Bryce Dallas Howard Archives

June 4, 2009

Fugginator: Salvation

"You know, I could still turn around and go back to the hotel. I've only taken a few steps here. This can be undone, right? I can put my husband's undershirt back where I found it and unwrap the sarong I made out of Hefty bags and take off my strange ankle-cuff shoes and buy Wall-E on Pay Per View and order room service and curl up and eat it in one of the $80 robes they hang in the bathroom, and then I won't have to watch this boring movie I'm in AND I won't have to answer questions about what I'm wearing. I can still do this! I can leave, right? I can! I'm going to... [CAMERA FLASH] Dammit."

May 29, 2009

Terminator: Fugvation

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ANTON YELCHIN: HELLO, ladies! You are looking FINE.

BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD: Hey, Anton. Really? Are you sure? I'm not.

MOON BLOODGOOD: I am pretty sure I look hot, actually. But I can see where you're coming from, Bryce. I'm not convinced you look fine.

BRYCE: Right? I mean, what is this dress? Is it made from a bunch of expensive napkins? Does it raise like a window shade if you pull a string somewhere?

MOON: Not to mention how it cuts you across the boobs -- did you have to tape it down?

BRYCE: YES. And then I had to rub on all this lipstick so that I didn't appear to be dying, because it's practically the same color as my skin.

ANTON: I'm bored of this. Did you know I'm in Star Trek?

MOON: Yeah, I've totally got you beat on the color -- mine is gorgeous, no? But if it makes you feel any better, Bryce, I'm not completely sure about the drape on the front of my dress.

BRYCE: Well, I didn't want to be rude, but... yeah. It's not ideal. But I still wish we could trade.

ANTON: Do you want a huge summer movie star to help you swap clothes? Because I can do that! Between Star Trek and Terminator, it is the summer of ME!

BRYCE: No thanks, Anton.

MOON: Seriously. I'm not putting that thing on, are you kidding?

BRYCE: Will you at least take my purse? I made it when I was 12 to carry my marbles and someone told me I could repurpose it as a handbag and that was totally a LIE.

ANTON: Listen, okay, so you hate your clothes. But let's talk about me. What about a dating rumor? Huh? Does anyone want to be linked romantically with the Man of Summer?

BRYCE: I'm married.

MOON: And I'm busy.

ANTON: BORING! I knew I should've asked Zoe Saldana instead.

May 15, 2009

Fug or Fab: Bryce Dallas Howard

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Hey, it's Bryce Dallas Howard! I sort of forgot she was real.

Call me crazy, but is there something about this look that seems very....SWINTON to you? I mean, leaving aside the fact that SWINTON doesn't bare her legs very often. I can just see it on her, perhaps because it's mildly futuristic and also a bit ugly, but in a way that seems potentially extemely expensive. It takes a brave woman to SWINTON on us, but perhaps we should have expected nothing less from the Heir of Richie Cunningham. That being said, sometimes SWINTON doesn't even pull off SWINTON so what chance have the rest of us got?

poll by twiigs.com

October 10, 2007

Bryce Fuglas Howard

Once, just once, I'd love to see Bryce Dallas Howard ditch the clunky robes and dress like the twenty-something she is.

Separately, I enjoy that she's at a "Clinique Happy" event in an oppressive, depressing robe. It gives off the impression that she's ogling the crowd and thinking, "Yes, yes... one more eye of newt and some hair from the hussy on the left, and I'll have the PERFECT potion for turning Paris Hilton into a satin-and-feather sofa that'll be stuck in the "CLEARANCE" section of Bobby Trendy's store for all eternity!" Which... come to think of it, if that's her master plan, then maybe I'll just move along quietly. Nothing to see here. Everybody just leave Bryce to her TOTALLY INNOCENT business.

May 1, 2007

Spiderman Fug

Tobey Maguire: Hey, I'm just a regular guy! Totally regular! Like Peter Parker!

Kirsten Dunst: Why am I here? I could be buying the Kate Moss line at Top Shop right now.

Topher Grace: I'm ALSO just a regular guy! But between you and me, I'm cuter than Tobey, right? I thought so.

Bryce Dallas Howard: I can't believe how big my boobs are after having my baby. My rack looks awesome.

Thomas Hayden Church: Aw, shit. I forgot to tuck in my shirt.

James Franco: I'm hot, even if I am dressed kinda like Dylan McKay: The Heroin Years.

Damian Fahey: None of the girls in the audience today even care about me. DAMN YOU FRANCO.

Tobey: That guy you dated last year totally had these shoes, didn't he? I'm so relatable.

Kirsten: I'm not sure how I feel about my shoes. I know they're sort of trendy, but I feel like an extra in Gladiator: The Funeral. I wonder if I can talk Bryce into getting a drink with me later. I'm SO BORED.

Topher: I wonder if I could hook up with Kiki after this. She looks bored. I bet I could talk her into it. I'll ask her to go for a drink.

Bryce: On second thought, I don't really like the hem on this dress. But on the whole, I look awesome. My red hair is great. I just had a baby, bitches! Suck it!

Thomas: Am I too old for MTV?

James: I wonder if they'd ever remake 90210. I would act the shit out of that story arc where Dylan finds out that his dad DIDN'T die in a fiery car bomb, but instead was in the FBI Witness Protection Program.

Damian: Is this hour almost over?

July 25, 2006

Lady in the Fug

There's so much I like about Bryce Dallas Howard. For one thing, I covet her red hair. (I love red hair and have longed for it since that week in 1986 when Fergie married Prince Andrew, and I just also happened to be reading Anne of Green Gables. This perhaps explains part of why I am so inexplicably in love with Lindsay Lohan.) I appreciate the fact that she's unconventionally attractive. I think that, after two plus years of looking for photos celebrities, I've become much more appreciative of an actress who still looks like herself, rather than someone who's been created in the BriteSmileHairExtensionsMysticTan Labs.

But there is something here that's just not right:

That color is usually nice on someone with her coloring, and I think that holds true, but there's just something about this that's very Mother of the Bride. It's so square -- both, you know, geometrically, and also in the sense of being overly staid. BDH has a lovely figure, but like a lot of us, I think she would benefit from something a little more structured, and the obi-esque waist bit makes her, I think, look a little more rectangular than she actually is. It also looks like it's attached with Velcro: there's something about the edge of the belt-thing that makes me want to grab it and rip it open. Not to, like, nudify her, but just because it looks like it would rip open in a satisfying, Velcro-y way.

Call me crazy (cue: "YOU'RE CRAZY, HO!"), but I don't think that's what she was going for.

March 3, 2005

Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Bryce Dallas Howard

Fug file:

basic (or unbasic) black

[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

Cute girl; hugely unflattering flamenco dress. It makes a crater out of her belly-button. And are those a bunch of loose threads or something, glowing amid all the ruffles? Ten bucks to whoever pulls them just to see what happens.

Bryce Dallas Howard

Fugginator: Salvation

Terminator: Fugvation

Fug file:

Fug or Fab: Bryce Dallas Howard

Fug file:

Bryce Fuglas Howard

Spiderman Fug

Lady in the Fug

Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Bryce Dallas Howard

Fug file:

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