We'd gotten plenty of e-mails about Beyonce's dual Elle covers, but nothing prepared me for seeing it fly through my mail slot and land in my foyer. I might have yelped.
First, though, let's look at the newsstand cover -- the one, presumably, that Elle thinks WON'T send people running screaming to Marie Claire:
[Photo: Splash News]
This picture is fine, I guess. I'm not sure about the painful-looking art-deco napkin rings she's wearing on her left arm, and her random sash kind of jumps out at me as something you would wear if you were feeling really bloated that day and wanted some camouflage, rather than something that actually looks good out in the world as part of that outfit. Oh, and her smile reminds me of nothing so much as the triangular grins they draw onto South Park characters, which in turn reminds me that I haven't watched Woodland Critter Christmas yet this season.
Overall, it's resoundingly average. But what tickles me is that the way that, in these troubled times when all I want is positive reinforcement, Elle is reaching out and saying, "Listen. You ARE kind of a disaster. And let's face it, you probably won't get that much better. But we promise we will expend minimal effort to make you marginally less tragic." They're looking into whether there's a fat gene that may or may not make your waistline inevitable (subtext: dieting might NEVER WORK so just QUIT until you're sure), there's hairstyles they SPECIFICALLY say are for hopeless people, and the entire issue is themed as "MAKE BETTER." Not "makeover," or "make fabulous," or even "how to feel fabulous even though we're all freaking poor and waiting for the sky to fall." I would like a little optimism with my recession. Instead, it's tips for people who don't feel like putting in that much work, and are willing to reap the minute rewards of the lackluster seeds they're sowing. In short, this cover needs Prozac and maybe some caffeine.
Still, any objections I had to Beyonce's styling were quickly put to rest when the postman shoved Sasha Fierce's subscriber cover through my door. With apologies for the crappy color quality -- my scanner must have some kind of hangover -- feast on this:
First, though, let's look at the newsstand cover -- the one, presumably, that Elle thinks WON'T send people running screaming to Marie Claire:
[Photo: Splash News]
This picture is fine, I guess. I'm not sure about the painful-looking art-deco napkin rings she's wearing on her left arm, and her random sash kind of jumps out at me as something you would wear if you were feeling really bloated that day and wanted some camouflage, rather than something that actually looks good out in the world as part of that outfit. Oh, and her smile reminds me of nothing so much as the triangular grins they draw onto South Park characters, which in turn reminds me that I haven't watched Woodland Critter Christmas yet this season.
Overall, it's resoundingly average. But what tickles me is that the way that, in these troubled times when all I want is positive reinforcement, Elle is reaching out and saying, "Listen. You ARE kind of a disaster. And let's face it, you probably won't get that much better. But we promise we will expend minimal effort to make you marginally less tragic." They're looking into whether there's a fat gene that may or may not make your waistline inevitable (subtext: dieting might NEVER WORK so just QUIT until you're sure), there's hairstyles they SPECIFICALLY say are for hopeless people, and the entire issue is themed as "MAKE BETTER." Not "makeover," or "make fabulous," or even "how to feel fabulous even though we're all freaking poor and waiting for the sky to fall." I would like a little optimism with my recession. Instead, it's tips for people who don't feel like putting in that much work, and are willing to reap the minute rewards of the lackluster seeds they're sowing. In short, this cover needs Prozac and maybe some caffeine.
Still, any objections I had to Beyonce's styling were quickly put to rest when the postman shoved Sasha Fierce's subscriber cover through my door. With apologies for the crappy color quality -- my scanner must have some kind of hangover -- feast on this:
Continue reading Fug The Covers: Elle.
