Halloween is such a phenomenal spectator sport. It must take real skill for people like, say, Paris Hilton or Audrina Patridge to figure out how they can show skin and tease up their hair in a different way that could be construed as a costume. Half the C-list gets dolled up as Sexy Angels, Sexy Devils, Sexy Women In Black Corsets And Random Wigs, and Super-Naked Sexy Take On A Random Profession That Usually Does Not Require Visible Navels; mixed in there, you will occasionally get some awesome costumes, but more often than not it's the type of "Yay, I have an actual
excuse to show my bra" stuff that we all did when we were 23.
This time, though, full marks for creativity to Ashton Kutcher. If you doubt that he wears the pants in his marriage, I am here to tell you that he is at least SOMETIMES in full be-trousered control. Because he convinced Demi Moore to go with him in costume... as ,according to our image provider (and I suspect it is correct based on the photo) a GIANT NIPPLE:
[Photo: Splash News]Not only that, but he convinced her to wear puffy flesh-toned leggings AND made her carry the nipple into the club from the car -- apparently, she was too embarrassed to put on the costume while they were in the street. So instead, she buried her head in the pink felt areola. To HIDE. Granted, yes, this is a woman who once wore bike shorts to the Oscars, but those do not look like the actions of a person who is proud to be a nipple. I wish I'd been a fly on the wall of that conversation, when Ashton was like, "Honey, I have the BEST costume idea. But I need you." And Demi was all, "Mmm-hmm, sweetie, sure, can you pass me
Parade magazine? I need to study Nicole Kidman's face." So Ashton went, "THANK YOU. Because a giant nipple pillow cannot be borne by man alone," and Demi was like, "Say WHAT? God, what would Marilyn vos Savant think..." and Ashton frowned and said, "That's funny, Cameron Diaz told me she thought it was brilliant..." resulting in Demi clenching so hard she broke three teeth and then did a shot of bourbon before nodding her agreement. Well played, Ashton. It's deliciously tacky, and yet the fact that you pulled this off kind of makes me cherish you deeply.
Speaking of deliciously tacky:
