Ashanti Archives

September 24, 2009

Ashantfug

Listen up, Ashanti.

You are not Rihanna. You are not a long-lost Jackson sister. And you are not starring in Pretty Woman 2: Hooker Boogaloo. I am not fooled.

August 8, 2008

[Photo: WENN]

It's outfits like this that make me imagine what it felt like to be Ashanti, standing in her dressing room, rummaging around for all the pieces to this outfit. Wondering if she should tuck the top into her plastic high-waisted ruched leggings; wondering if she could DARE wear it out without the purple satin belt; freaking out because she couldn't remember where she put her fist-sized sparkly earrings, and angrily having to substitute something slightly smaller; lovingly applying that extra dollop of eyelash gel so they clumped into spiky ocular claws.

And then, I imagine what it felt like to be Ashanti's assistant, watching all this happen and thinking privately, "I have GOT to stop letting her eat paste."

June 25, 2008

BET Awards Fug: Ashanti

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That Ashanti! She's so selfless. Look at how she sacrifices herself so that we might all learn an important fashion lesson.

When the subject stands still, everything is fine. Sure, it looks like she stapled a drape to a figure-skating costume, and either there is an optical illusion causing me to think I can see her underwear, or I actually CAN see her underwear. But aside from all the confused frowning I'm doing in the direction of her crotch, she's not in danger of directing our ship into the Bermuda Triangle.

Unfortunately, the subject had to move.

Continue reading BET Awards Fug: Ashanti.

June 13, 2008

Fugshanti

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Lordy, I think everyone in the TRL green room yesterday had been passing the flux capacitor on the left-hand side:

No wonder Ashanti looks cranky. Not only does it seem like she can't breathe in those, but the entire outfit is horribly unflattering, and I expect her crotch is five minutes away from filing a malpractice suit. Retro flair is fun, and all, but it's just not worth it if you leave us all wishing we could go back in time to before we knew this photo existed.

November 23, 2005

AMA Fug Carpet: Ashanti

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Well, it's about time! I've been waiting for somebody to pay fashion homage to the Cleveland Browns football team, and it's only fitting that said tribute should come from another bastion of mediocrity.

March 30, 2005

Fugshanti

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fur

Ashanti has no faith in her appeal to Star Wars devotees. If she did, she never would have risked going out in public wearing the skin of an Ewok:

This coat looks like a muppet is trying to cop a feel.

Ashanti

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BET Awards Fug: Ashanti

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AMA Fug Carpet: Ashanti

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