Debra Messing

November 8, 2005

Will and Fug

Why must Debra Messing do this to herself?


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

If her lipstick hadn't already blinded me, I'd be wondering why she is punishing her hair in that manner. And why she's wearing a dress that swallows her figure whole. All the plunging neckline shows me is that, yes, she does have skin there; I'm fairly sure her breasts don't actually sag down to her waist, but you never do know. The weight of all those chains must be mighty indeed, and that could be enough to send everything dropping to the floor. Mostly, I just can't get over feeling like she's some evil governess who's been allowed out on the town, but is itching to get home and spank the heck out of those little moppets for putting a fake finger in her stew.

January 31, 2005

Debra Fugging

messing7hp.jpg[Photo courtesy of Daily Celeb.]

"Hi... yeeeeeeah, look, I know, okay? I know my new movie The Wedding Date looks like the bastard cousin of My Best Friend's Wedding, what with the shenanigans and the Dermot Mulroney and the redheaded star. And I know Julia Roberts would never be caught dead in this dress, okay? I know. I know it makes me look like a governess, or maybe a governess who got invited to the prom. But, see, all I hear about myself lately is that I'm a bitch, right? And what makes a woman more likable than a good pregnancy rumor? So shut up about me being a cow whom the other three on the show don't talk to, and start writing about how huge this dress makes me look. Babies are PR gold, bitches, so I'm going to grit my teeth, plaster this tight smile on my face, and rumor my way back into everyone's good graces. I'll even write the headline: "MESSING DRESSING TO HIDE BUMP?" Good, yes? In sum: I'M NICE AND I'M SOOOO HAPPY, AND WHAT IS MY DRESS HIDING?

"And if rumors don't work, I'll just make like I'm on Passions, kidnap my pregnant archnemesis, throw her in a well, and torment her with visions of clowns until she gives birth and I can pass off her baby as my own. All the baby benefits, but none of the stretch marks! Whee!"

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