Drew Barrymore

November 5, 2009

Everybody's Fug

Apparently, Drew here -- promoting Everybody's Fine, a movie I had no idea even existed, with a title that inspires absolutely no curiosity in me because, hey, if everybody's fine, then I don't need to pay $13 to check in with them -- is wearing one of Victoria Beckham's creations.

everybodys_fine_20_wenn2641181.jpg

Time was, if we'd heard Posh would be designing clothes, we'd be girding our loins for leopard-print corsets attached to a skirt made of one linen napkin and a riding crop, a tutu made of soccer balls, or some kind of actual high-fashion loin-girder constructed from leather and three kitchen knives. Seriously, rewind to 2005, and ask yourself if you'd have envisioned this dress when someone said the words, "Designed by Victoria Beckham."

Some of Posh's other stuff is quite pretty, but this one is leaving me cold. It's very Walking Up The Aisle At A Winter Wedding, While Making Eye Contact With Hot Single Groomsman No. 2. I'm not entirely sure if the bodice fits, and the length is very stumpifying. I want it to be shorter. Indeed, as much as Drew has quirked it up lately to a level that is confusing to me (I will never understand the skunk dye job, for instance), this seems so tame that her very Drewness, that lively spirit, has gotten lost in its stodgy eggplant embrace. Woe. Indeed, I started this post as a Fug or Fab, and then realized I'd written the entire thing without very much optimism for the "fab" vote.

Eh, might as well put it to a poll anyway.

I feel bad for anyone who has the itch to design a dress in this basic vein:

90991076.jpg

I will give it to Drew: As much as I think flesh tones tend to wash out fair ladies like her (and me), her skin looks utterly flawless and porcelain. I'm not crazy about the hair and makeup -- they're a bit flat -- but my less-than-enthused reaction to this dress really isn't her fault. See, unfortunately, anything flesh-toned with an elaborate skirt is doomed to be compared to Penelope Cruz's Oscar dress, which is -- to use the texting parlance the kids love these days -- the OMG version of what Drew is wearing. The above is pretty, but it will always lose. Like, yeah, the Wakefield twins are super pretty, but poor, sweet, deaf ex-model Regina Morrow, who got her hearing back only to kick it after a broken heart drove her to experiment with cocaine? She was BEAUTIFUL. Ask anyone. So while there's nothing wrong with being a Wakefield -- I mean, you're still ALIVE and everything, and you own an awful lot of mini-skirts -- you never did make it onto the cover of Ingenue and you never were able to turn caddish Bruce Patman into a nice guy, so...


September 16, 2009

Fug It!

Drew Barrymore has been getting a little too involved in her projects lately. On the Grey Gardens promotional tour she went with a lot of old-fashioned and evocative hair and makeup styling. But I seriously don't understand what about writing and directing Whip It! inspired Drew to dip her hair in shoe polish.

FNP_BFH_001096.jpg
[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

Maybe she's gone Method on us. Maybe Drew, as her getup here indicates, truly believes she is Mary Pop-Shins, a badass Roller Derbying nanny who will teach you things like how a spoonful of sugar makes the absinthe go down, and then expose you to the joys of smashing other people into sidewalk art under the auspices of it sending them to a happy-go-lucky parallel universe. If that's the case, then... yeah, you know what, I still don't understand the shoe polish.
September 14, 2009

Whip Fug!

Let's pause for a moment in our VMA orgy to discuss this.

90714594.jpg

That dress is amusing -- the top part looks like a very elaborate tattoo, and the rest is kind of a Rorschach hallucination in which I see, like, pirate ships and sea creatures and a chopping maw of angry teeth that's rather unfortunately lined up with her nethers, as if suggesting they need a snack.

But my real question is: Do we think Drew Barrymore is maybe losing her mind a bit? I know she's promoting her roller-derby movie, so she's being all calculatedly edgy and whatnot, but isn't the joke on her? She may think the hair is hilarious but she still has to be the one wearing it. The last time I saw a dye job that bad, it was paw-shaped, attached to a keychain, and being rubbed for good luck. Although I will say she's making me crave chocolate-dipped shortbread, so maybe something wonderful will come of this after all.
August 25, 2009

Fugging the Distance

I THINK Drew Barrymore here is on the way to the set of her new movie? But it's hard to say if she's in costume here or what, since she is wearing stuff like this ALL THE TIME LATELY.

33524PCN_Barrymore04.jpg
[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Drew is a very smart woman and I suspect if you were stuck with her in an elevator, it would be totally fun: you could probably ask her all kinds of juicy questions, and you know she'd have gum in her purse. I am fond of her and just want her to be happy. Which is why I find it very perplexing that, of late, she's been dressing like she's late for work on the Venice boardwalk, where she and her psychic cat read auras. That's just not as lucrative a way to save for retirement as being a multi-hyphenate Hollywood powerhouse, you know?

June 5, 2009

Fug Gardens

What is going on with Drew Barrymore?

spl104798_008.jpg
[Photo: Splash News]

Seriously. I don't even know what to say about this thing. Did you ever see the Friends episode where Chandler decides not to be so sarcastic (or something), and thus he is constantly being confronted with moments that are perfectly set up for snide comments, and he is essentially reduced to clapping his hand over his mouth? That's how I feel looking at this, except my hand is clapped over my mouth to keep the nonsense in, because this get-up has provoked SO MANY varied responses to me that my only reaction is gibberish. I mean it. Two minutes ago, I basically wrote, "SLANKET grunge 90s TIME TRAVEL SACK scarf hair TOGA picnic drunk."

Okay, so that basically covers it, right?

May 20, 2009

Whip Fug!

Drew!

87865827.jpg

Put down the beer and pick up a COMB!

May 19, 2009

Fug It!

Okay, so Drew Barrymore is on her way in to a local post-production facility (if the photo caption is correct), and that probably means she's just settling in for a day of trying to work on her directorial debut Whip It! and that I should just let her be comfortable in whatever the heck she wants. But I just need to make sure I am not hallucinating this:

spl101285_002.jpg
[Photo: Splash News]

Drew IS wearing a bikini tube top that looks like a giant speed bump underneath a see-through Hanes-type undershirt, an orthopdic wrist brace, and pants that MIGHT be leggings and which are patterned in some sort of sci-fi take on argyle. Right? I'm not the only one seeing this? Because between the outfit and those shades, if you told me I passed out and hit my head on the desk, and woke up having drawn the storyboards for a John Hughes movie where Anthony Michael Hall tries to start a pop band with Drew, Ally Sheedy, Lea Thompson, and Andrew Dice Clay, I might believe you.
Folks are swooning over more of Drew Barrymore's Grey Gardens press tour looks, but I find myself riding the fence, no matter how hard I try to get off because it's giving me unpleasant (not to mention unsightly) splinters. So let's just put her on trial, shall we?

Exhibit A:

86021022.jpg

The prosecution opens by asking if Drew borrowed this from a much taller woman, or if it's just that she only shaved her legs up to mid-calf; it then follows with an argument that saddle-shoe/orthopedic sandal hybrids are too aggressive when you're showing so little leg. The lead attorney passes around flyers to raise funds for the American Association of Stumpification, which is trying to build awareness of this tragic national affliction.

The defense leaps up and points out that, okay, while one COULD construe the color as being very Mother of the Bride, it's also very striking and pretty against Drew's skin. As the prosecution begins flipping through a copy of Bobbi Brown's makeup manual to see if there's a chapter on whether it's advisable to match one's eye makeup to one's outfit, one of the assistants begins sneezing and apologizes to the judge, pointing out that he is allergic to hay and therefore Drew's hair is setting off an attack. The defense throws some Kleenex and a bottle of Afrin at the prosecution's table, noting that the peacock hair clip is actually rather cool and the updo is artfully dishevelled rather than ill-attended bedhead. When the argument reaches a fever pitch, the judge bangs the gavel and warns the author of this post that any further ham-handed use of Drew Barrymore's resume in this post will result in punishment.



Now onto Exhibit B:

April 16, 2009

Drew Fuggymore

I'll say this for Drew Barrymore: She's got a taste for big drama. First she went through that phase in January/February where she wore the exact same cat-eye makeup, pink lipstick, and sixties-themed hair everywhere she went -- from the Golden Globes to Ellen -- and then she went with that costumey outfit for the Grey Gardens premiere, which may have been pretty but I felt like I was being whacked upside the head with a board that said "DREW BARRYMORE IS IN A PERIOD PIECE!!" and had HBO's channel number and all the air times written on it.

And now, she's shown up at Letterman wearing two drawstring handbags on her elbows.

spl93345_003.jpg
[Photo: Splash News]

Down side: The effect is that she's a very exotic insect indeed. The plus side: It's going to be super hard for a pickpocket to swipe her cell-phone, wallet, or Metro Card without getting REALLY friendly.

Search

Fug Favorites


Featured Fugger

Bai Ling

The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?

Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.

Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!

Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!

Subscribe to GFY

Enter your email address:

Delivered by FeedBurner