Dita Von Teese Archives

May 26, 2009

Dita Fug Teese

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Oh, DITA.

I feel like I've mentioned this before, but at some point in the last two years or so, I feel like Dita's look has slowly morphed from being Awesomely Retro into Prematurely Aging, and while I admire her devotion to her look, I am an even bigger fan of Not Accidentally Making Yourself Look Like Fifteen Years Older Than You Actually Are Just Because You're Really Into the 40s/50s. Puffed sleeves AND gloves AND a necklace that kind of recalls an Elizabethan ruff? Honey, come on. Even Dita herself looks a bit wistful here, like she realizes she has painted herself into a personal style corner. To which I say: sister, we always have a choice. And you can choose to back off the devotion to historical verisimilitude in the name of looking less like our grandmothers. It's called evolution, and sometimes you have to embrace it.

February 24, 2009

Oscars Fug Parties: Dita Von Teese

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I really loved the whole yellow dress/red shoes thing several years ago, when Reese Witherspoon did it, but there's something about Dita's look lately that has made her look much older than she actually is. Like, how old do you think this woman is?

She's only 36. She looks about ten years older, all of a sudden. I think Dita's stringently retro make-up, combined with the shorter, prim hair (the sort that many young women had fifty years ago, but which we're currently accustomed to seeing on our grandma), is something that a very young person can pull off nicely -- because the juxtaposition works -- but as she ages, it starts to look less like a statement and like she's just out of touch, even if that's not actually the case. Also, I think I preferred this dress better in its first iteration as curtains at the Waldorf.

September 30, 2008

Fug or Fab: Dita Von Teese

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stupid hats

I have been back and forth on this, because on the one hand, Dita Von Teese pulls off things that mere mortals cannot -- and you have to give her props for being consistent, and consistently off-beat.

But on the other hand:

[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

I wouldn't have given this outfit another look -- well, except to confirm that her pants are hemmed properly -- if not for the lady top hat glued to her forehead. As innately glam as Dita is, I still can't quite escape the feeling that she's been appointed the ringmaster of the Mad Hatter's Fantabulous Wacktacular Dormouse Circus and Tea Shed.

poll by twiigs.com

March 4, 2008

Dita Von Fugse

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[Photo: Splash News]

I'm all for Dita Von Teese's unusual sense of style -- by and large, it works brilliantly on her -- and I'll wager the Paris fashion shows are a great place to try something a tad off-center. But this may have veered out of "nifty" and into a place where I can hear Tim Gunn saying, "Designers, your challenge today is to create an outfit for an octogenarian New York society dame to wear to a philanthropy awards luncheon, using nothing but her accessories drawer... and her husband's wardrobe." Cue music stings, cue shocked expressions, cue a drawn-out, "Ohhhh my Gooooooood," followed by a disproportionately horrified bite from a contestant.

Or is it just me?

poll by twiigs.com

November 15, 2007

Dita Fug Teese

I never thought we'd see anyone else attempt this type of thing, but apparently I forgot that Dita Von Teese was married to Marilyn Manson and therefore might not have peerless judgment.

[Photo: Splash News]

In fact, I wonder if she slipped, cracked her head on the toilet seat, and regained consciousness under the delusion that she is a wedding cake (after, of course, sketching a rudimentary flux capacitor). Although I suppose that thing is keeping her ears incredibly toasty. Now I know that next time a winter wind is threatening to gnaw off my lobes, all I need to do is throw over the nearest flower shop. Maybe if Eliza Doolittle had figured this out, she'd have been a more profitable saleslady.

May 24, 2007

Dita Von Fug

I am not really familiar with Dita Von Teese. I mean, I know she was married to Marilyn Manson and now Evan Rachel Wood is Single White Female-ing her, and she does the burlesque, and she's refreshingly pale and retro and I suspect I would REALLY covet her shoe wardrobe. But I don't really have any preconceived notions of her, the way I do of other celebrities. Like, in my mind, Lindsay Lohan is a total mess, but she'd also ALWAYS have the best gossip about people and would totally be willing to help you egg the house of that douchey guy who broke up with you and if you ever wanted to stalk someone, she would be an enthusiastic sidekick who would not only drive your getaway car, but also bring Twizzlers and maybe at one point you would realized that she was WAY TOO INTO the whole idea of stalking. And, like, Kirsten Dunst's house is probably kind of a mess and she hardly ever has her hair brushed and she also probably hasn't showered, but she totally doesn't care if you come over unannounced and sit on a pile of laundry and gossip while she gets ready to go out and then she'll drag you with her on her date, which will annoy the boy but also be secretly kind of funny. And Britney just calls and cries and you can have those kind of phone conversations where she talks and talks and you just make supportive murmuring noises and do the crossword. But I have no such theories about Ms. Von Teese. All I know is that I think she could have done better than this:

I just want to walk up to her and yank off the illusion net-y overshirty thingie (that's its official name, yes. Why do you ask?). I feel like she was aiming for this kind of effect, and yet instead managed to be reminiscent of Gunsmoke in a very unsexy way.

January 26, 2007

Evan Rachel Fug

Dear Evan Rachel Wood,

Hello. How's it going? Are you feeling okay? Having fun at Sundance? That's nice. We just wanted to check in with you and make sure it's been a fun, relaxing vacation.

Oh, but before we go: WHAT IS THE DEAL, woman?

I mean, seriously. Has it escaped your notice that you appear to be shacking up with Marilyn Manson? And that you're 19, and he's, like, 38 or so, and also a horrific prince of doom? Did he give you beer goggles that make him look like Kiefer Sutherland? Does he turn back into a cuddly little pumpkin after midnight? Is his junk made of Diet Coke? WHAT? What is it?

Because it's rather well documented -- we're certainly not the first to say it -- that you are starting to turn yourself into his ex, Dita Von Teese.

Here you were B.R. -- that's Before the Reckoning -- looking fresh faced and normal as you eased into womanhood.

And here's a little collage of you and Dita now, after you (allegedly) took a twiddle on the skin-flute of Satan's high priest of contact lenses.

Continue reading Evan Rachel Fug.

September 8, 2006

Fug Suede Shoes

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dialogue

At the Viva Glam Launch:

LISA MARIE PRESLEY: I feel so freaking awkward.

EVE: How cute are my boots with this little dress? Cute!

DITA VON TEESE: My dress is flawless and you would stab your first grade teacher for my shoes. Don't deny it.

LISA MARIE PRESLEY: They're both totally dressed to suit their personalities. And I'm dressed like the maiden librarian at a junior high school in the middle of nowhere, circa 1954. If I'd known they would have wanted me to look like MYSELF, I would have worn something a little more rock and roll. Or pants.

EVE: I have got legs for miles!

DITA: Pale girls worship me for eschewing self-tanner.

LISA MARIE: I am going to kill my stylist.

Dita Von Teese

Dita Fug Teese

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Oscars Fug Parties: Dita Von Teese

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Fug or Fab: Dita Von Teese

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Dita Von Fugse

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Dita Fug Teese

Dita Von Fug

Evan Rachel Fug

Fug Suede Shoes

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