Uma Thurman

May 1, 2009

Fug or Fab: Uma Thurman

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Uma Uma Uma Uma.

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[Photo: WENN.com]

You are, of course, a timeless beauty and this dress is theoretically lovely. But do I, or do I not want to come over and yank it up just about an inch and a half? Do I, or do I not want to revamp your accessories? Do I, or do I not want to ask you if maybe -- should I choose not to hoist your dress up a wee bit -- you might want to put on a bra? Do I? Or do I not?
poll by twiigs.com
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 09:29 AM in Fug or Fab, Uma Thurman
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December 3, 2008

Mad Fug and Glory

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UMA THURMAN: Hi, honey!

ARPAD BUSSON: Hey there

UMA: I love that suit on you!

ARPAD: And it is always nice to see you.

UMA: Well, yeah. We're engaged. I would hope so. Do you like what I'm wearing?

ARPAD: You are a beautiful woman.

UMA: Yes, but my outfit?

ARPAD: You are so talented and intelligent.

UMA: That is not an answer.

ARPAD: Your body is AMAZING. I mean, just look at your hot ass. Also, I like your hair.

UMA: I can't believe you don't like this outfit!

ARPAD: Dude, half of you looks like you're freezing and the other half looks like you just strolled up to the poolside bar for a mojito.

UMA: What are you even talking about?

APRAD: I can not understand why you're cold enough to wear a turtleneck and a coat up top and warm enough to wear essentially flip flops down below!

UMA: My hot ass keeps me warm from the waist down. I thought that was obvious.

APRAD: I should have known.



Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:15 AM in Uma Thurman
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October 31, 2008

The Accidental Fugband

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Just to be clear, Uma Thurman isn't at a Halloween party.

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[Photo: Splash News]

So I can't quite understand why she's wearing something that, last I saw it, was stained with trash-compactor juice from the bowels of the Death Star, sustained while Luke wrestled with some sort of cyclops-serpent and then the walls started closing in on them. I mean, I guess Carrie Fisher made it look comfortable, but all I can think of when I see it is what sort of nasty garbage those Dark Side troopers probably generated -- what with all of Darth Vader's medical waste (you know he had some; the dude was seriously high-maintenance) and the space equivalent of mice and cockroaches they'd have to kill every time they got into the kitchen cupboards, and of course all the musty robes of kindly old wise men that they had to incinerate after the big boss disintegrated them with a flick of his glow-stick. It's not a nice mental image, is what I'm saying. But I'm sure Uma had a lovely night, and hey, if she had to run away from any laser-wielding clones in white helmets, then I'll eat my words and swear she picked the perfect gown.
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 01:25 PM in Uma Thurman
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September 5, 2008

Fug The Cover: Uma Thurman

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It's not that Uma looks BAD, per se...

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But doesn't this photo make you wonder what, exactly, happened to Uma during her "wild year"? Based on her facial expression, I suspect that she strained her neck in the middle of yoga class -- and while she was laid up on the couch, her kids fed her enough Skittles to give her a raging cavity and then put gum in her hair everywhere but in the very back, forcing her to cut it all out and leave nothing but an awkward rat-tail. And poor Uma hasn't been able to make it to the dentist, her hair salon, OR her massage therapist because she's been too busy shopping for a bra that will fit her now that her left boob has migrated out toward Armpit Country, so she's just working through the pain and hoping no one will notice. And the In Style people were all, "Well, whatever, it's the Fall Fashion Fever issue -- it'll just look like she's the throes of a particularly debilitating case. MAKEUP! Let's get her looking flushed, people. Can you grit your teeth a bit harder, Uma? PERFECT."

Of course, that's all a guess. Maybe she just rediscovered her love of calculus and got a crick in her nape falling asleep on her open textbook, or found an old Bangles cassette and threw her neck out trying to walk like an Egyptian. Or she forgot to get a manicure and needs to hide her nails. But whatever it is causing that tension in her face, it definitely doesn't make me want to shop for pants, no matter what miracles they want to work on my thighs. 
Permalink | Posted By Heather at 09:18 AM in Fug The Cover, Uma Thurman
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