Eva Mendes

August 28, 2008

The Fugen

I was talking to my friend Grant yesterday about this remake of The Women Eva Mendes is in, and how I am really not very interested in it, in part because the casting makes me feel like I just tripped and fell into 1995 (Eva Mendes aside, actually), but also because the sentence, "Eva Mendes takes over the Joan Crawford role" makes my blood run ice cold, and surely makes Joan Crawford's ice cold blood run hot as she attempts to claw out of her grave to go smack Eva Mendes around.  The more I think about it, the more I kind of don't get Eva Mendes in general. Nor, I must, confess, do I entirely get this:

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Are those staples? Did she just escape from a stint as a celebrity Project Runway model for a challenge involving only items found at Office Max? Or was this once some wildly floaty gown and while she was looking at herself in the mirror at home she realized it was far too vast and did some quick and dirty home-seamstress work? Because maybe she shouldn't quit her day job, in that instance, after all.
June 30, 2008

We Fug The Night

Somehow, Eva Mendes seems to fly under my celebrity radar almost all the time. And it's not just me -- I once saw a preview for We Own The Night that misspelled her name as "Mendez," so apparently nobody involved in the creation or approval of that national advertisement is terribly interested in her either. And now she's gone and made herself even less distinct:

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To me, this outfit is vintage Eva... Longoria-Parker, who never met a neon-pastel shade she didn't love. Which I understand, to a point. Bright hues are great sometimes, but moderation, not mixed together like some deranged sorbet sundae -- and DEFINITELY not served with crunchy crushed ribs and boob-pancakes as toppings. 
October 12, 2007

Fuga Mendes

Eva Mendes' dress is kind of nifty.

That is, if you're a fan of fancy art-deco garrotes. Seriously, she's one false move from her head rolling off her shoulders and bouncing over to the open bar for one last cocktail. It would really put a damper on her young career -- I mean, Passions has a place for floating heads, but only when it's people like  Grease 2  star Adrian Zmed (you know, people who've really lived), who are willing to paint their faces white and wear powdered wigs while their disembodied noggins talk sass at a room full of witches. And only when the person is currently alive. So watch your neck, Eva.

March 27, 2007

Fugga Mendes


[Photo by Daily Celeb.]

Eva Mendes is not a particularly dowdy, shapeless person. And yet, she looks to be both of those things here. Why the unflattering wide-legged jeans that gobble up her shoes in their toxic denim sea? Why the cardigan that cuts her at her widest point, swallowing her curves? Was she dragged here? I'm all for casual wear -- hell, I dashed to Sav-On yesterday in my slippers to get cold and flu medication and some restorative Gatorade -- but I feel like you can be comfortable at an event without looking as if you had been laying around the house in your too-big lazy-day jeans before realizing you are out of Diet Coke and Jif, throwing on a shawl to go run a really fast, "I don't care what I'm wearing because I will only be outside for two seconds, so it doesn't matter that I don't have any shoes that go with these pants" errand , and then spontaneously deciding to drop in on Quentin Tarantino for some fun face time.

I don't blame her for eschewing skinny jeans, but there is a happy medium between those and what amounts to floor-length culottes. Also, is it just me, or do those pants make her legs look freakishly short? I mean, I'm staring at the fade in the wash and wondering if that's supposed to be where her knee is, but it can't be, because factoring in that she's presumably still with both her ankles, that would leave about three inches for her shin.

Sigh. Maybe that's just the TheraFlu talking.

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