Katie Price/Jordan

July 17, 2008

Jordan: Pushed to the Fug

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There is really something divine about Katie "Jordan" Price. I mean, this is a girl who does nothing halfway. Her skirts are short, her tan is very bronze, and she never shows up for a promotion -- of anything! -- looking like she just rolled out of bed. For example:

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Bless.

And you know there's something special about a girl when your high-class photo service includes a detail shot...of her crotch (safe for work -- they didn't make her take her silvery unitard off):
Continue reading Jordan: Pushed to the Fug.
Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:58 PM in Katie Price/Jordan
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May 9, 2008

I'm a Celebrity, Fug Me Out of Here!

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Obviously, one doesn't look to UK celebrity nudist Katie "Jordan" Price for fashion tips. And yet:

My question is, considering that this is the woman who once said she wouldn't wear any skirt longer than 9 inches, does she think this gold item is a belt, or a skirt? I feel like it might be the latter. And that scares me. 

As does the fact that she's starting to resemble a wax figure more than ever --- which I didn't think was possible -- but that's a frightening tale for another day.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 01:27 PM in Katie Price/Jordan
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April 16, 2008

Fugie Price

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British cleavage queen Jordan is trying harder and harder to re-brand herself by her actual birth name Katie Price (imagine that), because of how she allegedly separates her raunchy modeling persona from her real life. I would like to try and go with her on that one -- she's sort of amusing on what I've seen of her late-night show with hubby Peter Andre -- but she's so costumey and crazy that it's hard to think of her as any kind of real person at all.

For instance, to promote her autobiography, Katie-Jordan wore a disco Wonder Woman outfit. To debut her new lingerie line, she wore a bra and panties. And now, to pimp her latest children's book Mermaids and Pirates: Follow The Fish, she showed up, of COURSE, in something delightfully literal:

spl26211_005.jpg[Photo: Splash News]

That's just fantastic -- it's like the Enchantment Under The Sea dance reimagined as a soft-core ice ballet. Which, of course, is wholly appropriate when celebrating a book that's all about touching things and is aimed at really, really young people. What a successful image makeover this has been.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 09:03 AM in Katie Price/Jordan
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November 27, 2006

A Whole New Fug

Let's face it:  if there would be one item that we would lash out against, unilaterally, it would obviously be shiny pleather leggings:

And yet, loathe as I am to admit it, Katie "Jordan" Price is kind of pulling them off. I have no idea how she got them ON -- baby powder? Vaseline? Prayer? -- but she's kind of working them.

Of course, it's entirely possible that I am feeling particularly charitable toward her because I just watched the video she and Peter Andre made for their cover of "A Whole New World." If you have not yet seen this, do yourself a favor and indulge. As Celine Dion sang so memorably in "It's All Coming Back to Me Now" -- a music video which looks like a three-minute advert for minimalism compared to Jordan and Peter's effort, by the way -- "there were moments of gold, and there were flashes of light. There were things I'd never do again, but then they'd always seemed right. There were nights of endless pleasure. It was more than any laws allow." Truly, the six minutes of black and white deliciousness that is their music video WILL provide you with endless pleasure. More than any laws allow. Enough, in fact, to make you accept black pleather leggings topped with a superfluous belt (because last time I checked, leggings don't have belt loops). It is that powerful. Consider that my gift to you.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 10:02 AM in Katie Price/Jordan
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November 16, 2006

Fugdan

Oh, Jordan.

Of course you're dressed like a bride as envisioned by the cast of Strictly Ballroom.  I expect you to start tangoing dramatically at any moment.

You know, there are celebrities who are so over-the-top with such regularity that their campiness becomes a delight -- like Cher -- and Jordan is one such celebrity for me.  As much as we mock her -- and as easy as she is to mock -- imagine how disappointing it would be if she showed up looking modest and understated. In fact, I challenge her to go bigger! Start wearing live birds in your hair, Jordan! Wear a skirt stitched together with Christmas lights that you can turn on and off with the flick of a switch attached to your right boob! Invest in a bodice made entirely of tinsel woven together with baby hair! Go big or go home!

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 11:37 AM in Katie Price/Jordan
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February 2, 2006

JorFug

Brit star Jordan thought long and hard about what she ought to wear to her book signing. Something bookish, surely. Something literary. Demure. Something a little...Clan of the Cave Bear meets J. Crew?

Now, before you fire up the old email: yes, that's really her. No, it's not a wax figure. Yes, her hair is like the shiniest, most plastic weave I've ever seen, too.  Yes, I think my Barbie also had those boots.  No, I'm pretty sure they're fake. Yes, she's crazy skinny. No, I'm pretty sure the tan is fake, too.  No, I don't know what happened to the rest of her skirt. Yes, I'm scared, too.

Permalink | Posted By Jessica at 12:35 PM in Katie Price/Jordan
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May 9, 2005

I'm A Celebrity, Fug Me Out Of Here!

I love British celebrities. Specifically, the so-called glamour models like Jordan, who is Britain's sartorial equivalent to Lil' Kim -- proprietous, careful, not at all interested in giving us a living illustration of her birth canal:

She appears to be making some sort of maternity-as-straitjacket statement; that, or during her time on I'm A Celebrity..., she mastered the at of MacGyvering some clothes out of whatever you can steal from somebody else's tent.

It's lovely to see that being pregnant hasn't stopped Jordan from defaulting to "nearly naked." I think I can see the baby's head crowning. Get back inside, pal! You think it's scary up there? I've got news for you.

Permalink | Posted By Heather at 11:21 AM in Katie Price/Jordan
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