Rachel Weisz Archives

May 19, 2009

Well Played, Rachel Weisz

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Remember this?

I see it every time I close my eyes. And then I scream anew. Thank God Rachel Weisz realized she needed to do something to wipe this image from our brains and pulled out all the stops at Cannes. Behold:

SHE'S LIKE A WHOLE NEW PERSON. If the woman in the first photo was about to collapse of a terrible mysterious olde-timey condition, the woman in the second photo looks more like the gorgeous femme fatale who's recently arrived in town and who will shortly leave it, having seduced nearly all the men and more of women than you might suspect, managing to relieve them all of large portions of their personal fortunes along the way. And no one will even really mind that much. I mean, look at her. Nice comeback, lady. I suspect, after all, that even she reacted to photos of her Met Gala gown as I did, like this:

Continue reading Well Played, Rachel Weisz.

May 5, 2009

Met Ball Fug Carpet: Rachel Weisz

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Seriously, every time I looked at this photo, I gasped. And I looked at it A LOT:

Sweet fancy bananas, she looks bad. The dress is bad, the makeup is bad, the hair is bad, the styling is bad -- seriously, a choker? Are you Kelly Taylor in 1994? -- the whole thing is just WRETCHED. She looks like she's in costume for a period piece in which she plays a beautiful debutante (the daughter, obviously, of some kind of nefarious robber baron) who is slowly dying of some terrible mysterious wasting disease and she just finished filming the scene where she collapses at the ball, right into the arms of the hunky but dissolute rake she loves. But of course they can never be together because he's under the angsty impression that he will never be good enough for her. Obviously, her pure and steadfast love will make him into a better man, but only after she dies, which looks like it's about ten minutes away from happening. Now, I sort of want to see the movie. But no one needs to reenact it in real life, you know? Wasting diseases are seriously unflattering.

February 26, 2009

Oscar Post-Party Fug or Fab/Independent Spirit Awards Fug or Fugger: Rachel Weisz

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Oh, RACHEL WEISZ. She's normally so pretty, but this weekend...well, we had some issues. Let's start with her look for the Vanity Fair party, AKA Night of A Million Networking Moments:

I saw this on the runway like two days before she wore it -- this sounds so glamorous, but please believe me when I tell you that seeing it on the runway was book-ended by, like, spilling coffee all down the front of my Gap turtleneck and being serenaded for twenty minutes on the subway by a man who seemed to specialize in soft, yoga-inspired flute-jazz that did not, in fact, make me want to find my deepest chakras but actually brought me to the brink of flute-inspired MURDER -- and it looked much better there than it did on her, even with the white tights and shoes. I've been trying to figure out why for like the last three days, and I think it might be HER shoes. I love the dress, but I think the cut of the skirt is fighting with the strappy strappiness of the shoes, and, as that ancient proverb taught us, when your lower body can't agree, truly fugly you might be.

poll by twiigs.com

And then we had the ensemble she threw together for the Independent Spirit Awards:

Continue reading Oscar Post-Party Fug or Fab/Independent Spirit Awards Fug or Fugger: Rachel Weisz.

October 28, 2008

Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz

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This is just one of those mornings where I'm staring and staring at a photo, and can't figure out what the heck I want to say about it -- so I procrastinate by thinking about whether I should have peanut-butter for lunch (yes); whether to watch last night's Gossip Girl or One Tree Hill first (a coin-flip will help); how the execrable Knight Rider actually makes last season's Bionic Woman look like a nuanced, adept hour of well-acted intrigue; whether I am getting a cold or just an allergy attack; and why Ian Ziering things he has so many better things to do than guest-star on the new 90210, because even though it's a steaming pile, it cannot be less exciting or credible than playing Testiclees in National Lampoon's The Legend of Awesomest Maximus alongside -- I kid you not -- Mr. Belding. I wish I had made that up. Actually, that's a very Steve Sanders sort of thing to do, so he's practically already back in character. COME ON, IAN. The CW's turdfest needs you.

All of which has left me with nothing but scattered thoughts and feelings about Rachel Weisz's dress here. Let's start with the front.

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

I want to love this. Certainly she's got nice calves, and a great figure. But the fit of the front is so messy and rumpled that it looks like it's riding up in weird places, creating pooches and pouches where there are none. And Pooches and Pouches OUGHT to be an adorable children's book about a scrappy tiger cub and a kangaroo who defy the geographic and inter-species odds by becoming friends, going on awesome jungle adventures, and solving petty crimes, rather than a commentary on anyone's clothes. The effect makes the top, potentially interesting, appear instead to be wilting.

Here's a closer look:

Continue reading Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz.

June 22, 2007

Well Played: Rachel Weisz

Dear Gods of Fashion,

Thank you for rescuing Rachel Weisz from the 70s-style horror of last week.

And while I'm sure you are all quite occupied sending bolts of inspiration to Marc Jacobs or divinely intervening to prevent Mischa Barton from going outside with a plastic bucket on her head or drinking heavenly cocktails with Versace while peering down at whatever Donatella is doing now, if you find yourself with a spare moment, could you make this entire ensemble materialize in my closet? I promise I won't make fun of Chloe Sevigny's outfits ever again.

Love,

Jessica

June 12, 2007

The Constant Fugger

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ew

I have a tremendous girl crush on Rachel Weisz. I think she is so, so, so pretty. Just not in this:

She looks like an extra from Freaks and Geeks, which I've recently been re-viewing thanks to our friends over at Netflix. And while it is hilarious and poignant, I am NOT watching it thinking, "Sure, Jason Segal is adorable, but can we talk about the CLOTHES??!?"

Although it is just chock-a-block with high-waisted pants, and we all know those are coming back. Right?

September 29, 2005

The Constant Fugner

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pastels

Look. Rachel Weisz is a beautiful, beautiful woman. Beautiful. She wears clothes beautifully. She has beautiful hair. She's just beautiful.

AND THEN:

Eeeeergh. It's like neopolitan ice cream....IN DRESS FORM. And while I have no beef with the neopolitan ice cream -- who, after all, is not pleased by the concept of having three entirely different ice cream flavors in the same container -- it is, as I learned from reading Judy Blume's Fudge books, to eat, not to wear.

Rachel Weisz

Well Played, Rachel Weisz

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Rachel Weisz

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Oscar Post-Party Fug or Fab/Independent Spirit Awards Fug or Fugger: Rachel Weisz

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Fug or Fab: Rachel Weisz

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Well Played: Rachel Weisz

The Constant Fugger

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The Constant Fugner

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