Bai Ling

November 26, 2008

Fugtourage

Oh, Bai Ling. I treasure you. That's not even sarcastic. I really seriously do love you. If I were Oprah, your wacky outfits would be one of My Favorite Things. So don't look so cranky:

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If this infusion of ruffles can't cheer you up, girl, I don't know what will -- especially since you've married them to that old classic, My Skirt Looks Like The Stage At An Olde Time Dance Hall. NOTHING makes me happier than this combo. Okay, that's a lie: free Louboutins, shirtless male Olympic swimmers, and wheels of brie also make me happy. Finding a can of Diet Coke at the back of the fridge when you thought you were out. When you turn on the TiVo, and it's magically recorded that episode of 90210 where Kelly chooses herself. Dancing around the living room to "Womanizer." The puppy cam.  Gold football pants. Oh, and world peace. So I guess I'm easy pleased. But seriously: Bai Ling + plaid + ruffles + a skirt slit up to Jesus + wee polka dot gloves = HAPPINESS. So pour yourself a cup of glee, Bai Ling, and give yourself a pat on the back for bringing us all a little holiday cheer.

November 3, 2008

Well Played, Bai Ling?!?

Oh, Bai Ling, you are so sly.

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[Photo: WENN]

Sure, that looks nice and normal, but we all know better. What've you got on your lower half, eh? A tutu made of human hair? Pants made out of maracas? Bloomers stuffed with cotton balls and cashew nuts? It's got to be SOMETHING crazy. You are Bai freaking Ling, after all.

Or are you:
October 17, 2008

Yet More Fug Ling

Yes, we've already fugged Bai Ling once today, but you know what they say -- when it rains, it pours, and far be it from us not to play in the puddles:

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Also, frankly, the woman deserves credit for all that she does. Only Bai Ling and her Band-Aids of Truth could find an outfit that unravels from the MIDDLE.

October 17, 2008

Fug 2: High Voltage

Just yesterday, I was complaining that Bai Ling wasn't attending LA Fashion Week and it seems she decided to prove me wrong:

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And with a wee bit of underboob cleavage as well, bless her heart. Because nothing goes with a stocking cap and a dress made of Wrinkle like a splash of underboob. You know, things just don't feel right around GFY HQ if someone isn't squealing, "Oh, BAI LING!" on occasion. In fact, we're all wearing I HEART BAI LING Band-Aids on our calves right now. I'd take a picture, but I haven't shaved my legs today. Or -- who am I kidding -- showered. You don't need that.
July 24, 2008

The Fug-Files

Of all the premieres for Bai Ling to attend semi-inexplicably, the one for the X-Files movie seems the most apt. After all, our girl IS somewhat paranormal, and I want to believe that her truth is out there. Certainly she is not shy about exposing certain facts about herself.

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Like, say, her nipples. Although her Band-Aids of Truth today seem to carry a message about love and humanity, so maybe she thinks that her shadowy areolae are the ultimate unifying gift to an unkind, divided human race that knows no compassion. Or, she just didn't realize they were showing.

Nips aside, the rest of this appears shockingly modest, almost like she is in the middle of choreographing a figure-skating routine that's an ode to amber traffic lights. But it's Bai, so there is always SOMETHING else going on -- and, in her words from her blog, "You have to go on line check out my dress tonigh, its insane, the back, you will be surprised...... Its french disgner, I love the yellow, its spring time and always happy." (That entire sentence is sitting in a big pool of [sic], by the way.)

Time to end the suspense. Let's have a round of applause for the back:
July 8, 2008

Crank II: Fug Voltage

Oh, Bai Ling! During a week when nearly no celebrity is out and about looking ridiculous for our pleasure, you can always be counted on to come through.

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Or can you? This is generically kind of unfortunate -- those boots with that otherwise okay if nipple-tastic dress, the headband, the sulky expression -- but it's pretty tame compared to what you'd THINK Bai Ling would wear to a Christian Audigier event. I mean, I was thinking Ed Hardy bikini top and a skirt made of bananas or something. WHY MUST YOU DISAPPOINT ME SO?
May 23, 2008

Fug Ranch

According to our friends at IMDb, our beloved Bai Ling here has completed photography on SIX FILMS coming out over the next two years, is filming another, and is in pre-production on yet another. Girlfriend works her ass off. When does she have time to create/procure the likes of this?

Wait! I want you to see the back (speaking of asses, especially):

Whee! It's like....a leotard with the human equivalent of saddle bags attached? At least she has somewhere to store her lip gloss, her house key, and her copy of The Interplanetary Guide to Human Interaction: Intrigue, Involve, Inveigle.

May 2, 2008

Fug Ling

How can you not fall in love with this?

I know. It's crazy. It's complicated. It's custom-made. It's the costume from the show-stopping closer to Act One of Kiss of the Spiderwoman II: This Time, It's Way Less Metaphorical! It might also be shorts.

And it appears Bai is wearing her Message Band-Aids again. Let's take a closer look at them, shall we?


April 30, 2008

Bai Fug

Flush with the glow of her Fug Madness win, our girl Bai Ling has remained wonderfully unafraid to leave the house. Incidentally, she did actually mention her victory on her delicious blog, although for some reason that entry feels to me like someone else wrote it -- no matter how much we riff on her many personalities, in my heart of hearts I can't believe loony, gentle Bai would seriously call us Earth people "stupid," even if she is simultaneously excited to be a champion of something.

Anyway, back to Bai. When I first saw this photo last week, I feared she'd gone all demure on us in the wake of being declared The Fugliest Of Them All.

It's just so very SERIOUS, like she's decided to quit acting so she can attend Austria's prestigious Milkmaid School, where you don't get to show cleavage until you are fully certified.

But I should've known that Bai Ling, especially in this recent L.A. heat, would not stay serious and amply clothed for too long.

Apparently, our favorite demi-nudist Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting -- and not, in fact, skirtlifting, which is how I first read the news, and which prompted me to sigh, "Oh, come on, people, that's just WHAT SHE DOES. LET HER LIVE, DAMMIT!"

Let's enjoy her in happier times.

This is our girl as nature intended: smiling, finding creative ways to circumvent a top that appears designed not to show any boob, and overall looking like she leapt out of the pages of a Dr. Seuss book. We wouldn't be at all shocked if her first call from inside the pokey went to her ex-boyfriend The Lorax. And, yes, those ARE Band-Aids with writing on them that she is using as shin jewelry -- one is in Chinese and the other says "Happy" and... something that look like "New York," maybe, and... Well, see for yourself:

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