Lauren Conrad Archives

October 13, 2009

L.A. Fugdy

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dialogue,
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LAUREN CONRAD: So here we are at the Hollywood Style Awards, right?

STYLIST BRITT BARDO: Right.

LC: Do we think this was the right moment to make me look like a saggy pregnant lounge chair?

SBB: Why not? It's the right moment for me to model my hair after that muse in Xanadu who looked like she was wearing a phallus.

LC: Yours is more of a nubbin.

SBB: IRREGARDLESS.

LC: That's not a word.

SBB: Yeah? Well YOU'RE not pregnant and saggy!

LC: Exactly my point.

SBB: What are we talking about again?

LC: Look, I just don't love my outfit, okay? Let's reconsider next time.

SBB: Am I even your stylist?

LC: I hope so, because if not, then I did this to myself. And I am REALLY not sold on my lipstick. Or my hair.

SBB: Then you have problems.

LC: Thanks.

October 5, 2009

Fug City

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LAUREN CONRAD: Hey, Whit. Thanks so much for coming out to support my new Kohl's line.

WHITNEY PORT: My pleasure!

LAUREN: And just in case anyone is wondering, nothing you are wearing comes from my line.

WHITNEY: What was that?

LAUREN: Oh, NOTHING! Nothing. Shall we get a better look at your outfit, that I didn't have anything to do with? That you didn't even call or text me about?

Continue reading Fug City.

September 14, 2009

VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars

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The Hills is going to be a little weird without Lauren Conrad. Because as boring as she'd gotten on the show -- understandably, since she developed an actual romantic and professional life outside the confines of the show's blurred reality and that would make me Over It also -- she was its heart and soul, and without her there's really nothing to root for except perhaps the onset of a raging case of crabs in Chez Pratt.

Still, MTV is trying, including making sure as many of its stars are visible as possible. Starting with Lauren Bosworth:

I really like this on Lo. It seems to fit -- which is more than I can say for those jeans -- and it skims her figure without skewing its proportions. The makeup is a bit heavy for her, though. I keep thinking of The Joker. In all, though, this is harmlessly cute and replete with the kind of wavy blonde sweetness that Lauren Conrad used to give the show, which probably means Lo is expected to fill the Everygirl role now and is going to have to practice her very best concerned expressions and the art of shedding one single tear, so that MTV will have plenty of ways to smash to commercial off her inner turmoil.

Unfortunately, it will be hard to buy into a new Lauren Conrad when the old one is still around:

Continue reading VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars.

June 18, 2009

NYFug.com: Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy

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It's FINALLY here: the week you marked on your calendar months ago with a red Sharpie. (Or was that just us? ... Never mind.) Lauren Conrad's semi-autobiographical fiction novel, about a girl who finds herself on a hit reality show, arrived stores on Tuesday -- and because we are givers, we ran out and picked up a couple copies so that we could report back to all of you about whether it's dreadful, delicious, dull, or dishy. The answers, by the way, are: Not at all, not particularly, not as much as we thought, and not as much as it could be:

The gold standard, Nicole Richie's secretly awesome The Truth About Diamonds, refers to the Paris Hilton character as functionally retarded; compared to that, L.A. Candy is practically a love letter. [...] But the first 70 or so pages do include copious jabs at girls who move to L.A., bleach their hair, plump their lips, get boob jobs, and become generic, useless bimbos. Hello, Heidi!

Click here to check out our entire breakdown of the merits and demerits of L.A. Candy, as spoiler-free as possible (but not completely, so beware). Or at the very least, pop on over to take a peek at the author photo. It's so STERN.

June 1, 2009

Unfug the MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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So, on her Twitter yesterday, LC here said that the dress she was supposed to wear to the MTV Movie Awards came back from the tailor and didn't fit. I don't know if she managed to make it work, or if this was something she'd held in reserve just in case of tailoring emergencies, or what happened. Either way, I think we can all agree that something isn't quite right:

I've been looking at this for twenty minutes and I am not quite sure how I'd fix it. For me, the ruffly skirt bit reminds me a bit of topiary -- like this is the dress version of a box hedge. And while box hedges are lovely in your garden, they are not necessarily flattering on one's body. If I could wave my magic de-fugging wand over Miss Lauren (last night WAS her final appearance on The Hills, so it seems like she deserves some kind of going-away present), I suspect I would keep this as it is, but find a way to make the skirt look less SQUARE. Because, CONCEPTUALLY, it's sort of fun and flirty, but in practice she looks like she's brought her own tuffet to the party. But hit me with your best shot -- what would you do to fix it?

As always, our usual rules about comments apply: please do continue to keep them clean, on topic, and generally polite. So far, our experiment in occasional commenting has been awesome, so thank you! Now, have at it:

February 24, 2009

Oscar Post-Party Fug: Lauren Conrad

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I keep imagining how I would address this were I a character on The Hills:

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: Hey.

JESSICA: Hey.

LC: So....

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: How do you feel about that thing that happened with that person?

LC: [tears begin to fall. Her mascara runs...beautifully] I just want us to be friends!

JESSICA: I know. It's so hard. What are you going to do?

LC: I don't know.

JESSICA: Your hair looks depressed.

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: And your skirt is uncharacteristically short. Are you okay?

LC: No! I'm really upset, Jessica! I have relationship problems! Are you NEW?

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare].

AND SCENE.

October 15, 2008

NYFug.com: Dumpster Diving at Lauren Conrad's Fashion Show

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That title is not a metaphor. Along with about 800 other people, we spent last night in Culver City standing amongst the trash cans waiting to get into LC's fashion show:

"Everyone else outside the Smashbox Studios venue, from what we overheard, spent the entire time swearing they were only attending Lauren's show because they had to cover it for work. "Are you REALLY a fan of her, like, little jersey clothes?" a girl near us asked her friend, with nose-crinkling skepticism."

WAS HE? You'll have to click through to find out. Also includes bonus gossip about The Hills and an extra-special Rock of Love sighting. Spoiler: it was not Bret Michaels.

October 9, 2008

Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

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I actually think LC looks kind of great here. But for one thing: "A Cougar Stole My Man." PLEASE TELL ME THEY MEAN AN ACTUAL COUGAR. I want to read that story.

Also, I think she has more of a neck than this. Maybe a goat stole it.

poll by twiigs.com

September 22, 2008

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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LO: Hang on a sec... hold still...

LAUREN: What? What is it? Is there something on my dress?

LO: Not exactly... I'm just... where IS it?

LAUREN: Where is what?

LO: The interesting part. I'm SURE it's here somewhere...

LAUREN: I don't understand.

LO: Everyone made such a huge deal out of how you "designed" this dress, and the one that the Emmy girl wore, but... I mean, is there something I'm missing? It's a bit basic, no?

LAUREN: I think it's pretty.

LO: Sure, but... I feel like a child could have designed this. I could have designed this. Hell, AUDRINA could have designed it, and she can't even make eye-contact with things. Is this really the best you could do here?

LAUREN: Well, the Emmy girl's dress is totally different.

LO: How?

LAUREN: There's a strap on one side.

LO: Right. So let me get this straight: You're trying to be a serious designer, but your only ideas involved sketching approximately four lines on a piece of paper and then adding jewelry that is more interesting than the actual semi-maternity cut of the dress? Am I following along correctly?

LAUREN: Audrina's right. You ARE mean.

LO: It's called honesty, babe. SOMEONE had to tell you.

September 4, 2008

The Fugls

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[Photo: Splash News]

L.C.: Sniffle. Whitney, it's just so awful!

WHITNEY: I know. I know.

L.C.: I just didn't see it coming. I mean, I guess there were signs... I just didn't SEE them, you know?

WHITNEY: I do.

L.C.: Maybe I just didn't WANT to see them. I wanted to believe the best in you.

WHITNEY: Wait, what? ME? What did I do? What are you talking about?

L.C.: What were YOU talking about?

WHITNEY: I don't know. Whatever dumb thing we were fake-telling each other for The Hills. I know I'm always questioning you about stuff, but it's not in my contract that I have to listen to your answers -- they only pay me to ask and nod.

L.C.: Oh. I was talking about your pants.

WHITNEY: What's wrong with my pants?

L.C.: LOOK at them.

Continue reading The Fugls.

Lauren Conrad

L.A. Fugdy

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Fug City

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VMAs Fug Carpet: The Once And Future "Hills" Stars

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NYFug.com: Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy

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Unfug the MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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Oscar Post-Party Fug: Lauren Conrad

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NYFug.com: Dumpster Diving at Lauren Conrad's Fashion Show

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

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Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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The Fugls

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