Blake Lively

October 22, 2009

Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

We've been a bit hard on Blake Lively for the flesh parade she likes to throw for herself every time she goes outside. It's not that we don't understand the temptation to show off what you've got; we just tend to believe it's okay to, say, skip the all-you-can-eat buffet in favor of a tasty sit-down dinner that's filling, yes, but also leaves you wanting to come back for more.

Ergo, I think this is sort of cute.

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There's a HINT of cleavage, and plenty of leg. I'm sure if she turns around we'll find out there's no back and that her rump equator is showing, or something, but for now let's assume that's not true. There IS something sort of 1994 Amanda Woodward Goes To Work about this -- minus the mules, thankfully -- but I would also like to point out that Amanda Woodward was, is, and shall always be a total badass. I mean, what if Blake was doing the whole Alison Gets An Ill-Conceived Bob And Turns Into A Boozy Bitch Who Also Wears Mules thing? Or the Jane Mancini Bowl Cut of 1993? As Melrose Place influences go, this is really not so bad.

October 14, 2009

Fug or Fab: Blake Lively

To begin with, I think we all need to remove our hats and salute Blake Lively's hair. It is glorious and I covet it:

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The hair on her head, guys. Not on her skirt.

That being said, I don't wholly loathe this. It's textile, and fun, and a bit....well, it is a Where the Wild Things Are event. Maybe this is her way of suggesting that it's time for the wild rumpus to commence. I have to have some respect for someone who so clearly embraces a theme.

.. Okay, I'm thinking Blake didn't really understand Leighton's point here. Which, granted, was made in the course of a fictional conversation, but still:

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It's BETTER, in some ways, but if you're going to flash just as much of yourself, why bother changing at all? I suppose her boob-pits might've gotten chilly, or her left leg became violently jealous that the right one was on display; maybe her shoulders were so convinced that linebacker is totally hot for fall that they refused to cooperate unless she dressed them accordingly. Either way, I think I'd have liked this better if it were EITHER longer, or had a higher neckline. And the fact that the one thing she KEPT was the pigtail-braid... I haven't seen a rope that frayed since gym class.

That being said, at least these clothes appear to FIT. Which, given most of the stuff she's wearing in her GFY archive, is a huge step forward.

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BLAKE LIVELY: Hi L.

LEIGHTON MEESTER: Hey, B.

BLAKE: Am I showing way too much skin?

LEIGHTON: As usual. Boobs OR legs, remember, Blake?

BLAKE: I have the worst time with that.

LEIGHTON: We know. And your dress has an open back.

BLAKE: So?

LEIGHTON: You're beating us about the head and neck with your hotness, when you really ought to just let it hug us tenderly.

BLAKE: I don't know what that means.

LEIGHTON: Stop showing so much skin. For the 10th time.

BLAKE: Your turn.

LEIGHTON: Whatever do you mean?

BLAKE: Uh. Your dress is like way too big for you and you're wearing shoulder pads that give a whole new meaning to the phrase, "don't squeeze the Charmin."

LEIGHTON: What new meaning is that?

BLAKE: I don't know. It was the only toilet paper joke I could think of.

LEIGHTON: Bitch, please, this outfit is directional.

BLAKE: It should have directed you to a tailor. And what about your face? At least my makeup looks awesome.

LEIGHTON: Your hair doesn't.

BLAKE: WE'RE STILL TALKING ABOUT YOU:
July 28, 2009

Fug Fug You Fug Me

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[Photos: Splash News]

BLAKE: Penn. I'm over here. Why are you walking so far away from me?

PENN: I'm... sick?

BLAKE: You were fine an hour ago.

PENN: I forgot to brush my teeth.

BLAKE: Didn't stop you from kissing me before I got into costume.

PENN: I ... am out of excuses.

BLAKE: Correct. Because guess what: I already know why. We've discussed this before.

PENN: You were totally right. Someone in wardrobe DOES hate you.

BLAKE: WHAT IS THIS THING?

PENN: It's bad, honey.

BLAKE: For real. Take a look-see at the other side.
July 7, 2009

XFugFugO, Gossip Girl

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[All photos: Splash News]

BLAKE LIVELY: Hey, Penn?

PENN BADGLEY: Yes?

BLAKE: I need to talk to you. It's really important.

PENN: Awesome. Text away. I'm ready.

BLAKE: No, I mean, I'm going to use actual words. Uttered out loud.

PENN: Are you sure? My phone is RIGHT here, and maybe we should protect our instruments.

BLAKE: Hush up and listen: I need to know who hates me.

PENN: ... Can you be more specific?

BLAKE: FUNNY. I mean, seriously, who is it on this show that hates me? Is it Josh Schwartz? The writers? The wardrobe department? Taylor Momsen? WHO IS IT?

PENN: Why do you think people hate you?

BLAKE: LOOK AT THIS THING. I'm wearing a sofa cushion over a romper with Robin Hood booties. If I stole from the rich and tried to give to the poor in this stupid thing, the poor would be like, "Girl, PLEASE, we're not taking anything from someone who doesn't understand how shorts fit."

PENN: They're kind of tight on you, I guess.

BLAKE: And check out what they do when I walk.
TELEGRAMS FROM THE DESK OF JESSICA MORGAN
GO FUG YOURSELF HQ WEST
As dictated to Intern G. Clooney.

TO: BLAKE LIVELY
RE: CDFA AWARDS DRESS

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MUCH IMPROVED STOP THANK GOD YOU FINALLY PICKED SOMETHING THAT FITS PROPERLY STOP LOVE THE PINK STOP DON'T STOP STOP BUT STOP STICKING YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS LIKE THAT STOP IT'S AWKWARD STOP LIKE I SAID PLEASE STOP IT STOP LOVE JESSICA POSTSCRIPT WHY DON'T PEOPLE SEND TELEGRAMS ANYMORE QUERY I KNOW IT'S BECAUSE OF EMAIL BUT THEY'RE SO ROMANTIC STOP I THINK I'LL SEND ANOTHER STOP.

TO: MICHELLE TRACHTENBERG
RE CDFA AWARDS LOOK:
May 22, 2009

Fugsip Girl

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LEIGHTON MEESTER: Admit it, this outfit totally makes you think of any scene from any show EVER where someone walked into a high-powered woman's office and proceeded to have sex with her on her desk. When they reboot L.A. Law, I am all OVER that.

JESSICA SZOHR: I am stunned. STUNNED. Because... I actually look kind of cute in this.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: BORING.

BLAKE LIVELY: I know this is a romper. I KNOW. And I know it's kind of skimpy. Like I should be wearing it at the beach. But just look at me and remember that I'm hot, and that you love my hair, and then maybe you won't SEE that it's a romper.

LEIGHTON: You can't tell if I'm wearing formal shorts. That is my genius. You just want to know if I'm going to, ahem, prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. If you get my drift.

JESSICA: Why did I get these dumb extensions back in, though? Down at the ends they look like I hacked them off a corpse. I REALLY need to stop undercutting myself.

TAYLOR: DOUBTFUL.

BLAKE: It's just... you don't understand! My legs! I have these LEGS! It's like a curse, having these legs and needing to show them off in tiny, tiny shorts. And these BOOBS. It's like I can't control what they put themselves in, because they just need to be SEEN.

LEIGHTON: You keep telling yourself that, sweetie.

TAYLOR: VOMIT.

LEIGHTON: Oh, quit your posturing and be happy you have a job.


Could someone please explain to me WHAT is going on with Blake Lively lately?

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From the neck up, of course, she looks amazing, because she is very beautiful. From the neck down she looks, as Heather said to me yesterday, like an East German ice dancer attending a Communist spectacular in the late 70s. No offense to Communists. But hootchier. This dress is also, by the way, backless. Blake Lively, I don't know why no one else has told you this, but I will: you don't need a backless, cleav-tacular, one-sleeved dress with a giant slit up the side to look alluring. You are alluring enough to begin with and now you just look CHEESY. Like, the giant slit on the same side of the dress as your one sleeve? Really? REALLY? You're not on Dancing With the Stars, and you don't need to be. This disaster plus the Nina Ricci custom-made satin sausage you wore to the Oscars has me, frankly, concerned for you. Why are you so tacky all of a sudden? What is happening with you? WHY DOESN'T SOMEONE HELP YOU?
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Whoa. Um. This is...unfortch. Blake Lively is a tall, blonde, gorgeous drink of water. This person is a cracked out little cup of yogurt who hasn't washed her face in three weeks and has caught a raging case of LittleJitits from dipping too deeply into Taylor Momsen's eyeliner kit. How much more clearly must I spell it out for you? I'M SCARED.

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