shoulders she'll have once those straps are gone.

I like it! Something about the styling is too busy. Definitely ditch the bracelet, clutch purse instead of one you wear, maybe make it strapless. Overall I'm fine with the dress and shoes.

Ick! She's wearing an 80's particle board side table layered table cloth set with uniball shoes, something resembling an underage club wristband, and what looks like a vinyl change purse on a strap.

Lose the shoes, the bracelet, the purse, at least the top doily of the dress- if not the whole thing, but do replace it with something pretty or just use the black part with reduced poof.

I'm okay with the hair, cummerband around the dress and I think the earrings, but I'm still not sure because I can't see very well. (contacts, not fug. for which I may now be thankful) Wheee!

Did I tell you how much I like cats? Nice kitty. *pets cat soothingly*

oh. oh my.

okay.

DITCH: the sash/belt, the straps, the tulle underlay. then, the weird red-orange lipstick, purple bracelet thing, that horrid trinket-box-bag, those shoes and the memory that they ever existed, and... i think the earrings too. also, can we please trim her bangs? she looks like me in the 6th grade with the awkward "no, seriously, i'm growing these out" swath. she'd look nice with a shorter sweep-y bang.

THEN: extend that lacy business to a few inches above the knee in a pencil-skirt shape. keep waist nipped (just without the prom-y sash). give the girl a pair of covered-platform pumps, maybe in a tan/nude tone, some warm pink lipstick, and a low ponytail or something to show the nice shoulders she'll have once those straps are gone.

It would look slightly better if the lace overlay went to the bottom of the dress instead of stopping abruptly. But honestly, it looks like something a 15-year-old would wear to the Homecoming dance. Come on, MJH, you are in your 30s!! Dress like a grown-up!

It would probably be best if she pulled a Sabrina during the opening credits where she would spin in front of a mirror and her outfit would change. Then she would make a witty comment.

Oh the humanity! Those shoes! Just start over on this, from head to toe.

Remove every strap, which means trading out the purse for a clutch and ditch the blue bracelet as well as the flower on the shoe. Maybe a less severe toe nail polish is in order too.

She need to do this strapless and without so much black tulle underneath the lace. She looks like she's going to an awkward middle school dance with it poking out like that. No one should relive something like that. Make the hem longer to make the dress more of a true vintage length.

Also, get her some new shoes and a different bag. The shoes should be sassier, but again... she's got the middle school dance shoes. Make 'em tall, peep toe and hot.

Give her a mid-size clutch and lose all the jewelry she's got on. None of it works. She needs something more simple but striking.

And the hair needs to be either up or down.. None of this in between stuff.

This is turning into a lot of work... Let's just get her a new outfit and a stylist that knows what they're doing...

Worst. Shoes. Ever.

Lose at least one layer of the tulle. I like the sash. Change the color of the cream lace, I agree. Lose the straps and the bag. Then, passable, barely.

Change the yellow to a lapis blue that slightly contrasts with the black sash and black underneath. Lengthen the lace skirt overlay to 1-2" from bottom of black. Start over with all the accessories.

Get rid of the straps, the tulle, the shoes, and the accessories. Make the skirt slim and end it just above the knee. Change the color of the lace--the...while? ivory? pale yellow?...doesn't look right over the black; it would be better with a bolder color (maybe teal or turquoise?). Add better earrings, a non-purple bracelet, and black peep toe pumps. And change the terrible hair and makeup--she needs something more sophisticated.

Or you could just get rid of it entirely and get a whole new dress. Either way.

That bracelet is unfortunate--did the door guys at Lupusla REALLY make the celebs wear those god-awful wristbands to get into the party? They may have well drawn the X's on the backs of her hands with a sharpie! Maybe they had to, as the dress makes her look pretty underage. I think tulle is only appropriate when you're 13 (or performing in Swan Lake), so I'd start by pulling out the tulle and removing that sash at the waist. The straps should go as well--again, as she is not 13, she doesn't have to cover her shoulders. If Ms. Hart was so in love with that particular shade of canary yellow, I'd bring the fabric out to her knees. Yes...now make it fitted. With a sweetheart top--why not? Ditch the shoes (those weird ties at the ankles always cut up the legs), and grab a pair of peep toes. Then get a better ID to get in the door with.

That bracelet is unfortunate--did the door guys at Lupusla REALLY make the celebs wear those god-awful wristbands to get into the party? They may have well drawn the X's on the backs of her hands with a sharpie! Maybe they had to, as the dress makes her look pretty underage. I think tulle is only appropriate when you're 13 (or performing in Swan Lake), so I'd start by pulling out the tulle and removing that sash at the waist. The straps should go as well--again, as she is not 13, she doesn't have to cover her shoulders. If Ms. Hart was so in love with that particular shade of canary yellow, I'd bring the fabric out to her knees. Yes...now make it fitted. With a sweetheart top--why not? Ditch the shoes (those weird ties at the ankles always cut up the legs), and grab a pair of peep toes. Then get a better ID to get in the door with.

That bracelet is unfortunate--did the door guys at Lupusla REALLY make the celebs wear those god-awful wristbands to get into the party? They may have well drawn the X's on the backs of her hands with a sharpie! Maybe they had to, as the dress makes her look pretty underage. I think tulle is only appropriate when you're 13 (or performing in Swan Lake), so I'd start by pulling out the tulle and removing that sash at the waist. The straps should go as well--again, as she is not 13, she doesn't have to cover her shoulders. If Ms. Hart was so in love with that particular shade of canary yellow, I'd bring the fabric out to her knees. Yes...now make it fitted. With a sweetheart top--why not? Ditch the shoes (those weird ties at the ankles always cut up the legs), and grab a pair of peep toes. Then get a better ID to get in the door with.

Wha the...why..no, just no. NO. Scrap the entire thing, burn the dress and all accessories, replace with a nice beaded sheath, take two Advil and call me in the morning.

For the love of god, REMOVE THE LEG CORSAGE

She looks like she's ready to go to the senior prom. Not a good look for someone in her 30's(?).

I'm not sure I'd like it even if it was changed but at least remove the lace cover-thingy, change the shoes to something else without an ankle strap, swap out that purse for a more grown up clutch and get rid of that tacky flower on her ankle.

I may be crazy, but I'd just like to see some color. Replace either the black or the cream with a lively metallic blue and this could work.

Except the purse.

Make it all black and different shoes to start. I do not like the lace. I think any other material would be an improvement. And a real clutch as opposed to something dangling from her wrist like a child's dress-up bag. If we go all black, a rich jewel tone in the bag and/or bracelet would really pop.

this is an easy fix.

1. remove the weird black ankle thing. (unless it's disguising one of those DUI ankle bracelet things, in which case, great accessorizing!)

2. lose the blue bracelet and the stupid little purse that looks like a $5 camera case.

3. get rid of the black band in the middle

4. decrease her age by ten years. this is a dress for taylor swift, not clarissa explains it all.

1) Make it a strapless dress.
2) Make the yellowy lace black. Not shiny black, matte black.
3) I usually like half up/half down hair, but this one needs to be more down if it's going to stay halfsy, or put it completely up.
4) Pretty necklace, something sparkly but not cheesy.
5) Ditch the blue bracelet.
6) Clutch in a bold, bright color instead of the wristlet.
7) I love many, many short people, but here's the deal... ankle straps don't do short people any favors. MJH = attractive legs, but they are cut off and look stumpy with the ankle straps. I haven't figured out how to wear nude pumps myself, but maybe the right pair would look good with this dress (and the changes I suggested)? I dunno.

Oh, now i see that she's carrying a purse....thought it was a camera case. And that's just the least of the problems. The dress looks like a knock off of a Laura Ashley dress that would be worn to have lunch with Santa in the early 90s. Atleast she's not wearing "suntan" nylons.

Make it strapless, all black, some plain, deep color pumps or peep-toes, a crisp clutch. And a sleeker haircut.

But still, might just be better to have the cat make a new dress. And then maybe a carriage out of a pumpkin.

OK - if we make it strapless and extend the black tulle out to mid-calf, we'll mutate it into a 50's retro choice. Remove hideous shoes (peep toes and cut-outs of any kind included!) and replace with ultra sleek, matte, high but sturdy, shapely, fabulous, simple black heels. Go less heavy handed on the makeup, do a genuine, non-mess-about updo and lose the undistinguishable as a flower black spot thingie altogether. I'm not sure that would do it, but that's my best try.

1) Make it a strapless dress.
2) Make the yellowy lace black. Not shiny black, matte black.
3) I usually like half up/half down hair, but this one needs to be more down if it's going to stay halfsy, or put it completely up.
4) Pretty necklace, something sparkly but not cheesy.
5) Ditch the blue bracelet.
6) Clutch in a bold, bright color instead of the wristlet.
7) I love many, many short people, but here's the deal... ankle straps don't do short people any favors. MJH = attractive legs, but they are cut off and look stumpy with the ankle straps. I haven't figured out how to wear nude pumps myself, but maybe the right pair would look good with this dress (and the changes I suggested)? I dunno.

Oh yeah, blue bracelet (??!) and purse go bye-bye. Of course. Did it need saying?

I think it can be easily fixed. Cut off and burn the crusty lacey overlay thing. Get RID of that twee little bag. If that is a camera let the assistant hold it. Those shoes look like a bargain bin find. Really. They look just like a pair of shoes I got in a bargain bin about 5 years ago which I have already donated to goodwill. Do you think that's where she got them? So the shoes should be switched off for some slick sleek simple heels-almond toe, black, high heel, platform. Done and done. And I am all for diversity in style so this is not an insult to anyone's suggestions. But flats? no. kitten heel. never never. that's my perspective. ;)

Salem, you are the cat equivalent of V, as you and I both know that the Fugly girls put Hart up to this just to blow the Fug Nation's collective capacity for reform-minded planning, and make us at long last confront the historical necessity of revolution. OK (big breath). Self: concentrate on small areas at a time.

Ankle flower of death, blue sweatband on wrist, and camera bag: be gone.

Hair: curls brushed out, all down or all up. Possibly pull the bangs back into a barrette high on the head. Possibly a whole new haircut.

Dress. Dress. Dress. Horrible, evil Chancellor Adam Sutler dress. We could repurpose it into... a joke lampshade? No! I am broken by this corrupt and corrupting dress! I relent! There is nothing here worth salvaging.

It is time to come together as a united peoples, dedicated to a better vision for humanity, and start anew, possibly by collectively machine-gunning this dress, hauling out a sewing machine and some new fabric and working together to forge a real dress worthy of the name (dress)! Remember, remember the 5th of November!

Thank you, Salem. Now we in Fug Nation can live without fear.

I like it - just not on her. Also, lose the shoulder straps and those hideous shoes.

Lengthen the skirt just a wee bit. And ditch the ankle-straps.

Since in my mind she is still 15 - I think it is fine. just take that thing off her shoe.

first, make the dress all black with a colored sash and lengthen it to just below the knee, then lose that wretched bracelet and the straps.
and FOR THE LOVE, pleeeeease stumpy leg gals of the world (myself included) DO NOT wear anything that cuts you off at the ankle!

Not saying she is OLD, by any means, but she is waay too old to be pulling this look off. God. No, no, no, anything else. Like, I'll even take a formal jumpsuit over this. (But please, no formal shorts. That would not be an improvement.)

CRIKEY!
Ok - get rid of the white lace and the weird ankle-corsage, substitute real jewelry for whetever-the-fug that thing is on her wrist, and we might salvage this hot mess.
And wipe that smirk off her face.

I actually don't think it's that bad! But yes, I agree with Sar that the dress should be all black, though I might make the cumber band turquois or something else bright and sassy to spice it up and steer her away from Bridesmaid of Satan territory. Is that a scrunchie on her wrist? It's got to go. Also, ditch the ankle pompom and give the woman some classic Louboutin pumps.

Some big neck bling and/or a wrap of some sort would certainly help. Though I think the best we can hope for with any changes - short of drastic alterations - is getting it to "Feh." Its just not a very pretty dress.

1. Take off the straps.

2. Take the black feathers off, and replace it with more of the yellow pattern.

3. Ditch the bracelets, black bag, flower, and the shoes.

4. Get a clutch of some sort, and some sassy colored pumps.

5. Burn the entire dress, and get a beautiful gown of some sort.

6. Bring back "Clarissa Explains It All."

Wow.. I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but I actually think she looks kinda cute. Right?...No?

I actually think this has promise; it's quite pretty. However...the lace on the skirt needs to grow to cover the black tulle underskirt completely; there's enough black on show with the straps and the waist. Then change all the accessories--the earrings, the godawful purple bracelet thingie and the bag, and rip the rosette off the shoes. Heck, just change the shoes too. And the hair should be softer and more romantic and less "I just got out of the shower."

This is very Jessica McClintock Jr. High Dance Collection. The more I stare at the twee 'wristbag', limp bracelet, and ankle corsage the more hopeful I become that she is merely angling for a role in a remake of '13 Again' or 'Freaky Friday.'

Her husband/publicist/dog sitter actually let her go out like this? Even her hair looks like her mom halfheartedly attacked it with a cheap curling iron.

Er....unfugging. Right. *deep breath*

Take off the purse, wristlet, anklet growth and add a grownup necklace and cuff bracelet to bring some sparkle and sophistication to the outfit. A soft updo or twist on the hair would do wonders to make her look like she at least made an effort.

The dress...ack. Slim the skirt and take it down four inches, lose the tulle and maybe just put a thin band of glossy black satin/velvet at the hem, or line the inside of a side slit in black. Take out the cummberbund pleating, but leave a black accent to nip the waist, then remove the straps and fit the whole bodice more closely, with more of a sweetheart neckline.

Maybe.

I think it would be best improved on the sales rack at Target.

Oh, I forgot the shoes -- they look kinda cute if they lost the strap that cuts off her feet, and the weird growth.

Pull down the yellow lace to the bottom of the skirt. Put a stiletto on her feet because the ankle strap sans poofy thing is somehow making her feet...look....fat? No comment on the poofy thing. Gold earrings instead of the diamond-y looking things, nix the camera bag purse. Is the purple bracelet actually an event wrist bands? If not, pop of color FAIL! And de-90's-atise the hair.

I can't help thinking that the dress _might_ work on _someone_--someone _else_, someone younger? I actually think the cream lace is of pretty, though perhaps in an antique tablecloth sort of way--but she can't wear it; she's too pink, which makes the lace look yellow, which makes the overall effect quite ghastly. And her legs are too shapely for the length of the dress--she ends up looking stubby instead of curvy. Who is advising this poor person? Fire the stylist, I say. Or get one. Depending.

Is it bad that I like it just the way it is? Sure it might look better on somebody a bit younger and more petite, but I think she's working it fine.

I can't help thinking that the dress _might_ work on _someone_--someone _else_, someone younger? I actually think the cream lace is pretty, though perhaps in an antique tablecloth sort of way--but she shouldn't wear it, ever; she's too pink, which makes the lace look yellow, which makes the overall effect quite ghastly. And her legs are too shapely for the length of the dress--she ends up looking stubby instead of curvy. Who is advising this poor person? Fire the stylist, I say. Or get one. Depending.

I know this dress. It's a super cute betsy johnson from like 4 seasons ago -- but it seems the worst parts of this dress are actually new additions and not how the dress usually looks.

The ACTUAL dress IS strapless, and she's made it longer, seemingly by adding tulle between the lace overlay and the black silk underneath, which is a strange decision. It's also a dress that's meant to be silly and young and purchased from a store that's painted hot pink with animal print. Not something that should be worn on a woman who (god we're old), has a child.

Get rid of the tulle and its strap. Switch the colors of the dress and the belt. To match the new belt, add creme-colored pumps (her calves need a little muscling up). Add earrings, slim bracelet and hand-held clutch (in turquoise, or other stand-out color).

Hate the shoes. Switch them with black stilettos (my shoe solution for all occassions) dye that easter bonnet lace black also and change the waist panel for a chunky black leather waist belt. Take down her hair, take off her bracelet and give her a clutch bag. Tadaaaa.

The thing on her ankle is stupid,
otherwise I like the rest of it.

Even the straps, even the sash, even the lace and tulle and color and purse and hair. Who care about the "bracelet." That's not really part of the outfit anyway.

I think she looks clean and pretty.

Remake the dress, in perhaps a sleek heavy silk twill, in a less yellow shade of cream. Use deep pleats on the skirt, instead of gathers. Give it wide cream straps as well, instead of those things that look as though she couldn't find a strapless bra. Now, put the new dress on over the tulle, and put on the cummerbund.

New shoes. I'd favour a tall black pump with a bit of a platform, a bit retro-flavoured. Lose the ankle-thing, and while we're at it, lose that random blue bracelet. Ditch, also, the dangly earrings which look like something a sixteen-year-old wears to prom and buys at Claire's. Add one large, sleek, sculpted gold cuff bracelet. There.

personally, i love the betty draper look, so i'd lengthen the lace, so that it covers all but that perfect edge of the black tulle. i think i'd also give it sleeves, or a bolero jacket. spaghetti straps on a party dress are very sweet 16. while MJH looks awesome, she doesn't look 16 anymore. i'd also ditch the shoes for something more sophisticated, probably closed toed. basically, i'd grow the whole thing up about 15 years, hopefully not making it too matronly.

Lose the shoes and I think this almost works.

It seems like it's more suited to a more waif-like girl (ie: stick skinny), but I kind of like the dress. I wish I could see it with better shoes & different accessories.

Far be it from me to disappoint a cat. I would take the whole dress and deep-six it, and that little flower anklet too. I would ask her if the shoes fit, if they're comfortable, and if they are I'd let her keep them. (Easier than going out searching for another pair.)

Forget Betty Draper; that is Forever 21's reject pile.

I'll take the coward's way out and LET SALEM FIRE.

We could always just lose the lace and have a plain black dress. But then that would leave us with something that remarkably resembles my 10th grade homecoming dress.

Which I am totally fine with.
After all, this is Sabrina Spellman and as we all know the high school/Harvey years MADE that show.

Does she actually BELIEVE that she is still a teenager!? I mean, I know she's eternally cast as playing one, regardless of her age, but COME ON.

My fix:

1. Stick to all black.
2. Rework the top of the dress so that it has a v-neck and wider straps. Much wider. Think shell-tank wider.
3. Pencil skirt.
4. Red pumps.
5. Updo.
6. Remove both the camera and the purple scrunchy from her wrists. And that flower ankle thing.
7. Sparkly bracelet.

Aww, come on. It's not that bad. It has that gorgeous white lace that I want to pull off and make into something else. $20 says that lace is silk.

I think this dress would be just fine if it had a plain black pencil skirt completely covered with the lace.

Clearly Dancing with the Stars has chewed her up and spit her out. No, you are not supposed to be in character for a new jive act your partner put together.

Lose the shoes, the straps, the bracelet. Straighten the hair, and keep it loose.
Add a cute, fitted black blazer and some classic peep toed pumps and we have a winner!

Lengthen the bottom and extend the lace so it is even with the black. I actually love the top half!

I don't hate the dress. What I do hate is: the twee little purse (if you are going to carry a purse, it needs to be big enough to hold your .38 AND your lipstick); the nasty purple friend-ship bracelet (CUT IT OFF, ALREADY); the shoes (buy something cute, strappy, metalic, anything but those); the hair (up or down, not both). Put on a necklace and a real bracelet and I think we've got an outfit.

Let's work our way up! Take the flower off her shoes. Make the underskirting opaque, and give the dress a pencil-cut skirt. Take off the cummerbund so it's a layered lace dress with black at the bottom. Remove the straps. Switch the purse for a clutch, maybe even in a dark red color. Add a major necklace OR earrings but not both. Add more volume at the crown of the hair.

SHE IS PROBABLY NOT AT HER 10th GRADE WINTER FORMAL SO MAYBE SHE SHOULDN'T DRESS LIKE SHE BOUGHT HER PROM OUTFIT FROM DELIA'S IN 2000.

I had to say it, I'm sorry. Girlfriend's too cute to do that to herself.

Bah humbug! Melissa Joan Catherine Hart Wilkerson looks good in anything she wears, even at a very young 33. In my heart, she'll always be Clarissa Marie Darling. You go girl!

Bah humbug! Melissa Joan Catherine Hart Wilkerson looks good in anything she wears, even at a very young 33. In my heart, she'll always be Clarissa Marie Darling. You go girl!

So many of us are in agreement here. Lose the straps and the horrible lace overlay thing. Lose the accessories except for maybe the earrings. Add in some classic HIGH heeled pumps to make that skirt work for her. I'm pretty astounded by the purple wrist-wrap, I have to say. I'm thinking a child made it for her to wear or something sentimental like that?

Jennie-Suz, it is no accident that your name has incorporated most of my name, because you have also expressed every one of my feelings about this look, more clearly and succinctly than I ever could have!

I wish she'd just start over with another kind of look. None of it is doing her any favors, and I think she's much more attractive than this is making her appear. Think of how gorgeous she would look, for example, in a softer gown with gentle ruffles on a v-neck, in watercolor shades of blue or violet? Heck, she could even pull off a strapless red minidress (a tasteful one, ok?). This is just hurting her.

Just make the lace a different color - dark blue or dark pink would be quite lovely - and get rid of the weird poofy thing on her left shoe.

lose the purse and the bracelet. put that hair up into something a little more mature (side swept bun of fabulousness?). lose the straps on the dress. extend the lace down to the knee (and forget that freakin' tulle). give the bottom half of the dress a nice FITTED shape (more spophisticated, oui?) and certainly different shoes (nothing with an ankle strap!). then maybe clarissa can explain THAT.

i think simplifying is in MJH's best interest. lets lose then straps, bead-art craft fair bracelet, clutch/camera bag, twee shoes to start. then maybe put her hair up so she looks more profesh & less middle school semi-formal. even still, this is a tall order..

I think it's cute. If I'd change anything, I'd put more lace over the bottom. Ditch the bracelet. But overall, it's fine.

You're right. This is tough.
Lets start from the top:
The hair is fine, I don't love the earings, but they are not awful, so they can stay.
Get rid of the shoulder straps.
Change the lace to black and chop 6 inches off the bottom.
Replace the tulle with a satin pencil skirt to the knee.
Lord Jebus, those are ugly shoes. Lose them entirely and go with some red patent peep toes.

First off, lose the straps. I like the lace, but in a deeper color; maybe green or purple? Payless shoes begone, replaced by pewter metallic peep-toes. I'm choosing to assume the purple bracelet is something she forgot to cut off from the hospital. Different clutch, but I haven't really decided how yet. Other than, you know, not fugly.

Make it strapless, fit the bodice better and make it a princess neck line. Lose all the accesories and pull the hair back. New shoes, those have GOT to go! Then it'd be fab.

This has a very 1960s vibe to it, the sort of thing that my mother would have worn to a masonic ball in high school. As such, very Mad Men...almost. HOWEVER, it needs to be about 6 inches longer. Bring the whole skirt down to tea length, get rid of the ridiculous flower on her ankle, and sweep the hair into an updo. Then maybe.

Easy. Bring the cream lace all the way to the bottom, loose the strapey pay-less shoes and it's done. Oh yeah, purple bracelet is so weird with this.

She looks more like a bridesmaid at the wedding of Miss Kitty and Marshal Dillon - just add some jet beads, lace fingerless gloves and a black feather pouf in her hair to complete the picture.

i like the concept. bring the skirt below the knee and cover it with the lace overlay to the same length. do something with the hair. remove the hideous shoe decor. after that - it's still just a prom dress, but a presentable prom dress. meh.

Lose the lace overlay on the dress, lose the horrific fabric flower off the left shoe...raise the hemline a little...salvagable.

Put it on someone interesting. HEY OH!

Okay, I'm sorry. How about start by taking off the ankle corsage?

In this pic, the shoes look bad, yes. But if you see them from the side the shoes are absolutely AMAZING. There are kind of cool chain things that really work. The dress didn't photograph that well, and it wasnt my favorite, but she looked cute.

OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha- I was going to wear this dress tonight. Well, if I do I'll post a pic on my blog and link this. ;)

Too funny. She looks terrible.

PS- this is a STRAPLESS dress.

I agree whole heartedly with:

Kate on November 19, 2009 9:18 AM

Kate, you are SO right.

After reeling at the horror of the lace overlay, I am starting to think - along the lines of Erin above - that a lot of the problem is the warped message of overlay being ground into the brain with accessory after irritating accessory and that - given this is an emergency with an armed cat - a lot of good could be done by stripping her of the following evils:

- BEGONE, stupid, stupid, STUPID ankle corsage
- Was the purple bracelet a free gift attached to the cover of a teenie magazine? GO NOW.
- Those earrings (that match the bracelet?): UNNECESSARY

Now: I'm putting the hair up and if I can just borrow some grown-up shoes without stumpifying ankle strap, we might MIGHT have an ALMOST ADULT, despite the dress, and all before the cat gets twitchy.

I don't think she's as much of a mess as some of you, but I agree with those who say make the whole thing (including the lace) longer, give her better shoes, and that takes care of the outfit. The hair and accessories need to start again from scratch.

1. Remove shoe turd, along with shoes. Repace all with red round toe pumps
2. Lengthen lacey part on dress, rip off the straps
3. Clutch purse instead of current soda can with handle
4. Up-do
5. Replace jewelerry with either simple, small silver pieces, or black beady thingers

Or just get her naked and start all over, with the mission statement "make her look like she didn't just come out of an 8th grade school dance"

Maybe if she picked a color...just one...for the dress it would be OK. Not yellow. Or black. If it were all black she would look like a young mafia widow who's decided to try her luck one more time on the deb circuit.

OR, she could keep the dress's color scheme as is, but ditch the frou frou and just have a dash of embellishment of some sort. With a subtler hand this could be all sort of retro 50's without being a costume. And I think that would be cute. She's got to be careful that she doesn't look like Sandra Dee though. She is a little unwholesomely on the wholesome side.

I have to disagree with the comment that it's too young for her. I don't think so...she's only 33 years old. I think she's still young enough to go for a fun look. I hope so, anyway. I'm in my thirties and not being wheeled around yet. YET. I like her hair too...

The little rosette on the ankle strap of the shoes has got to go. I can understand the ankle strap in theory. That's what you wear when all your other shoes are New Balance and yes, you have some pretty heels, but you don't wear them a lot, and you just aren't particularly in practice at walking in the damn things lately. This doesn't make it right, though. Nooo ankle strap. Wear pretty shoes for the pictures, and make Mark hold your great big bag with your comfortable shoes in it. Then you can swap shoes, stuff the little purse and the heels in the big bag, STILL make him hold it all night, and enjoy yourself. Cheers!

Mostly its the color of the dress. I rather like the cut and the fabric.

1. make the white fabric royal blue or peacock green or a rich dark color.
2. OR keep the white but make the black fabric pastel peach, or gold.

Definitely get another pair of shoes. What's up with the oldy black thing on one of them? and it is the most boring pair of heels I've seen.

Put it on someone 15 years younger. That's its only chance.

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Take off the bracelet, make the lace overlay just a little longer and change the color of the lace to something more interesting, maybe dark purple, dark chocolate brown, or forest green?

First, kill the bridesmaid hair and make up and go for something much more relaxed with the hair, maybe out with some softer curls or even just leaving it straight with a bit of texture could work. Make the lace a darker colour, black would be nice but navy or a dark green would also work. Get rid of the straps and the sash that came from a groom in 1985 and replace the shoes with some nice, sky high platforms.

I CAN EXPLAIN THIS! We're totally off track. She's on her way to a murder mystery party as "Melyssa Alano" who is totally enraged at "Milly Lingmold" for stealing her boyfriend "Dicky Sproder" just before her senior prom. When "Milly Lingmold" is strangled later tonight with an ankle corsage, all will become clear. No need to defug the outfit...just applaud her for being such a good sport and really committing to the role.

Without the lace, it would make a passable LBD. The shoes and wristlet make her look like she's on her way to the prom. A clutch and a pair of black platform pumps would be infinitely better (needless to say, SANS tulle flower on the ankle strap!). Earrings/hair/makeup are a bit twee, and why she's wearing a blue (fabric?) bracelet I don't know. She'd look better with a sharp, angled, long bob or something, and edgier makeup.

Disrobe entirely except for the shoes and then start over, as I am relatively certain this event is not the Sadie Hawkins dance that Lindsay Dahlstedt took me to in 1996 because Matt McGann dumped her two weeks before and by God she was NOT going to let Matt McGann ruin her junior year Sadie's the way Jordan Catalano ruined Angela Chase's whole LIFE--God--and so she'd just wear that pastel yellow and black dress she wore to Marisa Blattberg's bat mitzvah last Spring and be done with it so meet her at the Somerset Mall Benihana at 8:00.

Lindsay's rationale was perfectly reasonable. MJH's, whatever it may be, is not.

Do over.

Fin.

The dress itself is not too bad--it needs to be strapless, and would look better without the tulle crap (and maybe reduce the belt width by 50% or so), but overall it's OK. The accessories are what make it a hot mess. All of them. Take everything off, start over entirely (I like some of the above suggestions for red pumps).

The hair is a little juvenile, but not awful. The "bag," anklet, and bracelet, however, will give me nightmares for years to come.

Just get rid of the lace and whatever's growing on her left ankle. The rest will do fine.

Remove ALL that ivory Lace. Keep the Tulle.
Have her hair open and straightened
Give her sky high Louboutin black pumps
skip the clutch+bracelet
Smoky eyes and a nude semi-glossy mouth!
I think we're done here
:)

Lets start with the dress, the tulle isnt the worst thing, it just should not have been shown. The dress should have been longer (maybe to the knee) with the lace covering the entire length of the dress. The tulle would have stull caused a sort of poof after the waist line which would still be cute. She also should loose the straps.

The shoes can stay but the rose thing on her ankle would have to go (but then again, I would have rather seen a simpler shoe). The stupid clutch (UGLY) needs to GO! Replace it with a different clutch, preferably one she didnt find in Macy's sale section. The purple bracelet has gotta go as well, maybe something dainty and silver/sparkly can take its place.

Last but not least, her hair should have been free-flowing with loose curls. Im ok with the make up but Melissa looks like she is going to prom . . . and that never a good thing. I don't even think I looked like I was going to the prom when I went!

Well, yes, it is very CUTE. However. Grown women should not aspire to cute, a lesson I learned indelibly from Annie Savoy. I disagree with those who would burn the dress. I would take it to my local consignment shop and let someone wear it to Winter Homecoming.

The bracelet, shoes, shoe pouf (look closely, it appears to be.....chained on), those I would burn. I think you can get that bracelet at Claire's, in seven or eight different colors.

I don't mind her hair, it may be appropriate for this event? And I would rebuild her outfit around the earrings.

Oh, this one would be so easy!

I'd lose the twee wristlet and the ankle flower, lengthen the skirt to just *below* the knee, get rid of that strange bracelet on her left arm, maybe give her a nice wrap (are pashmina type things totally out these days?), and swap out the Prom Hair for either a more straight, all down style or a nice, artfully messy updo. And I'd also change the color of the lace overlay to a deeper, brighter jewel tone.

It's way way way too young for her. She has a just-fine figure,. but to look even OK in this dress one needs to be , well, thinner. The shoes are heinous in their too-much-ness. The hair, well, I have never been an advocate for the trying-too-hard hair. Put it up or let it down...neatly. None of this lame Paula Abdul mess that she's got going on. Come to think of it, I bet Paula would wear this, but with way more grotesque cleavage.

I say scrap the whole outfit and the hands-on-hips posture thing, too. Put her in a navy satin simple gown w a grecian neckline, a clutch bag maybe in bright red for eye-pop and really red lips and low key eye makeup. Then maybe navy strappy sandals VERY bare and simple.

I'm bored now.

This look can be fixed by simply taking it off and putting on something else.

Im so shocked I don't know what to say..oh wait yes I do

Melissa fire your stylist Dear, they're out to get you!

Heeere we go...

1. Strip away all accessories.

2. Comb hair into sleek updo.

3. Darken brows, remove rouge, red lipstick

4. Good buff colored hose.

5. Good quality black heels.

6. Add one beautiful black clutch bag.

Oh, and she's not allowed to place her hands on her hips at any time.

Remove the straps, make the white apron thin only two inches short, flounce up the skirt a little, and give her some plain patent leather black stilettos.

Oh, Sabrina, you where my sixth-grade style icon! remember when you magically changes outfits in Sabrina goes to Rome? that's what needs to happen.

I don't even care about the dress, I just want her to get a new hair color/style. I can't ever take her seriously in any kind of fashion because she looks 14. Get a bob, dye it brown, something! She just always looks like a little girl playing dress-up to me.

Amp up the Betty Draper element and insert one Don and then I think that this will work. Treestump legs and pudgey knees should be covered - it looks like they ran out of the lace overlay when they made the thing. FIND MORE!

Clarissa, please explain it all.

Whaaat!? I LOVE this. In fact, the longer I look at it, the more I love it. I fail to see the problem. Well played, MJH.

What are you people talking about? I love it as is!!

Nice stylish pumps and a fitting knee-length skirt would do it... I don't mind the yellow too much... Oh, and fix the hair - a nice stylish updo or girly flowy curls!

Nice stylish pumps and a fitting knee-length skirt would do it... I don't mind the yellow too much... Oh, and fix the hair - a nice stylish updo or girly flowy curls!

I actually LOVE that dress -- for me. On her, the overall effect is "going to junior prom".

To make it work for her, I'd put all her hair up in a chignon or something else that's simple and elegant, get rid of the bizarre blue bracelet, throw out the ugly purse, and definitely axe the random ankle flower.

The shoes are not godawful without the flower, but I think it would work much better if she wore some simple black patent pumps.

She also needs to change earrings because those don't match at all. Silver against blond hair with a cornsilk dress? No no no. I think something jet would look nice. Personally, I'd wear some huge, funky earrings, but something simple would work best for her.

Lastly, take the black straps off the dress. I totally understand wanting to keep the dress from falling down, but if it's going to have straps, they should be wider and look like they're supposed to be there.

The full skirt is what I like for me, but the other commenters are probably right, that a pencil skirt would suit her better. It would look more mature.

make-up and hair is perfect.

1. nix the straps
2.elongate the lace overlay over the entire dress length.
3. Change the color of the lace to black.

voila

I actually kind of like the dress. I think it is fine as is on a girl with dark skin. On this girl, I would change the cream color. On anyone, I would do something different with the hair and shoes to tone down the dress some. The black flower on the ankle is definitely overkill.

Toss out the bracelet and ankle flower. Change the shoes to some nice black peep-toe, ankle-strap bow pumps. The creme lace on the skirt of the dress should be at least 7 inches longer, and the skirt itself should be more of a pencil-fit, with just about 1 1/2-2 inches of the black underskirt sticking out. Line her upper eyelids with a matte black liquid eyeliner, slightly angled upward at the ends. THEN she would look like a dream. The current ensemble just makes her look... frumpy, pulled-together-at-the-last-minute and quite frankly makes me feel a twinge of sadness when I look at it.

Substitute black satin for the tule, cap sleeves and a scoop-neck instead of spaghette straps, different shoes entirely--maybe black peep-toe pumps, up-do, get rid of the blue thing, and maybe a cream colored, white, or black envelope-looking purses like the one that woman has in La/la (can't remember) Charme Discret de la Bourgeoisie. Also i could see mother of pearl/silver hoops instead of the chandelier earings.

Oy.

1. DITCH THE SHOES, exchange them for some killer black Louboutins.

2. remove the straps, they make her look like she's in 8th grade.

3. tear off the black tulle, and extend the light colored lace down to her knee

4. take off that awful blue thing and the dangly silver earrings, and give her a far more fabulous black earring/necklace/bracelet combo.

5. make up is fine. she just needs an updo.

6. ditch the purse, it looks like she's carrying a camera case

Working from top to bottom: I would pull the hair back into sleek chignon, extend the bodice, sans black underlay, to a cap sleeve, ballet-neck style top. Wash off the blush, add a smokier eye and a redder mouth, and replace the earrings with maybe a pave-diamond/tear-drop pearl sort of earring. I don't hate the cumberbund so it can stay; I would extend the lace to cover the underskirt -- which would be reduced to a pencil skirt -- remove the tulle and shorten it a couple of inches. Lose the bracelet, ring, shoes and purse; add black satin envelope clutch and teal closed-toe stilettos.

I honestly think if the yellow lace skirt part was longer and left less of the black tulle mess it might be okay, but it would probably still be "Prom Dress from DeB". This is one thing that Clarissa better explain, and fast.

republican. what do you expect?

leave it alone! This is SO Clarissa Explains It All and that is a good thing!

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