Bai Ling

June 12, 2009

Unfug It Up: Bai Ling

Bai Ling is trying really hard. Like, REALLY hard. You almost never see her in Ed Hardy bra tops and tiny frayed denim skirts any more, which I personally think is a tragedy -- it's like she's keeping her panda sprite in a bottle in the sofa of her psyche, or whatever -- but which clearly is important to her in an effort to be taken seriously as a person who understands what it means to get dressed.

Here is her latest effort, and despite the title of this post, I'm not completely mad at it:

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I appreciate the attempt here. I do. She almost looks like she's trying to be a Disney princess -- maybe there's a job open on a cruise line and she's gunning for a few free trips to St. Croix. And It's always nice to see someone trying to work canary yellow, because that's a hue that strikes fear into most people's hearts, although again -- maybe she just heard that cats eat canaries and she was looking for a rough-and-tumble good time. With all the different forces at work within Bai, it's impossible to say. But all in all, whatever the reason, she's trying to work it without being 90 percent naked and I appreciate that.

But here's the thing: I'm pretty sure that dress doesn't fit.

May 13, 2009

Where's The Fug?: Bai Ling

So, we'd heard rumors that Bai Ling has been trying to spiff up her act and tone down the outrageous clothes, in an effort to scoot herself off the D-list. And I'm really afraid that might be true, because check it out:

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Okay, so it's not PERFECT. I think I see a nipple, although maybe I'm hallucinating because the Bai of Yore would've made SURE it was partly visible. But overall, she looks kind of trendy and funky, as opposed to saucily half-clad and proud of it.

Can this metamorphosis be happening? Will her first Fug Madness win be her LAST? People, I need my Bai Ling with a heaping plateful of insanity. She may have been low on Hollywood's list of priorities, but Bai Ling was never on the D-list of my HEART. With every crazy ensemble, her fame (infamy?) grew on this Web site, apace with my affection for her bra tops and tiny denim skirts and backless mini-dresses and sequined Spider Woman capes. Without the promise of those in my future, I don't know how to feel. Other than frightened. And cold. Like my pet unicorn just tore off its horn and stabbed me with it, then ran off with a pack mule so it could live quietly in the wilds of Wyoming.

If this happens, we are going to need each other now more than ever, Fug readers. 

April 20, 2009

Nipfugs

For a woman whose book is allegedly titled Nipples AND who says she shot, directed, and starred in a movie called Nipples: Secrets of my Dreams, this outfit isn't focusing on the part of Bai Ling that I assumed it would:

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Not that there's anything wrong with that. Bai still whipped out that fantastic royal-wedding-caliber hat and some serious leg acreage. But if she is going to get that book published -- and PLEASE let that happen, because I need a copy, like, yesterday -- you'd think Bai would be doing a little more aggressive promotional work.

Right?

Right:
April 15, 2009

Fuggles

Things of Which You Should Make a Note:

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1) Bai Ling may be the only person in the world who could show up somewhere in taxicab yellow short shorts and an aggressively colored/patterned shiny button down and my reaction would be, "aw, Bai Ling looks cute!" This is the consequence of living a life wherein you become known for wearing, like, coconut shell bras and Saran wrap pants. You show up in something that is the loud/crotchtacular version of Palm Beach As Interpreted Via Clothing and I think you look kind of secretly adorable.

2) How cute is Bai when she's all smiley? I feel like for the last four years, I've only ever seen her make CRAZY faces or SEXY faces and her smiley face is really rather charming. Yes, years of exposure to me have made me sort of love her. It's basically Stockholm Syndrome.

3) OKAY. This is the important part. According to our friends at the San Francisco Chronicle, Bai Ling's forthcoming book is called....seriously, I hope you're reading this sitting down....NIPPLES. 

YES.

(PS: You need to read that interview, by the way. It is kind of amazing. [OMG, so is this one. Please treat yourself.])

I can not, of course, find anywhere to buy NIPPLES or pre-order NIPPLES or check NIPPLES out from some kind of intergalactic library. But I hope it goes without saying that I NEED TO READ THIS BOOK. RIGHT NOW.
February 27, 2009

Fug Madness Is Right Around The Corner: Your Nominations, Please

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Yes, that's right: Come mid-March, The Great and Powerful Bai will lower her magic curtain to reveal the brackets for the second annual Fug Madness tournament, in which we go all democratic to determine the fugliest-dressed celebrity. We're positively giddy 'round here at GFY HQ. Intern George has been bouncing off the walls, sleeping with last season's bracket under his pillow, which wears a case that's been silkscreened with a Photoshopped image of Karl Lagerfeld wearing Cher's head on one shoulder and Bjork's head on the other. And we are pretty sure that defending champion Bai Ling brought out that wig at the end of the eligibility period just to make sure she got another high seeding. Smart girl. She knows us well.

But this year, the rules are slightly different, and today we're soliciting your help. Want to know why? Read on after the jump...
February 10, 2009

Grammy Awards Fug Carpet: Bai Ling

Sweet, sweet Bai Ling. After all that relatively staid formal wear, THIS is more like it:

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For, see, you ARE a gift. You are the proverbial enigma filled with a mystery dipped in a candy-coated puzzle, topped with a shredded pile of Care Bears, drizzled in melted My Little Pony toys, and then all wrapped up in a giant ribbon hanging over your privates as though they are the Lexus that mysteriously appeared in front of your house in Christmas morning. Never leave me.

January 28, 2009

SAG Awards Well-Played Carpet: Evan Rachel Wood, With A Surprise Ending

I loooove this color. I feel like it's very difficult for anyone except perhaps an actual Smurf to go wrong in this color:

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But that shouldn't take away from how well Evan Rachel Wood is rocking it, with her glowing skin and subtle -- by her standards -- makeup. The purple accessories have me torn; on the one hand, I applaud the unusual choice, but on the other, they are kind of distracting. In all, though, it's totally understandably why Mickey Rourke allegedly was spied making out with Evan Rachel after the SAG Awards. Which is not to say that I understand why Evan Rachel allegedly sucked face with Mickey Rourke -- rather, if I were Mickey, and I were coming off a wildly successful, acclaimed, decorated movie role, and I were standing next to this girl just a few weeks after memorably thanking my dogs for their companionship over the years, I'd probably be like, "Okay, Self. You may not look like Original Mickey Rourke any more, but you do not wear white contacts and you generally don't evoke images of Satan worship, so you are LIGHT YEARS ahead of this kid's last boyfriend. GO FOR IT."

All of which makes me feel a bit bad for Bai Ling, if indeed it's true she hooked up with Mickey Rourke after the Golden Globes. We rib our girl Bai, but we just want her to be happy; however, can it be a coincidence that after her rumored Rourkeing, she turned up not once but TWICE in full-coverage outfits? Behold:

November 26, 2008

Fugtourage

Oh, Bai Ling. I treasure you. That's not even sarcastic. I really seriously do love you. If I were Oprah, your wacky outfits would be one of My Favorite Things. So don't look so cranky:

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If this infusion of ruffles can't cheer you up, girl, I don't know what will -- especially since you've married them to that old classic, My Skirt Looks Like The Stage At An Olde Time Dance Hall. NOTHING makes me happier than this combo. Okay, that's a lie: free Louboutins, shirtless male Olympic swimmers, and wheels of brie also make me happy. Finding a can of Diet Coke at the back of the fridge when you thought you were out. When you turn on the TiVo, and it's magically recorded that episode of 90210 where Kelly chooses herself. Dancing around the living room to "Womanizer." The puppy cam.  Gold football pants. Oh, and world peace. So I guess I'm easy pleased. But seriously: Bai Ling + plaid + ruffles + a skirt slit up to Jesus + wee polka dot gloves = HAPPINESS. So pour yourself a cup of glee, Bai Ling, and give yourself a pat on the back for bringing us all a little holiday cheer.

November 3, 2008

Well Played, Bai Ling?!?

Oh, Bai Ling, you are so sly.

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[Photo: WENN]

Sure, that looks nice and normal, but we all know better. What've you got on your lower half, eh? A tutu made of human hair? Pants made out of maracas? Bloomers stuffed with cotton balls and cashew nuts? It's got to be SOMETHING crazy. You are Bai freaking Ling, after all.

Or are you:
October 17, 2008

Yet More Fug Ling

Yes, we've already fugged Bai Ling once today, but you know what they say -- when it rains, it pours, and far be it from us not to play in the puddles:

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Also, frankly, the woman deserves credit for all that she does. Only Bai Ling and her Band-Aids of Truth could find an outfit that unravels from the MIDDLE.

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