Lauren Conrad

June 18, 2009

NYFug.com: Lauren Conrad's L.A. Candy

It's FINALLY here: the week you marked on your calendar months ago with a red Sharpie. (Or was that just us? ... Never mind.) Lauren Conrad's semi-autobiographical fiction novel, about a girl who finds herself on a hit reality show, arrived stores on Tuesday -- and because we are givers, we ran out and picked up a couple copies so that we could report back to all of you about whether it's dreadful, delicious, dull, or dishy. The answers, by the way, are: Not at all, not particularly, not as much as we thought, and not as much as it could be:

The gold standard, Nicole Richie's secretly awesome The Truth About Diamonds, refers to the Paris Hilton character as functionally retarded; compared to that, L.A. Candy is practically a love letter. [...] But the first 70 or so pages do include copious jabs at girls who move to L.A., bleach their hair, plump their lips, get boob jobs, and become generic, useless bimbos. Hello, Heidi!

Click here to check out our entire breakdown of the merits and demerits of L.A. Candy, as spoiler-free as possible (but not completely, so beware). Or at the very least, pop on over to take a peek at the author photo. It's so STERN.
June 1, 2009

Unfug the MTV Movie Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

So, on her Twitter yesterday, LC here said that the dress she was supposed to wear to the MTV Movie Awards came back from the tailor and didn't fit. I don't know if she managed to make it work, or if this was something she'd held in reserve just in case of tailoring emergencies, or what happened. Either way, I think we can all agree that something isn't quite right:

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I've been looking at this for twenty minutes and I am not quite sure how I'd fix it. For me, the ruffly skirt bit reminds me a bit of topiary -- like this is the dress version of a box hedge. And while box hedges are lovely in your garden, they are not necessarily flattering on one's body. If I could wave my magic de-fugging wand over Miss Lauren (last night WAS her final appearance on The Hills, so it seems like she deserves some kind of going-away present), I suspect I would keep this as it is, but find a way to make the skirt look less SQUARE. Because, CONCEPTUALLY, it's sort of fun and flirty, but in practice she looks like she's brought her own tuffet to the party. But hit me with your best shot -- what would you do to fix it?

As always, our usual rules about comments apply: please do continue to keep them clean, on topic, and generally polite. So far, our experiment in occasional commenting has been awesome, so thank you! Now, have at it:

February 24, 2009

Oscar Post-Party Fug: Lauren Conrad

I keep imagining how I would address this were I a character on The Hills:

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JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: Hey.

JESSICA: Hey.

LC: So....

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: How do you feel about that thing that happened with that person?

LC: [tears begin to fall. Her mascara runs...beautifully] I just want us to be friends!

JESSICA: I know. It's so hard. What are you going to do?

LC: I don't know.

JESSICA: Your hair looks depressed.

LC: [long, blank, unblinking stare]

JESSICA: And your skirt is uncharacteristically short. Are you okay?

LC: No! I'm really upset, Jessica! I have relationship problems! Are you NEW?

JESSICA: [long, blank, unblinking stare].

AND SCENE.

October 15, 2008

NYFug.com: Dumpster Diving at Lauren Conrad's Fashion Show

That title is not a metaphor. Along with about 800 other people, we spent last night in Culver City standing amongst the trash cans waiting to get into LC's fashion show:

"Everyone else outside the Smashbox Studios venue, from what we overheard, spent the entire time swearing they were only attending Lauren's show because they had to cover it for work. "Are you REALLY a fan of her, like, little jersey clothes?" a girl near us asked her friend, with nose-crinkling skepticism."

WAS HE? You'll have to click through to find out. Also includes bonus gossip about The Hills and an extra-special Rock of Love sighting. Spoiler: it was not Bret Michaels.
October 9, 2008

Fug or Fab the Cover: Lauren Conrad

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I actually think LC looks kind of great here. But for one thing: "A Cougar Stole My Man." PLEASE TELL ME THEY MEAN AN ACTUAL COUGAR. I want to read that story.

Also, I think she has more of a neck than this. Maybe a goat stole it.

September 22, 2008

Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Lauren Conrad

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LO: Hang on a sec... hold still...

LAUREN: What? What is it? Is there something on my dress?

LO: Not exactly... I'm just... where IS it?

LAUREN: Where is what?

LO: The interesting part. I'm SURE it's here somewhere...

LAUREN: I don't understand.

LO: Everyone made such a huge deal out of how you "designed" this dress, and the one that the Emmy girl wore, but... I mean, is there something I'm missing? It's a bit basic, no?

LAUREN: I think it's pretty.

LO: Sure, but... I feel like a child could have designed this. I could have designed this. Hell, AUDRINA could have designed it, and she can't even make eye-contact with things. Is this really the best you could do here?

LAUREN: Well, the Emmy girl's dress is totally different.

LO: How?

LAUREN: There's a strap on one side.

LO: Right. So let me get this straight: You're trying to be a serious designer, but your only ideas involved sketching approximately four lines on a piece of paper and then adding jewelry that is more interesting than the actual semi-maternity cut of the dress? Am I following along correctly?

LAUREN: Audrina's right. You ARE mean.

LO: It's called honesty, babe. SOMEONE had to tell you.
September 4, 2008

The Fugls

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[Photo: Splash News]


L.C.: Sniffle. Whitney, it's just so awful!

WHITNEY: I know. I know.

L.C.: I just didn't see it coming. I mean, I guess there were signs... I just didn't SEE them, you know?

WHITNEY: I do.

L.C.: Maybe I just didn't WANT to see them. I wanted to believe the best in you.

WHITNEY: Wait, what? ME? What did I do? What are you talking about?

L.C.: What were YOU talking about?

WHITNEY: I don't know. Whatever dumb thing we were fake-telling each other for The Hills. I know I'm always questioning you about stuff, but it's not in my contract that I have to listen to your answers -- they only pay me to ask and nod.

L.C.: Oh. I was talking about your pants.

WHITNEY: What's wrong with my pants?

L.C.: LOOK at them.
August 4, 2008

Teen Choice Awards Fug or Fab Carpet: Lauren Conrad

Oh, LC. I don't even know. I suspect you may have belted a polyester bedspread from Goodwill:

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July 9, 2008

Lauren Fugrad

Apparently, the feud between Whitney Port and her ankles is contagious.

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]


Is Lauren Conrad trying to punish herself somehow? Because sandals like that, aside from looking like they're trying to throw a pep rally, would drive me CRAZY. I get twitchy when a hair drifts out of my head and lands on my arm; I cannot imagine walking down the street having those horrible fringed fugtrocities thwacking the tops of my feet, or worse, grazing them lightly enough that I have to stop every two paces to make sure there is not some sort of venomous or vengeful insect making sweet love to my skin. Ergo, the only rationale I can think of is that her co-star Whitney's seething distaste for all things ankle has somehow seeped into Lauren's psyche and driven her to this very mild, but still tragic, form of self-flagellation. Maybe I should have an intervention with her, too.
May 30, 2008

The Fugs

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[Photo: Splash News]


LAUREN CONRAD: Lo?

LAUREN "LO" BOSWORTH: Hmmm?

LC: What do you think about these jeans?

LO: About Marines? I loooove Marines! So handsome! And patriotic!

LC: No. My JEANS.

LO: Beans? I love beans.You know, they are extremely good for you.

LC: JEANS. MY JEANS. MY JEANS THAT I AM WEARING.

LO: You have lovely genetics, sweetheart! What about that Spencer, huh? What a meanie!

LC: LO. I am trying to get an honest opinion from you. On the subject of my dungarees.

LO: Look over there! ELVIS!

LC: Lo. Please.

LO: Honey. I love you. You are so pretty. And your hair has been looking AMAZING lately...

LC: But?

LO: Maybe not entirely the most flattering jeans you ever wore? I saw that US Weekly article about your beach body, so I know you are a tiny little thing composed solely of muscle. But they're maybe making you look just...a little....hippier than you usually are? You know? Just a little. But in a hot way! You're still hot! I promise!

LC: So these jeans make my butt look big? Is that what you're saying?

LO: Big? No. Not BIG. BiggER than you actually are? Maybe.

LC: I knew it. Damn you, fashion!

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