Selma Blair

August 26, 2008

Fug & Kim

The promos for Kath & Kim that ran during the Olympics deeply stank. To the point where I think I felt actual, physical pain. I would shake my fist at the sky and ask why, GOD, WHY, so many talented people are involved in something so potentially awful, but then I remember that Maid In Manhattan is not a figment of my (or Ralph Fiennes') imagination, so ... truly anything is possible.

Ergo, I guess Selma Blair can't be blamed for taking a pair of scissors to her dress. Those commercials would make anyone stabby.

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But buck up, Selma. You've managed to create something akin to what might be on the cover if Martha Stewart were allowed to guest-edit an issue of Elle. In fact, I'm sure Martha will be calling you imminently to book you for a guest segment on her talk show, all about how to freshen up your old clothes by treating them like paper snowflakes. You might want to leave those white lace inserts at home, though; adding anything doily-like to this craft project might make Martha's head spin off her neck and explode with joy, and we need her too much. She's like a lifestyle MacGyver. Without Martha, how would I possibly figure out how to make a Halloween centerpiece out of a pile of wet leaves, a cinnamon stick, some Hanes undershirts, and a rented goat? HOW?!?
July 22, 2008

Kath and Fug

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MOLLY SHANNON: And so I said to myself, "How can I dig INTO this character and really FEEL all of her, you know, feelings?"

SELMA BLAIR: Oh boy. I have a bad feeling about this. I'm pretty sure some people can't tell she's wearing pants.

MOLLY: Because, I mean, I play Selma's mother on Kath & Kim, but I'm only eight years older than she is, see? How am I going to find motivation in that?

SELMA: That is a lot of thigh. Should I say something? I don't want people to think she's sitting here in her underwear.

MOLLY: I mean, REALLY. Her MOTHER? I'M SO SURE, right? HA.

SELMA: If she would just shut UP for a second, I could invent something about how working with Molly has taught me all about formal shorts.

MOLLY: Like, THERE IS NO WAY. AT ALL. BECAUSE I AM NOT OLD. So obviously, I'm really having to dig deep here to get in touch with my cougar side.

SELMA: What if I accidentally knock water into her lap and force her to stand up? Or maybe I could yell "FIRE." They won't arrest me for that, right? I'm a celebrity. Okay, here goes...

MOLLY: So I decided the best way was to start wearing RIDICULOUSLY TINY formal shorts.

SELMA: Oh, thank GOD. I need a drink. And a raise. Although a firefighter might have been nice too.

July 9, 2008

Fug Intentions

We got several emails from readers this morning, bewailing Ms Selma Blair's recent TRL ensemble:

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All howlers noted that Selma is very cute (true) before bemoaning that she appears to have gotten lost on her way down to a matinée of 42nd Street (also true) / en route to tap class (true again) / coming back from a Roaring Twenties party (yes) / returning from a bout of time travel to the actual 1920s (yep). We concur with the general public.
June 30, 2008

Fug or Fab: Selma Blair

One of the many fashion-related emails I get sent had this picture this morning under a headline that read something like, "Jumpsuits remain ubiquitous," and I had to laugh, picturing the writer looking at his swath of pictures of jumpsuited stars and thinking, "What the hell am I supposed to say about this that doesn't sound super negative, but doesn't actually endorse the jumpsuit? 'Jumpsuits continue to have two legs.' 'Jumpsuits are not dresses.'  'Jumpsuits....are.' DAMN IT. I need some coffee." It is confounding, especially because, as jumpsuits go, this is not TERRIBLE:

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And yet, it is still a jumpsuit. Blair isn't aided by the fact that, in several of the pics from the Hellboy premiere, she is making a face last seen during the scenes in Cruel Intentions where she's attempting to seduce Ryan Phillippe, but is in fact about to fall down. This perhaps renders her jumpsuit more humorous than she intended.

May 13, 2008

Fug Or Fab: Selma Blair

First and foremost, I must congratulate Selma on her bangs. They are most fetching. Second, I must wonder aloud: is this a scrolldown fug, or not?

Because I rather like it -- certainly from the waist up it's very flattering in that effortlessly minimalist, "I just threw on this little $1200 number on my way out the door" kind of way. But the skirt seems a rather awkward length, a little too close to Molly Ringwald Called: She Wants Her Pretty in Pink Wardrobe Back joke territory. And I'm saving those for the surely soon-to-come day when Paris Hilton marries Benji Madden wearing a deconstructed prom dress.

October 13, 2004

Selma Fug

Here's the thing. I think Selma Blair is quite pretty, when she's got a modicum of body fat on her skinny bones. She usually dresses quite nicely. She gets a pass from my division of the fashion police on most occasions.

However. Girlfriend needs folicular assistance. Check it:

What is with the hairline? Sweet fancy Moses, it's eating her face! Selma, Selma, Selma! Rita Hayworth had her hairline plucked. Catherine Zeta-Jones had her lasered. Please, for the love of God, do something about yours before you end up in Teen Wolfe: The She-Male Years.

Or, you could just keep your bangs:

See? Pretty. And no one will know about your teeny tiny twohead. Problem solved.

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