Kelly Clarkson

So, this is progress, right?



Our beloved K. Cla has said lots of times that she doesn't work with a stylist, and lots of times, lots of people who LOVE HER and voted for her on Idol like a thousand times even though that was so long ago that you had to actually MAKE A PHONE CALL to do it, read that and sighed and said to themselves, "honey, you NEED one." I suspect she may have taken our advice for this particular event, or the friend she took shopping with her is skilled, because...she looks totally cute, right? This silhouette is very flattering on her. I wish her hair looked a bit more rock star, rather than prom queen, but this is sort of fun and flirty on her and OH MY GOD I'M JUST REALLY RELIEVED IT'S NOT HORRIBLE. Phew. Okay. I just had to let that out. I love Kelly and I want the best for her so every time she leaves the house and I don't have to say to myself, "Oh, KELLY, what are you WEARING?" it's a load off my mind. Now I just have to worry about the quasi-unfortunate scarf-y tube top and too-long jeans she wore to perform in (a photo I could not obtain legally, unfortunately, though you can see it here), the fact that I worry that her voice has sounded sort of raspy-er than usual lately (albeit still good) and WHAT IF SOMETHING IS WRONG I HOPE SHE'S JUST TIRED, and, also, what I myself plan to wear when I see her in concert this summer. I'm thinking tube tops for everyone!

Kelly Clarkson, you KNOW how much I love you. A LOT.



So you know I am saying this as your friend -- your friend who has never met you, but feels great fondness for you and always wants you to be happy and successful in whatever you do: GIRL WHAT IS UP WITH YOUR PANTS? YOU HAVE LOTS OF MONEY. I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT A STYLIST BUT YOU ARE ALLOWED TO HAVE A TAILOR. Mine is lovely. I would be happy to recommend his services. He'll fix those pants for you for $15. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD I'M SCARED YOU'RE GOING TO TRIP ON YOUR HEM AND FACEPLANT AND THEN WHERE WILL WE ALL BE?

Ahem. Sorry about the shouting. But...for serious, Kelly. I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO FACEPLANT. I CARE ABOUT YOUR HEALTH. 

I am incredibly disheartened that Kelly Clarkson is back to blonde. It's so... crispy. But the bigger problem is Kelly turning her pants into footie pajamas.

[Photo: Splash News]

Honey. Denim is not a shoe. You may have gotten knocked out of Fug Madness in Round Two but that doesn't mean we aren't taking notes for next year. Beware our bookmarks of judgment.

Just yesterday I was at the hair salon, chit-chatting with my colorist about Kelly Clarkson, and how - although we love her -- she is often kind of a mess.  (This included reminiscing about how, when she first started on American Idol, she had those really chunky, very evenly spaced highlights that kind of made her head look like it was stuck behind bars in a prison of its own hair). But apparently, K. Cla got wind of our loving-yet-frustrated smack-talkery and decided to prove once and for all that, on occasion, she CAN dress herself:

I mean, is this the most hot-yet-also-revolutionary-fashion-forward-thing you've ever seen in your entire life? No. And yet, does she look super cute and comfortable in her own skin, and age appropriate, and not as though she's been digging through J. Lo's reject pile for items that make her look vaguely like an alien extra from the sequel to From Justin to Kelly, called From Justin to KellyII: Intergalatic Boogaloo? Yes. We'll take it.

It gives me great pleasure to present Kelly "I Love You But Oh My God What Are You WEARING?!?!" Clarkson with a very well-earned and long-in-coming Well Played (or, as I often mis-type it, Well Plated, which I guess also works, as she is serving herself to the public for our consumption):

She looks so youthful and summery and in-proportion, and so unlike her usual unholy combination of, like, Stevie Nicks and someone who's bought up eBay's entire collection of Parisian night suits. And while I love Kelly enough that I still want to go for hot wings and beer and gossip with her, no matter what she's wearing, it's awfully refreshing to see her look as pretty as she is talented for once.

US Weekly reported yesterday that Kelly Clarkson recently told Reader's Digest regarding her wardrobe that, back in her AI days, "[I'd] be in a magazine under the heading 'What Was She Thinking?' I was like, I'm thinking I ain't got no money." And I have to admit that when I read this, I might have thought to myself, "but babe, what's your excuse NOW?"

However, that was before I saw La Clarkson -- who you know I seriously do love.  I really honestly do.  I know she dresses like she just doesn't give a shit half the time (and she probably doesn't), but I think she's really talented and she's totally ballsy in interviews and I basically just want to go out for drinks with her and get accidentally smashed on too-strong margaritas and then stumble back to her house and clean out her closet -- at the ESPY awards:

How cute is she? I wish I had access to a photo that didn't cut her off right at the calves, but I promise you, the shoes are cute, too. She just looks adorable -- that color is good on her, and the whole thing has a sort of 50s-retro-glam aura that works very nicely with her figure. I also sort of feel like, should I run into this mid-drunken-closet-clean-out, I would be tempted to try it on and twirl around in it, which is high praise for a party dress indeed.

My beloved style-troubled Kelly Clarkson, this time, is actually providing a public service:

THAT'S why not everyone can pull off skinny jeans, especially with a tucked in shirt. Our girl Kelly would have looked so much more proportional in either looser, straighter-legged jeans or if she'd paired these with a more tunic-y top.  As it is, she's just emphasizing the middle of her body (especially with the stripes! and...are those suspenders? Oh, KELLY) and hardly anyone wants to do that -- unless they've got the kind of life (and trainer) that supports doing 1000 sit-ups a day. Which, really, who has that kind of time for ab work? I myself am far too busy reading US Weekly, watching One Tree Hill reruns on SoapNet (seriously, there are a few episodes there where I'm pretty sure Chad Michael Murray is LITERALLY wearing a wig made of hay) and experimenting with new sandwich combinations. Today, I'm going to put leftover lasagna on a baguette and call it the Carb Lovers Sandwich.  And Kelly is more than welcome to come over and join me -- we could talk about boys! And make fun of Jessica Simpson! And discuss facial regimes (I know she likes Proactiv, but I'm all about Dr Murad! Maybe we could have a brief but stimulating argument!)! -- as long as she leaves that particular outfit at home.

I hate to kick a girl when she's having wardrobe trouble, especially when it's happening at an event that's for a very good cause and especially when it's Kelly Clarkson. But we don't want to violate Kelly's trust -- we like to think of ourselves as good girlfriends, and good girlfriends tell you when you need to go back inside and try on something else.

If only Kelly had invited her good girlfriends to the Idol Gives Back show (the logo for which somehow just makes me want to bake crescent rolls, or cookies-from-a-tube), because she needed a firm shove back toward the closet.

Kelly, Kelly, Kelly. You have officially veered away from poorly thought-out flowy dresses and straight into muumuu territory.

Do you see the look on Jeff Beck's face? He is giving the evil eye to your stylist, indicating that she had better not cross either of you again or else she will wake up one day with his haircut. Jeff knows, as we do, that you're a lovely girl with a voice that could make an inanimate object smile, and there is no reason you should be carelessly draped in fabric that makes you look both heavy and squat. Now, I get that maybe your shape is changing, for whatever reason, and that's fine -- that's life. Listen, we've all been there. I had to give up potato chips for Lent for a reason, and I'm sorry, Mom, I love you very much, but I must confess that reason had zero to do with piety and everything to do with the fact that for me, "Bet You Can't Eat Just One" refers not to one chip but one bag. I am a salt-food,  junk-food junkie -- me and Cliff Huxtable -- and I have totally looked in the mirror some days and wondered if my hips could just please find a way to lie just a little bit longer. However, I actually think you and your pretty eyes and that shiny hair look gorgeous. I want to hug you for not losing 30 pounds just to fit into hot pants and then claiming you have no idea how you lost the weight because you have no time to exercise, and so the brand-new muscle tone all over your frame must have therefore appeared by magic. This is not about you not rocking just the way you are. (You do.) What it is about is somebody deciding to give up and just throw any old thing on you to hide your hips. You should be working those curves, not burying them.

So go home and put on some Right Said Fred and dance comfortably knowing you're too sexy for your caftan, and start fresh tomorrow.

So, I am all about Kelly Clarkson. I love her, love her, love her. In fact, the night of the American Idol 1 finale, I told my co-worker Jenny that if Kelly didn't win, I was going to have to call in sick the next day, and I meant it. I was really invested.  So this definitely doesn't stem from some kind of misguided dislike of K. Cla. That kind of haterade simply isn't on the menu here at GFY HQ.

Um, okay. Dear, dear Kelly. I love your new haircut. Your makeup is great. This color is amazing on you. But we have to have a talk. I see what you're going for here, and I truly do salute it. However, the shape, on you, is not fantastic.  You're sort of bottom-heavy (I feel you), and this makes you look a wee bit shapeless and kind of -- maybe -- like you're the newest member of the Fruit of the Loom team of whimsical...you know, fruits, albeit obviously the most talented one (sorry, Grapes). You need something that sort of wrangles you into more of a shape. Because you HAVE a shape and I'm sure it's cute. It's just kind of lost and obscured in this dress, which just goes to show that you can have an ostensibly good outfit (I think the dress itself is really pretty adorable) and if it doesn't work on your body type, you're still SOL.

And I hate it when Kelly is SOL. She should be FULL of L.

NIC CAGE: Kelly, lemme tell you something.

KELLY CLARKSON: Is it that you were so taken with how good I look in this color green that it took you twenty minutes to realize that, despite how fetching the shade is, it's attached to a set of overalls, and that's only okay if you are a farmer, in the late stages of pregnancy, or trapped in 1996?

NIC: No.

KELLY: Is it that you like me with my hair this length, and you're glad I'm not blonde anymore?

NIC: No, although that's true.

KELLY: Is it about From Justin to Kelly? Because if it is, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to bring up Captain Corelli's Mandolin.

NIC: That film was a sensitive exploration of...something! Love, or Italy or something! Sensitive! You wore a SKIRT OF TIES in From Justin to Kelly.

KELLY: And I rocked it.

NIC: That's not what I was going to say, ANYWAY, before you get all DEFENSIVE about your TIES.

KELLY: What is it, old man? I'm not going to marry you, either, just so you know.

NIC: You're sassy. I like that.

KELLY: Please don't do this.

NIC: Sorry, I got distracted. I wanted to ask you what you thought of my new look. It's sort of Ghost Rider meets John Wayne plus a little tiny bit of Elvis, because I am obsessed with Elvis and take a piece of him with me everywhere, with just a SPLASH of Stetson cologne. What do you think?

KELLY: I think you look weird.

NIC: Weird? Weird how?

KELLY: I dunno. You're Nicolas Cage. You don't wear cowboy hats. You look like you're going to the funeral of a rodeo clown or something.

NIC: You ARE sassy.  Why don't you scoot a little bit closer?

KELLY: Leave me alone.