Rose Byrne Archives

November 18, 2009

Unfug It Up: Rose Byrne

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A couple of months ago, Ms Rose Byrne here mentioned us in Harper's Bazaar (not by name, of course, but I knew it was us because we're the only couple of snarky bloggers who've expressed concern about her emotional health -- because WE CARE, duh), and noted that she is NOT depressed, despite her wan mien in photos, but merely nervous. So I was pleased to see this:

That's more like it! Such a pretty face, such shiny hair. But...what is she wearing? Let's find out:

Continue reading Unfug It Up: Rose Byrne.

September 24, 2009

Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Rose Byrne

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sequins

Well, well, well. This is fortuitous. Just after I finished pulling the last of the photos for our Emmy coverage, including this one, I read the following in Harper's Bazaar, from Ms Rose Byrne:

"...one pair of snarky bloggers have been merciless. 'They think I'm depressed because I look serious in photos. It's usually because I'm just nervous,' Byrne explains."

First of all: Hi, Rose! Love you on Damages.

Second: MERCILESS seems dramatic. I prefer, "concerned."

Third: I WAS concerned. You always looked so glum! So I am happy to hear it's just nerves. Seriously, someone who has your head of hair should never feel depressed.

Fourth:

Kid, that dress is aces. And you look so happy and relaxed. Am I allowed to consider this a breakthrough? Fabulous!

Now, if you can just get Timothy Olyphant to spend all of the next season of Damages shirtless, we'll really be in business.

March 10, 2009

Well Played, Rose Byrne

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pink

OKAY. We're making progress here.

Rose (wearing a very pretty dress in dusty rose, in what I'm sure is an unintentionally twee coincidence) actually looks moderately alive. Of all the times I've seen her, she looks the LEAST like she's about to barf all over her skirt from nerves, or burst into tears at the merest change of wind, or faint if you call out her name. She's wearing the merest hint of a quasi-smile. In fact, she's all but decided it's time to consider expressing a modicum of cheer. It's a MIRACLE. Maybe there's hope for this one after all.

February 24, 2009

Oscar Post-Party Fug: Rose Byrne

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cheer up folks

Having just seen Rose Byrne looking perfectly happy at rag & bone's show during Fashion Week, I can't figure out why she always seems to be dying inside whenever the cameras are trained on her. It's possible that she's just secretly in love with Jimmy Fallon, with whom she arm-wrestled and giggled at in the front row, and whenever she's not in his orbit her soul feels cracked and broken.

But I guess she could just be depressed that everyone keeps checking his or her makeup in her crotch. I imagine the last thing you want is for Mickey Rourke to see himself in your nethers.

September 22, 2008

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rose Byrne

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"Hello? Can someone out there help me? I am REALLY HUNGRY. Seriously. I gave up anything with texture about five months ago and now I look like Lara Flynn Boyle and I am STARVING and, seriously, if someone doesn't give me something to chew I am going to eat this carpet that is so very red, like rare steak... oh, sweet, delicious steak... No. NO, I have to snap out of this. Look, if you have ANYTHING in your purses, will you just toss it into my skirt? I'll catch it. I promise. Granola bars. A Kit-Kat. Even breath mints would be divine. I bet I can fit like three cheeseburgers in here -- plus this sucker is made of Quited Bounty, so it'll absorb all the grease. Please, someone. Anyone. Is ANYONE listening? Hello? HELLO?"

May 5, 2008

Damafugs

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Everyone has different good-luck traditions. Some people wear pins, some have a special pair of underwear, and others who are Sharon Stone wear animal feet.

And some people, like Rose Byrne, wear Morticia Addams' right sleeve. How macabre! If she takes delivery of a box of flesh-eating plants tomorrow from a mystery suitor, we'll know it worked.

October 8, 2007

Damfuges

Rose Byrne's Press Junket of Tears continues apace:

Maybe she truly hates doing press, or those shoes really hurt, or she just found out that her neighborhood grocery store has decided to stop stocking Kettle Chips, all of which are legitimate reasons to pose with that tortured expression on her face. But to all problems in life there are solutions. For the first, she could remember that she is an actress and is unfortunately contractually obligated to do these things, even if she doesn't like them, and that until she is famous enough to be crotchety and refuse to attend events, she should probably plaster on a smile and dash through the press line to the open bar, where she can complain that she hates this shit to her costars, who will sympathize in a way that her publicist, for example, will not. For the second, she needs to remind herself that she can totally take her shoes off when she gets inside, and hold tight to the vision of her freed tootsies like grim death. And for the last, dude -- I feel you. That would be a tragedy. Salt and vinegar rules my world. That's when you call your people and scream, "I WENT TO THAT STUPID PREMIERE I WANT SOME CHIPS NOW SEND A PA OVER WITH A CRATE! NO! TWO CRATES! AS MANY CRATES AS HE CAN CARRY!"

That's what I would do. Rather than wrap myself in another sort of poorly-washed looking number that does a pale girl no favors at all (but, honestly: I assume the Drab Parade thing is a Stylistic Choice, but did she just move somewhere with really hard water or something? Is her significant other surreptitiously tossing a black sock in with all her whites in a passive-aggressive attempt to derail her career? What is going on here?).

September 1, 2004

Little Ditty 'Bout Fug and Diane

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dialogue

"Hey, Rose."

"Hey -- nice to see you again... Blond Person! Remind me again who you are?"

"I'm Diane Kruger. I'm in that new Josh Hartnett movie with you."

"And I am...?"

"Rose something. Basically, you're The Other Chick From That New Josh Hartnett movie."

"Oh, okay. Do other people know who we are?"

"No, nobody really cares, but that's what the premiere is for -- to make people notice. What are you going to wear?"

"I have this great little taffeta skirt that totally shows off my pot belly, and a cotton tube top in a similar-but-not-close-enough shade of green that makes me look really slouchy! I'm so excited. My shoulders are already rolling forward in anticipation."

"Oooh -- make sure you use a lot of hairspray with that look. And if possible, have a faint tan line."

"Done. Thanks, Rebecca -- you're the best."

"It's Diane."

"Right. So, what are you wearing?"

"You are going to LOVE this. Okay: I had this old bridesmaid's dress, right, this kind of midnight-blue thing with stitching on it. But it had a giant stain on the skirt, because one of the groomsmen got too excited in the limo, you know? But everyone kept telling me it was such a great dress, and one I could wear on another occasion, right... "

"... Oh, I think it's a bride's duty to pick out a bridesmaid's dress that you can wear again...."

"I know, it's just sensible. But my stylist wanted me to wear this de-rigeur black and white thing with a fitted skirt and ruffle explosion at the bottom, but the top gave me quadra-boob! It was terrible! So you know what I did?"

"No, but I have a feeling it's going to be ABsoLUTE magic."

"I had this brainwave -- I took the top of the blue dress and the bottom of the white dress and STITCHED THEM TOGETHER."

"No!!!"

"Yes!! Ohmygod it's going to be so bitchin'."

"You are a GENIUS, Naomi!"

"Diane. I'm Diane."

"Right, right. And what movie are you in again?"

Rose Byrne

Unfug It Up: Rose Byrne

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Emmy Awards Well Played Carpet: Rose Byrne

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Well Played, Rose Byrne

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Oscar Post-Party Fug: Rose Byrne

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Rose Byrne

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Damafugs

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Damfuges

Little Ditty 'Bout Fug and Diane

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