Solange Archives

September 16, 2009

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

You know, believe it or not, I think the haircut is the least of Solange's problems.

It has grown on me. I actually think she might pull it off if she knew what the hell to do with her makeup -- her lips look like she just snacked on a bottle of Pepto Bismol.

And then there's the dress. For New York mag, I wrote that she's dressed as a present someone brought to a funeral, and I do still believe that. I mean, I'm pretty sure the thing on her right shoulder is something Target sells in a rainbow of colors. But the more I stare at her, the more I conclude: She's kind of WORKING it, no? Yeah, there's some reflection coming off her left boob, but this is Solange we're talking about -- she's finally picked something unusual that DOESN'T look like she drew it after she was hanging something in the bathroom and slipped and hit her head on the toilet. I've got to give her props for that.

poll by twiigs.com

September 11, 2009

New York Fugshion Week: Day One

SOLANGE: Dude. I know.

KERI HILSON: Here's the scoop, kids. I am crazy tall and wicked cute in person. Woo hoo! God, that's a relief. For me. I didn't think YOU, dear reader, were that worried. Ah, life is good.

SOLANGE: Yeah.

KERI: Why so glum, S?

SOLANGE: Hilarious.

KERI: What is?

SOLANGE: Acting like you don't know what's wrong. I'M WEARING A JACKET TRIMMED WITH THE REMNANTS OF SOME GRANDIOSE OLD PERSON'S DRAWING-ROOM WINDOW DRESSINGS. YOU KNOW WHAT'S WRONG.

KERI: Well...you know. If you don't have anything nice to say....

SOLANGE: Is that why you haven't mentioned MY HAIR OR LACK THEREOF OH GOD WHY DID I SHAVE MY HEAD?

KERI: Um. It turns out I need leave now.

Poor Solange. I saw her at the BCBG show today and she did NOT look pleased. Cheer up, sugarplum! That coat is a great example of the power of recycling! I mean, it's not great-LOOKING. But it IS a coat. Read all about the shenanigans at BCBG here.

Also experienced this inaugural day of Fashion Week, I saw Gwen pat Gavin's ass. IT WAS AWESOME. By which I mean, I was totally blase about it and could not have cared less, so blase was I.

August 11, 2009

Fugolange

Fug file:

dialogue,
WTF

BEYONCE: Oh, Sol. You are always copying me.

SOLANGE: What?

BEYONCE: You know.

SOLANGE: Do I? Look: You look gorgeous in that dress and those shoes, and your hair has never looked better. Me? I shaved my head, I'm wearing a tank top that looks like the Tin Man sneezed on my shoulders, I'm in a pink satin diaper, and my shoes are bipolar. What EXACTLY does any of this have in common with you?

BEYONCE: Honey. You're carrying my purse, but in gold.

SOLANGE: Of course I have one. WE ARE PROMOTING THEM.

BEYONCE: A likely story, sweetpea.

SOLANGE: I hate you.

BEYONCE: I know. I'd hate me, too.

July 23, 2009

Solo Fug

Fug file:

SOLANGE KNOWLES. You have GRAVELY DISAPPOINTED ME.

Sure, you've belted what is obviously just a large pajama top and left the house in it. BUT SO WHAT? That's totally JV Fug Squad behavior and you know it. You're a star on the varsity team! You'd have been voted Rookie of the Year last year if it hadn't been for that pesky -- and curiously currently MIA -- Aubrey O'Day! Honestly, if this thing were two inches longer, you'd look totally normal. WHITHER THE FEATHERS? Where is your face paint? WHY aren't you wearing leggings with, like, bagels or casserole dishes printed on them? (I'm hungry.) Shouldn't you be wearing a bolero jacket made of twigs, sewn together with dental floss? As the bumper sticker says, Solange, WHY BE NORMAL?

PS: I just read that you shaved your head yesterday, prior to this function, and that you're wearing a wig here. DUDE! THAT is what I'm talking about. And while I'm relieved to see that you're clearly wearing something quasi-nutty in those shots of you sporting the bald look, I have to tell you non-sarcastically: you look awesome bald. Seriously. Way better than Britney. Your head is well-formed. So, my further advice is to ditch the wig and rock your skull. OMG: You could even occasionally allow your face paint to DRIFT ONTO YOUR HEAD. Promise me you'll think about it. PLEASE SOLANGE.

June 30, 2009

Sol-Angel and the Fugly St. Dreams

Fug file:

I understand that Solange here was performing at San Francisco's gay-pride parade -- the symbolism of the rainbow colors isn't lost on me:

[Photo: PacificCoastNewsOnline.com]

But did it HAVE to go here? Did she HAVE to treat this event like she's the lone athlete representing Fugdavia at the Olympics? It looks like she's singing the country's national anthem -- "Let's Get Fugical," featuring the memorable lyrics, "Let's get fugical, fugical... I wanna get fugical... 'cause polterwang is lovable" -- before launching herself down a luge track. Who knows, maybe she'll surprise us all and do that in Vancouver in 2010. Now THERE'S a way to upstage her sister.

May 26, 2009

Fug or Feh or Fab: Solange

Fug file:

She's ba-aaaack.

[Photo: WENN.com]

And in a way, Solange here is making my heart hurt, because I had hoped she'd bounce back from her Fug Madness elimination by coming at us with something bolder, stronger, madder, and wronger than anything that came before it.

Instead, she's flummoxing me a little. Because in principle, there's nothing objectionable about the silhouette she's working here, and I don't even mind some of the pieces separately. Yet I can't help looking at this and feeling totally overwhelmed. Even Solange's posture makes it seem like she's weighed down, as if she got caught in a deluge of hoo-ha raining down from the ceiling of her closet. The purse almost gets lost next to the metallic snakeskin skirt, the giant belt of an entirely DIFFERENT texture competes for attention with everything below it AND the shoulder ruffle above, she's debuting very severe bangs, and on top of all that she's got giant dangly earrings. I know we quote Tim Gunn to a fault on this site, but he did say it best: It's a whole lotta look. In fact, I'm half-surprised she's not sporting tights and elbow-length gloves just to make it as busy as possible. Maybe those are the two pieces she edited out before leaving the house.

Or am I being too harsh? It's Solange, after all. The woman is a fiend, capable of so much more destructive crimes of fashion than this middling, piddling one. Although sometimes, in the words of my father, nothing is so bad as something that's not-so-bad. Translation: Maybe it's better to be at one extreme or the other than languishing somewhere forgettable in between.

poll by twiigs.com

April 17, 2009

Fugange

Fug file:

Poor Solange. Does she resent sharing Beyonce's DNA so much that she's obsessed with wearing OTHER faces on her chest?

First there was this one back in November, which we first featured during her Fug Madness 2009 run:

[Photo: WENN.com]

This could, I suppose, just be a crude rendition of Pac-Man and his life-partner Pac-Dude chasing a thousand-point hot dog.

But then there's what she wore to perform on Jimmy Fallon's show last night:

Continue reading Fugange.

April 14, 2009

Downtroddenly Played, Solange

Fug file:

"Hey guys. Yeah. Solange here. In the house. Whatever. I'm so bummed. I can't believe I didn't even make it to the final of Fug Madness. What's wrong with you people? I wore like the feathered output of an entire ostrich and it wasn't good enough. Nothing I ever do is good enough. Now I'm not as good as Beyonce OR Aubrey O'Day and she can't even sing. My album is supposed to actually be good, you guys. It's good and I spent all of last year trotting around in face paint and live animals like someone wearing the contents of an entire season of ANTM photo shoots at once and for what? Nothing. A whole lot of nothing. I give up. I'm just wearing jeans from now on. That's right. You didn't appreciate my hard work last year and now you don't get to have any fun with my crazy feathered bedazzeled outfits either. I hope you're happy. Goodbye. FOREVER.

PS: How terrible does Beyonce's movie with Ali Larter look? At last, big sister makes a mistake! I'M SO EXCITED. Okay, goodbye for real this time."

March 25, 2009

Sol-Angfug

Fug file:

There is something delicious about this:

From the neck down, she looks like a bored kid in 11th grade biology class, circa 1991. She's supposed to be learning about, like, cell division or whatever, but the girl wearing this skirt with that top is actually thinking about whether or not that rad Hypercolors tee shirt she's been thinking about getting is still for sale or not and wondering if that cute boy Jason really likes her or if he just kind of likes her and if he just kind of likes her is there anything she can do about it and if there is anything she can do about it what IS THAT THING?

From the neck up, obviously, she's just channeling Michael Stipe. At least it's appropriate for the era.

February 27, 2009

Solfugge

Fug file:

makeup mishaps

You guys, I think Solange has finally gone off the deep end.

[Photo: WENN]

This is like a gentle homage to Michael Stipe, with a dash of those crazy glasses Meshach Taylor wore in Mannequin when he played Hollywood -- you know, the window-display designer who seemed to think it was totally fine if Andrew McCarthy made out with inanimate women in the bathroom, just as long as he kept figuring out a way to make the mannequins move. If Solange shows up at Saks tomorrow in a giant classic convertible with a pink cover on it and pitches a "Losing My Religion"-themed display, all while trying to call Kim Cattrall's agent, we will know for sure she is broken. Or possibly a disturbed genius.

Solange

VMA Fug or Fab Carpet: Solange

New York Fugshion Week: Day One

Fugolange

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Solo Fug

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Sol-Angel and the Fugly St. Dreams

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Fug or Feh or Fab: Solange

Fug file:

Fugange

Fug file:

Downtroddenly Played, Solange

Fug file:

Sol-Angfug

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Solfugge

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