Taylor Momsen Archives

July 1, 2009

Unfug It Up: Taylor Momsen

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Aw, Little J. I sort of miss you gallivanting about my TV screen on Monday nights, while I am bracing myself for whatever crazy-ass shenanigans are about to happen on One Tree Hill in the next hour. I never thought I'd say that, but complaining about your character's behavior -- and, often, the behavior of the entire Humphrey clan -- truly proved to be a valuable addition to my cardio routine. There's the running, doing the sadistic Santa Monica stairs (on mornings when I want to vomit), and the vigorous complaining about Gossip Girl. I only complain, of course, because I love. And I ALMOST love this:

Personally, I just hate the shoes. I GET the thought process there, and she certainly doesn't have to wear what I would wear with this outfit (something open-toed), but I feel like if you're going to do the cowboy boot thing, wear taller ones. Because these somehow manage to look like she's doing the wall of shame home from a party and couldn't find the shoes she wore out, so she's shuffling to the car in her gentleman caller's shoes. Although I would fug these on a dude, too -- they're just so...clonky looking and not in an awesome way. I mean, go 90s and do the 8-eye Doc Martens here if that's the look you want. Even Converse. Just...not these? You know?

YOU know what to do. Have at it in the comments. Keep it clean!

May 22, 2009

Little Fug

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Wow, the hits from Little J just keep on coming.

[Photo: WENN.com]

On the one hand, I appreciate her consistency -- the kid wants to be leather-and-lace, so to speak, and she's sticking with it come hell or high fuggery. But if someone told me The CW was giving Jenny Humphrey a spin-off in which she escapes to Europe to open a Hell's Angels ballet company, I'd believe it. And pray they hire one of the ZZ Top dudes to be the choreographer.

May 22, 2009

Fugsip Girl

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LEIGHTON MEESTER: Admit it, this outfit totally makes you think of any scene from any show EVER where someone walked into a high-powered woman's office and proceeded to have sex with her on her desk. When they reboot L.A. Law, I am all OVER that.

JESSICA SZOHR: I am stunned. STUNNED. Because... I actually look kind of cute in this.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: BORING.

BLAKE LIVELY: I know this is a romper. I KNOW. And I know it's kind of skimpy. Like I should be wearing it at the beach. But just look at me and remember that I'm hot, and that you love my hair, and then maybe you won't SEE that it's a romper.

LEIGHTON: You can't tell if I'm wearing formal shorts. That is my genius. You just want to know if I'm going to, ahem, prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. If you get my drift.

JESSICA: Why did I get these dumb extensions back in, though? Down at the ends they look like I hacked them off a corpse. I REALLY need to stop undercutting myself.

TAYLOR: DOUBTFUL.

BLAKE: It's just... you don't understand! My legs! I have these LEGS! It's like a curse, having these legs and needing to show them off in tiny, tiny shorts. And these BOOBS. It's like I can't control what they put themselves in, because they just need to be SEEN.

LEIGHTON: You keep telling yourself that, sweetie.

TAYLOR: VOMIT.

LEIGHTON: Oh, quit your posturing and be happy you have a job.

May 18, 2009

Fugler Momsen

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FERGIE: Listen, Taylor, we should talk.

TAYLOR: Can't talk. Need to look sultry.

FERGIE: Honey, listen. I'm wearing a harness. You see that, right?

TAYLOR: Sure.

FERGIE: A harness, AND a really long fake braid that looks like someone cut off a horse tail and sewed it to my bun.

TAYLOR: Whatever.

FERGIE: But nobody is going to care. You know why? Because of you. Because of THIS:

Continue reading Fugler Momsen.

April 2, 2009

Little Fug

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makeup mishaps

I like to this of this photo as the promotional shot for a new show on The CW:

It's going to be a road-trip-themed reality show in which Taylor Momsen and Kelly Cutrone drive around the United States in a convertible solving crimes and teaching each other valuable lessons about life and love. Kelly will teach Taylor to stop wearing both a strong eye AND a heavy lip, and Taylor won't have anything to teach Kelly, so eventually Kelly will just leave her in the middle of nowhere and go back to New York to continue being the only person on The City who isn't a total liar. There won't be very many episodes, but we'll treasure it all the more for its brevity.

March 13, 2009

Spotted: Little Fug

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Just when you thought Little J's hair could get no worse:

[Photos: Splash News]

She quite literally looks like a cocker spaniel. What DID she do to the hair and makeup wizards to provoke this years-long assault, from which there appears to be no relief in sight? Did she turn firebug and torch someone's summer house? Did she steal someone's dim-witted (and sight-impaired) boyfriend? Did she run over a beloved pet? Did she lace someone's latte with roofies and then steal their treasured collection of rare costume jewelry while they were incapacitated?

Even Rufus and Dan can't look at the poor child:

Continue reading Spotted: Little Fug.

February 19, 2009

New York Fugshion Week, Day 6

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Gossip Girl

I feel like I've said all there is to say, for now, about The Hair. And how Taylor Momsen seems to be glaring at the camera in most photos as if it has offended her on a deeply personal level. So instead I will say that I don't hate this outfit, which she wore to the Marchesa show on Wednesday. It's young and funky and fits the aesthetic she's going for -- which, presumably, is Disaffected Rocker Teen Who Wants You To Think She Doesn't Care Even Though She Totally Does, And Is Not Going To Tidy Up Her Room Because That's Why We Have a Cleaning Lady, Mom, DUH -- and I figure, give credit where credit is due. Half the time she's trying to prance around in that hair with fancy ball gowns that are totally out of place on her, or else she's in terrible leggings or a sack dress, so all in all I will accept this as a mark in the "win" column for Little J up there and hope that she adopts a new coif in the Gossip Girl off-season.

Momsen also showed up at Anna Sui, just two hours after she fled Marchesa:

Continue reading New York Fugshion Week, Day 6.

February 16, 2009

You Fug You Love Me

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OH GOD MOMSEN:

This dress is lovely; WHY ARE YOU SO GLUM? Also, seriously....who is doing your face and hair? Who? And why are you letting them do this to you? Remember, a few weeks ago, when Eric Van Der Woodsen complimented you for losing the raccoon eyes, and you were all, "I know, right?" APPLY HIS CRITIQUE TO YOUR REAL LIFE. You're so very young. Even if you ARE strung out, you shouldn't LOOK strung out. It's like the best part of being young: the ability to string yourself out and still look delish. Not that I think you're actually strung out. You know what I'm saying. But you HAVE inspired me. It occured to me, looking at this photo, that VH1 would be well-served to start a new show, along the times of Rock of Celebrity Tools Rehab Academy, or whatever those shows are all called, in which a variety of troubled starlets have to live together in a ginormous mansion and improve themselves whilst occasionally having catfights and pouring beers into one another's weaves. Momsen could be there to have some stern taskmaster wash her face and cheer her up; Miley Cyrus could learn that she needs to never pose for photos, ever (seriously, I feel like she's had about nine scandals over various snaps in the last six months); Lilo can be there as a cautionary tale; and so forth. God, I want to set my Tivo for that RIGHT NOW.

February 5, 2009

Fugler Momfug

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The other day, after we once again expressed our displeasure with leggings, we got an e-mail complaining that we are boring, and saying that no one cares about our stupid rants about them. Clearly, based on the frequency with which celebrities still don them in public, that's at least partially true. So maybe we need to develop some kind of safe word -- an otherwise banal term with no real negative connotations, which we can use so that upon its mere mention, it automatically encapsulates all our usual feelings of enraged betrayal and grief that come with spotting someone out and about in The Spandex Scourge. Something like... zucchini. Or boggle (which, by the way, is really fun to say over and over again). Or Altoids.

Let's try it out:

[Photo: Splash News]

ALTOIDS.

And not just regular Altoids. Hot Altoids. Burning Altoids. Fiery, SCALDING Altoids that have been bedecked with glitter and feisty primary colors, like they're some kind of wearable personalized bowling ball airbrushed by a dude with a mild arson fetish. Altoids I would gladly attempt to knock some sense into by rolling them down a lane toward ten hard pins. Altoids being worn with the kind of tank top you usually see on burly dudes with waxed chests who are flexing in the mirror at the gym between grunting bicep curls. Altoids that still, unfathomably, won't grow out their horrible haircut. ALTOIDS. ALTOOOOOOIDS.

Phew. Okay, that sort of worked. Whenever we use our words around the office -- screaming "ARUGULA" every time the Internet cuts out at an inopportune moment, say, or yelling "PANTS" when we are out of Diet Coke -- they don't usually come with speeches. More like weeping and head-pounding. Still, we're new to this whole choking-back-the-leggings-rage thing. Eventually all we'll need is the one word and you'll feel the flames on the side of our faces.

January 14, 2009

Good Morning, Upper East Fuggers -- Fugsip Girl Here

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You know, if Little J fancies herself an up-and-coming clothing designer (which... does she, still? They kind of dropped that plotline a bit), she might not want to cut a swath through the Upper East Side wearing this:

If I could have reached through the TV with a pair of scissors and whacked off that single, measly, scraggly, pointless braid limply flirting with her collarbone, I would've done it. I don't know how the Gossip Girl crew resisted. As for the outfit, I wish it were a better photo; alas, my skills and my TV set are conspiring against me. But in the moment, those of us watching in my living room seriously wondered if it was some kind of elaborate antique support garment that she mistakenly donned over a turtleneck.

You may wonder why a strapless (or at least invisibly strapped) dress appears to be giving her polterwang. The answer is: That is not a dress. It's a CULOTTE ROMPER.

Oh, child, NO. First the show insists on bringing back awful, awful Georgina -- seriously, Entertainment Weekly and I are in a major fight over its continued pimping of that character (center of the bulls-eye, my ass) AND its recent assertion that 90210 is gripping and soapy -- and now this? Remember when all we had to worry about were Blair's headbands? Those were such innocent times.

Taylor Momsen

Unfug It Up: Taylor Momsen

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Little Fug

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Fugsip Girl

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Fugler Momsen

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Little Fug

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Spotted: Little Fug

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New York Fugshion Week, Day 6

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You Fug You Love Me

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Fugler Momfug

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Good Morning, Upper East Fuggers -- Fugsip Girl Here

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