Taylor Momsen

September 24, 2008

And Who Am I? I'll Never Fug

Poor T. Mom:

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Her stylist haaaaaaates her and/or has her confused with some other Taylor -- one who is old enough to vote. Elizabeth Taylor, perhaps, as she appears to be dressing her like an oft-married film star with fake hair. (PS: That is NOT her left nipple poking out of her dress, just in case you were worried. It's a stray bit of tulle from the flowers on the bodice. THANK GOD.)

On the whole, I think this dress is rather pretty. It's just...a lot. A lot for a FIFTEEN YEAR OLD GIRL. I know we're always squawking about how young she is, but think back to when you were fifteen. Fifteen is rather young for this much cleavage. My mother would have screamed if I'd tried to wear this at 15, and then shoved me back into the house and wrestled me into a cardigan. And on the other side of the coin, in addition to being so low cut, it's so LONG. Wouldn't a high school sophomore be better served in a cute, short, kicky cocktail-length dress that had a bit more coverage upstairs? Why doesn't anyone just ASK ME THESE THINGS?
September 19, 2008

FugX, XFug, Fug Girl

Just when you think Little J couldn't get any more annoying...

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[Photo: INFDaily.com]

...they have to go and put her in a teeny, tiny, miniature little hat. Poor kid never had a chance.
September 9, 2008

Fugsip Fug

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MAX AZRIA: Hello everyone! I am here with Taylor Momsen, the hot twenty-eight-year old star of Gossip Girl!

TAYLOR: Actually, I'm fifteen.

MAX: Nonsense! Come on, Taylor, talk about this look. Inspire the crowd!

TAYLOR: Do you really want that? Really?

MAX: Out with it, darling! Tell the world!

TAYLOR: Okay. I look like Pat Benatar.

MAX: We belong to the night!

TAYLOR: Crossed with Debbie Harry and one of the chicks from Heart.

MAX: Oooh, barracuda!

TAYLOR: With a bit of Bret Michaels and Kim Cattrall from the opening scenes of Mannequin.

MAX: Yes! Talk dirty to me! Nothing's gonna stop us now!

TAYLOR: Times someone whose mouth has been erased.

MAX: Right! Wait... um...

TAYLOR: And a dash of E.G. Daily.

MAX: You're losing me... Um... er... smelly cat!

TAYLOR: Close, but I had another one in mind.

MAX: Hmm. You'd be better off dead?

TAYLOR: Bingo.


Whoever told Little J this haircut was a good idea should be shot.

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We would have said something ourselves when we saw her yesterday at Chris Benz, but we had Eva Amurri's Hammer pants to contend with.

Also in the mix: our girl A Dubs skipped Proenza to see her hot sexy tennis player friend/secret lover Roger Federer win his fifth US Open. PS: She really didn't miss much. Except Nicole Richie. And Kayne West talking about his blog. It's going to be so much fun when he starts guest-fugging for us.

We went to Diesel again this year, and witnessed much canoodling and also Juliette Lewis.

And, finally, we saw Renee Zellweger at -- where else? -- Carolina Herrera and, sadly, were not impressed. STOP THE BOTOX MADNESS, RENEE.



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NICOLE FISCELLA: You know, I'm really cute, and I'm working the heck out of this Herve Leger. Too bad I don't get any lines on the show, producers.

TAYLOR MOMSEN: I feel kind of....weird in this. Am I supposed to look 30? I'm only 15. Is this like a Kate Moss costume or something? That seems like a weird choice.

LEIGHTON MEESTER: Bored now. Where's Chuck?

JESSICA SZOHR: You know what makes me uncomfortable? How much Gossip Girl fans hate me, not being allowed to wear any makeup at these things, and this belt -- every time I sit down.

NICOLE: Like, when Blair was being all ostracized by her peeps and all of a sudden this totally random new super popular girl was being bitchy to her? Why didn't I get those lines? I'M STANDING RIGHT THERE. Well, this super tight dress will get their attention. Get a load of this, Josh Schwartz. How do you like me now?

TAYLOR: Seriously, didn't I read something somewhere about how it's totally gross to see a high school sophomore dressed up like a 28 year old socialite going through a Bad Girl phase before she marries some European heir to like a textile fortune or something? I have years for that! I want to take off some of this eye makeup! MOM!!!

LEIGHTON: Yawn.

JESSICA: I mean, could I maybe just be allowed some lip gloss next time? Just a wee bit. Come on, guys. It's not my fault my character might break up Dan and Serena. I DIDN'T WRITE IT. Why am I being so punished?

August 18, 2008

You Know You Fug Me

I'm willing to bet Taylor Momsen spent most of the night with her fingers wrapped around the hem of this "dress," tugging it south.

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[Photo: Splash News]

She's only 15; her crotch should NOT be a spectator sport. And yet here we are, under serious threat of being flashed because of an ill-designed shiny silver bag with loose straps stapled to it. It's bad form when you're a character on a hot teen soap that's always in the spotlight for its fashion, yet you're stepping out in something that's ripped straight from that terrible Project Runway challenge where the models bought the fabric and none of them picked out enough, resulting in a lot of very fancy napkins. Maybe this is promoting a plot point of the season in which Taylor's character, the horribly annoying aspiring designer Jenny Humphrey, has decided to use her internship with Blair's mother to come out with her own line of glamorous gynecological smocks. Good luck with that, Little J.

The humidity tried to beat us down on Friday, clenched its gnarled fists again on Saturday, and whupped us but good on Sunday. Still, it doesn't ruin our moods -- Bryant Park looks pretty, if crowded; the clothes are cute; the cold Diet Cokes go down like magic tonic; and there was a glut of celebrities taking in whatever shows they could before flying west for the VMAs. We are trying not to feel deserted.

Here are the highlights:

We do wish we'd been able to see Molly Sims' whole outfit from the Max Azria show in the moment, rather than so far after the fact. Behold:

July 24, 2007

You Know You Fug Me

Of all the new shows slated for fall, I think I might most be excited about Gossip Girl. The books are a delightful guilty pleasure - like an even soapier Sweet Valley High, but with way more sex and drugs and swearing and name-dropping and monkeys-- and everyone knows that Josh Schwartz can pull off at least one awesome season of a soapy teen drama, before devolving into meta-statements via comic books and cage-fighting (okay, the cage-fighting was kind of awesome).

The stars of the show look JUST as stoked as I am, no?

Hmmm. Maybe Taylor Momsen just looks cranky because her stylist decided to make her look as beige and monochromatic as possible, or maybe the panel has somehow gotten around to talking about how -- while she's obviously a really cute girl -- she's a very strange casting choice for the role of Jenny Humphrey, whose very (she feels overly) ample breasts, curly brown hair and intense adolescent distress at not being petite and blonde are mentioned about ninety times per book.  Momsen is adorable in her own right, obviously, but it's sort of like casting Britney Spears as Mother Theresa.

On the other hand, Blake Lively here seems like an excellent choice for blonde goddess, Serena, while the actress whose name I always forget (....Leighton Meester! Thank you, IMDb) looks just smug enough for the role of Blair, and seems as charmingly shifty and plotty as Blair is, seeing as she's somehow gotten her counterpart here to attach a miniaturized cream window treatment to her bosom:

I likewise appreciate that the actors playing the adults in the series are out of focus and in the background, as they should be in a teen drama. Remember how boring it was every time 90210 tried to get us to care if Cindy Walsh had an affair? Can't we learn from that?

I also can't wait until the series premieres, and I hate everyone I thought I'd love and have to eat all my words and end up starting TaylorMomsenIsPerfectAsJenny.com 

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