And I am certainly not strong enough to resist posting a photo in which Price is wearing....well, this terrible thing. You'd think she'd have been able to find red panties that matched a bit more expertly, but you'd also think that she'd be barred from attending the Emmys. Guess the beer's on me, Phoebs.
Phoebe Price
Emmy Awards Fug Carpet: Phoebe Price
And I am certainly not strong enough to resist posting a photo in which Price is wearing....well, this terrible thing. You'd think she'd have been able to find red panties that matched a bit more expertly, but you'd also think that she'd be barred from attending the Emmys. Guess the beer's on me, Phoebs.
Scarlett May Blossom's Fuggery

SIGH. P-Squared has invited photogs to snap pics of her recording an audio book of Scarlett May Blossom's Diary: Ceilings I Have Seen. A book which isn't on Amazon, and therefore is not actually a proper book requiring an audio version, but in fact a book that has probably been mocked up for the exact purpose of this photoshoot, which is solely to make it seem like PP has a JOB, which we all know she does not, which of course once again makes us all wonder how she can afford the never-ending series of bizarre animal-patterned nylon frocks and hair extensions. If it were anyone else, I would think that Scarlett May Blossom's Diary: Ceilings I Have Seen was an ironic, winking reference to the fact that the bloggers and blog-readers of the world are pretty sure PP is actually the kept woman of some very rich but extremely unimportant person, but considering the source, I suspect she just thought it sounded like a good read.
The amount of work it surely took to mock up photos like this one, however, make me feel like maybe it would be less work for her to actually get an ACTUAL JOB:
P: NO ONE BELIEVES YOU ARE IN DEMAND BY ANYONE IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. (Being in demand by those of us bloggers who occasionally need material doesn't count.) This entire charade is a ridiculous waste of time and resources. You would be better served by actually getting an actual job instead of laboring so tirelessly at PRETENDING you are employed. Then you could be ACTUALLY employed and not have to continue this ridiculous idiotic play-acting. WE'D ALL BE SO MUCH HAPPIER. To quote R Kelly's seminal "Sex In the Kitchen:" Go get a goddamn job, dog. Shit, leave me alone. Get a job.
Also, I don't care for that dress. Just so we're on topic.
Phoebe Price TerrorWatch: Part I
PHOEBE. GIRL. LESS IS MORE.
Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Phoebe Price
Because that actually kind of makes sense.
Phoebe Price's Tragique Resume Makes It Hard to Concoct Puns In This Title Space
Like, she's finagled her way into attending something, somehow, without having to threaten to sue but it's been a long week already and she's feeling bloated. Surely, this is not the time for skin-tight mermaid gowns or zebra-print catsuits. It's time for a bag. But...bags aren't very PHOEBE PRICE. A girl in a stripy maxi-bag doesn't prompt questions like, "who IS Phoebe Price and where are her pants?" HENCE: A giant, random slit up the side, the better to aggressively poke her gams through. Also, a stupid hat and a side ponytail. Close enough!
Phoebe Price Fug Part Infinity
"Who is that lady in the stupid hat?" he thinks. "And does her dress..lace up the sides?"
"Mommy, I'm frightened. Why is that lady wearing those shoes to the beach? Hold me."
Get Fug
I mean, seriously, she is shaking that apt for all it's worth. I don't think that's what Charo meant by "cuchi-cuchi," sweetpea.
American Fugdol Presents: When Paula Met Phoebe
ACT ONE: THE MEETING:
PAULA: Hello....? Do I...? Are we....?
PHOEBE: Let's take a picture, Paula! Imagine how well a photo of two such classy celebrities such as ourselves will sell! You are a famed songstress, and I a brave warrior for the civil liberties of F-list celebrities!
PAULA: Have I been drinking?
ACT TWO: THE PRESS OP
PAULA: Psst, you guys! Who is this person? Also, does the bodice of my dress look like I stuffed it with toilet paper? I can't tell.
PHOEBE: Guest-judge spot on Idol, HERE I COME!
PAULA: I feel like my face is making that bemused look but I can't control it.
ACT THREE: THE REASON FOR THE SEASON
PAULA: OH! You're the Miss Golden Globe of this event! I GET IT NOW.
PHOEBE: Another step toward my world domination!
Fugbe Price, Please Be in a Movie So We Can Call These Posts Something New
Don't kid yourself. Don't kid me. I know what you've been thinking. I know what was on your mind this entire weekend. It wasn't, "am I allowed to eat potato salad for breakfast?" It wasn't, "I wonder if that cute boy will call me." It wasn't even, "Oh my god, what am I going to do without Lost for the next six years or however long I have to wait for the season after this one." It was, "I wonder what that Phoebe Price person wore to Cannes?" The good news is, dear reader, that I have answers to all those questions, and they are: yes, he better, cry, and this:
Not bad, considering her past, right? A little Most Expensive Gift Bag at The Container Store, but in comparison to her usual get-ups, kind of nice and understated.
But she was just warming herself up.
One of my favorite things about all these photos is how totally uninterested the photographers behind her are. If you look at pictures of like, Angelina and Brad, ALL photographers within a ten mile radius are screaming hard enough to induce a stroke. These guys are thinking about lunch. Or maybe just looking away from her kissy-face because they've heard the old French proverb, "If P-Squared thee kiss, thy wallet ye will miss." (How else do you think she affords the vast amount of patterned silk required for her Cannes wardrobe? It's all artful pickpocketry of one kind or another.)
This one is just eye-crossing, but I must applaud her artful use of the bikini top at a red carpet event. Clearly, she's avoiding the bottoms due to recent bathing-suit-related traumas:
But this -- though she clearly should be commended for artful recyling of Steven Tyler's old mic stand scarves -- was just the warm-up for the P-Squared Cannes Pièce de Résistance:
Fug Squared
Occasionally, people email us and are like, "don't give Phoebe Price any more attention! That's what she wants! If you ignore her, maybe she'll GO AWAY!" And I see your point. However, would you really want to go through your life without having experienced this:

I didn't think so.
St Phoebe's Day

[Photo: INF Daily]
"Why, hello! I didn't see you there. I just happened to be standing outside on the sidewalk here with my knitting, in boots made of recycled handbags from 2004 and what I shamefully must admit is actually a really kind of cute dress, reading! Just reading! It's fundamental. What am I reading? Oh, The Economist, I think. What? Wait! Oh, what is this? Is this Star Magazine? And I -- I, Phoebe Price -- just happen to be featured on the page facing outward toward the camera? No! That's impossible. I thought I was reading The New Yorker. This is clearly a copy of The Atlantic Monthly! I'd NEVER stand around and pose with a picture of myself being shamed by the fashion police, just for more press. NEVER, I tell you! Never!"
Phoebe Fugs
In case you were wondering what Frequent Fug Offender Phoebe Price was up to:
I like the idea that she's maybe stalking Juliette Lewis in hopes of joining Juliette's wildly be-legginged punk band. Or maybe this adorable little personage on the front of her frock is the latest effort from one of those low-rent, non-Disney, non-Pixar animation houses who release endless DVDs about princesses, mermaids and mermaid-princesses in the hopes of getting sleep-deprived parents to accidentally buy one of them at Target, and she's rented out her chest to them as ad space. Next week, maybe her entire body will be covered in ads, like those cars you see slowly weaving down Hollywood Boulevard completely wrapped in informational material about the girls at Spearment Rhino.
Phoebe Fugs, Part Forever
You know, after a long and unpredictable day of work, there's something very refreshing about the very existence of Phoebe Price. I know that if she chooses to leave the house, she will be wearing something somehow noteworthy, either thanks to extreme shine, excessive nakedness, or overall over-the-top kookiness. Kind of like she's constantly raiding the closets of the world's flashiest ice dancers:

This costume, I like to think, was for a routine skated to an unholy mash-up of Guys and Dolls' "Take Back Your Mink" and Donna Summer's "Bad Girls," punctuated by a brief poignant interlude to "Nights in White Satin." And frankly, I would pay good money to see that.
Prinz von Fughalt
The Scene: the Ivy (of course.)
The Players: Phoebe Price, her remarkably shapeless yet still cornea-scrambling dress, and Frederic Prinz von Anhalt (wearing a giant ass Mr. T-style gold medallion which is tragically not visible in this shot), whom you may remember as Zsa Zsa Gabor's ninth husband, who claimed he was pretty sure he was Dannielynn Birkhead's father. Wikipedia being the font of knowledge that it is, I have also recently learned that Prinz von Anhalt did not want to divorce Zsa Zsa to marry Anna Nicole, so he allegedly just drew up papers to adopt her instead, which Zsa Zsa (rightfully) refused to sign. Can I just say that someone needs to work that scenario into a soap opera? Thank you.

[Photo: Splash News]
You know things are grim when P-Squared, who would happily pose for photographs outside the Manson compound, is like, "yeah, leave me alone. No. Please, seriously. I can't have Zsa Zsa mad at me. I won't marry you when she kicks it. For real." And he's like, "no, no, I just want to brush your hair! I mean nothing by it! We're not dating, paparazzi! Hands off! It's a totally hands off policy here!" And the paparazzi are like, "are we SERIOUSLY photographing these two? Where the f is Lohan when you need her?"
Fugbe Price
I know you've all been wondering what Phoebe Price has been up to in 2008. The answer is a simple one:

Emulating Paris Hilton with an expression of mild resentment on her face.
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The Book of fug

A book, huh? Is it just stuff you already put on the Web site?
Nope, we wrote the whole thing fresh, just for you.
Awesome. In that case, I want to read it!
Thank you! Click here to find out all the details!




