Julia Stiles Archives

October 14, 2009

Olefugga

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Julia Stiles is ALIVE, you guys!

[Photo: WENN.com]

I was so worried. Sometimes I'd lie awake at night, wondering if the humiliation of being in Down to You had finally done her in. But no! Hale! Hearty! Employed! Wearing the wee costume of a tiny junior ice-skating champion who was misguided enough to perform Blair Waldorf: A Tribute for her free skate, but still! ALIVE!

November 12, 2008

The Bourne Fugtimatum

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I wish Julia Stiles ever looked pleased to be anywhere.

She just looks as if she doesn't care -- as if, were you compelled to ask her where on Earth she found that disco frock, she would reply with a grunt and an offhand, "What, this old thing? In my Mom's attic, I think? I don't know. Nothing else was clean. Can I go?" In one sense, I should probably pat her on the back and laud her for ignoring The Establishment and doing her own thing, refusing to get all crazy-obsessive about this fame nonsense to the point where she dolls herself up in ways that make her uncomfortable (much as Alicia Keys may have done with the infamous leg hair -- sorry, Alicia, it just caught me by surprise; you stay happy and do whatever you want, as long as it doesn't involve more of those unfortunate Dove commercial-movies that used to air during The Hills).

But on the other side of the coin: Julia is not in the new Bond movie. She doesn't appear to be in any upcoming projects with any of the people who are in the new Bond movie. And yet, here she is at a red-carpet screening of the new Bond movie, looking like she's resisting her body's every urge to flee home and eat glass. So unless she mistakenly believed that a "quantum of solace" is something her bored soul might receive by showing up at this party -- or is being paid to show up, in which case, SMILE, kid; it's an easy gig -- there appears to be no good reason for her to attend if she doesn't want to be there. What gives, Julia? Listen, I just want you to enjoy yourself. Or, fake it just well enough that I stop worrying about you. You're an actress! You can do it.

October 15, 2008

10 Things I Fug About You

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pink,
washed out

So I guess, in the case of Julia Stiles, the "W" stands for washed out.

September 12, 2008

New York Fugshion Week: The Penultimate Day

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delicious photo

How sad am I that security wouldn't let us get anywhere near the front rows at Calvin Klein? For that reason I missed the sassy anecdote that I'm SURE should accompany this photo of Lauren Hutton:

I hope she's saying, "What the hell is with these jumpsuit cuffs? Am I on death row? I DON'T THINK SO."

-- Also at Thursday's Calvin Klein show: Miss Tyra totally stole all the thunder and a paparazzo yelled at Rachel Zoe. I never thought I'd feel bad for her, but lo and behold, my heart grew three sizes that day.

-- We were very concerned that Anna Wintour's longtime boyfriend's daughter might go into labor in the middle of the Vera Wang show. That would make one hell of a review: "So good, my water broke!" Also, does that make Anna a step-grandmother of sorts? I'm sure the very thought gives her the vapors.

-- At Phi, Emmy Rossum wore dominatrix shoes. Also, in typing up that story, I kept mistyping the word "public" as "pubic," and then I would notice the typo and go in to fix it and type "pubic" AGAIN. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

-- Cynthia Rowley tried to kill everyone at her show. She may not have REALIZED that's what was going on, but seriously, anyone who wasn't Julia Stiles or Tatum O'Neal put his or her life on the line just trying to get into a seat.

-- Diane Kruger didn't bring Pacey to Tommy Hilfiger. HOW DARE SHE DO THAT TO US?

July 26, 2007

The Fug Identity

JULIA STILES: I'm so miserable.

MATT DAMON: I'm just looking at my wife over there.

JULIA: All these undergarments -- count them, Matt! I'm wearing like TWELVE OF THEM.

MATT: I can't...I don't think I should do that.

JULIA: And you can STILL see my underwear.

MATT: And...other stuff. Maybe. I'm not looking.

JULIA: What are you talking about?

MATT: I mean, maybe it's just a really big freckle. On your boob. Not that I looked. At your boob. Let's just get this over with, okay?

JULIA: YOU CAN NOT SEE MY NIPPLE.

MATT: Maybe. I'm not looking. But the whole thing, it's pretty sheer. I'm just saying. It might be happening. I don't want to stare at your boob to make sure.

JULIA: I can not BELIEVE this is happening.

MATT: It is pretty awkward. I hear nude, lined undergarments can help.

JULIA: Where did you hear that?

MATT: I read things, okay? Sometimes I like to read InStyle while they're doing my make-up. If Ben's in there, I can make fun of him for weeks.

JULIA: And now you're making fun of ME? THAT'S JUST GREAT.

MATT: I'm not making fun of you! I'm trying to help.

JULIA: That's it. I'm retiring. Effective immediately.

MATT: Come on, now. This can't be nearly as embarrassing as Down to You was.

JULIA: You have a point.

July 16, 2007

Fug the Cover: Julia Stiles

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Cosmo

You'd think Cosmo could have found a shot of Julia Stiles in which she wasn't making a "What the hell? I'm leaning against this wall anyway; guess I might as well pose for Cosmo. Hurry up and take the picture, though" face.

You'd also think they'd run out of "Sex Extras," tips on how to "be closer to him," and stories about girls who got killed in a way that will probably ALSO HAPPEN TO YOU if you don't read the article, but that's apparently not the case.

However, I do have to give them props for juxtaposing the triad of "Her Boyfriend Killed Her For Breaking Up With Him" right next to "Why He Just Won't Propose," and "Guys Uncensored: Their Get-Naked Fears Will Make You Laugh Out Loud." Maybe he doesn't want to marry you because you're laughing at him when he's naked, honey. That could make anyone feel a little bit homicidal.

August 5, 2005

Fuglia Stiles

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stripes

Oh, man, I am so ready for this trend to go away:

Actually, that sentence could apply to a number of things in this picture:

1. Tube dresses. There's nothing hotter than the way a taut strip of elastic hugs your torso, milks your armpits for some cleavage, shoves your actual cleavage down toward your waist in teardrop-shaped lumps, and then skulks slowly down your torso so that you have to spend your entire day hiking it up again.

2. Ballet flats. There are exceptions to every rule, but I just find that in most cases, flats in this style can stumpify even the willowiest model. They're certainly not doing Julia up there any favors.

3. These godawful thin, stretchy cotton garments with stripes that shoot off in different directions. At least La Stiles isn't sporting one of those wretched pink and purple ones. The most infamous garment in this vein is the skirt, which usually comes with some kind of bunched-fabric waist, a droopy flower or sash at the hip, and a ragged Fairy Queen hemline. I feel like these, and their tube-top/dress kin as seen above, have been pimped by various retailers for going on eleventeen years now. They are older than the interminable, neverending boho obsession. They even predate Dumpster Britney, which is saying something, as I can't actually remember the last time she looked cute and clean. Isn't it time for this fabric of doom to go away? Must we be sartorially smote from on high in this manner? Can't we all just move on to the next big bad thing? At least fresh distaste that eventually devolves into rage is... well, fresh.

Julia Stiles

Olefugga

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The Bourne Fugtimatum

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10 Things I Fug About You

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New York Fugshion Week: The Penultimate Day

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The Fug Identity

Fug the Cover: Julia Stiles

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Fuglia Stiles

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