Audrina Patridge Archives

October 28, 2009

Fugdi Monfug

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[Photo: WENN.com]

AUDRINA: So what I'm saying is, Heidi, you totally look like a prostitute. I mean, an ACTUAL prostitute, not just a symbolic fame whore.

HEIDI: Really? Well, you look short.

AUDRINA: Only YOU would find those things equally offensive.

October 26, 2009

Fug Row

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Oh honey NO

[Photos: Splash News]

LO BOSWORTH: Hey, Audrina.

AUDRINA PATRIDGE: Hi, Lo!

LO: Is that your Halloween costume?

AUDRINA: What are you talking about?

LO: So, that would be a "no."

AUDRINA: You don't like my outfit?

LO: Um. You look like a Poison groupie.

AUDRINA:...So?

LO: Well, if you don't understand why that's bad, I certainly don't care to explain it to you.

AUDRINA: You're so uptight. You'd think someone who earns like $100,000 an episode for literally doing nothing would be cheerier.

LO: What do you mean, "doing nothing"?

AUDRINA: I have to have the cameras at my fake job at the record label AND I had to have the cameras all over my stupid relationship with stupid Justin-Bobby, which never gets any less embarrassing. I EARN MY MONEY. YOU don't have a job OR a boyfriend on the show.

LO: Well, those things are personal.

AUDRINA: YOU'RE ON A REALITY SHOW ABOUT PEOPLE'S PERSONAL LIVES.

LO: Foolish child. SOMEONE has to ask leading questions about what happened at a variety of contrived, soft-scripted social events. Besides, you're just evading the real question: what's happening on the front of your shirt:

Continue reading Fug Row.

October 16, 2009

Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge

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My friend Marissa and I have had the same discussion several times over the last few months, and it is this: Is it possible to wear over-the-knee boots without looking like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman?

She says yes; I am more doubtful. Let's use Audrina here as a handy visual aid to illustrate both sides of that argument. From the front, to my way of thinking, she does not look as though she's practicing the world's oldest profession. She might be considering it, sure, but she hasn't pulled that trigger. And who hasn't been there, am I right, ladies? Ladies? Hey, you guys? Fine. But you hear me: it's saucy, but not SAUCY. It's sexy, but not SEX-Y. It's SEXY, but not... full-on PROSTITUTION-Y.

Let's look at it from the back:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge.

October 1, 2009

Fug The Cover: Audrina Patridge

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I get that whether your face looks good is totally beside the point of a Maxim cover. But come on:

This looks like it's her a mug shot from being arrested for Public Greased-Up-Itude. Also, what's with the veiled "empress has no clothes" insult? Usually when you invoke The Emperor's New Clothes, you're referring to someone who believes he or she is one thing, but who is in fact less than that. It's only because I know Maxim that I'm confident the editors legitimately are just saying, "LOOK! BOOBS!" -- otherwise, I'd take it to mean that Maxim got her naked and then decided it didn't find her that hot or special, and is using the cover line to snark on her subtly to all its douchey dude friends. Which, gentlemen, isn't the greatest thing to do to a girl when she's taking off her clothes. That kind of behavior gets you a boot to the nads.

At least if you're going to use careless literary references that are accidentally insulting, Maxim, pick a photo of Audrina's face that doesn't look like she's in a police line-up, okay? Give a girl a break.

Audrina Patridge

Fugdi Monfug

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Fug Row

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Unfug It Up: Audrina Patridge

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Fug The Cover: Audrina Patridge

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