Or it might be awesome -- it does look sort of deliciously tactile and I like the textures. Or it might be both, like the winning design in a Create An Outfit Using Only the Contents of This Bathroom challenge on Project Runway that just managed to eke out a win over the overalls made of a shower curtain.
Anne Hathaway
Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway
Or it might be awesome -- it does look sort of deliciously tactile and I like the textures. Or it might be both, like the winning design in a Create An Outfit Using Only the Contents of This Bathroom challenge on Project Runway that just managed to eke out a win over the overalls made of a shower curtain.
Critics' Choice Awards Fug-or-Fab Carpet: Anne Hathaway
But I wanted to see the whole thing before I made a judgment. Generally, I find dresses that sit THAT far away from the skin a little weird, but it made sense to holster my nail gun until I checked out the other side.
It was not what I expected:
Anne Hathfugway
I mean, what? That it covers her bits? That I like her jewelry? That it's not done Family Truckster-style in an evocative shade of Metallic Pee? That it's not made of balloons and stuffed armadillos? Okay, fine. Those are all notes in the "pro" column. But in the end, I just can't get behind how this dress looks. The semi-tacky see-through part cutting a diagonal swath around her torso only has the effect of making her upper half look even MORE like it's barreling down Emaciation Street. The pound of sheen pasted on her skin doesn't help, because it has a bit of a sickly glow itself. I don't know. I just look at this and feel distinctly underwhelmed, because she is capable of so much better, and hopefully at the Golden Globes this weekend -- since she's a nominee -- we'll see it. Until then, could somebody please make her some waffles?
Fug the Cover: Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway
Uh, this is awkward. Where to begin? Well, as one of the readers who alerted us to this pointed out, Kate Hudson could NOT have been more awkwardly Photoshopped into this scenario. I'm not even sure if that's actually HER. It might just be a Kate Hudson look-a-like, or a Kate Hudson cardboard stand-up which someone stole from the marketing department of whatever movie studio is producing the film in which she, apparently, is starring as one of the Real Housewives of Orange County. That would also explain why Hathaway is giving us that knowing, "KILL ME NOW" smirk. Also, perhaps because after suffering The Break-Up Of The Year, the last thing she wants to do is talk about weddings. If I were her, I would be asking my publicist if I could pose on the cover of, like, Can We Stop Talking About My Break-Up Monthly, or Yes, I DID Handle That Well; Let's Talk About Global Warming Or Whatever Now Weekly or Probably Just Going To Be Single For a While, But Don't Worry About Me, I'm Cool Review. That magazine has great book reviews, by the way. In case you were wondering.
Fug or Fab: Anne Hathaway
It IS perplexing. When I saw this shot, I was like, "OH HONEY":
I was concerned. Did Ms Hathaway -- who's been so charming in the press lately, all forthright and self-deprecating about her break-up, like, some people would refuse to talk about it, so I have to give her props for being like, "YEAH. I had THE WORST BREAK-UP...IN THE WORLD" -- actually decide that the look she was going for was "kinda saddle-baggy"?
But then I saw this shot, and things seemed somewhat better:
>
Fug Getting Married
Fug The Cover: Anne Hathaway

The rest, I just enjoy interpreting in my own way. "Ik ben echt een ongelooflijke nerd" is fairly easy, thanks to the universal power of the word "nerd," indicating this is yet another rehashed article where Anne blathers on about being super dorky even though she is a huge movie star. I hope the enthusiastically promoted "folklore" trend means that The Netherlands is about to enjoy a renaissance of Brothers Grimm-themed clothes. I've decided "Miriams Man Bleek Gay" is a review of The Netherlands' Next Top Model. And I don't care what "flirteen heet smirten" really means; in my head, that's how the photographer tried to direct Anne Hathaway at this cover shoot, which explains why she looks both like she's trying to seduce you, and as if she is privately, smugly smirking at you because you have a giant piece of spinach in your teeth and she would rather enjoy your unknowing shame than alert you to it.
The worst part about this cover is how it's NOT overtly crazy and terrible. At least if they were aiming at something super wacky and fell short into fuggery, it would be amusing and maybe interesting. But this is just boring and unflattering -- the Joker smile, the bad angle on her nose -- and mostly reminds me of an Olan Mills portrait she's taking to use as her high-school yearbook's senior picture. About the only thing I DO enjoy about this cover is that it proves Tyra Banks is crazy when she yammers on about how actresses on magazine covers never show any neck. CLEARLY, we can see Anne's; therefore, Tyra is going to have to come up with something new to demonstrate at judging panel this season. Perhaps something that involves the subtleties of how to model makeup and talk with your eyes when you have a bag over your head.
Fug Smart
[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]
I really hate that the world is going through a phase where every fourth outfit makes me think, "Hey, I had that EXACT SAME THING when I was in [insert school year here]." It's disconcerting when Us Weekly looks like a page out of my old photo albums, minus a few designer purses and the Starbucks cups.
Beyond that, my sadness is two-fold. First, the kind of eating I want her to do does not involve her shorts gobbling up real-estate above the navel. It makes her torso look weird. And second, Anne... I don't know if you can tell, based on the gentle draft tickling your Promised Land, but those are SHORT:
Well Played, Anne Hathaway/NYFug.com
If we'd had a month -- or even a week -- like that, we'd be on day eight of watching Ocean's Eleven while eating only ice cream and not brushing our hair. Instead, Anne has risen from the ashes looking like the proverbial $21 million bucks her ex needs to post bail.
For an examination of four of her Get Smart event outfits, click through to "Anne Hathaway Wages Her Chic Revenge." But the beauty of this timing is, right at the moment our column went up, we noticed a fresh batch of photos that indicate she's discovered new tools of vengeance.
Exhibit A: Nothing yanks the heartstrings of your ex and then pulls them out and around his throat quite like a little trip to Leg City.
I know, I know. Those might be formal shorts. That part doesn't make me so happy. But I'm willing to overlook it, given the fact that her ex of many years is now in prison for allegedly being a stank-ass liar; she is clearly going through an awkward time, and sometimes a broken heart can blind a girl to thinks like the perils of formal shorts. (I would also turn a blind eye to the potential shorts if she would next allow herself to be photographed eating some baked ziti with meat sauce, or something, because she's just getting skinnier and skinnier, and there is a point at which if she shrinks any more her face won't have any room left for her features.)
In general -- hoping desperately that it's just the camera angle and that she is in fact wearing a miniskirt -- Anne looks sort of relaxed and cool and nonchalant. And LEGGY. We're pretty sure that when this photo makes its way into a tabloid, one of the prison guards (or, if he gets out, an anonymous mailing mysteriously also scented with her perfume) will make sure Raffaello Follieri gets a copy so he can weep for that familiar hike up Gam Boulevard that will never happen again. It's like what every girl hopes will happen after a horrible breakup: looking consistently good every time she knows her ex might get a glimpse, so he can see how well she's doing and how smoothly she's moving on with her life.
Exhibit B fits brilliantly into that last point.
Oscar Fug Carpet: Heigl vs Hathaway
In a year when a lot of people showed up in red, I half-expected Katherine Heigl to whip out a shiv and shank the hell out of Anne Hathaway for arriving earlier in a jazzier, more romantic version of her tomato gown. Not that it's Hathaway's fault; I just feel like if a girl is so annoying as to complain about her husband and married life every time you shove a microphone into her face, then she's the type of pill who will sneak up behind Anne at the post-party and husk, "You know what the devil wears? HOSPITAL SCRUBS, bitch. Sleep with one eye open."
So let's compare the dresses. First up: Katherine Heigl, because maybe by putting her first she won't leave a flaming bag of manure on our doorsteps.
It's nice. And it fits snugly. Her makeup is a splotchy hot mess and I'm a little tired of her trying to morph herself into Marilyn Monroe -- which, speaking of pilfering, I wonder how Christina Aguilera feels about her aesthetic being snatched out from under her nose while she was doing her laamaze breathing. But otherwise, there's nothing really overtly wrong with it.
However, although the dresses aren't identical and certainly there's room for both of them in this world, we're guessing Katherine Heigl took one look at Anne Hathaway and immediately ran for the bar:
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