Mariska Hargitay

It's always unfortunate when someone takes a color risk, and then shows up and learns that another actress took the exact same risk -- a bit like, say, if you showed up at a Halloween party dressed as the magic mailbox from The Lake House, and ten minutes later someone else with the exact same idea arrived, but they'd decided to add a plastic house and a driveway to the costume, and suddenly, you were just the sad person with a large metal compartment sticking out of your stomach. (I am sure that has happened to many of you out there.)

In the case of the Emmys, it's tough to decide which is which, but I think Mariska Hargitay here might be Mailbox: Original Flavor, because her interpretation of canary yellow lacked any bells and whistles.

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I mean, it's FINE, and everything -- it fits, her junk is covered, and her skin tone is right for the bright hue. But it's definitely toga-adjacent, and frankly, kind of a snore. Although perhaps it's hard to judge, because when you are standing in front of Kynt and Vyxsin (the neon goths from The Amazing Race) and one of them appears to be wearing shoes with springs on the soles, you are always going to look totally boring. Parentheticaly, I sort of feel like Vyksin is staring at Mariska and wondering if it's worth challenging her to a duel, with the fate of the Earth's solar system at stake. In fact, I have it on good authority that as soon as Mariska hit the red carpet, nine round things spontaneously appeared and began orbiting her at different speeds.

This all makes Teri Hatcher version 2.0 -- the more elaborate version of the same basic thought:

You know, it looks like we might get out of this city without an arctic blast, after all. We were afraid to hope.

This woman is afraid of nothing.

I would be afraid, for instance, of: Diet Coke, marinara, city grime, potato chips, fruit, energy bars... pretty much anything. It takes a lot of guts to wear that much glaring white. Of course, it also takes guts to wear high-waisted jodhpur-like pants. With a belly shirt. I'm pretty sure they stuck poor Tiffani Thiessen in stuff like this both on Saved By The Bell AND on Beverly Hills, 90210, and so all Ali's really done here is a) look really dated, and b) remind us of an actress we like a whole lot more. Also, I can't figure out why Ali Larter wears so much white -- she does it with dresses, too, and it's not that flattering to her skin tone. I suspect this all began with Varsity Blues, when she wore that whipped-cream bikini and decided to make that her style inspiration for the rest of her life.

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