Thora Birch

April 29, 2005

American Fuggy

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Thora Birch looks like Carson Kressly in a gay rodeo.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 11:33 AM in Thora Birch
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February 28, 2005

Oscar Post-Party Fugshion: Thora Birch

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Thora Birch swung by an Oscar party on her way home from work at the insurance company.

THORA! Seriously? YOUR HAIR HAS GOT TO GO. You look like you wash it with undiluted chlorine.  Hot oil treatment! A trim! AN ACTUAL HAIRDRESSER. These are all things you need to look into. Please.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 05:40 PM in Oscars, Thora Birch
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October 13, 2004

Dyed to Fug

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Allow Ms. Thora Birch to demonstrate one of my biggest beauty pet-peeves: Dyed-to-match, or at least lightened, eyebrows.

When people go blond and bleach out their brows -- especially if they are fair-skinned -- it washes them out and detracts from their eyes, generally really ratcheting back the cute (see: Barrymore, Drew, Never Been Kissed... perhaps this is why, Drew).

Look at Thora. It looks like she shaved her brows off, and the effect is that her forehead goes on for ten miles. [And before anyone accuses me of being hateful, because some people have alopecia: I agree, alopecia sufferes are the real heroes, but Thora Birch does not have alopecia.]

All it would take is some Nice-n-Easy to darken those right up so that her eye area has some definition. Better, if she goes to a full-on salon, she could get a weave, because her hair is kind of thin and damaged and appears to be retreating from her very aggressive forehead, which is annexing patches of her skull at an alarming rate.

However, more problematically: Thora Birch needs to eat some carbs. People shouldn't make carbohydrates the enemy. Carbs love you. They want to insulate you and prevent you from becoming a shrunken bag of bones. Sometimes, they want to help you take a nap on your keyboard in the middle of the workday. Let them.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 05:30 PM in Thora Birch
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September 15, 2004

American Fugly

Can someone please help poor Thora Birch?

What's going on here? Is she preparing for a role in Homeless to Whorehouse? With the mesh tunic over a white sports bra? And the horrible bruises on her legs? And... are those bicycle shorts? She looks as though either she's appearing in a crackhouse talent show, or that her pimp has a fetish for Chicago.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 04:26 PM in Thora Birch
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July 9, 2004

Anti-Fug Serum, Anyone?

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Thora Birch is a lovely young girl... who desperately, desperately needs to invest in some decent hair color, some shampoo, lipstick that doesn't suggest she will blow you for three dollars and a mickey of rum, and a jug of anti-frizz:

She gets major points for not contracting nippleitis while wearing this tight dress, but... what are those spots down the front? And is that the edge of a RUFFLE I detect in the bottom left corner of this picture?

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 10:22 AM in Thora Birch
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