She's smiling! She looks happy and has well-applied makeup! Her dress is romantic and floaty and doesn't -- per her usual -- make me want to ask if she's auditioning for a role as a very severe German nanny in some horror flick called The Paddle Will Smack! Maybe now that all the tabloids have decided Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are one deep knee bend away from getting married, Abbie finally feels safe chilling out and relaxing and assuming nobody is going to throw tomatoes at her and call her a homewrecker for hooking up with Reese's ex. Which is good. It's long past time to exhale on that one, Abbie. Whether you should now start tensing up about the fact that you and Reese are both dating dudes who have rampant gay rumors swirling around them, and maybe call her and commisserate and arrange to go for donuts sometime... well, I leave that to you. I don't know your life. But I do know you look pretty.
Abbie Cornish
Cannes Well-Played Carpet: Abbie Cornish
She's smiling! She looks happy and has well-applied makeup! Her dress is romantic and floaty and doesn't -- per her usual -- make me want to ask if she's auditioning for a role as a very severe German nanny in some horror flick called The Paddle Will Smack! Maybe now that all the tabloids have decided Reese Witherspoon and Jake Gyllenhaal are one deep knee bend away from getting married, Abbie finally feels safe chilling out and relaxing and assuming nobody is going to throw tomatoes at her and call her a homewrecker for hooking up with Reese's ex. Which is good. It's long past time to exhale on that one, Abbie. Whether you should now start tensing up about the fact that you and Reese are both dating dudes who have rampant gay rumors swirling around them, and maybe call her and commisserate and arrange to go for donuts sometime... well, I leave that to you. I don't know your life. But I do know you look pretty.
Fug Loss
Fuggie Cornish
Abbie Cornish seems to have exited the "I am dressing as sweetly as possible so that you'll believe that Ryan Phillippe's wang did not pass this way" stage of her life and plowed straight into the, "God, I'm depressed -- now NOBODY is talking about me; I kind of wish I'd run around naked that week with a RYAN 4EVA tattoo on my ass" phase.
She looks so sad, like she's worn that skirt for three days while moping around the house and hasn't even really been washing her hair. I think I preferred the other phase.
Although, I heard they're remaking Fame, which feels like sacrilege, by the way, because seriously, it's RIGHT THERE in the song; they're going to live FOREVER, not be shoved aside by a peppy, gritty remake. Anyway, maybe Abbie's dressing like an off-duty ballet dancer -- carefully sloppy with lots of layers, just like they did it in Center Stage -- because she wants a job that doesn't involve being The Girl Who Allegedly Maybe Kinda Drove Reese Witherspoon Into A Long Public-Relations Bender That Led Her Straight Into The Arms Of Jake Gyllenhaal. For one thing, that's a bit long to put on your resume.
Fuggie
Abbie Cornish continues her I SWEAR TO GOD I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BREAKING UP REESE AND RYAN modesty world tour:

What you don't know is that she followed the old adage, "Look in the mirror before you leave the house and take one thing off":
Fuggie Cornish
In Abbie Cornish's defense, it is REALLY HARD to figure out what to wear out to a premiere when you know that America a) now knows you exist, b) but only because you're allegedly the girl Ryan Philllllippppppe was hooking up with when he was supposed to be keeping his Man Area only for Reese Witherspoon. You don't want to look too sexy, because then people are going to be all, "WICKED TEMPTRESS! This VILE HARLOT clearly LURED Ryan into her WEB OF DEVIANCE with an UNHOLY PARFAIT of BOSOM and BOOZE!" But if you go too demure, you get, "I find it HARD TO BELIEVE that THIS prim prudette could tempt a man from the WHOLESOME DEMURITY of AMERICA'S SWEETHEART. CLEARLY HE IS GAY OR ON DRUGS!" (People shout a lot, in our experience).
So, this is what she came up with:

She could have just had a tee shirt made that said, "I SWEAR I HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. PLEASE DON'T LOOK AT ME."
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The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?
Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.
Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!
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