Phoebe Price

It's that time again, folks. On this Freaky Fug Friday, it's time to punch your ticket and ride the Phoebe Price Is Crazy Train.

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[Photo: Splash News]

THE FUGEE: Phoebe Price, a person of dubious talent who "acts"; former GFY persona non grata turned GFY mascot (because she wore down our resistance).

THE DETAILS: Phoebe here was, as usual posing on Robertson Blvd., this time with her dog, which she has forced to wear a small Santa hat (and... is that a velour sweater on it, too? Oh, PHOEBE). Tragically, her garb isn't as insane as it usually is, but she is still Phoebe, and that's enough.

THE CHALLENGE
: Listen, we think it's wrong to deal with Christmas before Thanksgiving, but we're also not the ones who put a Santa hat on a dog. So: Have at Ms. Price here by parodying the holiday song of your choice, be it a Christmas carol, a Chanukah tune of either traditional or Sandlerian nature... it's up to you. And you don't need to do the entire song; just do enough that we get the gist, and include the title of the actual song you're parodying, because you never know. Somebody might never have heard "Deck The Halls." Kids today, man, I'm telling you.

THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments section of this entry -- not e-mailed -- by 10 p.m. Sunday night. From there, we pick our faves, put 'em to a vote... you know the drill.

Here's the thing about Phoebe Price:

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This photo was taken on Halloween. It SO EASILY could have been snapped on, say, Thanksgiving, or Veteran's Day or National Sandwich Day (which is today, by the way! GO TELL A SANDWICH YOU LOVE IT). I mean, seriously, Phoebe? "Rear Admiral"? Give me a break.  That's JV squad material, and you know it. I expected to see you walking up and down Robertson Blvd wearing one pasty with Jon Gosselin's face on it, and one with Kate's face stuck to the other boob, while reading a copy of Star and yodeling. This is like barely even trying, for you. In fact, I'm concerned. Are you depressed? Do you feel unwell? Do you have a brain fog that's preventing you from giving Halloween your all? What is going on here? Maybe you should consult an expert -- I'm sure Bobby Trendy could help.

October 15, 2009

Fugoebe Price

Star magazine just turned five, and this is what Phoebe Price gave it at its party:

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This is what I imagine Barbie would wear to the funeral of her archrival's husband, with whom Barbie of course had a torrid affair that may have spawned a love child who is entitled to half the man's estate. (Although I think Barbie would've remembered not to stop applying bronzer at her wrists -- or, better, would have accessorized with elbow-length gloves).

It's a marvelous gift of lunacy to Star, and to us all. Phoebe, my birthday is on August 16, and I am turning... not five. So for all my extra years on this planet, I hope you come up with a sartorial present for me that is commensurately more wackadaisical. Thank you.

HOW IS SHE STILL GETTING TICKETS TO THIS THING?

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It certainly isn't because of her contributions to our combined sartorial health and wellness.

August 26, 2009

Fugbe Prifug

There is really nothing remarkable about this dress at all. If Sophia Bush showed up somewhere in this, we'd probably say something like, "God, remember when she was married to Chad Michael Murray?" and then we'd move along with our lives.



But on P-Squared here, with the high drama fascinator on her head, it stops being ordinary and starts looking like she's running a dating service for matadors. Olé, bitches.

July 15, 2009

Fugbe Price

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[All Photos: WENN.com]

LADY: It's you. It's YOU!

MRS. PRICE: It is! It is me! Hello there, young lady.

PHOEBE: Um, Mom, I think she's talking to ME.

LADY: OH MY GOD MY FRIENDS ARE GOING TO DIE I NEED A PICTURE OF THIS.

MRS. PRICE: My, people are so friendly in this town!

PHOEBE: No, I told you, Mom, she's just spazzing over me because I'm ME. I'm FAMOUS.

MRS. PRICE: You are? For what?

LADY: YOU'RE THE CRAZY GIRL! THE CRAZY GIRL WHO WEARS THE CRAZY!

MRS. PRICE: Excuse me?

PHOEBE: What she means is, you know, that I've worn stuff, and... you know, I've done other stuff, and been around stuff, and there's the shopping, and sometimes I make things, like hats...

LADY: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DO EITHER! HOLY GOD THIS IS AMAZING. I AM GOING TO TWITTER THE SHIT OUT OF THIS.

MRS. PRICE: Well, now, I don't know if you need to use THAT kind of language, my dear.

LADY: SORRY, I MEANT, TWITTER THE HECK OUT OF THIS.

MRS. PRICE: Much better. Now, Phoebe, dear, I don't understand -- you are famous for just sort of standing around?

PHOEBE: Well, there is SOMETHING else I do...

MRS. PRICE: What is that?

LADY: OH!!! THIS IS GOING TO BE GOOD.

June 24, 2009

Phofugbe Prifugce

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[Photo: Splash News]

"So, Phoebe, what did you do today?"

"Oh, you know. The usual. I wandered the streets of Hollywood in a cocktail gown and a skipper's hat, looking wistful and eating gummi bears."

"Then what happened?"

"This seemingly sweet old lady came running up from behind and whacked me with her cane. She told me to get a job and scampered off. She was surprisingly spry."

"I'm sure you deserved it."

"Yes, maybe I did. Can you hand me my dunce cap and that bag of popcorn? I'm late for shift outside of Kitson."
I suspect Phoebe Price is not done at Cannes, since the festival just started and she -- against all odds -- seems to have invitations to every single premiere in town. But she already whipped out so many outfits that leaving them all for one massive post-Cannes omnibus seems like a mountain neither of us is strong enough to climb, or at least, not without several oxygen tanks and about ten sherpas who look like David Boreanaz.

But where to start... I suppose here is as good a place as any:

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She is like a peacock, or an exotic predators of the wild who lures you in with plumage and then feasts on your flesh, before breaking into an elaborate hat-twirling song-and-dance number about the joys of being a jungle carnivore. Who wears half-gloves.

Showmanship, rather than her usual semi-nudity, appears to have been her M.O. this weekend. It's she's replaced using her boobs, thighs, and ass cleavage as accessories by overdosing on ACTUAL accessories:
May 14, 2009

P-Fugged

So, wipe aside for a second the news that Phoebe Price has either the connections or the budget to get invited back to Cannes AGAIN, and focus on the fact that the caption for this photo -- as written by the photographer -- claims P-Squared is wearing a dress and a hat of her own design and from her own clothing line.

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[Photo: FlynetOnline.com]

The hat does not surprise me -- I mean, of COURSE Phoebe would create a hat that belongs on the head of a groomsman at Robin Hood's wedding. But what shocks me is that if you'd asked me to ponder what kind of clothes P-Squared would design, I'd look at her archive and then say, "Something made of tissue paper and lace. Preferably something in danger of blowing away if a poodle sneezes within a ten-mile radius." And yes, this is ever-so-slightly see-through here around the crotch region, but frankly, in the right -- or rather, wrong -- lighting, a lot of stuff out there is. So we're left with P-Squared allegedly maybe creating and selling something you'd see on The CW (and possibly injuring her wrist doing it, since she's wearing a brace), which would be confusing enough on its own -- but add to that the fact that she's possibly doing it under her own design shingle, which means she has an actual JOB, and my world scrambles like it's on a Grand Slam plate at Denny's. Sigh. Maybe a side of bacon will help this make sense.

April 10, 2009

FugSquared

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"What's that, you say? Aubrey O'Day won Fug Madness 2009 in part because she was willing to pimp out her tragic little dog in a series of ridiculous outfits, all over town? BEAT THIS ONE, D'DAY. I AM COMING FOR YOUR ASS. 2010 IS MINE. AND I DON'T CARE WHO GETS HURT. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA."

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