Helena Bonham Carter Archives

November 18, 2009

Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

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ASHLEY: So... you stole my coat.

MARY-KATE: What of it? We're twins. For all we know, you stole my FACE.

ASHLEY: I just... it looked more like a coat on me. And less like I was wearing rug from The Sims 3's line of bachelor-pad furnishings.

MARY-KATE: Okay, crabby.

ASHLEY: And did you recently work at an ice-cream parlor in a funeral home? Because if not, what is the deal with that hat?

MARY-KATE: Oh, whatever, you should just be glad it looks like I washed my face.

ASHLEY: I know, that IS a nice change. In fact, I... wait. Oh my God. She's HERE.

MARY-KATE: Who? Who's here?

ASHLEY: Your soulmate. Crap.

MARY-KATE: SHARON STONE IS HERE?

ASHLEY: Dude, in what universe is Sharon Stone your soulmate?

MARY-KATE: I'm wearing a giant coat and a WTF hat with dramatic lipstick. These are SUCH Sharon moves.

ASHLEY: Well, no. I'm not talking about Sharon Stone. THINK, Mary-Kate. Who is basically the grown-up version of you? Hot mess, all knots and tangles? Seems vaguely deranged?

MARY-KATE: Oh my GOD. You mean...

ASHLEY: YES.

Continue reading Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd.

July 8, 2009

Fuggatrix Lestrange

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If life were a soap opera -- and I personally wish it were, because if you ask me, not nearly enough people skulk around during a murder investigation clutching hidden guns and books that say How To Kill Your Sister, only to find out that she's fake-dead and an amnesiac who's been living on an island with some dude who turns out to be her fiance's brother, who has a brain fog that means you can't tell him anything vaguely vexing or else his head will explode -- then I think we'd soon discover that Helena Bonham Carter has been living in secret as Bellatrix Lestrange's long-lost twin.

Unfortunately they were switched at birth, and the one who was SUPPOSED to be raised evil -- let's call her Hellatrix -- instead went to a family of Deadwood-loving bubblegum enthusiasts who encouraged their daughter to embrace things like castle-handbags, puppies, tulle, and men with real noses who aren't afraid to cry, and grew up to become a dotty librarian by day and a barmaid at a country-dancing saloon by night. But Hellatrix and Bellatrix do at least both favor that special fresh-out-of-Azkaban coif, so you can tell they're related and will find their way back to one another in an explosively psychotic reunion chronicled by J.K. Rowling and the BBC, and probably Wolf Blitzer on CNN, in a special called "Lestranger Than Fiction."

Alas, since life has NOT yet collided with fantasy and/or the once-glorious NBC daytime drama lineup, none of that will come to pass. Not for lack of Helena trying, though.

June 3, 2009

Helena Fugham Carter

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By now, we all know that Helena Bonham Carter enjoys dressing as if she's a vagrant. This is nothing new.

[All photos: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

And since she's out and about running errands, or whatever, I'm loath to ding her for it -- especially because at this point I find it wickedly entertaining that Helena just does not care. In fact it tickles me to imagine that, when she prepares to leave the house, she thinks, "I'm totally going to get my picture taken, because I always do. But you know what? SCREW IT. I'm going to put on my white skirt and my very favorite old maternity smock -- the one I never bother to iron -- and then probably add a cardigan, and I'm going to yank up my thick socks and take my orthopedic clodhoppers for a spin, and throw my hair up in a bun that looks like I used a hand-held egg-beater to arrange it, and when I'm done exerting all the strenuous effort it demands to look THIS weird, I am going to LEAVE THE HOUSE and I don't CARE if people start throwing pound coins at my feet because they think I'm about to drop a hat on the ground and busk for supper. SUCK ON IT, WORLD." I mean, think about all the steps she had to take to go to this place, and she did it anyway. That is commitment right there.

So, no, the clothes themselves aren't why Helena graces the site today. What has me really curious here are the shoes. Check them out in close-up:

Continue reading Helena Fugham Carter.

May 18, 2009

My Fug Lady

Aw, this is so sweet.

Bill Nighy is clearly rescuing Helena Bonham Carter from selling violets outside the Chelsea Flower Show, spiriting her away to his apartment to teach her diction and how to wear large hats so that she can go to Royal Ascot, scream at Dover to move his bloomin' arse, and then wear a huge updo to a fancy ball and convince everyone she's a princess while making a totally ineffectual young rich fancy boy swing around on lampposts singing about his love for her. I'm not sure where her current life partner Tim Burton fits into that plan, exactly -- maybe he'll stroll by in a tux and announce he's getting married in the morning? -- but I think if Bill can just convince Helena to stop wearing petticoats then everything else will all fall into place.

April 1, 2009

Helena Bonham Fugter

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[Photos: WENN.com]

HELENA BONHAM CARTER: Oh, Tim. You are so precious. I DO love you.

MICHAEL SHEEN: I'm... not your husband.

HBC: Of course you are! And I'm so enjoying this wedding.

MICHAEL : I'm not, and also, this isn't a wedding.

HBC: Quite right -- it's not just A wedding. It's a ROYAL wedding. How silly of me to imply it's just some run-of-the-mill marriage when I am wearing a crazy hat!

MICHAEL : ... Nope, not that either.

HBC: NOT a wedding, then? Hmm. Must be a funeral. Why didn't you tell me, Tim? I'd have left the chafing dish and pickle forks at home.

MICHAEL : Oh, God, this is awkward. Helena, look at me. At ME. Michael.

HBC: Why am I holding this thing in my hand? This must be a dream! God, it's strange. But quite exciting. Where will I be next, I wonder? I hope it's Versailles! Or maybe in the conservatory, killing Miss Scarlett with this plexiglass thing.

MICHAEL: Does anyone have a bucket of water to throw on her? No, wait, it'll ruin my suit. I'll just pinch her instead.

HBC: BLOODY HELL, that was... wait, hang on a mo, when did Michael Sheen get here? And where IS here, exactly?

MICHAEL: Welcome back, Helena. We're at some awards thingy together. Don't be alarmed, but you're wearing a giant veil stapled to a fascinator of some ilk.

HBC: Oh, bollocks. And people can see me?

MICHAEL: Yes.

HBC: And I've been here how long?

MICHAEL: At least twenty minutes.

HBC: And did I... nuzzle you?

MICHAEL: Yes indeedy.

HBC: That settles it. I'm going to THROTTLE Tim for letting me sleepwalk this far out of the house.

January 10, 2008

Well Played: Helena Bonham Carter

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red,
rumpled

Oh, kooky Helena Bonham Carter. I love you. I love you as Bellatrix Lestrange. I loved you as Lucy Honeychurch. I love that you probably did your own hair for Sweeney Todd, as it was a messy birds' nest that closely resembled how your hair looked at every event from 2004-2007. I love that you are married to Tim Burton, as I suspect you two have long conversations about things that are not of this world. I love it when you show up places looking like you've just wandered out of the attic. In the Edwardian era. And I actually love this:

Yeah, she just had a baby, like this morning. So way to rock the red satin bedsheets, HBC. Seriously.

Helena Bonham Carter

Full Fugs/Fugsney Todd

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Fuggatrix Lestrange

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Helena Fugham Carter

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My Fug Lady

Helena Bonham Fugter

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Well Played: Helena Bonham Carter

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