Diane Kruger Archives

September 2, 2008

Well Played, Diane Kruger

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basic (or unbasic) black

I just got sucked into watching National Treasure the other night, and boy, is everything about that movie laughably terrible, including -- but certainly not limited to -- Diane Kruger's performance. And Nicolas Cage's hair. Seriously, he needs to donate his piece to the Smithsonian or something. Then maybe National Treasure 3 can be about how the underside of his toupe has a map to the bank where he deposited his paychecks for the first two movies.

Anyway, clearly, I am not surfing any raging tide of goodwill toward Diane Kruger, which is how I know I must really like this dress. There is something so deliciously Grace Kelly about it:

[Photo: BauerGriffinOnline.com]

Generally I'm not a huge fan of the black transparent stuff -- which I'm sure is its technical name -- but this entire outfit catapults me to another time in such a romantic way. I could totally see her playing Princess Grace in an elaborate biopic called Dial M For Monaco, all about Grace's alleged and actual lovers and full of dishy stunt-casting. Ewan McGregor as Bing Crosby! Robert Downey, Jr., as Oleg Cassini (putting that mustache of his to better use -- I don't buy that Sherlock Holmes excuse; the Piped Wonder doesn't NEED a welcome mat under his nose). And good ol' Pacey Witter up there looks pretty dapper in his tux. Since I've heard his new FOX show is a bit terrible, maybe art can imitate life and Josh Jackson can swoop in as Prince Rainier and romance the hairpins out of her.

Great, now I need a yacht and a Mimosa. That is so unfair on the first morning back from a yachtless long weekend.

July 15, 2008

Fug Treasure: Book of Secrets

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I dunno, Diane:

When I start to wonder where you've parked your gondola, maybe that's a sign that the hat is a bridge too far, if I may mix a metaphor. On the other hand, I admit to being intrigued by the physics that come into play when one pairs a weensy little cropped vest-top with...well, anything. Diane Kruger is blessed in that she doesn't have to call her girlfriends into the dressing room and say, "seriously, does this weensy little cropped vest-top make my back fat look fat?" the way most of the rest of the world would, but maybe she should have asked them if, when paired with her straw hat, it made her look like the boy who works Karl Lagerfeld's personalized water taxi. What a book that kid could write.

February 18, 2008

Fab AND Fug: Diane Kruger

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So, there's a part in the book where we talk about Diane Kruger, and how sometimes she looks AMAZING, and sometimes she looks like she woke up in an alternate universe where everyone wears trash compactors as hats. That happened again this weekend.

First, we've got the fantastic:

I love that. I think she looks so chic and unusual and....you know, very Dramatic Gorgeous European Actress who bathes in alpaca milk and owns a leopard. In a good way.

But then, the next day the pendulum clearly swung into the other direction. The fully batshit crazy direction:

Continue reading Fab AND Fug: Diane Kruger.

February 8, 2008

Diane Fugger

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WTF

Diane Kruger is bringing special meaning to the concept of being two-faced.

The one on the bottom looks like a lot more fun, too -- I would've liked to see what it could've done to enliven some of her movies. For one thing, what with how it appears to be flirting with the photographers, it seems far more adept at creating sexual tension. Maybe Diane has several of these in her closet, one for every possible reaction she might want to express with her face but is unable to summon. By the time we get National Treasure III: Hat of Mystery, they'll just be cutting to her shirt completely and leave her actual head out of the film altogether.

February 17, 2005

BAFTA Fug: Diane Kruger

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Semi-obscure blonde actress Diane Kruger (Troy, Wicker Park, National Treasure -- all movies you've heard of but which nevertheless have not made her any less a discount Naomi Watts) has appeared on this site before wearing mismatched halves of a dress.

This time, she's wearing two halves that technically do match, but...

The skirt, while not my personal taste, could come off as delicate and elegant -- even with that twee satin bow -- if she found a way to pair it with a different shirt. Something more form-fitting. But that matching and strangely tented tank top thing up there... no. Too much handkerchief, too much billow, and too much visible camisole. That totally shoves this ensemble across the fine line between ethereal and "eek."

January 17, 2005

2005 Golden Globes: Diane Kruger

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Modeling the latest from the Sears Designer Shower Curtain Collection...

... Diane Kruger.

September 1, 2004

Little Ditty 'Bout Fug and Diane

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dialogue

"Hey, Rose."

"Hey -- nice to see you again... Blond Person! Remind me again who you are?"

"I'm Diane Kruger. I'm in that new Josh Hartnett movie with you."

"And I am...?"

"Rose something. Basically, you're The Other Chick From That New Josh Hartnett movie."

"Oh, okay. Do other people know who we are?"

"No, nobody really cares, but that's what the premiere is for -- to make people notice. What are you going to wear?"

"I have this great little taffeta skirt that totally shows off my pot belly, and a cotton tube top in a similar-but-not-close-enough shade of green that makes me look really slouchy! I'm so excited. My shoulders are already rolling forward in anticipation."

"Oooh -- make sure you use a lot of hairspray with that look. And if possible, have a faint tan line."

"Done. Thanks, Rebecca -- you're the best."

"It's Diane."

"Right. So, what are you wearing?"

"You are going to LOVE this. Okay: I had this old bridesmaid's dress, right, this kind of midnight-blue thing with stitching on it. But it had a giant stain on the skirt, because one of the groomsmen got too excited in the limo, you know? But everyone kept telling me it was such a great dress, and one I could wear on another occasion, right... "

"... Oh, I think it's a bride's duty to pick out a bridesmaid's dress that you can wear again...."

"I know, it's just sensible. But my stylist wanted me to wear this de-rigeur black and white thing with a fitted skirt and ruffle explosion at the bottom, but the top gave me quadra-boob! It was terrible! So you know what I did?"

"No, but I have a feeling it's going to be ABsoLUTE magic."

"I had this brainwave -- I took the top of the blue dress and the bottom of the white dress and STITCHED THEM TOGETHER."

"No!!!"

"Yes!! Ohmygod it's going to be so bitchin'."

"You are a GENIUS, Naomi!"

"Diane. I'm Diane."

"Right, right. And what movie are you in again?"

Diane Kruger

Well Played, Diane Kruger

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Fug Treasure: Book of Secrets

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Fab AND Fug: Diane Kruger

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Diane Fugger

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BAFTA Fug: Diane Kruger

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2005 Golden Globes: Diane Kruger

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Little Ditty 'Bout Fug and Diane

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