Taylor Momsen Archives

August 6, 2009

The Scandalous Lives of Manhattan's Fuglite

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[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

Wow. I guess I always just thought they'd save Little J's teen prostitute storyline for season five.

August 3, 2009

Fugler Momsen

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When I found this image, the photographer's caption said something like, "Taylor Momsen makes a surprise appearance" at whatever Sephora event this is. But it neglected to mention which PART of Taylor threatened to make the most surprising arrival of all.

On most people, that shirt would be used as a poncho rather than as the ENTIRE outfit. I don't even care that her shoes are veering toward being a very fancy kind of orthopedic brace, because her shirtcho was freaking me out so badly during the 10 minutes in which I thought it was a dress. My unholy research has concluded, however, that I may detect in there somewhere the fringe from a pair of denim cutoffs, which unfortunately are SO cut off that they're basically denim panties, and now my nethers are so upset that they're threatening to go on strike unless I take a vacation.

Also, let me tell you, nothing feels ickier than feeling like it's your job to stare at the XOXO of a teenager to try and figure out what, exactly, you're seeing dangling there. I almost reported myself to the authorities.

July 30, 2009

Fug or Fab the Cover: Taylor Momsen

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Teen Vogue

So, as I think I've said before, I kind of totally love Teen Vogue. For one thing, I love its handy size. It fits right in my purse. (Well, my purse is huge. I could fit the OED in there. But TV fits inside it EASILY.) It's always a treat to flip though on a plane. And I like that they haven't tried to tamp down Taylor Momsen's....Momsenness. I mean, say what you will about her look -- and we have -- she certainly does have her own style and it's nice that they're attempting to working with it. Giving her some kind of wholesome fluffy look would probably be about as successful as trying to shove a grapefruit through the eye of a needle, so props for not even trying. I love her trench. And I honestly think the styling here is pretty great. But...let's talk about her makeup. MUST even TEEN FREAKING VOGUE leap on Momsen's I Just Woke Up From A TOTAL Bender Wearing Heavy Eye Makeup AND Red Lipstick look? Could they not go the old Jane route and give the poor kid a mild make-under? Just a small one? A teeny one? A tiny one? One that she would barely even notice? Couldn't they even just try? I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO WASH HER FACE A LITTLE BIT. Not even the whole face. Just part of the face. The lips. Or the eyes. Or ONE eye, even. Or just her lower lip. Do something, Teen Vogue. Do anything. Don't be part of the problem.

poll by twiigs.com

July 9, 2009

Tayfug Fugsen

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I'm wondering if the same people on Gossip Girl who are sabotaging Blake Lively ALSO have a little bit of a hate-on for Taylor Momsen. Check out what she wore on-set recently:

[All Photos: Splash News]

It would seem Little J's plot this season could be all about how she spent her summer vacation as the semi-slutty mechanic's aide who likes to shove wrenches suggestively into her hot-pants pockets, and then check the oil over and over again with that erotic dipstick. Maybe she'll even relaunch her fashion line to be geared toward grease-monkeys who just want to give the guys in the tire-rotation trenches something to feel good about every day.

I don't feel good at all about this next piece, though:

Continue reading Tayfug Fugsen.

July 1, 2009

Unfug It Up: Taylor Momsen

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Aw, Little J. I sort of miss you gallivanting about my TV screen on Monday nights, while I am bracing myself for whatever crazy-ass shenanigans are about to happen on One Tree Hill in the next hour. I never thought I'd say that, but complaining about your character's behavior -- and, often, the behavior of the entire Humphrey clan -- truly proved to be a valuable addition to my cardio routine. There's the running, doing the sadistic Santa Monica stairs (on mornings when I want to vomit), and the vigorous complaining about Gossip Girl. I only complain, of course, because I love. And I ALMOST love this:

Personally, I just hate the shoes. I GET the thought process there, and she certainly doesn't have to wear what I would wear with this outfit (something open-toed), but I feel like if you're going to do the cowboy boot thing, wear taller ones. Because these somehow manage to look like she's doing the wall of shame home from a party and couldn't find the shoes she wore out, so she's shuffling to the car in her gentleman caller's shoes. Although I would fug these on a dude, too -- they're just so...clonky looking and not in an awesome way. I mean, go 90s and do the 8-eye Doc Martens here if that's the look you want. Even Converse. Just...not these? You know?

YOU know what to do. Have at it in the comments. Keep it clean!

May 22, 2009

Little Fug

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Wow, the hits from Little J just keep on coming.

[Photo: WENN.com]

On the one hand, I appreciate her consistency -- the kid wants to be leather-and-lace, so to speak, and she's sticking with it come hell or high fuggery. But if someone told me The CW was giving Jenny Humphrey a spin-off in which she escapes to Europe to open a Hell's Angels ballet company, I'd believe it. And pray they hire one of the ZZ Top dudes to be the choreographer.

May 22, 2009

Fugsip Girl

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LEIGHTON MEESTER: Admit it, this outfit totally makes you think of any scene from any show EVER where someone walked into a high-powered woman's office and proceeded to have sex with her on her desk. When they reboot L.A. Law, I am all OVER that.

JESSICA SZOHR: I am stunned. STUNNED. Because... I actually look kind of cute in this.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: BORING.

BLAKE LIVELY: I know this is a romper. I KNOW. And I know it's kind of skimpy. Like I should be wearing it at the beach. But just look at me and remember that I'm hot, and that you love my hair, and then maybe you won't SEE that it's a romper.

LEIGHTON: You can't tell if I'm wearing formal shorts. That is my genius. You just want to know if I'm going to, ahem, prosecute you to the fullest extent of the law. If you get my drift.

JESSICA: Why did I get these dumb extensions back in, though? Down at the ends they look like I hacked them off a corpse. I REALLY need to stop undercutting myself.

TAYLOR: DOUBTFUL.

BLAKE: It's just... you don't understand! My legs! I have these LEGS! It's like a curse, having these legs and needing to show them off in tiny, tiny shorts. And these BOOBS. It's like I can't control what they put themselves in, because they just need to be SEEN.

LEIGHTON: You keep telling yourself that, sweetie.

TAYLOR: VOMIT.

LEIGHTON: Oh, quit your posturing and be happy you have a job.

May 18, 2009

Fugler Momsen

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FERGIE: Listen, Taylor, we should talk.

TAYLOR: Can't talk. Need to look sultry.

FERGIE: Honey, listen. I'm wearing a harness. You see that, right?

TAYLOR: Sure.

FERGIE: A harness, AND a really long fake braid that looks like someone cut off a horse tail and sewed it to my bun.

TAYLOR: Whatever.

FERGIE: But nobody is going to care. You know why? Because of you. Because of THIS:

Continue reading Fugler Momsen.

April 2, 2009

Little Fug

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makeup mishaps

I like to this of this photo as the promotional shot for a new show on The CW:

It's going to be a road-trip-themed reality show in which Taylor Momsen and Kelly Cutrone drive around the United States in a convertible solving crimes and teaching each other valuable lessons about life and love. Kelly will teach Taylor to stop wearing both a strong eye AND a heavy lip, and Taylor won't have anything to teach Kelly, so eventually Kelly will just leave her in the middle of nowhere and go back to New York to continue being the only person on The City who isn't a total liar. There won't be very many episodes, but we'll treasure it all the more for its brevity.

March 13, 2009

Spotted: Little Fug

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Just when you thought Little J's hair could get no worse:

[Photos: Splash News]

She quite literally looks like a cocker spaniel. What DID she do to the hair and makeup wizards to provoke this years-long assault, from which there appears to be no relief in sight? Did she turn firebug and torch someone's summer house? Did she steal someone's dim-witted (and sight-impaired) boyfriend? Did she run over a beloved pet? Did she lace someone's latte with roofies and then steal their treasured collection of rare costume jewelry while they were incapacitated?

Even Rufus and Dan can't look at the poor child:

Continue reading Spotted: Little Fug.

Taylor Momsen

The Scandalous Lives of Manhattan's Fuglite

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Fugler Momsen

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Fug or Fab the Cover: Taylor Momsen

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Tayfug Fugsen

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Unfug It Up: Taylor Momsen

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Little Fug

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Fugsip Girl

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Fugler Momsen

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Little Fug

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Spotted: Little Fug

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